00:00:00:08 - 00:00:33:08
Filly
Welcome podcast lovers, I am super excited to share this very special episode with you today. Chris coaches at Brave Soul Live on our podcast now. This beautiful woman is a client of ours. She is a few months into her ending body burn out method journey. So working through our holistic Root Cause program and she reached out to us initially before starting the program because she was really struggling with exhaustion, burnout, bloating, sleep issues, and anxiety.
00:00:33:10 - 00:00:59:05
Filly
And she would share with us during the coaching session that she is a multiple world champion athlete who has been in the past and is still active in her, athletic endeavours, and this was majorly impacting her ability to perform so her body burn out. The exhaustion, the low motivation, the sleepless nights was greatly impacting her ability to show up and compete.
00:00:59:08 - 00:01:20:12
Filly
And it was really scaring her because who would she be without the identity of the athlete? So this is exactly what we dive into or what Chris dives into in this coaching session. And it's real and it's raw and it's honest. And I just listen back to it. So I could do this intro and write this show notes.
00:01:20:14 - 00:02:13:02
Filly
And there were so many times I have my hand, my heart feeling for her and crying and just sending so much love to Stella. Because she she shows up honest and vulnerable, and she gets to her deepest root cause on the coaching call, which is really cool. And this deeper root cause has been causing her to push on and burn herself out and her body out and and what is also uncovered during the coaching session is how burying past wounds from childhood and teenage bullying will always show up in patterns, and our health issues and more importantly, Chris at the end, coaches Stella through how she can rewrite that story.
00:02:13:04 - 00:02:38:15
Filly
So this is a really I don't know, it's up there with one of my favourite podcasts. So I really know that you're going to get so much value out of it. Just to, I guess, frame some of the language that Chris and Stella are using so that if you're not a client or haven't been one of our clients inside our ending body burn out method, you kind of know what they're talking about.
00:02:38:15 - 00:03:09:12
Filly
So we our program, the ending body burn out method, we work on both the physical body system imbalances and we get to the deeper root causes. Especially as it concerns unconscious baggage and metaphysical dysfunction and the deepest root root cause of body burnout that we believe in. Our practice comes back to a deep, unconscious core belief that one has created, usually before the age of seven.
00:03:09:14 - 00:03:38:06
Filly
And it's a big journey to get there. And that really is the first part of of the metaphysical side of healing that we take our clients through. So getting clear on patterns and dysfunctions and taking full responsibility that, that they created this, even if it was unintentionally, unconsciously, and, and then using those patterns, looking underneath those patterns to look underneath it.
00:03:38:06 - 00:04:19:00
Filly
Well, what's the deepest fear that you have about yourself? Because this is going to be driving everything. And then from there, once the deepest root belief is uncovered. And this is where this coaching session takes place. But after that, then it's like great mission number one is to change that root, to pull it out and to let it go and to rewire and reprogramme and you know that that the rest of the process, I guess, inside spark, in which we symbiotically unconsciously and also use our conscious captain mind to be able to create big change so that the body can heal.
00:04:19:02 - 00:04:42:20
Filly
So around that, our ending body burnout method is open in two weeks, which is super exciting. We only open doors three times a year, so if you've been, you know, joining our program has been on the, on the, on your dream list or you're feeling called to come and do some deep healing with us. Definitely pop your name down on the waitlist.
00:04:42:20 - 00:05:06:10
Filly
So I'm going to pop that in the show notes. The benefit of being on the waitlist is when you're the first to hear, when doors open. And you'll also get 48 hours of early bird access. So that means you can grab a spot. Our program isn't a course. It's not only group coaching or, both. The options of working in the program includes one on one consults and coaching.
00:05:06:10 - 00:05:31:04
Filly
So we only have limited space so that we don't burn ourselves out. But also so we can give our clients big value. Also, when you're on the waitlist and you join during the early bird period, you will also receive $500 worth of early bird bonuses and you may have seen, if you're on our email list or socials, that the prices will be increasing.
00:05:31:06 - 00:06:07:01
Filly
For the ending body burnout method. Next intake. So if you want to save up to $1,700, then jump on the waitlist so you can score the program and sign up before those prices increase. Oh, and the other thing too, is during launch week, we hold a free live coaching experience so that you can come and really learn about what we do, how we can help, and to get some transformation on during the webinars and the workshops as well.
00:06:07:01 - 00:06:28:07
Filly
Like we've had so many attendees who haven't even joined our program or worked with us get so much value just from the free content alone. So it's a beautiful way to to come in and to to get to the root of your body. Burnout and the free coaching we're running this launch is called Rewire Your Brain to End Body Burnout.
00:06:28:09 - 00:06:54:00
Filly
And on day one, we're going to look at the body systems that can burn out, that can affect, the brain and cause body system imbalances. On day two, we're going to focus more on what this coaching session today is about. So really helping you to identify what is the deepest root cause of your body burnout. And day three is more experiential and practice space.
00:06:54:00 - 00:07:21:13
Filly
So we're going to take you through one of my most favourite rewiring, somatic type practices to help switch off symptoms. So definitely come along to that. And if you can't make it live, that's okay. You can get access to the recording already. Let's dive into today's coaching session.
00:07:21:15 - 00:07:35:08
Chris
Hello, and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood, and gut issues.
00:07:35:08 - 00:07:40:13
Filly
Well, busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not.
00:07:40:13 - 00:07:40:23
Stella
Normal.
00:07:40:23 - 00:07:43:05
Filly
And it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:07:43:08 - 00:07:56:12
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic, root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:07:56:13 - 00:08:04:15
Filly
Sorry. Get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:08:04:18 - 00:08:13:16
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:08:13:18 - 00:08:26:12
Chris
All right, guys, we've got a special episode today. We have a live coaching call with Stella. So welcome. Stella to Al and embody burnout. So.
00:08:26:14 - 00:08:28:09
Stella
Hey, Chris, thanks for having me.
00:08:28:10 - 00:08:57:18
Chris
You all right? So, why don't we start with, as much as you want to say, who are you? And, like, what's, what are you working on in terms of, why you came to to us and, and that sort of thing? Yeah. Tell us, tell us a little bit more about you and what you're working on.
00:08:57:21 - 00:08:59:00
Chris
How's that?
00:08:59:02 - 00:09:38:01
Stella
Yeah, sure. I'm 42. I'm from Melbourne, Victoria. I, I guess what I'm like, my background's nursing. Mental health nursing has been doing that for the last 13, 14 years now. Currently, I mean, patient safety, which is more of a remote working position. So it's deskbound, currently I'm no longer clinical, but I did quite a few years mental health nursing on the floor and worked my way up through education into what I'm currently doing now.
00:09:38:02 - 00:09:59:05
Stella
I'm also heavily involved in sport, so I have a very niche sport, which I'm extremely passionate about. So, I get into dragon boat racing, which means I get to do a lot of paddling and spend some time out on the water, which here in Melbourne is just absolutely beautiful. Right in the heart of the city.
00:09:59:07 - 00:10:10:01
Stella
I'm also I have a an incredible partner. And, Yeah, enjoying Melbourne. I guess it's the place of it.
00:10:10:03 - 00:10:25:00
Chris
Awesome. Thank you for that. And so, what are you working on in terms of, support and, guidance with, with us?
00:10:25:02 - 00:10:52:03
Stella
Yeah. So I sort of stumbled upon you through Facebook, at the start of the year. And I'd just been sort of a doctor googling, because I felt exhausted both physically and mentally. I sort of was having this lack of energy, no motivation to sort of to no motivation to work and no motivation to do the sport that I love so much.
00:10:52:04 - 00:11:18:21
Stella
I was kind of feeling really bloated. I had this bloating that was sort of extremely painful after meals. But my diet was also sort of suffering because, I was eating to sort of fill the void of the exhaustion, and relying heavily on coffee of a morning to get me up and going, my sleep was also really bad.
00:11:18:21 - 00:11:56:19
Stella
Like, I would have this difficulty going to sleep, difficulty staying asleep. Once I did get to sleep, I'm generally quite a light sleeper, and I was just constantly waking up during the night. And I had this constant feeling of anxiety, and overwhelm, which was sort of affecting my work. And, making life really difficult. So getting on Google and kind of looking into this, the, the idea of burnout, burnout came up, which is sort of well known in the nursing sphere, but hadn't really sort of clicked that maybe that's what I had.
00:11:56:21 - 00:12:04:02
Stella
And so, yeah, looking at burnout and burnout treatments and stumbled upon this incredible program, you.
00:12:04:03 - 00:12:19:23
Chris
Know, go Google, go Facebook. So what's what's your progress like so far? Where are you up to? What's what's been going? Well for you?
00:12:20:01 - 00:12:40:23
Stella
Yeah. So I've been working with Philae. We did a few of the lab testing. We looked at, I just, I go all in, so we looked at the adrenal, we looked at the CBO, and we looked at the brain, the, Sorry, stimulants. Is it the endocrine?
00:12:41:03 - 00:12:41:22
Chris
Yeah, yeah.
00:12:41:22 - 00:13:16:21
Stella
And then. Yeah. So, we've been working through that, and we got all my lab results back and I hit all three, so I had sibo. My, adrenals were burnt out, and my endocrine was sort of burnt out. So we've been working to support that on the, sort of the therapeutic programme side of things and also been working, through the present state, which, kind of hit a lot of the, the ideas that I knew I had, but didn't really realise that it was a problem.
00:13:16:21 - 00:13:42:04
Stella
So sort of forcing, to push myself to get all my activities done throughout the day. So despite the exhaustion, I would still go and do my pedalling training. I would still be hitting the gym. Lifting those weights. I would still be, on my desk at work and making sure I had all my reports down in my, emails responded to.
00:13:42:04 - 00:14:14:10
Stella
And, I'm possibly one of those types of people that, I'm very critical on myself. So if I don't feel like I'm meeting goals, I get very down myself. So it's probably the circular type system, but I've been working on that in the present state of, the program and then also moving into past. And while I, I don't believe I'm a person who has significant trauma in my past, I have a lot of little baby trauma events which probably have compounded it.
00:14:14:12 - 00:14:29:12
Stella
And I'm currently working through the process of looking into those, but I must admit, I'm finding myself quite resistant to sort of stretch into some of that because I. Yeah, I don't know it. My brain's telling me just I've got other stuff to do.
00:14:29:14 - 00:15:10:05
Chris
Yeah, I've got other stuff to do. I love it. Just writing that down. I've got other stuff. What? What is that? What's, I'm going to. With your permission, I'll ask a few questions around that there, but, you know what? Retreat. Can I have your permission to to dig deeper into into these things and and, where I spot things that might make sense to you when I spot some things that maybe they don't match up with my own understanding or movie in my head class.
00:15:10:05 - 00:15:12:18
Chris
You more questions and do a bit of digging. Is that cool?
00:15:12:21 - 00:15:13:20
Stella
Yeah. Let's dig.
00:15:13:23 - 00:15:24:12
Chris
Awesome. I half wrote what I said before. I've got other more important things to do. That's something like that. Hey.
00:15:24:14 - 00:15:31:12
Stella
Just other stuff. Daily stuff comes up and dig into the past. Seems time consuming, I guess.
00:15:31:14 - 00:15:42:05
Chris
Got it. Okay. Yeah, it seems time consuming. And,
00:15:42:07 - 00:15:52:02
Chris
Like what? Why? Why is it time consuming in your in your, in your words.
00:15:52:04 - 00:15:55:20
Stella
00:15:55:22 - 00:16:25:10
Stella
Because I need to be in and and it always, I don't know why, but every time I bring up the idea points from my past, I get quite emotional. So I probably need to be in a certain headspace to in. And being in that headspace takes time. And it's easier to just tick off my daily tasks and not set aside the time that potentially I need to do that.
00:16:25:12 - 00:16:30:16
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:16:30:17 - 00:16:32:08
Chris
Oh. Thank you.
00:16:32:08 - 00:16:34:20
Stella
00:16:37:10 - 00:16:44:21
Chris
Like to to go to go there, and ask you some questions about that. But before we do.
00:16:44:22 - 00:16:47:21
Stella
00:16:47:23 - 00:17:04:23
Chris
Can we, can we just have a couple of deep breaths together? Is that. Is that okay? Just just breathe. So just like a big, deep breath in. And then just let it out.
00:17:05:01 - 00:17:11:03
Chris
And then do another one.
00:17:11:05 - 00:17:18:09
Chris
Good job. You don't have to breathe any sort of way, but breathe in again.
00:17:18:11 - 00:17:26:19
Chris
And out. And then again.
00:17:26:21 - 00:17:55:02
Chris
And all the way out. Or just take one more and hold it at the top. Breathe in. And just keep holding that and hold that and keep going. And when you feel like it's urgent, see if you can control that breath out. Just just hold it until it's it's kind of not till it pops, but just feel that urge and then slowly let it out.
00:17:55:02 - 00:18:22:10
Chris
And once you've let it out, just breathe in again, nice and controlled, nice and easy. So easy and that nice and easy. Yeah. That's it. And just nice and easy breathing. Just like you've done so many times before. I love it. Thank you. Is.
00:18:22:12 - 00:18:43:22
Chris
Whenever I get to this point of a call, I. I can't get the Ice Cube song. The ice cube. So not Ice Cube. Vanilla ice song out of my head. The total opposite of Ice Cube. If you got a problem, you know I'll solve it. You know, like, I always take it. And I actually,
00:18:44:00 - 00:19:15:12
Chris
I don't even believe that because I'm not here to solve anything. I just want you to know that, I'm just want to be a sounding board for you. Because you can. You can get the answers that you. You've already got, the answers that you seek. So, unlike Vanilla Ice, I'm not here to solve your problems, but I am here to help you out and ask you some good questions.
00:19:15:14 - 00:19:42:02
Chris
So let's go to problems. Before you said, I bring up my past and I get emotional, I need to get in the right headspace to do some digging. Two pronged question. What's the right headspace? And what's all this emotion about? You know, like, can you go there?
00:19:42:04 - 00:20:13:16
Stella
So, This probably a good question, actually, because the right headspace would be one that isn't where I'm feeling like I would be emotional, but I don't know if that exists. And a lot of how I was raised was that we don't show emotion thusly. If I get emotional, I shouldn't be delving into it. So maybe that's,
00:20:13:18 - 00:20:19:00
Stella
Yeah, I don't touch it if I get emotional and if it might be emotional, I don't touch it.
00:20:19:02 - 00:20:25:00
Chris
00:20:25:02 - 00:20:34:10
Chris
And. What's,
00:20:34:12 - 00:20:54:18
Chris
What's your success rate with, Like what? What's your patterns for? For not showing emotion. How do you do that? How do you how do you play that game? Avoidant avoidance. Like. Like how? Like what?
00:20:54:20 - 00:21:15:00
Stella
Not. I guess I don't know, I say, I say that I don't hold on to the past. That's. They just let it go. It's done. Move on. Yeah.
00:21:15:02 - 00:21:38:23
Chris
And and hold onto the past. Let it go. Move on. Yeah. Do you do you really do? Do you let it go? Do you move on, or do you just find some sort of rug to sweep it under? Like, what's what, what goes on?
00:21:39:01 - 00:22:11:08
Stella
I think with a lot of my childhood stuff, it's it's under the rug. Yeah. We I don't look at it like I try not to think about it. Yeah, but I, I feel in my day to day life currently, my emotional processing is better. I feel the majority of my relationships are very, well communicated.
00:22:11:10 - 00:22:44:00
Stella
Like me and my partner, for example, we're very clear on feelings and emotions and, thought processes. We discuss, all of those things, and there is no sweeping under the rug because there's no need to that. My presence dates probably very different to the idea of the past.
00:22:44:02 - 00:23:25:20
Chris
You mentioned about trauma and and a perception about what that means to you and a little. Little. I don't know if you just said little things. I have to go back and listen. But a lot of childhood stuff gets swept under the rug, right? And. But we're not talking about trauma. Stereotypical trauma type stuff. But this is the the, mini little trauma, and there's significant emotional events and how you arise and conversations, experiences, all that sort of stuff.
00:23:26:02 - 00:23:38:01
Chris
Not necessarily. Perhaps correct me if I'm wrong. Trauma, as in, you know, the big traumas, but it's it's other stuff. Right?
00:23:38:02 - 00:24:17:14
Stella
Yeah. Look, it probably comes back to working in mental health. I do see and hear people's stories, that are horrific, and comparatively, like mine was tiny. Like my parents had a few arguments three weeks. Yep. Parents fought a little bit. I was bullied at school. I've had a few crappy relationships. Like, it's comparatively to some people out there.
00:24:17:14 - 00:24:57:20
Stella
It was tiny. So, I guess. I was raised to, like, not express emotion about that little trivial stuff. And then I moved into mental health where comparatively, it is tiny. But I think it was there was just a lot of little moments where I probably didn't feel loved or supported or like, know, cherished, cherished child.
00:24:57:22 - 00:25:04:03
Stella
And yeah, it just built up over time.
00:25:04:05 - 00:25:14:22
Chris
Okay. So thank you. Thank you for for sharing that it still.
00:25:15:00 - 00:25:36:12
Chris
It is so. So obvious that the the these problems, these memories. Bullied at school, crappy relationships. Get over it. Don't show your emotions. Shut up. Hold it in. I don't know if family said shut up. No, that's all right.
00:25:36:14 - 00:25:37:05
Stella
It's spot on.
00:25:37:08 - 00:25:51:17
Chris
Okay. Get over it. I didn't feel like I love to cherish child share what a beautiful word. Cherished. Or I didn't feel like a cherished child.
00:25:51:19 - 00:26:19:01
Chris
And then you get to work in mental health and horrific situations and experiences. Horrific. We're not talking about, a little bit bad. The. It's horrific. Right? Yeah. And then you think, oh I get over Stella.
00:26:19:03 - 00:26:20:17
Stella
00:26:20:19 - 00:26:21:07
Chris
You.
00:26:21:07 - 00:26:22:02
Stella
Absolutely.
00:26:22:02 - 00:26:46:09
Chris
Yeah. What kind of person are you like like what are you accusing if you step into a real this isn't a word accusatory. Is that a word. It might be a word. A real accuser mean language to yourself. What are you saying to yourself in the in those times where.
00:26:46:11 - 00:26:55:01
Chris
Comparatively speaking, my problems are tiny. What are you actually saying to yourself? What's that inner voice saying?
00:26:55:03 - 00:26:58:09
Stella
00:26:58:11 - 00:27:19:13
Stella
Just lie. It's it's more, Suck it up. Get over it. I, I don't have the, like I, I don't know how to praise it. Like, I don't deserve to be whingeing. I've done little things.
00:27:19:15 - 00:27:25:18
Chris
Yeah.
00:27:25:20 - 00:27:49:14
Stella
And there's the whole it won't change anything, too. I get a lot like it's so long ago. Like I said, I'm 42 now. I'm talking about stuff that up until my 20s. So it's two decades ago. Like, I get over it.
00:27:49:16 - 00:27:53:14
Chris
How's that going? The getting over I.
00:27:53:14 - 00:27:57:06
Stella
Did over some reason it still makes me emotional, so. No. Wow.
00:27:57:08 - 00:28:01:01
Chris
Yeah.
00:28:01:03 - 00:28:30:18
Chris
It's like you put your house together, and I've got this metaphor, this analogy that just ring. I don't know if this lands for you, but I'm imagining cleaning my whole house, like, really cleaning it, getting out the the the good stuff, mopping the floors, getting the cobwebs out, wiping the the the the surfaces, sanitising it. You know, if I wanted to, I could eat off the floor kind of thing.
00:28:30:20 - 00:29:03:21
Chris
Moving, moving out of house type cleaning but staying and, you know, just doing the full shebang. And then you go sit down on the rug or on the couch, and you just like. And you feel it. It's like this, this stabbing, uncomfortable thing. What's something random that I've got on my desk? I've got like, you can't see this, you know, watching, but I've got a clamp, for some reason, in my, in my office.
00:29:04:03 - 00:29:29:16
Chris
So you sit down and you're like, what the heck is that? And you're like, whatever, who cares? Just get over it. I'll just put that there so long ago, there's no point. I'll just move around or I'll be comfortable. And then you realise. I actually am. I got to what the heck? And it's just uncomfortable. And you just,
00:29:29:20 - 00:30:10:05
Chris
Shut up. Whatever. Who cares? Stop whinging. It's just a little thing. But wait, you realise there's actually three and you just keeps feeling this discomfort, feeling this stuff down the back of the couch, under the rug, wherever you're sitting, wherever you are, you feel it. And you've just gone two decades of sitting with it.
00:30:10:07 - 00:30:11:06
Stella
Yep.
00:30:11:08 - 00:30:16:21
Chris
Yeah. So surely you can go another two decades more, right?
00:30:16:23 - 00:30:18:10
Stella
Yeah, absolutely.
00:30:18:10 - 00:30:22:04
Chris
Get over.
00:30:22:06 - 00:30:41:08
Chris
That. Okay, so there's something there. There's something underneath the surface down the back of the couch, under the rug, and you're sitting with it. It's uncomfortable.
00:30:41:10 - 00:31:22:04
Chris
The little kid who was raised to ignore it. Stored those things there. Thought those things out of sight. The little girl who who wanted to be, who wanted to survive and who just wanted to. To make it to the next day, who wanted to make it through school without being bullied again. Without getting told to shut up. That little girl found a way to just bury that stuff and learn to sit with it and ignore.
00:31:22:06 - 00:31:23:09
Chris
Right?
00:31:23:11 - 00:31:27:18
Stella
Yeah.
00:31:27:20 - 00:31:40:08
Chris
But now you know a little girl anymore. You're 40, 42. Hurt you. She gives you a pain in the butt to sit on this stuff. It's uncomfortable. Right?
00:31:40:10 - 00:31:42:04
Stella
00:31:42:06 - 00:31:49:03
Chris
Yeah. Obviously it is. Because you feel emotion. There's some sort of a charge. Hey.
00:31:49:05 - 00:31:51:19
Stella
Yeah.
00:31:51:21 - 00:31:52:20
Chris
Anything come up.
00:31:52:20 - 00:32:23:23
Stella
Well yeah. So that's that. Yeah. So kind of in my head I'm going. I'm not the same person I was back then. I have changed and like childhood. And like I said, up to my 20s, I was very a chubby, baby fat little kid, obese teenager. Like white was a huge thing for me. And in my 20s, did stuff about it.
00:32:23:23 - 00:32:57:21
Stella
And I, and, like, got into sport and became very athletic and, did all the physical stuff. I needed to, to change. And I think, I feel like I'm not that person anymore. And I shouldn't have feelings around how that was, because it's irrelevant. I've moved on and done. I've done the work. I just haven't faced the emotional side of.
00:32:57:23 - 00:33:13:00
Chris
Yeah.
00:33:13:02 - 00:33:15:07
Chris
00:33:15:08 - 00:33:39:05
Stella
I don't know, it's to me it's hard to holding on to being bullied and having negative comments made about me when I'm not like that anymore, like guess it's like those feelings shouldn't be there. That hurt me because that's not me anymore.
00:33:39:06 - 00:34:19:16
Chris
Not all parts of you. It's not all parts of you. Stella. I correct me if I'm wrong. The. You're feeling emotional. You're sitting with these things, and you're feeling like there's still something there. But obviously, obviously, it's not. You're not the the chubby, overweight, obese kid anymore. Number one, you're 42. Yeah. Number. Number two you're you're you're active into sport.
00:34:19:18 - 00:34:22:04
Stella
Yeah.
00:34:22:06 - 00:35:00:10
Chris
Number three, you're a valued and contributing member of society. You do you work in a, Oh. I believe this is Chris opinion that I believe a very valuable career. You do. You do great work. You do, you do. Honourable, great stuff. So you're not, a slob sitting on your bum doing nothing? Yeah. With offering no worth and of no value.
00:35:00:15 - 00:35:03:19
Chris
Like, that's not. That's not you. Hey.
00:35:03:21 - 00:35:06:00
Stella
Exactly. Yeah.
00:35:06:02 - 00:35:18:17
Chris
But there's a part of you that you believe or that you've got, you know, it's just down the back of the couch. It's unsay. It's un looked at.
00:35:18:19 - 00:35:29:09
Chris
It's just hanging around. And it's a perception about yourself that the, you know.
00:35:29:11 - 00:35:41:09
Chris
The reason you got into sport, it's is like what. Why is the reason what is the reason you got into sport and do all this physical stuff.
00:35:41:11 - 00:36:01:02
Stella
So it's like started it's I knew I had to do something, so I found something that I just shut up because there's an ad in the paper one day about dragon boating. So I went ahead. It went out like I was still on my weight loss journey at that stage. And I just enjoyed it. Being out in the water was amazing.
00:36:01:02 - 00:36:28:19
Stella
It was beautiful, sunny day year round. It's a team sport, so everyone sort of chatters away. And it was a really positive, environment. And from that I became quite competitive. And now I have a really competitive club and I represent the state and I represent the country. I've done that multiple times. World champion three times over.
00:36:28:21 - 00:37:07:21
Stella
Like that's incredible. With that comes the constant pressure to perform. And the constant pushing. And, that's why I'm like, in the gym three days a week and pedalling four day a four times a week and, keeping up the cardio. But I think this is constant pressure now to perform. And while I love that and I love competing and I love, the experience of it, it's burning me out in, in a way.
00:37:07:23 - 00:37:23:22
Stella
And I can't back off because then I'll be like, I won't be the athlete anymore. And I won't be this person I've built up. And it's so ingrained now in what I'm doing.
00:37:24:00 - 00:37:42:19
Chris
If you're not the athlete, who are you?
00:37:42:21 - 00:37:48:17
Chris
Yep. If you're not the athlete, who are you?
00:37:48:19 - 00:38:19:14
Stella
And, Part of me isn't sure. Like, I'm still a stupid nurse, and I'm still working patient safety. But I take a lot of my values. From. Yeah, from completing and being so embedded in, my teams. Yeah. Whether that's my club or my state club or, Yeah, the Australian teams.
00:38:19:16 - 00:39:08:16
Chris
Yeah. All right, so this identity that you've, you've built for yourself is your solution. It's your. It's your solution to a problem. This identity it's not bad. It's not it's not wrong to have this this drive, this desire. Actually it's cool. It's nice until it's not. And the thing is, you've attached such an attachment to worth. You've attached such a sense of worth and esteem to what you do.
00:39:08:18 - 00:39:13:14
Chris
It's kind of like muddled up.
00:39:13:15 - 00:39:38:21
Chris
Your sense of self, hasn't it? You know, like, if you can't do if I can't do the things that my perception of myself does, if I can't do the the gym or the cardio or, or get out on the water if I can't do the things or contribute in the way that I think I should, that I'm who, who am I?
00:39:38:23 - 00:39:46:12
Chris
And if I'm not the athlete and who am I?
00:39:46:14 - 00:39:59:22
Stella
Yeah, I would say a lot of my, the way I've saved myself is through the external factors. Yeah, absolutely.
00:40:00:00 - 00:40:03:13
Chris
Yeah.
00:40:03:15 - 00:40:16:18
Chris
Okay, so there's a part of you that gets tremendous amounts of worth and validation. Love respects certainty. Catcher. Right? Yeah, yeah.
00:40:16:23 - 00:40:17:17
Stella
Tick tick tick.
00:40:17:17 - 00:40:37:02
Chris
Tick tick tick tick. You get all this stuff, from from your teams and when you stand on a podium and you get a high five in a smile, it's the part of you. It just validates Stella, the athlete.
00:40:37:04 - 00:40:38:16
Stella
Yeah.
00:40:38:18 - 00:41:06:07
Chris
But behind the scenes, as every athlete knows, it's not just about race day and getting out on the water is a there's a bunch that goes into it. There's I mean, if you just wanted to be a weekend warrior, if I rocked up down there, I'm sure I'd find a supportive environment, have a bunch of fun. I'm pretty tall, so I'm actually pretty good rower, so maybe I might not come last, but, you know, I probably wouldn't be podium.
00:41:06:12 - 00:41:31:10
Chris
Maybe I would. I would have give it a crack. But you know, like I can go in and have fun and then never touch an Or paddle. Get in a boat, never even go to Dragon Park. Never go to a mate again. Ever. Until I die. And I'm I'm. I might be okay with that because I know that's not me.
00:41:31:10 - 00:41:53:05
Chris
I don't touch my sense of worth to that, you know what I mean? But that's for you. You you're you're you're a bit different to me, aren't you? You, you. If that was all taken away, if you couldn't do the things that a dragon boat racer or athlete does, he kind of left wondering.
00:41:53:07 - 00:42:16:08
Stella
Yeah, I would, yeah, I would feel very lost and I would feel like I'd lost my whole community because so much, I guess so much time is spent there that that's where friends are, and that's where I think I. But we all bond over the activity of it. So yeah, I, I don't know, I think I'd be stuck at home pretty lonely without it.
00:42:16:10 - 00:42:17:04
Stella
Yeah.
00:42:17:06 - 00:42:27:07
Chris
Okay. So I.
00:42:27:09 - 00:42:46:21
Chris
I'll see if this just makes sense. Might go down like a merry go round here. Okay, so watch the YouTube ad. And it was a guy who was an alcohol, drug and alcohol coach. And this was one of the best ads that I've ever seen in my life. I rarely watch a full I've got YouTube premium. So I'm like, what?
00:42:46:21 - 00:43:20:21
Chris
Why is this ad coming up? I was logged out. Anyway, I was so excited that I'd watch this ad and he this guy, he, his child died of SIDs, and him and his wife, had a tumultuous relationship up and down. And this guy turned to alcohol and drugs so that he wouldn't think so, that he didn't have to feel he wanted to go to sleep stoned or off his face drunk.
00:43:20:21 - 00:43:43:12
Chris
So he wouldn't dream if he wasn't drunk, if he wasn't high, he would dream and he would hurt and he would feel the pain. And so he did the drugs. He did the alcohol. His wife. And him split up and, and so he kept drinking, kept doing drugs, and it became a problem, in his words.
00:43:43:14 - 00:44:11:22
Chris
And he tried to stop the problem. He tried to go to meetings. He tried to to quit. He tried to give it up. He had such a sense of identity. I am a drunk. I am a druggie. And he had such a identity, of that. Anyway, he had this epiphany. Alcohol and drugs. It's not my problem.
00:44:12:00 - 00:44:39:17
Chris
It's my solution. And as soon as he. I've got goosebumps. Good ad. And he he's. This is. It's not my problem. It's my solution. I do this to solve a problem. So now he clued in on that, like he gets the real problem. Oh, sorry. He gets that. It's not his real problem. So he can ask himself the million dollar question was just like, all right, well, what problem I trying to solve?
00:44:39:17 - 00:45:09:20
Chris
But getting blotted out drunk or off my face on drugs. And he hated himself. He blamed himself. He had this. I am a worthless piece of garbage. And that was the end of the ad, and I was like, what's the end of the story? I don't do drugs or drink alcohol, but I wanna sign up to hear the rest of the story.
00:45:09:22 - 00:45:29:06
Chris
So Stella, you got into into dragon boating. For whatever reason, you got into sport, got into the career that you're in. That's not the problem. It's just solution.
00:45:29:08 - 00:45:40:07
Chris
What's the problem that you're trying to solve?
00:45:40:09 - 00:46:04:15
Stella
Probably lack of self self-worth. Really? Because the the whole idea of, nothing without it. I think.
00:46:04:17 - 00:46:12:07
Chris
Well.
00:46:12:09 - 00:46:17:03
Chris
Nothing's a lot. There's a lot of. I have nothing.
00:46:17:05 - 00:46:20:20
Stella
00:46:20:22 - 00:46:31:16
Chris
What else comes up?
00:46:31:18 - 00:47:13:04
Stella
Yeah, there's probably quite a bit of the, childhood stuff that feeds into that. Nothing good. Yeah. Fat, lazy, stupid can't do anything right. All that sort of stuff from childhood. Yeah, I guess it pushed so hard nowadays to prove that that's not accurate. But without the external stuff, I feel like that's possibly true.
00:47:13:05 - 00:47:21:15
Chris
Yeah.
00:47:21:17 - 00:47:30:00
Chris
And, Yeah, in your.
00:47:30:02 - 00:47:55:07
Chris
Not fully developed heart and mind. It's it's true. It seems so real and true, but it's it's not a universal truth. It could mean something else. But that's. I think that's what you're making it. Pain. You know what? You have made it mean.
00:47:55:09 - 00:48:01:10
Chris
When was the first time you felt fat? Lazy, stupid. Can't do anything right?
00:48:01:11 - 00:48:38:11
Stella
Oh, that was all through childhood. That's what I was told by the sort of told by family. That's what I was told by police. Like, I don't I don't remember, not ever being told. Yeah, it it was something I come like my, my family was parents and two younger sisters and I've got memories of, like me and my, the middle sister quite close in age and her doing those at all.
00:48:38:13 - 00:49:01:15
Stella
Not pageants, but you know, how the shows and they would have the show girl type stuff and she was getting to into them and I wasn't because I was, fat and. Ugly and whatever else. And I can't couldn't have been more than sort of five at that stage. But like at some of the first memories that, yeah.
00:49:01:17 - 00:49:09:10
Stella
I oh, it's not worth it. Yeah.
00:49:09:12 - 00:49:21:09
Chris
How did that feel? What sort of emotions did little Stella feel?
00:49:21:11 - 00:49:24:22
Stella
00:49:25:00 - 00:49:34:10
Stella
I know.
00:49:34:12 - 00:49:42:03
Stella
I don't even know how to describe, like, what emotion it would go. Cos it was.
00:49:42:05 - 00:50:01:07
Stella
Sad and unworthy. Like. Just like, just want to go and hide withdrawal. Which is, quite honestly, probably what I did for a lot of my teenage years. Just really, isolated into myself.
00:50:01:09 - 00:50:06:02
Chris
Yeah.
00:50:06:04 - 00:50:13:01
Chris
Okay.
00:50:13:03 - 00:50:51:23
Chris
I know I don't see the need in reliving experiences day to day. I don't see the need in holding things underneath the couch. You know? I don't see the need in that. However, I do see when you're feeling like something's not sitting right with you, I definitely see a value in lifting up the damn covers, having a look underneath the surface, you know, just looking out there and get what is what the heck is that show.
00:50:52:01 - 00:50:57:09
Chris
So.
00:50:57:11 - 00:51:15:14
Chris
You're 40 to as young as you can remember. Family, bullies, middle sister in the pageant feeling like you're fat and ugly. You weren't worth it. Sad. I'm where the wanted to withdraw and hide.
00:51:15:16 - 00:51:27:07
Chris
These things happened a long time ago. Speaking in terms of years.
00:51:27:09 - 00:51:37:12
Chris
And you could probably tally up all the memories that you've got. You can drop them all down.
00:51:37:13 - 00:51:39:15
Stella
Yeah.
00:51:39:17 - 00:52:11:03
Chris
But I'll tell you what. You would have lost track a long time ago of how many times you said something about yourself. The, the heart. Oh yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. The hard things that you went through back then, as hard as they were and maybe, you could compare and do that little comparison game of. Oh yeah, but and then kind of shame yourself of feeling bad about these things.
00:52:11:05 - 00:52:19:21
Chris
Yeah. But think of all the other kids who've had horrific stuff happen, you know, like you shame yourself for even feeling some sort of emotion.
00:52:19:23 - 00:52:24:07
Stella
Yeah.
00:52:24:09 - 00:52:49:06
Chris
But all that pales in comparison to the countless number of times you stared at yourself in the mirror, in your mind, or maybe in real life, and just said something about yourself. Something really made. Yeah, like. Like what? By the way, what sort of stuff?
00:52:49:08 - 00:52:57:12
Stella
00:53:00:16 - 00:53:15:03
Stella
Be. Did. I'm lazy and,
00:53:15:05 - 00:53:52:18
Stella
Yeah. It'd be the real, like, lazy, fat, useless. Probably even disgusting. Like, Yeah, I don't like. I don't. It's all the time. I don't even know if it's words. I told myself. It's just absolute disgusting disrespect. Like, if I want to miss a gym session, I'll feel guilty for it for the whole day. Like, if I don't go because I'm tired.
00:53:52:20 - 00:53:58:15
Stella
Yeah. I'll be disgusted with myself all day.
00:53:58:17 - 00:54:04:00
Chris
00:54:04:02 - 00:54:13:17
Chris
What's the problem with missing that gym? What's the problem with.
00:54:13:19 - 00:54:15:13
Chris
That.
00:54:15:15 - 00:54:49:11
Stella
Yeah, it's probably because, I've built up my belief of myself and the fact that, If I want to be, I want to be the best, then I have to do the work. And if I'm not doing the work, then, it's a, a disgrace. And I'm letting people down. I'm letting myself down. And then my team down and my coach down and,
00:54:49:12 - 00:55:02:05
Stella
Yeah, feeding into all that stuff all through my childhood, I was told. And I, it's probably just proving all true.
00:55:02:07 - 00:55:27:08
Chris
Okay. And let's just say, let's let's say you did. Let's say you prove them all true. Let's just say you let people down. Let's just say you you, you, you are a disgrace. Or you, you are a disgusting, useless, fat, lazy. Yeah. What's the problem with that? Why is that a problem?
00:55:27:10 - 00:55:29:11
Stella
Because I know I've failed.
00:55:29:13 - 00:55:33:11
Chris
Who?
00:55:33:13 - 00:55:53:17
Chris
And if you failed, stellar. I. How is that really a problem? You know.
00:55:53:19 - 00:56:04:12
Stella
It's probably feeds into some sort of story I have. It's like,
00:56:04:14 - 00:56:14:10
Stella
Like, what's the point of, like, if you suddenly.
00:56:14:12 - 00:56:22:14
Chris
00:56:22:16 - 00:56:29:13
Chris
Okay. And let's just say.
00:56:29:15 - 00:56:36:09
Chris
You've got that belief. What's the point of life if you're failing and you fail?
00:56:36:11 - 00:56:38:01
Stella
Yeah.
00:56:38:03 - 00:56:43:10
Chris
You let people down.
00:56:43:12 - 00:56:47:17
Chris
What does that mean about you?
00:56:47:19 - 00:56:55:02
Chris
When you make it mean about you.
00:56:55:04 - 00:56:58:13
Stella
I don't even know.
00:56:58:15 - 00:57:14:01
Chris
Yeah. You, it's right there sitting on it. I know you feel like you don't know, but if you did know what we just say.
00:57:14:03 - 00:57:19:21
Chris
What's the point of failing? I mean, if you did fail.
00:57:19:23 - 00:57:21:22
Chris
What's something nasty?
00:57:21:23 - 00:57:42:04
Stella
I don't feel I can. It's like it's not even an option to fail. Like I. I guess that's why I'm so exhausted all the time. Because I just keep pushing through. Because it's absolutely not an option, I don't know. Well, I've got.
00:57:42:06 - 00:58:08:13
Chris
Yeah. See his here's the thing for for there is a part of you he's so conflicted. You're, just say like there's a part of you that feels this is not an option. Maybe we are in. We are all in. And from the back of the bus. This, this other parts. It's like, got the hand up. Are there any questions?
00:58:08:15 - 00:58:28:15
Chris
And this person's like, this part's like this. Go click it. Then the other parts like there is no option do or do not. We're all in. And this part of you.
00:58:28:17 - 00:58:32:19
Chris
There's another part of you.
00:58:32:21 - 00:58:51:19
Chris
That's being held back. I kind of don't want to talk to the the. I'm less interested in the part. That's the go get, get out there and smash, you know, like that enjoys this sort of thing that there's a part of you. See? Fat, lazy. That's not the problem.
00:58:51:21 - 00:58:54:19
Stella
00:58:54:21 - 00:58:59:21
Chris
That was your solution.
00:58:59:23 - 00:59:01:16
Stella
Right.
00:59:01:18 - 00:59:03:03
Chris
Letting,
00:59:03:04 - 00:59:07:16
Stella
The avoided type stuff of. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
00:59:07:16 - 00:59:31:03
Chris
What's what's the what's the what's these there is this accusé this dirty, nasty, mean language communication that, that a part of you is saying about you, you know, but then this is super positive is like, come on, everybody. Like Tigger, you know, let's go. Just get out there. Oh, come on, let's go. Come on. Pick up the tempo.
00:59:31:04 - 00:59:31:09
Stella
Of the.
00:59:31:09 - 00:59:33:18
Chris
Drums. Come on, let's go.
00:59:33:20 - 00:59:34:09
Stella
Yeah!
00:59:34:11 - 00:59:52:16
Chris
Add another ten up to that. Let's go. Boop boop boop boop boop boop. That's the way, you know, there's that part of you. But then there's another part. It's just like I am. I don't want to put words in your mouth, so I'm not going to finish my sentence, but I am.
00:59:52:18 - 00:59:58:07
Chris
Not enough. Somehow.
00:59:58:09 - 01:00:06:01
Stella
Swear word. Yes. Yeah. I'm shit, I come. Yeah. Shit.
01:00:06:03 - 01:00:11:16
Chris
Yeah.
01:00:11:18 - 01:00:18:18
Chris
That's it.
01:00:18:20 - 01:00:23:18
Chris
Pull! Lean into that cellar.
01:00:23:20 - 01:00:25:02
Stella
Yeah.
01:00:25:04 - 01:00:38:04
Chris
And and just feel into that. If that was true.
01:00:38:06 - 01:00:50:23
Chris
What? What might you go? What might you do to prove that you weren't?
01:00:51:01 - 01:01:00:00
Stella
Anything.
01:01:00:02 - 01:01:15:08
Stella
Yeah, yeah. Just keep pushing and forcing and. Because I. Yeah, I guess I really don't want it. It.
01:01:15:10 - 01:01:32:09
Chris
You don't want to be that way. You don't want that. And so you will. This part of you that stands up there and comes up with these survival catch phrases. Says it's not an option to fail.
01:01:32:11 - 01:01:40:20
Chris
We are active. In fact, we're more than that. We are an athlete.
01:01:40:22 - 01:01:43:03
Chris
I'm not. I'm not a weekend splash.
01:01:43:03 - 01:01:44:09
Stella
01:01:44:11 - 01:01:46:03
Chris
I am an athlete.
01:01:46:05 - 01:01:49:11
Stella
Yeah, I've got badges to say it exactly.
01:01:49:16 - 01:01:52:23
Chris
You don't believe me? Check out my trophy room, baby.
01:01:53:01 - 01:01:55:03
Stella
Yes, exactly.
01:01:55:08 - 01:02:02:15
Chris
This is, in fact, this is Trophy Room A, and this is Trophy Room B, this.
01:02:02:17 - 01:02:03:20
Stella
Absolutely.
01:02:03:22 - 01:02:22:00
Chris
Yeah. And, mind your feet on that box, because that's the stuff that, you know, it's not worth showing it, just like, you know, and there's some medals here and there, the local stuff.
01:02:22:02 - 01:02:49:18
Chris
You know, you've got this part that, that, will go to any length to prove that that these this limiting belief about yourself. Is it isn't true. But really deep down, for the longest time, you've been saying that about yourself.
01:02:49:20 - 01:03:04:02
Stella
Yeah.
01:03:04:03 - 01:03:15:21
Chris
Feel sorry. It feel some kind of way. Like when you say that to yourself. How how does that feel?
01:03:15:23 - 01:03:31:12
Stella
Yeah, I feel it. Look, it hurts. And in a lot of ways, it just. It it hurts me to the core. I guess.
01:03:31:14 - 01:03:38:06
Stella
I guess, like, there's so much worry that it's true.
01:03:38:08 - 01:03:49:20
Chris
Yeah.
01:03:49:22 - 01:04:17:07
Chris
Lean into it. Don't. Don't try and push that away. Just keep that there. Hold on to that. Hold on to that feeling where it hurts you. To the core. Stella. Hold on. Lean into it. Breathe into it. Don't. Don't try and force it away and notice it. There's so much worry that it's true.
01:04:17:09 - 01:04:27:21
Chris
And the real insight here is this is the monster under the bed. This is your bogeyman.
01:04:27:23 - 01:04:35:01
Chris
I don't know about you, but the monsters under the bed are scary.
01:04:35:03 - 01:04:48:10
Chris
And I would just. When I was a kid, I would not I wouldn't want to look under the bed because I was scared of the monster under the bed. I was scared of the very thought.
01:04:48:12 - 01:04:58:19
Chris
But now, as a dad, as an adult. And I can do this with my little girls, I could say, I mean, I'll look under the bed.
01:04:58:21 - 01:05:06:02
Chris
It's just fluff. Oh, and a sock.
01:05:06:04 - 01:05:27:16
Chris
Do you want to have a look with me, honey? And she has no light. Come on, it's just fluff a sock. Here's the sock. It's got dust on it. Yeah. That's fluff. Come on, have a look. When she leans over, looks under the bed. It's just fluff.
01:05:27:18 - 01:05:35:08
Chris
It feels so real. And she was so scared. She wanted the nightlight on.
01:05:35:10 - 01:05:39:09
Chris
But when you really look at it, it's just fluff. Stella.
01:05:39:11 - 01:05:40:10
Stella
Yeah.
01:05:40:12 - 01:06:03:14
Chris
But it. But it feels so real right now. And you'll go to any length to protect yourself. Just like a little kid pulls the blanket over their eyes, as if that's going to protect them from the monster under the bed. You get all these things, and you build these identities for yourself to prove and defend and to cover up that monster under the bed.
01:06:03:16 - 01:06:11:00
Chris
That fluff doesn't really exist.
01:06:11:02 - 01:06:16:20
Chris
So.
01:06:16:22 - 01:06:39:07
Chris
The intention today was to name the monster, figure out, a root belief, a core wound that seems to drive the whole show.
01:06:39:09 - 01:06:50:15
Chris
How do you feel about. Your belief.
01:06:50:17 - 01:07:16:06
Stella
That I feel about it. Well, Feel a little bit disappointed, I guess. I could had such a shitty experience in childhood that. Yeah. A bit resentful about it in a lot of ways.
01:07:16:08 - 01:07:19:09
Stella
Like, it's. I don't feel like it's fair.
01:07:19:11 - 01:07:25:11
Chris
Yeah.
01:07:25:13 - 01:07:31:02
Chris
Yeah. I got a little saying for you.
01:07:31:04 - 01:07:31:20
Stella
Yeah.
01:07:31:22 - 01:07:34:22
Chris
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
01:07:35:00 - 01:07:41:13
Stella
Yeah.
01:07:41:15 - 01:07:57:17
Chris
Now I can say anything I could say. You're you're you're you're a legend. Actually, you're more than that. You're a dead set legend.
01:07:57:19 - 01:08:11:19
Chris
More than that, you're a fair dinkum, flaming, dead set legend. You know, I could say anything like that, but it doesn't matter what I say. It matters what you say. Because you believe that the monster under the bed that you are. Shit.
01:08:11:21 - 01:08:16:03
Stella
Yeah.
01:08:16:05 - 01:08:46:08
Chris
And yeah, you feel resentful. It's not fair. Why did I why me? Is the victim victim mentality below it all right? Yeah. However it even that it's still it still doesn't acknowledge like well you still you still got a flame in. Stop still sitting on it I am shit. And if you pull this one out and you look at that 12I am.
01:08:46:08 - 01:08:54:16
Chris
Shit. Yeah. I have to censor this podcast. This one I have shit. Yeah. It's just there. You.
01:08:54:18 - 01:08:55:18
Stella
Yeah.
01:08:55:20 - 01:09:17:15
Chris
Any time you feel triggered, annoyed, frustrated and over, on resourcefully emotional. You know, you watch the note fucking like, oh, you know, but but there's a different kind of emotional, like when you feeling that.
01:09:17:17 - 01:09:21:12
Chris
I am shit is just showed up.
01:09:21:14 - 01:09:25:08
Stella
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be true.
01:09:25:10 - 01:09:26:12
Chris
Yeah.
01:09:26:14 - 01:09:28:13
Stella
Yeah.
01:09:28:15 - 01:09:43:15
Chris
You feel sad that you're maybe feeling tired and burned out, and then all of a sudden you have some sort of a shame or, or, fear that the athlete is dead.
01:09:43:17 - 01:09:44:05
Stella
Yeah.
01:09:44:07 - 01:09:50:10
Chris
I am. Shit. Here we go again.
01:09:50:12 - 01:10:02:03
Chris
Yeah.
01:10:02:05 - 01:10:06:13
Chris
But,
01:10:06:14 - 01:10:10:18
Stella
Yeah.
01:10:10:20 - 01:10:27:08
Chris
Okay, so just to walk you back from the the edge of that one, that's just a bunch of fluff file. I. You made that up, Stella.
01:10:27:10 - 01:10:53:14
Chris
And until you make up a new meaning about yourself, that old meaning is going to stick around. So you need to, you know, it's just, like, literal fluff. That fluff. The sock is going to be under the bed until you put something else there, like a vacuum cleaner. Any vacuum it. All right. Yeah. So you got. I don't want to say suck it up.
01:10:53:14 - 01:11:16:03
Chris
That's got a different meaning. You want to you want to clean it up. You want to get that space clean. Yeah, yeah. You need a different me. And so, I'm going to say homework for you is to find you reframe like apologise to yourself because the bullies. Bullies said what they said they did what they did. Your parents did what they did.
01:11:16:03 - 01:11:39:23
Chris
They said what they said. You got you didn't get into the pageant, but your sister did. All those things, they have happened. But what's remained is you've said something to yourself every day since that.
01:11:40:00 - 01:11:48:09
Chris
And so you've been saying for the longest time, I am shit.
01:11:48:11 - 01:11:51:10
Chris
That's worth apologising for.
01:11:51:12 - 01:11:52:13
Stella
Yeah.
01:11:52:15 - 01:12:07:02
Chris
That's you. I, saying that to you. About you? Yeah. That's not a bully. That's not a mum, that's not your dad. It's not your sister. It's not somebody else. It's you.
01:12:07:04 - 01:12:08:08
Stella
Yeah.
01:12:08:10 - 01:12:19:08
Chris
Now you have power over that. You can't go back and change the past. Bullies. Make them not touch you. You know?
01:12:19:10 - 01:12:20:12
Stella
Yeah.
01:12:20:14 - 01:12:47:17
Chris
But what you can do is you can change your perception about yourself. You can change the. The fluff can clean that, clean that up, clean a language. And, we might call this one here. Pull. Put the paws on it, and, and I send you off to, a reframe, reframing. Work. It's like. Right. Yeah. I need to apologise.
01:12:47:17 - 01:13:11:03
Chris
I need to I need to make up for all these. You know, there was a reason why I said this. There's a reason why I said that about myself. I get it, but my believable plan going forwards is I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to have a different way of relating to myself.
01:13:11:05 - 01:13:14:03
Stella
Yeah.
01:13:14:04 - 01:13:26:16
Chris
For my personal one, I would always think, I'm so unlovable. No. And then I reframed it. I am lovable, not by everyone. And that's okay.
01:13:26:18 - 01:13:28:02
Stella
Yeah.
01:13:28:04 - 01:13:40:21
Chris
So that's how I reframed my own personal one. And now that works for me. That might not work for everyone. And I really embody that now.
01:13:40:23 - 01:13:47:06
Chris
My invitation to you would be to find your reframe, clean that space underneath your bed.
01:13:47:08 - 01:13:54:22
Stella
Yeah, right. Actually pops into my mind. I'm not shitty. I just had a shitty childhood.
01:13:55:00 - 01:14:02:07
Chris
Oh, yeah.
01:14:02:09 - 01:14:05:10
Chris
Yeah.
01:14:05:12 - 01:14:08:06
Stella
Yeah, it wasn't me. It's just the environment.
01:14:08:07 - 01:14:11:15
Chris
Yeah.
01:14:11:17 - 01:14:37:01
Chris
Yeah. And, And it's hot. Yeah, I. One last little story was when I was in the Army reserves. We did this training course where we dug trenches. I'm six foot seven, and you have to dig it to a certain height, so. So that when you stand in the trench, it protects you from getting shot. Anyway. My.
01:14:37:06 - 01:14:37:13
Stella
Yeah.
01:14:37:19 - 01:15:10:00
Chris
My, my trench mate was five foot 3 or 4. He was tiny, his shorts very short. Anyway, so he, he was done digging his trench super quick and, then it started raining. Now water runs downhill, so my end of the trench was full of water up to like, my knees. And so for a week we were fighting in and out of these trenches.
01:15:10:00 - 01:15:31:05
Chris
And I was, it's it was just a really rough go. It was crap. I got trench, trench rot, all of the out there. I wasn't there for a week. And I just think I did that comparison game that you were doing. Oh, think of everybody else. You know, I think I'll think of the Anzacs that were there for months getting shot out with real bullets.
01:15:31:05 - 01:16:05:07
Chris
I've just got blanks and the occasional rock. And it was just, you know, guilt and shame. Anyway, time. It's hard. You've got these hard experiences. But I think of that moment as, life happens for us, not to us. And I look back with rose coloured glasses at that, that real challenging time, instead of saying, it's shit, I.
01:16:05:09 - 01:16:10:19
Chris
My personal favourite reframe is that was challenging.
01:16:10:21 - 01:16:11:13
Stella
Yeah.
01:16:11:15 - 01:16:36:13
Chris
And I didn't have the capacity to meet the demands of that challenge. When I was growing up, I had a lot of challenges. I had a real challenging time. I didn't have the resources, I didn't have the words. I didn't have the people. I didn't have the support. And I was very overwhelmed. And I and to get me out of that.
01:16:36:14 - 01:17:04:15
Chris
I had all these practices of survival, and along the way I made up a belief about myself. I'm shit. That's what I believe for the longest time until. What's the date today? Thursday, 24th of April. I realised, you know what? I had a new way of believing about myself. That's just fluff. I'm going to clean that up. I'm gonna get some cleaner language because I am not.
01:17:04:16 - 01:17:05:09
Stella
Yeah.
01:17:05:11 - 01:17:20:05
Chris
I am, and I'll let you fill in the blanks. Something. Something more empowering, more resourceful, less victim, less to me. And, I yeah.
01:17:20:07 - 01:17:21:17
Stella
I'm resilient.
01:17:21:19 - 01:17:30:20
Chris
Yeah. You are, but I am resilient.
01:17:30:22 - 01:17:34:09
Chris
I love it.
01:17:34:11 - 01:18:01:01
Chris
I'm. Yeah. I am resilient, and then you can do some some work around. Well, what does that even mean? What does resilient mean? You spend a lot of time on the water. You know, water moulds to to whatever you pour it into. You, take you out of the cup and you pour you into the bathtub, you become the shape of the bathtub, take you out of the bathtub, pour you into the the river.
01:18:01:06 - 01:18:17:00
Chris
You become the river. You take the athlete out and just still you. You're resilient. Stellar. Yeah. Beautiful.
01:18:17:02 - 01:18:35:07
Chris
All right, well, I reckon we'll call this one here. Stick around. I'm going to say goodbye to our listeners, and I'll have a little debrief with Stella. But thank you, everyone, for, listening in. I'll see you on the next one.
01:18:35:09 - 01:18:45:11
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:18:45:13 - 01:19:11:13
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
01:19:11:15 - 01:19:12:01
Chris
For.
