LIVE Root-Cause Coaching - Letting Go of Shame, “Bad Girl” Beliefs & Embracing Enoughness

Listen to the full episode.

There’s a kind of burnout that doesn’t come from doing too much… it comes from being on guard all the time.
From second-guessing yourself. From trying to be “good”. From carrying the emotional weight of everyone else’s comfort. From living with a quiet, persistent fear that if you relax, you’ll get it wrong.

In this live root-cause coaching episode, Chris from Chris and Filly Functional Medicine coaches Rachel through something many people never say out loud: deep-rooted shame, “bad girl” beliefs, and the exhausting patterns that grow out of them — people-pleasing, perfectionism, over-responsibility, and nervous system dysregulation.

This isn’t a surface-level “just do more self-care” chat. It’s a real look at how identity, childhood programming, and the body’s stress response can keep you stuck — even when you know what would help. And it’s also a reminder that healing from within is possible when you stop treating symptoms as the enemy and start listening to what they’re trying to protect you from.

When “Self-Care” Isn’t Enough (Because Shame Is Still Running the Show)

A lot of people try to fix burnout with more supplements, more routines, more “healthy living” habits. And sure — functional nutrition, sleep, movement, and hydration matter. But in burnout functional medicine, we also see a truth that’s hard to ignore:

If your nervous system still believes you’re not safe… your body will keep acting like it.

Shame is one of the biggest drivers of that “not safe” signal. Shame doesn’t just make you feel bad emotionally — it changes how you interpret the world. You take things personally. You scan for disapproval. You overthink conversations. You replay moments in your head. You try to get ahead of criticism by being perfect.

And the body responds accordingly: tight chest, lump in the throat, racing heart, shallow breathing, gut tension, dizziness, fatigue, anxiety. It’s not “all in your head”. It’s your brain-body system doing its job — protecting you based on an old story.

This is where integrative medicine and mind body medicine meet: we can support the body’s physiology, but we also need to update the story that keeps the stress response switched on.

The “Bad Girl” Identity: How It Forms (and Why It’s So Sticky)

One of the most powerful parts of this coaching session is how Chris helps Rachel trace the roots of the “bad girl” identity. It’s not about being rebellious or naughty. It’s about what happens when, as a child, you learn that:

• emotional connection is conditional
• approval is earned, not given
• being “too much” creates distance or tension
• being “not enough” creates rejection
• mistakes feel dangerous

Over time, a child doesn’t just think “I did something wrong”… they internalise “I am wrong”.

That’s the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, “That wasn’t my best moment.” Shame says, “That moment proves who I am.”

And once that identity is formed, it quietly runs the show in adulthood — especially in relationships, work, parenting, and health. It can even shape your wellness journey. You might become the person who’s always trying to be the “good client”, the “good patient”, the “good partner”, the “good mum”, the “good employee”.

But underneath it all is a nervous system that’s bracing for the moment someone decides you’re not acceptable.

People-Pleasing, Perfectionism & Over-Responsibility: Protective Patterns That Drain You

At Chris and Filly Functional Medicine, we often say: your patterns make sense when you understand what they’re protecting you from.

Rachel’s people-pleasing and over-responsibility aren’t personality flaws. They’re protective strategies. They’re the nervous system’s way of trying to prevent rejection, conflict, or disconnection.

Perfectionism can be a way to avoid criticism.
People-pleasing can be a way to avoid abandonment.
Over-responsibility can be a way to avoid feeling powerless.

But here’s the catch: these strategies are exhausting.

They keep you in a constant state of “performing” life instead of living it. They keep your stress response activated. They stop you from resting properly because rest feels unsafe. They can even block healing naturally because your body never gets the message that it’s allowed to stand down.

This is why root cause medicine matters. We’re not just asking, “What symptom do you have?” We’re asking, “What is your system trying to do for you… and what did it learn it had to do to survive?”

What Happens in the Body When You Take Things Personally

One of the most relatable parts of this episode is the way Chris and Rachel talk about the physical sensations that show up when shame is triggered — anxiety, chest pressure, throat tightness, heart sensations, that “high alert” feeling.

This is nervous system dysregulation in real time.

When you take things personally, your brain reads the moment as social danger. And the nervous system responds as if you’re under threat. Your body prepares to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn (people-pleasing is a classic fawn response). You might feel wired. You might feel shaky. You might feel nauseous. You might feel like you can’t think straight.

And then you judge yourself for it, which adds another layer of stress.

In holistic health, we want to break that loop — not by forcing calm, but by creating safety. That’s where the deeper work begins.

The AURA Process: Awareness, Understanding, Reframing, Apology to Self

Chris introduces a powerful framework in this coaching: AURA.

Awareness

Catching the thought pattern or shame story as it’s happening. Not later. Not after the spiral. In the moment.

Understanding

Asking: Where did this come from? What is this part of me trying to protect? What does it believe will happen if it doesn’t stay on guard?

Reframing

Updating the meaning. Shifting the story from “I’m bad” to something more truthful and grounded. Reframing isn’t pretending everything is fine — it’s choosing an interpretation that supports healing and reality.

Apology to Self

This part is huge. It’s the moment you stop making yourself the enemy. You acknowledge the cost of the old pattern. You offer compassion. You say, “I’m sorry I’ve been treating you like you’re the problem.”

That apology is often the beginning of embodied enoughness — not as a mantra, but as a lived experience.

“I Am Enough” Isn’t a Quote — It’s a Practice

A lot of people can say “I am enough” and still feel like they’re failing. Because enoughness isn’t intellectual. It’s nervous system level.

It’s what happens when your body stops bracing.
When you can make a mistake and not collapse internally.
When you can disappoint someone and still feel steady.
When you can be seen and not feel exposed.

This is the kind of work we do inside the Ending Body Burnout Method — blending functional testing and personalised medicine with the “Spark” work: the deep identity-level rewiring that helps your system feel safe enough to heal.

Because you can do all the right protocols… but if your body is still living in “prove yourself” mode, it’s like trying to charge your battery while your phone is running 47 apps in the background.

Practical Homework: Shifting From Shame to Self-Acceptance

Here are a few gentle reflection prompts inspired by the episode (no overwhelm, just awareness):

1. Name the shame story

When you feel triggered, ask: “What am I making this mean about me?”

2. Identify the protective pattern

Is it people-pleasing? Perfectionism? Over-explaining? Overworking? Shutting down?

3. Ask what it’s protecting

“What does this part think will happen if I don’t do this?”

4. Offer an apology

“Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you so hard.”

5. Choose one “enoughness” action

One small act that says: I don’t need to earn rest. I don’t need to earn love. I don’t need to earn safety.

If This Hit Home, You’re Not Alone

If you felt a lump in your throat reading this… if you recognised yourself in Rachel’s patterns… that’s not weakness. That’s awareness. And awareness is where healing begins.

If you’re ready to explore a more holistic wellness approach — one that combines burnout functional medicine, mind body medicine, and true root cause medicine — you’re warmly invited to book a Discovery Call or connect the dots with us. No pressure. Just a supportive chat to help you figure out what your next step could look like.

And if you’re curious about the deeper “Spark” work and the full framework, you can learn more about the Ending Body Burnout Method and see if it feels like the right fit for your WellnessJourney and healing naturally.

Listen to the full episode.

Chris & Filipa Bellette are the Founders of multi award-winning health practice Chris & Filly Functional Medicine, which is best known for ending body burnout (for good!) in “busy” people with energy, mood and gut issues. They have worked with over 2,000+ burned-out clients in the past combined 25+ years, with their own passion for ending body burnout coming from their own personal experience of body, mind, family & business breakdown, after a prolonged period of physical and mental stress.

Filipa is an accredited Clinical Nutritionist, Functional Medicine Practitioner, Coach & Trauma Therapist. She is also a Ph.D. Scholar, author & regularly featured the media, such as Forbes, Body+Soul and The Daily Telegraph. Chris is a Burnout Recovery Coach & an accredited Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, with a Bachelor of Human Movement Science. He has existed in high-performance realms of the sporting (think national athlete) & business industries and knows what it takes to get out of hustle-and-grind culture to thriving. 

They were recently awarded as the Tasmanian State Winner & National Finalist for the Telstra Best of Business Awards 2022, and Winner of the Australian Women’s Small Business Champion Awards 2022.