00:00:03:08 - 00:00:17:20
Chris
Hello and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host Chris and Fili, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues. While busyness.
00:00:17:20 - 00:00:25:01
Filly
Addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm, it's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:02 - 00:00:38:07
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplement hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:08 - 00:00:46:13
Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:14 - 00:00:56:10
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:56:12 - 00:01:25:00
Filly
Hello! Welcome to the podcast. Today we have another live Root cause coaching session for you. I know you guys love these podcasts because on the back end we can look at the data around how many downloads we have per episode. And these root cause coaching sessions are definitely up there. So Chris coaches A Brave Soul Live on our podcast all about when proving yourself becomes a headache.
00:01:25:00 - 00:01:49:13
Filly
So the beautiful Caitlin gets coached on the deeper reasons behind her work triggered headaches, work guilt, and the pressure to prove herself and how these patterns can quietly keep your nervous system on edge even when life looks fine on the outside. So it is a really rare honour to listen in on one of these very personal coaching sessions.
00:01:49:13 - 00:02:23:14
Filly
So a really big thank you to Caitlin for allowing us to publish this episode, and also give this beautiful woman some virtual, energetic love and compassion as you listen to this intimate coaching conversation, you'll hear how easy it is to fall into life hacks and coping strategies. And while real change often requires going deeper than just mindset and nervous system practices alone, today's episode gives you a glimpse into our metaphysical side of healing inside our ending body.
00:02:23:14 - 00:02:42:08
Filly
Burnout method. By the way, doors open this week, guys. So if you are interested in joining our program, just head down to the show notes and press the Ending Body Burnout Method link and come join us inside the program.
00:02:42:10 - 00:03:15:03
Filly
These the metaphysical side of healing that we do with our clients inside the program is a really critical piece that is often missed in the health industry. It gets to the very root of body burnout by a a deep seated beliefs and stories that are causing sickness and keeping you stuck from healing. So essentially, the process dives deep into your brain, your nervous system, and your unconscious mind and realise your healing abilities from within.
00:03:15:05 - 00:03:45:04
Filly
So many clients who have shared their success stories on our podcasts, 95% of the healing has happened inside of this metaphysical healing because essentially you're becoming your own self healer. So doors are open. Come and join us. And if you wanted to learn a bit more about what we do, we do have a free Rewire Your Brain to End Body Burnout event happening this week and next week.
00:03:45:04 - 00:04:11:06
Filly
So there's four workshops that we're holding that helps you to rewire your brain to embody burnout. And we're taking you essentially through the steps that we take our clients through inside our method for free. So definitely worth coming along. Head down to the show notes to register your free spot. All right, let's dive into today's episode.
00:04:11:08 - 00:04:29:15
Chris
Welcome, everybody, to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. We have a live coaching call for you guys today, and I'm joined by Caitlin. All joined with Caitlin joined by join with I have Caitlin. Hey, Caitlin.
00:04:29:17 - 00:04:31:11
Caitlin
Hello. How are you?
00:04:31:13 - 00:04:51:14
Chris
I'm good. All right. So thanks so much for jumping onto a coaching call with me. I'm excited to be able to serve and to to help where I can. How would you like to be helped or serve today? What would you like to. To get out of our time together?
00:04:51:16 - 00:05:26:19
Caitlin
Yeah. I mean, I've been on a bit of a health journey, and I think I've found some pretty solid answers as to the core reasons why some of my problems in the past have been happening, and there's layers to my burnout symptoms. Fortunately, I'm not in the red zone at the moment. I'm kind of in the orange or the green zone, but I've got some lingering symptoms, so I kind of think there must be something more that I need to work through to work out what it is that my mind is doing to cause these symptoms.
00:05:26:20 - 00:05:34:03
Caitlin
And yeah, I kind of want to get to the root cause of it so I can try and intercept it a little bit more.
00:05:34:05 - 00:05:53:19
Chris
Cool. Okay. Could you do a little bit of a spill on on what that looks like for you. Like what sort of symptoms are we talking about? And, if you give me a bit of a a history, I guess you could say what you've done, what you've tried, all that sort of thing.
00:05:53:21 - 00:06:20:11
Caitlin
Yeah, yeah. Cool. Been a bit of a journey, I guess. It all started two years ago. I was fit and healthy working a corporate job. And, yeah, I was kind of a go getter. Did everything, tried to achieve my best, did everything that I did, and I could squeeze a lot out of myself. And then basically overnight, I started getting chronic migraines.
00:06:20:12 - 00:06:41:14
Caitlin
So I went from never having a migraine in my life to having one pretty much every day for about three months. And so it took me a long time to kind of work out what that was and what was causing it. I learned a lot about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system and cortisol and how that all works.
00:06:41:14 - 00:07:09:10
Caitlin
And through kind of stress management techniques, I was able to kind of get that under control. And I also, yeah, I guess I did a lot of different lifestyle changes. Understanding the concept of burnout was massive for me. Understanding how I only had to find out, like cortisol bucket and that I was living in this like real fight or flight, kind of zone.
00:07:09:10 - 00:07:34:16
Caitlin
So I managed to kind of first get that under control. And then it came back quite badly about a year later. And that was mid last year. And I kind of was really stumped as to what, what to do about it. I was quite yeah, I worked obviously quite hard. I was quite stressed at work. I was trying to sell a house.
00:07:34:16 - 00:08:02:15
Caitlin
So obviously there was lots of lifestyle factors. So I very much thought if I changed my lifestyle, I could get those under control. So I quit my job, I went overseas. This was also about the time that I first found your program, and kind of when I started putting two and two together about burnout. And so I.
00:08:02:17 - 00:08:42:11
Caitlin
Yeah, I got better when I went overseas because I had no real life problems on my shoulders. I was kind of living a false sense of reality. So my migraines went away for the second time. And yet when I was overseas, I was really healthy, which was amazing. And I was like, I fixed it. And as soon as I got back to New Zealand and reality, my nervous system completely crashed and I ended up with chronic fatigue syndrome, where my body kind of went into this freeze.
00:08:42:13 - 00:09:05:23
Caitlin
And that's when I started kind of taking your program a little bit more seriously in terms of understanding the cause of why I've read a lot of books around chronic fatigue and the limbic system and the different causes in a very much felt like I had my trigger was something to do with a trauma loop that I was in.
00:09:06:01 - 00:09:27:06
Caitlin
And so I kind of worked through my core belief and understood, you know, that I was really trying to prove myself when I got back from my holiday. I was trying to, you know, start a business. And I was trying to, you know, reintegrate into normal life. And my body just kind of totally freaked out and shut down.
00:09:27:06 - 00:09:57:14
Caitlin
And after I kind of really got to the the cause, the root cause of what was wrong, I was able to rebuild myself. So I'm very pleased to say I after about four months, I managed to get my chronic fatigue back in control through self-talk. So when I would do anything that would trigger my symptoms, I would kind of talk to myself and tell myself, you know, I'm good enough or I don't need to prove myself or I'm safe.
00:09:57:14 - 00:10:27:04
Caitlin
I'm not in danger. And honestly, I was actually quite amazed how I managed to get better with the self-talk. So much better than any other kind of medicine route or anything that I had done that was like amazing for me. So I've migraines are gone, chronic fatigue has got gone. But now I've kind of got this orange zone symptom, which is just chronic headaches.
00:10:27:04 - 00:10:58:23
Caitlin
Well, I wouldn't really call them chronic right now, but I'm very susceptible to headaches. And the the headaches are very specifically triggered by one thing and one thing only. And that's working. So yeah, it's, you know, I can keep them under control by microdosing my work. So I'm working for myself. I can work for 1 to 2 hour blocks at a time.
00:10:59:01 - 00:11:29:02
Caitlin
You know, I can do a bit of self-talk and tell myself I'm going to be okay and I'm not in danger. But yeah, I just I would really love to figure out why work working causes headaches and see if there's a way that I can kind of get to the root cause of that. And then, yeah, get to a situation where I'm kind of fully healthy.
00:11:29:04 - 00:11:54:08
Chris
Awesome, cool. Okay. When you say working, what's what does that look like for you? Because because I know my brother has definitely got a different opinion to what working looks like to me. And I definitely have a different opinion of what working looks like to my wife, to Philly. I think if she tried to work like I did, she would feel some kind of way.
00:11:54:08 - 00:12:08:16
Chris
And if I tried to work like my brother, that would that would it, would it out? Concepts are different and yeah. So what's your what is working look like for you? What should you do.
00:12:08:18 - 00:12:30:23
Caitlin
Yeah I used to work out hours a day. I used to be a leader of a team and kind of just show up and and everything. And I actually think if I went back to that environment, I probably would get migraines again, to be honest. So I feel like the headaches is kind of the small the symptom because I'm, I'm living a much slower paced life.
00:12:31:00 - 00:13:04:01
Caitlin
I, I have multiple jobs. I find the diversity is really good for me. So my kind of previous career was in marketing. That's one of the things that I'm doing now. And then I also teach Pilates. That's a new career, and I'm a dog sitter. And the interestingly, I when I worked in my corporate career, one of the single biggest trigger for my migraines and headaches was talking.
00:13:04:01 - 00:13:39:02
Caitlin
It was something about exerting my passion into every conversation. Holding meetings. Yeah, holding conversations with people just triggers headaches. It was crazy. And I was really nervous to start Pilates because you have to speak for an entire hour really passionately to a room of people and then, yeah, and sometimes for 2 or 3 hours at a time. And what's been really interesting is that I'm, I can teach Pilates for hours on end and not get headaches.
00:13:39:04 - 00:14:01:23
Caitlin
Yet if I'm in a business meeting talking about marketing, a 30 minute meeting with a client, and I've got like a raging headache for the rest of the day. So I've managed to kind of split my different work. Obviously, dog sitting is just abundance of fun. I don't get any headaches from that, which is nice. So I've managed to separate it.
00:14:01:23 - 00:14:26:21
Caitlin
I think actually doing the plants has made me realise that it's uniquely the marketing strategy type work that triggers my symptoms, and if I think about it quite largely when I teach Pilates, I'm present in the moment and I can't really think of anything but the people in front of me and serving them. In the moment that the class is over, I walk out and I don't think about it anymore.
00:14:27:03 - 00:14:54:14
Caitlin
Whereas the marketing work, which I'm doing for one, two, three hours at a time, maybe two chunks a day, so not massive, heavy days. You know, I'm thinking about strategy. I'm trying to kind of prove my services or prove myself. So I think there's something in that. You know, I am looking at a screen, but it's not necessarily always screens that are triggering it.
00:14:54:15 - 00:15:20:00
Caitlin
You know, like I said, it can be just sitting in a meeting with a client. And normally when the client is talking, I'm thinking big picture in my head about what value can I add to their business or what input can I have to this conversation. And so I think I think it's something to do with strategy, something to do with proving myself, something to do with future thinking.
00:15:20:01 - 00:15:25:22
Caitlin
Because yeah, that seems to really trigger the headaches.
00:15:26:00 - 00:15:39:13
Chris
Yeah. Do you get are there any other symptoms that you, that you get or any other pain signals. So you get the headaches? You did get the migraines. Yeah.
00:15:39:13 - 00:16:05:02
Caitlin
So there's like I for my for my what would you call symptoms. I call them like three layers. So when I'm in my kind of, you know, the bottom of the triangle is completely healthy, which I haven't been in a few years, but the bottom layer of the pyramid is the headaches. So that's kind of the most manageable something that I get.
00:16:05:04 - 00:16:33:16
Caitlin
And it goes away after 6 or 8 hours, and I can actually sometimes talk myself out of a headache. Or if I go, you know, with a bit of a positive self-talk, or if I go for a run or do something really present in the moment, I can get rid of the headaches. The chronic fatigue and the loss of body function is the middle kind of, pyramid layer when I'm in that orange zone or.
00:16:33:22 - 00:16:54:23
Caitlin
Yeah, when I'm kind of when, when my nervous system starts to ramp up and it can't handle the kind of the lifestyle that I've got, I start getting the regular fatigue. You know, it starts off just as like a by-product symptom of the headaches. And then eventually when it gets bad, it becomes just a daily a daily fatigue.
00:16:55:01 - 00:17:20:06
Caitlin
And then the migraines is kind of the tip of the iceberg, which is like when I'm in the red, red zone. And that's just like, yeah, it's the worst. It's just waking up in fear every day and being wiped out for sometimes 72 hours at a time with just, yeah, immense pain. So those are kind of the three symptoms that I get.
00:17:20:08 - 00:17:24:18
Caitlin
And I don't really get anything else, really.
00:17:24:20 - 00:17:31:01
Chris
You you smiled when you, when you showed me your little triangle. Have you thought about that before?
00:17:31:03 - 00:17:51:10
Caitlin
Oh, you know, if you're lying on the couch for like, 72 hours just in pain or something, you don't really have much to speak about, do you think about, do you? But when you start putting things together and you start like I think over the last couple of years, I've been looking for answers with everything and trying to point my finger at different causes.
00:17:51:11 - 00:18:18:04
Caitlin
And I had a low thyroid and I thought, oh, this is it. If I go on thyroid mitigation, everything's going to get better. And then I, you know, you look for these quick ones and things. And I think the biggest thing that I've learned is that there is no quick when it's about changing the root belief system within myself to, to figure out why does this things are happening and, and rewiring the brain.
00:18:18:04 - 00:18:38:01
Caitlin
But the yeah, I think the biggest thing for me is actually learning exactly what my really specifically what my symptoms are and what triggers them, which is quite beneficial because I can actually intercept it. So.
00:18:38:02 - 00:18:49:11
Chris
What if this was a loving message? What if what if this was a.
00:18:49:13 - 00:18:57:10
Chris
Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin. You know what? If it was something like that? What if this was.
00:18:57:11 - 00:18:58:18
Caitlin
I mean, I've.
00:18:58:18 - 00:19:31:05
Caitlin
Already kind of come to terms with that. It's the silver lining that I've kind of come to terms with is that I was living such a fast paced life that, you know, if if my body didn't give me these symptoms, then, you know, the damage that I could have been doing to myself in the longer term and I could have got worse illnesses further down the line, you know, so actually slowing down and living a, a, you know, a better pace of life is good for me.
00:19:31:07 - 00:19:55:09
Caitlin
And I've actually created a really nice lifestyle. I think, you know, looking after dogs and the couple hours of marketing here and there and, but applied is, it's I could have only ever dreamed of this lifestyle. So I'm grateful for that. But, you know, when you're having a tough day, it's it's no easier.
00:19:55:11 - 00:20:02:06
Chris
Okay.
00:20:02:08 - 00:20:23:04
Chris
The two, the the the two things that come to my mind right now are what's the benefit and what's the cost? What's the benefit of having your migraines. Or it's more about the headaches. Now it's not so much the migraines for you now is that what you're saying?
00:20:23:08 - 00:20:25:02
Caitlin
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:25:04 - 00:20:38:21
Chris
What's the what's the benefit? Okay. Let's just say there there there is one. So you can't you it's against the you know, you can't say there are no benefit.
00:20:38:23 - 00:20:40:14
Caitlin
I mean the benefit.
00:20:40:16 - 00:21:09:02
Caitlin
The benefit is that I, I don't work more than 2 or 3 hours at a time, which is nice. And that I've broken up my day to very much be, you know, taking it easy, which is nice. I'm just lucky that I can that I can get by, you know, with my different jobs and things. And I had savings.
00:21:09:03 - 00:21:12:09
Caitlin
Oh, my God, I'm so lucky for that. But,
00:21:12:11 - 00:21:12:20
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:21:12:21 - 00:21:31:14
Caitlin
It would have been a lot harder if I couldn't get by. But, you know, the benefit is, is that I have a nice lifestyle in terms of I won't I won't take on more work than I than I can anymore. I used to be like a yes, yes, yes person, but I definitely, I can't I just can't anymore.
00:21:31:14 - 00:21:41:06
Chris
So do you wish you could take on more work? Is there a part like if you're honest with yourself, do you wish you could?
00:21:41:08 - 00:21:42:01
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:21:42:04 - 00:22:05:18
Caitlin
I'm like constantly thinking of new ideas and wanting to when I'm not working. I'm thinking about I have the work guilt. So I just constantly think, oh, I should be working even when I'm not. So if I take a couple of hours off to take my dog for a walk or something, or kept up with a friend for a coffee, I get the work guilt.
00:22:05:20 - 00:22:23:13
Caitlin
Even though I don't even have a boss or I don't even have. Yeah, my clients can wait then, like there's no one really holding out for me, but I do wish I could work more. I don't know, I enjoy it, I guess I enjoy adding value to these businesses so.
00:22:23:15 - 00:22:40:00
Chris
Well, that's a different that's a different thing, isn't it? Though? I want to work is different to I should work. What one are you?
00:22:40:01 - 00:22:52:06
Caitlin
I don't know, it's hard to say. I like I, I should I feel like I should work and that's why I get guilty. I get the work guilt when I'm not working.
00:22:52:10 - 00:22:52:23
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:22:53:02 - 00:23:35:07
Caitlin
But, the reason the drive that I have is like. Because I want to, like, prove myself to these businesses, that I'm useful, you know, that I'm, you know, so I think I always kind of circle back to this. This would prove. And I think that was kind of a part of the core belief system that I, that I had when I was getting over my chronic fatigue, because when I returned from my holiday, I thought I had to prove to everyone that I, you know, could make something of myself in a different scenario.
00:23:35:07 - 00:23:56:13
Caitlin
And I had to, you know, have the tiniest house or I had to socialise or I had to be, as you know, fit. You know, I really wanted to be really fit and healthy. And I think all of those things were to do with, like, proving myself to those people or to myself that that I could do those things.
00:23:56:13 - 00:24:01:13
Caitlin
And I think that's definitely a hangover into the work scenario as well.
00:24:01:15 - 00:24:20:04
Chris
What are you afraid of if you if you are. Oh, I feel like you. I really want to get this, this concept of working to you. Like, what do you what do you get out of this? Because this is I'm picking up enjoyment like you like what you do. You love the vibe. You love.
00:24:20:08 - 00:24:23:23
Caitlin
You like helping.
00:24:24:01 - 00:24:28:16
Caitlin
Yeah, yeah. What was the question?
00:24:28:17 - 00:24:40:08
Chris
Yeah. What do you get out? But why work? You know, like. I mean, could you do this for.
00:24:40:10 - 00:24:41:10
Chris
Like, there's the concept.
00:24:41:11 - 00:24:42:05
Caitlin
I like the.
00:24:42:06 - 00:24:43:17
Chris
Challenge in that.
00:24:43:19 - 00:24:44:07
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:24:44:07 - 00:24:46:11
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:24:46:13 - 00:25:06:13
Caitlin
I like a feeling valued. You know? I like it when people, when clients say to me like, oh, my God, thank you so much. You know, that was really useful. You know, we, you know, you were amazing at that or wow, we hadn't done it this way. You did things so much faster than we would have ever got done.
00:25:06:13 - 00:25:21:16
Caitlin
Thank you. You know, like I do, I value that. I like helping them because I like to help small businesses. But I as appreciate the the feedback.
00:25:21:18 - 00:25:38:01
Chris
Yeah. Which is it's always nice, but there's the vibe underneath. Is this a insecurity driving this? It it has to be if you're if you're having adverse reactions to it. Right.
00:25:38:03 - 00:25:55:06
Caitlin
Yeah I don't know I've always I've always you know been I guess like in high school you know, try to succeed jobs try to succeed.
00:25:55:08 - 00:25:59:06
Caitlin
But I don't know I think like.
00:25:59:08 - 00:26:07:00
Caitlin
In my family growing up, there was never any expectations on us. And so.
00:26:07:02 - 00:26:35:23
Caitlin
No one really had to do anything to be a part of the family or, you know, there was there was no expectations put on us. So I kind of and, you know, both of my brothers kind of win a bit. I will. And, I always felt like I wanted to make that up and be, you know, the perfect order and achieve everything to, to make up for, to prove my worth, I guess.
00:26:36:01 - 00:26:45:02
Caitlin
And I think I've always kind of continued that work ethic through life.
00:26:45:04 - 00:26:53:16
Chris
The, the perfect daughter, the, the the one that that makes up for her brother's going AOL.
00:26:53:18 - 00:26:59:15
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:26:59:17 - 00:27:10:16
Chris
What do you get out of that? What's the what's the benefit of being that perfect order that makes up for your brothers? Hello brothers. If you're listening.
00:27:10:18 - 00:27:13:20
Caitlin
Definitely not.
00:27:13:22 - 00:27:19:01
Caitlin
Just making my mom proud. You know she deserves it.
00:27:19:03 - 00:27:22:00
Chris
Why does she deserve it?
00:27:22:02 - 00:27:35:19
Caitlin
Oh, very selfless person. Great mother. Kind. Never asked for anything. Never asked to ask for anything. That's why I always intentionally try to give back.
00:27:35:21 - 00:27:41:01
Chris
What happens if you didn't? What would that mean?
00:27:41:03 - 00:27:52:18
Caitlin
Mom wouldn't care. She loves me no matter what I do. But I think I've just instilled this work ethic.
00:27:52:20 - 00:28:03:02
Caitlin
I just to try and be so different to what my brothers were like, you know.
00:28:03:04 - 00:28:04:14
Caitlin
And yeah, I don't know, I don't.
00:28:04:16 - 00:28:18:21
Chris
I don't know. And I think, I think that's, I think that that's the thing you want to be so much different to what you believe your brothers are, whether it be for you. I think your mum plays a little bit of a part in this.
00:28:18:23 - 00:28:20:17
Caitlin
I think that's just where I got the.
00:28:20:17 - 00:28:43:07
Caitlin
Epic from, you know, the drive. And then I got, you know, growing up, when you work hard, you get praise from your teachers or, you know, mum or whatever. And then you get you feel good and then you continue with that and then, you know, yeah, I guess I was the only one that you've got a university and a good job.
00:28:43:08 - 00:29:10:00
Caitlin
And, you know, then that flows from the family dynamic, which was probably the driving factor going up to then getting that praise in a work scenario. You know, I think when I was in my corporate job, I did get that quite a lot, you know, having good feedback from, you know, my general manager or my team or however in the business, you know, so you do get that, that kind of feedback.
00:29:10:02 - 00:29:24:10
Caitlin
And now that I work for myself, I guess I have to seek that from my clients. And that's why I'm always feeling like I need to continue working.
00:29:24:12 - 00:29:27:18
Chris
Wow.
00:29:27:19 - 00:29:31:04
Chris
So.
00:29:31:06 - 00:29:45:16
Chris
Body burnout is have you heard this one? Body burnout is less about doing things or not doing things, checking the boxes, and more about having a relationship with yourself.
00:29:45:18 - 00:29:48:16
Caitlin
Have you fully?
00:29:48:18 - 00:30:17:09
Caitlin
Maybe. I fully believe that, like in the start of my journey, I was so convinced that I had an illness like a tangible physical illness, and I thought that it was, you know, something wrong. You know, I had every test done, every doctor's appointment. I tried, every different type of medicine. I tried this and that. I, you know, then I tried every lifestyle change.
00:30:17:09 - 00:30:37:03
Caitlin
And it wasn't until I really and then I had the first call with, Philippa. And then she was telling me, I think you've got you've got some kind of root cause and belief system that you need to work through. And at the start I was like, no, I'm, I'm just l don't worry. My mind is fine. I'm good.
00:30:37:04 - 00:31:06:15
Caitlin
My relationship with myself is good. And then, yeah, I think, you know, I think some of these things and then also finding a solution for myself for getting my chronic fatigue under control through through that, you know, self-talk and through the relationship with myself I think was massive. So I know that's where the problem is. And that's kind of why I took this opportunity to have this call with you, because I know that that's where the problem is.
00:31:06:15 - 00:31:15:19
Caitlin
It's just getting to why work seems to be the one thing.
00:31:15:21 - 00:31:31:04
Chris
I think. I think the obstacle is the way. So if this is the the way you do anything is the way you do everything. So all roads lead to Rome. You know, the saying the same thing, but differently.
00:31:31:06 - 00:31:51:01
Chris
So the way you do work is the way is the way you do anything else. There's, there's this commonality in the pattern that that's why it's a pattern. It's going to be showing up somewhere else.
00:31:51:03 - 00:32:26:05
Chris
There's here's another thing. Loss. Loss of rapport equals body burnout. All symptoms or pain signals or stresses are loving messages. And all dysfunctional patterns have limiting beliefs underneath. So if you can find a limited sorry if you can find a dysfunctional pattern, there is a limiting belief in in there. If you find a dysfunctional pattern or you have a pain signal or you have a stress, it is a loss of rapport.
00:32:26:07 - 00:32:32:11
Chris
There are there. They're all kind of linking in with each other.
00:32:32:13 - 00:32:35:09
Caitlin
So yeah. No. Does it make sense?
00:32:35:11 - 00:32:49:15
Caitlin
Yeah. No, I believe that. Yeah. There's a there's a pain signal. That's the headaches. It's just working out. Exactly.
00:32:49:17 - 00:33:00:00
Caitlin
Why my body is doing this. It's amazing how the body can give you signals.
00:33:00:02 - 00:33:01:05
Caitlin
00:33:01:07 - 00:33:17:16
Chris
Yeah, totally. And when and when we don't listen to them, when we don't give ourselves what we need, when we don't meet our unconscious needs, when we allow ourselves to run these unconscious patterns, the signals become.
00:33:17:18 - 00:33:24:18
Chris
Full blown symptoms. They become headaches.
00:33:24:20 - 00:33:47:12
Caitlin
And I thought like, yeah, I thought, I don't know, he likes migraines, fatigue. I thought it was all so physically caused. But it's actually your, you know, your brain that's sending the signal to cause those symptoms. So it took me it took me a while to really grasp that.
00:33:47:14 - 00:33:51:05
Caitlin
Yeah. It's amazing.
00:33:51:06 - 00:33:57:08
Chris
You know, some things aren't stressful to some people, but they are to other people, you know?
00:33:57:10 - 00:33:58:11
Caitlin
Yeah, man.
00:33:58:12 - 00:34:22:20
Chris
You you get me in a like doing, I don't know, accounting or something like that. Something where it's all numbers and figures and, and clicking this and clicking that and creating spreadsheets and I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm about to fall asleep. But but you took my, my wonderful accountant Julie. She when I have conversations about this sort of stuff with her, her eyes are like huge.
00:34:22:21 - 00:34:55:10
Chris
They're like flying saucers. She's like super excited to like, dig into this sort of thing. So what absolutely drains me lights her up. And there's some things that I really enjoy that some people would be just it would make them feel sick or they just couldn't do it. But when we force ourselves to to not listen to our wants and our desires and our our needs, we can lose that rapport with ourselves.
00:34:55:12 - 00:35:02:06
Chris
We get stressed out for different reasons as people.
00:35:02:08 - 00:35:25:08
Caitlin
Yeah, I used to sleep well. I still do sleep stress a lot. It it's been a problem like since I was in a unique student, but I would I would have the just the most stressful dreams. And I was scared to go asleep because my dreams are so stressful. But they weren't really always murderers chasing me with knives.
00:35:25:08 - 00:35:50:02
Caitlin
Sometimes it was like I had a spreadsheet and I couldn't get the formula to work. Or I was in uni. I couldn't submit my thing on time or last night I had a Pilates class and no way, no wrong and everyone get bad feedback and I ended up. I did see a sleep therapist about it because yeah, I mean, I sleep well, but I just had these like stressful dreams.
00:35:50:02 - 00:36:12:16
Caitlin
And then they basically said that you don't internalise your stress in person, and when you're awake, you're very much a nonchalant, like, everything's going to be fine. We'll sort it out, no worries, kind of a person, and then you worry in your sleep. So I definitely kind of understand that.
00:36:12:17 - 00:36:17:04
Chris
Okay.
00:36:17:06 - 00:36:24:02
Chris
All right. So we've got a lot of concepts on the on the board at the moment.
00:36:24:04 - 00:36:36:02
Chris
If you could just kind of in summary, like with where your head's at right now, what are your what what question have you got for me. What would you like. Where would you like to go?
00:36:36:04 - 00:37:04:20
Caitlin
I guess like, you know, we've done this exercise in some like group calls trying to get to the core belief for you. Ask why, why, why to try and get to like, I guess like there's, you know, there's a few different things is proving myself. There's the trying to add value. There's the, you know, wanting, you know, wanting to be like or, you know, wanting mum to be proud of whatever it is, I suppose.
00:37:04:20 - 00:37:17:19
Caitlin
I think like, I kind of just want to see if we can explore a new why that maybe I haven't considered before or gone deep enough into
00:37:17:21 - 00:37:51:10
Caitlin
That that might link to these work scenarios and that maybe if I'm kind of keeping that in mind, then I might be able to kind of harness this to intercept and or just consciously think about it and then, you know, talk myself in the opposite direction, and then maybe I will be able to get through 3 or 4 hours of work without having a headache or maybe number.
00:37:51:11 - 00:37:54:05
Caitlin
I'll see.
00:37:54:07 - 00:37:58:00
Chris
Why do you even why do you want to work, though? I don't know if you've.
00:37:58:00 - 00:37:58:07
Caitlin
Answered.
00:37:58:07 - 00:37:59:21
Chris
The question.
00:37:59:23 - 00:38:01:09
Caitlin
Like what need.
00:38:01:11 - 00:38:05:17
Chris
Like work, work, work like what was that? What did you just say there?
00:38:05:19 - 00:38:07:07
Caitlin
So don't we all need money?
00:38:07:08 - 00:38:26:05
Chris
Bull crap. No, no. And that's that's I think you have a value around that. You have a need around that, that you're should. You're shooting all over yourself here. You're you're so ashamed of something. Don't we all need. No.
00:38:26:07 - 00:38:26:23
Caitlin
Not in the same.
00:38:26:23 - 00:38:28:14
Chris
Way that you think.
00:38:28:16 - 00:38:53:09
Caitlin
But I'm honestly like I'm right now. I'm eating like, a quarter of what I used to, and I had a career, you know, I'm paying the bills. I got. I got a little bit left over, you know, to to, you know, by my friend's birthday presents or whatever I need to do or socialise. But it's nothing compared to before, and I, I'm fine with that.
00:38:53:11 - 00:39:02:00
Caitlin
But I just need enough, which I feel like is kind of just what I'm getting now, but.
00:39:02:02 - 00:39:24:02
Caitlin
Yeah, I like, I, I like I think for me there's more of a drive. Like, I can feel more, feel more of the fire in my belly rather than earning is that I enjoy, like doing good work and then getting recognition for it.
00:39:24:04 - 00:39:33:08
Chris
Yeah, that makes sense. And I think everyone does. But it's the cherry on the on the cake.
00:39:33:10 - 00:39:39:16
Chris
You've still got this should I should, I should, I should, I should.
00:39:39:18 - 00:39:46:16
Chris
I should be doing this I should be doing that.
00:39:46:18 - 00:40:13:03
Chris
There's the enjoyment thing I like, I want to I choose to, you know, you choose to do I don't know what's something. I choose to be a dog. Sit. You chose dogs and not chickens. You know, you're making choices all the time. So there's things that you enjoy and you're leaning into those things it sounds like. But then you've still got these.
00:40:13:05 - 00:40:23:14
Chris
It's different to want. There's a should there's a should in there. I should be this, I should be that.
00:40:23:16 - 00:40:27:22
Caitlin
I think like.
00:40:28:00 - 00:40:56:09
Caitlin
I had I was very proud of the career that I had previously and that I don't want it to like that's if I completely leave that line of work, that site with me would go rusty. Like the marketing career to very fast evolving industry. So another should that I feel like I should keep myself current as well, but I keep by continuing in that work.
00:40:56:11 - 00:41:35:12
Caitlin
And also I've kind of worked my way up a lot higher in that industry. I'm absolute Nubia teaching flower, but I'm enjoying it. But you know, I've I've earned my stripes and marketing and so I kind of want to keep that skill alive by working for these clients. And I guess previously I just did work and I got it done, whereas now I've got a prove myself to these people to want me.
00:41:35:14 - 00:41:43:12
Chris
Or else what?
00:41:43:14 - 00:41:49:06
Caitlin
Yeah, I guess know that I won't be good enough for.
00:41:49:07 - 00:41:58:23
Caitlin
That. Yeah, I would have to probably go out and find other work, but.
00:41:59:00 - 00:42:22:18
Caitlin
I'm one of those people that, like, really takes bad feedback or like bad. I take it on badly, you know, like, I like everyone to like me. And if I get constructive feedback or if someone doesn't like me, I struggle a lot with it, very much a people pleaser. And still.
00:42:22:19 - 00:42:24:00
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:42:24:02 - 00:42:35:17
Caitlin
Yeah. Oh, sorry. What a dog. I've got a whole month old puppy under my desk, and she's biting me. And that's why the camera.
00:42:35:19 - 00:42:37:16
Chris
What kind of puppy?
00:42:37:18 - 00:42:39:03
Caitlin
A golden retriever.
00:42:39:04 - 00:42:44:23
Caitlin
Oh, man. Awesome. Yeah.
00:42:45:01 - 00:42:51:05
Chris
I like where are you going with this? I take bad feedback. Badly. Is that what you said?
00:42:51:07 - 00:43:18:04
Caitlin
Yeah, I do, like, recently I had some feedback in the Pilates space from a client, and I really didn't take it well, although I knew it was. I knew it was constructive and I took the fire in my belly, the feedback. And then I went and I very much so corrected it and then got good feedback and I felt much better about myself.
00:43:18:06 - 00:43:21:17
Caitlin
00:43:21:19 - 00:43:35:02
Caitlin
Yeah. And so and, but I've never really had that problem so much in the marketing space. Like everyone's always kind of respected my, my thoughts and things. So.
00:43:35:04 - 00:43:38:02
Caitlin
Obviously I want to continue that.
00:43:38:04 - 00:43:53:21
Chris
Yeah. It it's, tickles your, your itch. You you you feel good. Oh.
00:43:53:23 - 00:43:56:10
Chris
Amazing.
00:43:56:12 - 00:44:01:03
Caitlin
Least I've got heard of a smile on my face every day. I'm very happy at the moment. Like.
00:44:01:07 - 00:44:02:02
Chris
Yeah.
00:44:02:04 - 00:44:07:03
Caitlin
Very happy, which is nice, but yeah a little faster.
00:44:07:05 - 00:44:30:05
Chris
Yes. Yeah I can get that. So okay. So the, the scientific definition of frustration is you want this, but you get that gap and that gap that that tension is frustration that. So I guess where I'm trying where I'm, I'm, I'm trying to.
00:44:30:06 - 00:44:51:20
Chris
Say there's a few different ways you want something, but you're getting this and, and that frustration can be expressed as shoulds, I should be doing this or I should be doing that, a part of you. It sounds like a part of you is really satisfied. Really happy is like, this is what you want and this is what you're getting.
00:44:51:21 - 00:45:14:00
Chris
It sounds like you're really enjoying your lifestyle. You like you feel. I think you use the word. You feel lucky. You feel blessed. You feel you feel good about what you've got. I mean, you, they're the lifestyle aspect. Like you, like a part of you really loves, loves what you've got and what you've built for yourself right now.
00:45:14:01 - 00:45:16:02
Caitlin
Hey. Yeah, totally.
00:45:16:04 - 00:45:31:15
Caitlin
I'm just. Sometimes I pinch myself. I can't believe this is my day. You know, looking after dogs and, you know, teaching a little bit and working a couple hours here and there. God, it's only thing that you can dream of is living such chilled life.
00:45:31:18 - 00:45:32:04
Caitlin
Totally.
00:45:32:05 - 00:46:03:21
Caitlin
But then it's just like when I do sit down and I go get serious, let's do some work. I get really deep into the work, you know, and I like start pouring nice out into it. And then. Yeah, and then I step out of the moment and then I'm like a really bad headache. And then yeah, the in person as well, having client meetings, whether it's like on teams or at their offices, getting really kind of consumed at the moment.
00:46:03:21 - 00:46:09:13
Caitlin
And then when I step out of the meeting, it's like a raging headache.
00:46:09:15 - 00:46:15:14
Chris
Yeah. So how did you lose your rapport with yourself then?
00:46:15:15 - 00:46:19:23
Caitlin
Yeah. Frustration.
00:46:20:01 - 00:46:26:14
Caitlin
Had I lose the pool?
00:46:26:16 - 00:46:36:22
Caitlin
I don't know, I guess like while I'm working there's probably like self-talk, you know. Am I good enough? Have I proved myself in this moment?
00:46:37:00 - 00:46:45:07
Caitlin
You know, is is the is the client going to like the work that I'm doing or whatever?
00:46:45:09 - 00:47:13:15
Chris
Yeah, because that's a different vibe to Oh, sweet. We get to like in the same sort of way that like, you play with that, your golden retriever puppy is like, you know, like puppy puppy play and all this sort of stuff. Like, there's a vibe for that. Do you know what I mean? Like that. Like it's just joy that or whatever it is for you and you're choosing it and it's just the it's just the best.
00:47:13:16 - 00:47:14:06
Chris
Like you love.
00:47:14:06 - 00:47:15:06
Caitlin
It.
00:47:15:08 - 00:47:28:07
Chris
And then you then you there's a difference. There's like an expectation or a judgement and a and a vibe and a perception about yourself. That's the should. You're shooting all over yourself, you know.
00:47:28:08 - 00:47:30:04
Caitlin
When you're. Yeah.
00:47:30:06 - 00:48:03:01
Caitlin
I think like, yeah, when I do the dog stuff I have no perception. I don't need a perception of myself. And I do the stuff. I'm like, you know, a bit nervous because I'm so, you know, green and such a newbie in this industry. But whereas in the, in the marketing stuff, I'm like, I should be really good at this because I've been in this industry for ten years and I've got this, you know, they expecting me, I should be this, I should, you know, and then, you know.
00:48:03:03 - 00:48:06:23
Caitlin
Then obviously that.
00:48:07:01 - 00:48:11:00
Caitlin
Yeah causes me to get headaches or whatever.
00:48:11:02 - 00:48:16:07
Chris
Yeah. So there's a vibe there. There's a vibe now.
00:48:16:09 - 00:48:18:20
Caitlin
I see an expectation.
00:48:18:22 - 00:48:23:04
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:48:23:06 - 00:48:27:14
Chris
Because you could have this. This.
00:48:27:16 - 00:48:50:13
Chris
That would be a low vibe. I have to, I need to I've got to I should I better I you know you're a slave now. You're, you're you're making yourself out as a slave. I have to I've got to I should I better I need to do you get what I mean? You've got these shackles. You're locking yourself into the.
00:48:50:15 - 00:49:01:14
Caitlin
It's like they always tell you to reframe phrases when you do things where you say, I should I have to that I get to, you know.
00:49:01:19 - 00:49:02:06
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:49:02:07 - 00:49:09:22
Caitlin
I get to work or I get to. Yeah. And lots of. Yeah.
00:49:10:03 - 00:49:20:22
Chris
But but then it's a little bit gaslighting, isn't it. Like you force yourself to say these different ways. It's like, I shouldn't say I shouldn't, I should say I get to.
00:49:20:23 - 00:49:21:22
Caitlin
Yeah, yeah.
00:49:21:22 - 00:49:41:12
Caitlin
But really enough like with the, with the chronic fatigue stuff, you know, like it was cheesy as it was, I used to walk around the block. You're like, as far as I could walk without getting tired. And I would just say, I'm safe. I'm not in danger. I, you know, I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I'm good enough, you know?
00:49:41:13 - 00:49:54:13
Caitlin
And it's it's really corny saying these things out loud to myself as I walked around the block. But it worked. Even whether it was real or fake, my mind was listening to what I was saying.
00:49:54:15 - 00:50:07:12
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So. And have you had a chance to explore that same, same sort of strategy with, with the migraines.
00:50:07:14 - 00:50:08:12
Caitlin
With the headaches and.
00:50:08:14 - 00:50:11:16
Caitlin
Yeah, sorry, sorry.
00:50:11:17 - 00:50:23:11
Caitlin
A little bit like if I feel it coming on, I'll, I'll, I'll try or if I'm in a meeting with a client and I feel the headache, I'm, like, sitting there and I'm like.
00:50:23:12 - 00:50:25:07
Caitlin
I'm safe.
00:50:25:08 - 00:50:46:03
Caitlin
But at the same time, if I'm thinking that, I'm saying that, then I don't have capacity to listen to the other person and respond to them. So it doesn't really work. I normally end up just doing that on my drive home, talking to myself to try and count myself, but by then I've already got the headache. So it's kind of difficult, but I don't have a lot of meetings, which is good.
00:50:46:04 - 00:51:08:07
Chris
So that's an example of your boundary. You've let the you've let the wolf into the boundary, or you've let the sheep out about whatever. You know, you've got your boundary, you know your boundary and and you've got a real feel for how much to, to work and when, when's too much and all this sort of stuff. But then you can't you don't have.
00:51:08:08 - 00:51:17:16
Chris
I don't have time right now. I have to listen to the have to listen to the client. That which might be true.
00:51:17:18 - 00:51:23:08
Chris
But at what? At what? At what cost, you know.
00:51:23:10 - 00:51:42:10
Caitlin
Yeah. I mean, I think I kind of, I have told myself like, yeah, if you're going to take on more work or if you're going to have client meetings, just a part of it, but you're going to get a headache, like it's just going to happen, you know, there's not really much I can do about it unless I.
00:51:42:12 - 00:52:03:16
Caitlin
Yeah. So even even one client I had, he knew about my health issues and he was a good friend of mine. And you know, I only had a 30 minute meeting with him. And I told him, like, I'm going to talk, so and I'm going to take breaks and don't worry, I'm fine. And still 30 minutes walked out of there with a bang and headache for the rest of the day.
00:52:03:16 - 00:52:25:15
Caitlin
But yeah. So even when I tried put barriers and it didn't, it didn't seem to work. So I've kind of just accepted that if I have client meetings, I don't do anything afterwards because that'll just be me for the rest of the day. But they're working from home, you know, just working on a project for a couple of hours, you know, like if I could try and eliminate the the headaches then.
00:52:25:15 - 00:52:55:18
Caitlin
And. Yeah, maybe, like you say, is trying to find those little moments to just even if it's like every half hour, I just step away and check in with myself and see if there's any, like limiting beliefs that I need to intercept before coming back to it rather than normally. I'm kind of like deep into it. I project and then by the time I mentally step out of it, I'm it might be a bit late.
00:52:55:20 - 00:53:06:09
Chris
It's a bit late and it's too hot. Like when you're in the middle of it, it's kind of hard, right? Like to pull yourself out when you're in the middle of a sprint. It's hard to to catch your breath.
00:53:06:11 - 00:53:30:21
Caitlin
But I'm lucky that I'm at home with no one in the office. You know, I'm not in a scenario where it's deemed rude if you step away, you know? So we're possible. I try and do great little, you know, warmth, my dog or puppy breaks or just breaks and things. So, you know, I have the capacity to find these interceptions and and things.
00:53:30:21 - 00:53:34:15
Caitlin
It's just making time for it.
00:53:34:17 - 00:53:37:08
Chris
I.
00:53:37:10 - 00:53:54:16
Chris
Argue that you've got a belief about yourself when you when you either contemplate having those, those step away's or even changing the environment. Like, I had a coaching call this morning on the beach, I got.
00:53:54:16 - 00:53:54:23
Caitlin
Out of.
00:53:55:00 - 00:54:01:22
Chris
The got out of the office, and I was literally on the, on the beach on zoom.
00:54:02:00 - 00:54:03:03
Caitlin
I mean, I.
00:54:03:05 - 00:54:25:23
Caitlin
I have that flexibility, right? I mean, I don't do it often, but like when I was travelling overseas, you know, I love just taking my laptop to a cafe and sitting somewhere with a nice view and doing some work. And funnily enough, when I'm in a different environment, I keep more work done. So yeah, it could be nice.
00:54:26:01 - 00:54:53:09
Chris
I guess. The point it doesn't matter what you do like Philly. Philly could never do that. She just doesn't feel it. Just doesn't feel right for her. Like the vibe she enjoys sitting down or standing up. She stands at the kitchen bench and she just clickety clack away. I'm way too tall to do that. So I'm either in my hammock or I'm out on our trampoline.
00:54:53:11 - 00:55:02:10
Chris
Kick the kids off and I'll lay on my. And I'm like, on my back, like typing. It's a different environment.
00:55:02:11 - 00:55:02:16
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:55:02:18 - 00:55:24:15
Caitlin
I mean, we're like, yeah, it's hard. Like, yes, I like sitting outside with my laptop and like basking the morning sun. But then at the same time when you're like designing something. Yeah. Working on systems or. Yeah, different software systems and things like, like I want my two screens, you know.
00:55:24:17 - 00:55:46:14
Chris
Totally. Yeah. Same. Totally. Which is why I'm doing our podcast episode here in my, in my studio because I'm on the same. I've actually got 1 to 3. I've got 4 or 5. If you include, like when I use notes on my phone. Yeah, that makes sense. My, my point is, what do I, what do I need?
00:55:46:18 - 00:56:08:14
Chris
And I listen to myself. And I said to Philly this morning, I've been at rehearsals for the past month in a dark theatre and indoors, recycled air, dust and all this sort of thing. And I just wanted to I just wanted to go out. I wanted to be on the beach. It's really cold in Tassie or it was windy anyway.
00:56:08:16 - 00:56:28:06
Chris
But yeah, it was really nice. So what do I need? And I listen to myself and I and I got it, I did it, any time that I have this little spidey sense that I should be, I should be doing this. I should be doing that. It's like, what?
00:56:28:11 - 00:56:30:09
Chris
What is that? What is that?
00:56:30:09 - 00:56:32:02
Caitlin
And then. Yeah, I think.
00:56:32:02 - 00:57:02:12
Caitlin
That's one thing that I would, I like to learn to intercept is that because I do, I feel that often multiple times throughout the day when I'm taking the afternoon off to do something different or even when I'm doing a different job, and then I should be working on this other client. You know, I would love to not feel get that kind of should work it guilt because I've got more days in the week and no one really cares.
00:57:02:12 - 00:57:15:21
Caitlin
It's just me. It's all internal pressure. And I think when I was in my corporate job, all the pressure was internal as well. It's always coming from within rather than external.
00:57:15:23 - 00:57:46:23
Chris
So this is the question what does it mean about me? If I didn't know what, what would it mean about me? What does it mean about me if I don't, you know, there's going to be some sort of a perception, some sort of a belief about you if you don't or if you do, you know there shouldn't is in any time you, you hear yourself or notice yourself or anybody else, by the way, you know that there I call it shooting all over yourself.
00:57:46:23 - 00:57:55:14
Chris
It's just crap. You get stuck up should creek, you know, and.
00:57:55:15 - 00:57:56:04
Caitlin
You know.
00:57:56:10 - 00:57:58:14
Chris
It has to be. A meaning.
00:57:58:16 - 00:58:20:12
Caitlin
Yeah, I guess, I guess, what does it mean if I didn't, I my fear, like my internal belief, is that people will think that I'm not good enough or not like me or something. But I suppose having that question and having that piece of information, what can I do about it? How can I convince my mind otherwise?
00:58:20:14 - 00:58:26:07
Chris
You can't. Not with that. What you just said. People will think that I'm not good enough.
00:58:26:08 - 00:58:26:22
Caitlin
Yeah.
00:58:26:23 - 00:58:43:22
Chris
People will think that's that's deep, but it's not deep. There's a deeper one than that. And it's about what you think about you. So if people think that you're not good enough. Caitlin.
00:58:44:00 - 00:58:54:15
Chris
What's the problem with that?
00:58:54:16 - 00:59:02:02
Caitlin
I mean, it's the way I perceive it, right? Does it really matter if people think I'm not good enough? Yes or no?
00:59:02:04 - 00:59:02:20
Chris
Don't logic.
00:59:02:20 - 00:59:03:09
Chris
This like.
00:59:03:09 - 00:59:12:11
Chris
It's this is going to be emotional thing. This is if if you're not if you haven't done a good enough job, if you get a like a one star review or something.
00:59:12:12 - 00:59:13:20
Caitlin
Or I.
00:59:13:22 - 00:59:18:09
Caitlin
I will shit myself.
00:59:18:11 - 00:59:19:15
Caitlin
I will.
00:59:19:17 - 00:59:27:02
Caitlin
I will have self-confidence. Like I'm, I'm typically such a confident person, but I've yeah, I have experience a little bit.
00:59:27:02 - 00:59:27:22
Caitlin
Of.
00:59:28:00 - 00:59:37:13
Caitlin
Blows to the self confidence recently and yeah. So it's like fear of that you know.
00:59:37:15 - 00:59:49:05
Caitlin
And if I, if I, if people don't think like hardly enough of me I will be mean to myself.
00:59:49:06 - 00:59:53:22
Caitlin
That don't really care. You know, it's just business.
00:59:54:00 - 00:59:59:21
Chris
What way would you be mean to yourself? Like what's this? What's this? Quite.
00:59:59:23 - 01:00:29:03
Caitlin
Yeah. I guess the other day, when it happened to me, like I was, I was just brain fog. It was like I was levitating out of my body because I was just feeling. So, I don't know, I, I, my me and my physical, my head, I just felt so out of it because I just couldn't think. I just felt I think it was just, yeah, I had a class that I taught.
01:00:29:03 - 01:00:54:03
Caitlin
It didn't go that well. And then I just started spiralling, you know, self doubt, self-confidence. Am I good enough? And then I just had to go to the supermarket and walk around like a zombie for like half an hour, because I couldn't bear the thought of going home and thinking I should do work and at least go into the supermarket was a distraction.
01:00:54:05 - 01:01:06:08
Caitlin
And interestingly, when I ended up going home and doing work, it made me feel better because I felt good about myself again. Because I felt worthy.
01:01:06:09 - 01:01:40:19
Chris
Yeah, that sounds like a template for sure. That you you felt your worth was in question. You changed your state, your physical location, what your body was doing. So you walked around the shops and you call it distracting yourself. But but literally what was happening is, is you're getting into a into a different state. You know, you're flicking a switch, the off switch on one thing and the on switch on another.
01:01:40:21 - 01:01:55:18
Chris
And then you came home and you felt good because you, you weren't in that I'm not good enough state anymore. Wait, did I say I'm not good? Yeah. You're in a different state. So you felt good?
01:01:55:20 - 01:02:23:21
Caitlin
Yeah. And then I think, you know, doing some quality work at home that afternoon shifted my state again. And then I felt worthy again, you know? But there was definitely a, self-deprecation. Kind of like I was being as if it being my reaction to to to what happened earlier that day. Definitely. I wasn't being very, you know, kind to myself.
01:02:23:21 - 01:02:31:03
Caitlin
I couldn't help it. You know, I was very conscious of what was happening, but it still happens, you know?
01:02:31:05 - 01:02:58:19
Chris
Yeah. So yeah, we call that managing. It's where you're you're just when when the, the self-doubt comes into question, you manage it and then it comes, you know, you get it under control again. So that's managing. Whereas if you, you end it and you sort it out, the worst doesn't even come into question anymore. And so when you do go to work, it's from a high vibe.
01:02:58:21 - 01:03:16:12
Caitlin
Yeah. I mean, that would be amazing. Like one of my biggest skills have always had is that no matter what's happened to me the day before, if I go to sleep, I wake up feeling fine the next day, which is fantastic for getting through stuff and for resilience. But I don't think, I think I just bury it all in the past.
01:03:16:12 - 01:03:33:11
Caitlin
I don't actually face anything and like you say, like if I'm if I have, you know, I'll just get those doubts or have those problems again instead of just like stopping them from surfacing. That would be amazing.
01:03:33:13 - 01:03:34:09
Chris
All right.
01:03:34:14 - 01:04:06:13
Chris
Well, there's three things we've talked about today that bring your worth into question. One is work itself, kind of whatever it is, not too much dogs. It sounds like more more around the Pilates and and and marketing. And then also time like what you do with that resource. And we've also talked about not a lot but we talked about money as well.
01:04:06:15 - 01:04:30:15
Chris
There's there's some shoulds in there, some frustrations. But there's also some, you know, you're meeting all your needs. You're ticking all the boxes. But but if you're in your heart of hearts that I bet your $1 million monopoly money that you'd, you'd, there'd be a part of you that has some sort of frustration or resentment.
01:04:30:17 - 01:04:34:03
Caitlin
Yeah. For sure.
01:04:34:05 - 01:04:50:11
Caitlin
It would definitely be better if I didn't have these issues. But I do like to live in the silver lining and think about how far I've come and how cool my life is now. So.
01:04:50:11 - 01:04:50:16
Chris
So.
01:04:50:17 - 01:04:51:07
Caitlin
So cool.
01:04:51:08 - 01:04:53:05
Caitlin
It's all good. Yeah.
01:04:53:06 - 01:04:53:23
Chris
It is.
01:04:54:00 - 01:05:02:10
Chris
And now and so now, the idea of pleasing others. Is proving to be a real headache for you.
01:05:02:11 - 01:05:03:14
Caitlin
01:05:03:16 - 01:05:12:14
Caitlin
And I think yeah it's because of the way that I react towards myself.
01:05:12:16 - 01:05:21:01
Chris
I like that because of. The way I react.
01:05:21:03 - 01:05:22:20
Chris
Did you say towards myself is that what.
01:05:22:20 - 01:05:23:14
Caitlin
You just said.
01:05:23:16 - 01:05:24:07
Chris
Yeah.
01:05:24:07 - 01:05:31:06
Caitlin
Yeah.
01:05:31:08 - 01:05:57:10
Chris
The idea of pleasing others is proving to be a real headache. And because of the way I react towards myself, another one would be it's not just about pleasing others, it would be about the way I receive validation from others, or outside or external to myself versus internal validation.
01:05:57:12 - 01:06:04:17
Caitlin
01:06:04:19 - 01:06:13:03
Chris
There's going to be this I'm not good enough belief about myself.
01:06:13:05 - 01:06:28:10
Chris
This this is me speaking in your shoes. There's a there's a I'm not good enough belief. And how that shows up is proving to be a real headache.
01:06:28:12 - 01:06:33:04
Chris
Metaphorically and literally.
01:06:33:05 - 01:06:42:10
Caitlin
Yeah. So what do you think that I should try and have better.
01:06:42:12 - 01:06:51:16
Caitlin
Like, validation towards myself in terms of like, yeah, my value that I can add versus having to seek it from elsewhere.
01:06:51:16 - 01:06:52:03
Chris
Yeah.
01:06:52:04 - 01:07:00:15
Chris
Do you like it when people just speak really straight, or do you like a little bit. Of pussyfooting around the edge straits?
01:07:00:15 - 01:07:02:00
Caitlin
Fine.
01:07:02:02 - 01:07:24:21
Chris
Cut this bull crap out. You are a you are a smart woman. You. I mean, I've spoken to you for about an hour, and I and I know that I can get I get that feeling. You're a smart person. You know things. You have skills you have. You have talents. I mean, it sounds like it. I haven't checked your work like a school teacher.
01:07:24:21 - 01:07:35:05
Chris
I haven't given you any gold stars or ticks, but. But I'm almost positive you're good at what you do. Good enough. But even if you weren't you. You are enough.
01:07:35:05 - 01:07:36:14
Caitlin
And you.
01:07:36:15 - 01:08:04:17
Chris
You always have been. You always have been enough. And you blooming well. Always will be enough. How ever, how ever. You will never be perfect. Sorry. You will never ever reach that impossible target. You will never be enough to rescue or save anybody else.
01:08:04:19 - 01:08:07:08
Caitlin
Yeah, I think I need to stop raising the bar.
01:08:07:10 - 01:08:08:15
Chris
Yeah.
01:08:08:17 - 01:08:23:04
Caitlin
Because that was. That's always been a problem, I think, like, you know, thinking I'll be enough when I, when I reach this milestone and then you reach it and then you just expect more from yourself.
01:08:23:06 - 01:09:01:05
Chris
100%. So you've got the template, you know, you you you feel the feelings brain foggy, levitating out of your body kind of thing. You go change your state that's walking around the shops or whatever, walking the dog, playing with the dog, or sitting there staring at whatever the heck you know, change your state. I think in my personal experience, I think when you're doing this work, you're it's easier to do it before or after a significant event.
01:09:01:07 - 01:09:29:16
Chris
You know, in the middle of that Pilates feedback experience that you had it, it would have. And I'm pretty sure it proved harder, not impossible, but but more challenging to to regulate your emotions, remind yourself I'm good enough, blah blah, blah, blah. Change your state. It's harder to do that in the moment when you're already, when your fuse is lit, when the switch is blown, it's kind of hard.
01:09:29:21 - 01:09:54:23
Chris
Not impossible, but harder. But after that. It's there's time and space that you can you can address these things. And then before the next time happens again, it's you've got time and space to to look at what you believe about yourself, where you see yourself shooting all over yourself. You know.
01:09:55:00 - 01:09:55:09
Chris
What does.
01:09:55:09 - 01:10:08:11
Chris
That mean about me? I'm not. I'm feeling like I'm not good enough again. All right, well, where did this start? Why? Why do I do this? What's the what's my role in this.
01:10:08:13 - 01:10:09:05
Caitlin
01:10:09:07 - 01:10:29:01
Caitlin
Yeah I think like when I'm kind of having these bad moments of self-confidence. Yeah. You're right. Okay I go on this like total should train and I should be good or people expect better of me blah blah blah blah blah. And then the times when I'm trying to have this positive self-talk, it's a completely different moment in my day.
01:10:29:03 - 01:10:40:17
Caitlin
And that really I should try and be more observant of when I'm having this negative self-talk and then try and intercept it. Then, rather than spiralling at the time.
01:10:40:19 - 01:10:41:13
Caitlin
Yeah.
01:10:41:14 - 01:10:51:22
Chris
Almost like a like I remember to come back to that or I'll, I'll oh clearly I'm going to revisit that.
01:10:52:00 - 01:10:52:13
Caitlin
When.
01:10:52:15 - 01:10:59:16
Chris
When, when I get to, when I get home or when I'm, when I'm blah blah blah.
01:10:59:18 - 01:11:27:16
Chris
But but that's a promise. You're making a promise to yourself. And if you don't, if you make a promise to a loved one and, and you don't keep it well, you rapport with that loved one is diminished. And so that's what happens with ourselves when we don't keep our word, when we don't keep our promise to ourselves, when we speak mean words about ourselves, our rapport gets tarnished.
01:11:27:18 - 01:11:28:17
Caitlin
Very true.
01:11:28:22 - 01:11:32:04
Caitlin
Yeah.
01:11:32:06 - 01:11:52:18
Chris
All right. So based on our convo today, what's your you're aware of a bunch of stuff. What what do you what your intention. What are you going to do about it. What's next for you.
01:11:52:20 - 01:11:56:02
Caitlin
I think.
01:11:56:04 - 01:12:18:14
Caitlin
When I'm working, I just want to be kind of aware of where I'm at, you know, kind of chicken with myself. You know, I have a how close to the threshold am I? Do I need it in to see it? Do I just need to take a moment for myself?
01:12:18:16 - 01:12:44:17
Caitlin
Just if I'm if I'm pressuring myself to to push a little bit further with any projects or do a little bit more. It's, it's asking myself why. And I guess noticing those shoulds for who for why? Is it because I'm enjoying this work? Or is it because I think that I should be doing it or they will expect this of me?
01:12:44:19 - 01:13:21:13
Caitlin
And then, yeah, I think that's kind of yeah, the work thing, you know, taking those moments, structuring my day and then, you know, the, the self doubt kind of side of things and it's yeah, I think trying to incorporate these, you know, this, this positive self-talk into those moments as well, not just making the two completely isolated as, yeah, I think I think like you said that I probably say should a little bit too much, too much to myself and.
01:13:21:15 - 01:13:24:10
Caitlin
Yeah.
01:13:24:12 - 01:13:25:22
Caitlin
Yeah, exactly.
01:13:26:00 - 01:13:54:04
Chris
Love it. All right. So and then the last one is how can you be mindful of checking in with yourself. You know, like what's your for me I have a little post-it notes. I love post-it notes. You can't see it's off camera. I've got a board there. I'm always using post-it notes. What's your version of that? How can you be mindful of checking in with yourself, asking yourself why?
01:13:54:06 - 01:13:55:23
Caitlin
Yeah.
01:13:56:01 - 01:14:31:21
Caitlin
I've only kind of had this desk set up for like a few months, and I probably haven't completely settled. So whether it's something visually that I can see, maybe something on my computer screen, I'm sure there's some sort of app that I can get up from my computer that even pops up every once in a while. I think just taking a little bit of time to look into it and then play around with with what works for me, I think, you know, I don't want something that I'm just going to swipe away every time, like a notification or an alarm.
01:14:31:23 - 01:15:09:16
Caitlin
You know, I've got some little picture frames and I was going to put some pictures of my cat and my dog up. So maybe I put just a little statement to myself along with it. So when I'm looking at them and feeling happy, that's the other thing that I was really important for me when I overcame my chronic fatigue, was thinking about happy things and in bad moments and like when I, you know, and, yeah, looking at pictures, I would think I was a visualisation of my cat, my dog, my partner, and I think having a picture of my cat, my dog next to my desk and just taking a moment to look
01:15:09:16 - 01:15:34:00
Caitlin
at them and feel happy, actually, you know, thinking out loud could be quite massive, even though they're probably sitting right behind me and there. But, I think it was it was massive for me. It was just really taking a moment to fill my body with, like, oxytocin, thinking about how happy my life was. It was huge for me when I worked for my chronic fatigue.
01:15:34:00 - 01:15:44:23
Caitlin
And actually I could probably use that. And when I'm working as well, to just kind of remind my body that I'm safe because there's just only happiness around me.
01:15:45:01 - 01:16:16:02
Chris
I love that I love it so much. Cool. And and I think that the last question that's, that's still kind of in, in play here is, is, is these beliefs about yourself? If they keep popping up there, there's a there's probably a reason you probably have this.
01:16:16:04 - 01:16:44:02
Chris
As a requirement to, to dig into and to address at a, at a deeper level, this I am not enough type thing. So I guess I'd probably if I could give you some homework, that would be Chris coach Chris homework would be work. Work on that figure that get to the bottom of that, this, this need, this neediness, this pressure, this obligation.
01:16:44:04 - 01:17:12:16
Caitlin
Yeah. I mean, I've been I've never journaled. But I mean, apart from when I travel, I do a bit of it, but yeah, I think it, I could finally be ready to break that barrier and just writing some of these things down and even just. Yeah, seeing if I can if putting things on paper, I can I can only speak to myself a little bit more expressively.
01:17:12:18 - 01:17:23:23
Caitlin
And it could be a good time to give that a go or even just use it to, to write gratitude for myself or positive self-talk. Just another way to reiterate that.
01:17:24:01 - 01:17:25:09
Caitlin
Perfect.
01:17:25:11 - 01:17:55:11
Chris
Sounds good. Alrighty. And you can revisit your outlets as well that we've that we've got, specifically the ones in past state where you go into your limiting beliefs and then culminating with an effective apology. That would be good. If you've still got those around, dig those out. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well Caitlin, it was it was lovely chatting to you.
01:17:55:12 - 01:18:03:19
Chris
Thanks so much for for trusting me to to have a conversation. It was really. It was lovely. Thank you so much. I'm grateful for you.
01:18:03:21 - 01:18:19:09
Caitlin
I appreciate it. Thanks for your time. And yeah, I think it's just been nice to to reflect on everything out loud. I think I'm constantly reflecting in my own head. So just to have someone to to, to talk out loud with that has been really beneficial.
01:18:19:14 - 01:18:38:14
Chris
Awesome. Thank you. That's awesome. All right. I don't know when everybody else will be listening to this. So thanks everybody in the future for listening to this. And I'll catch you guys later. Alrighty. Thanks, Caitlin.
01:18:38:16 - 01:18:39:19
Caitlin
All right.
01:18:39:21 - 01:18:45:08
Chris
See you. See you are another time.
01:18:45:10 - 01:18:46:07
Caitlin
All right.
01:18:46:09 - 01:18:50:17
Chris
Catch!
01:18:50:19 - 01:19:00:18
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:19:01:00 - 01:19:19:13
Chris
You can also rate your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
