00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic, root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:57:01
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:57:02 - 00:01:21:05
Filly
Hello! Welcome to today's podcast. I'm currently recording this intro via my laptop. Just like I have done for a few previous episodes bulking it. My kids are outside playing in the pool wearing Bali at the moment, which is super lovely. Chrissy is doing some coaching sessions today, so I thought I do a little bit of work today as well.
00:01:21:11 - 00:01:46:00
Filly
Currently getting some podcasts ready for our team member Jason to edit, hence why I'm on my laptop. So audio might not be as awesome as what it usually is. And if you're watching on YouTube, I am just on my laptop camera. But stick with me because in a few moments we'll get to the main episode and the audio will be a much better when we get there.
00:01:46:02 - 00:02:22:12
Filly
So today we have another live coaching session. Chris coaches the very brave Kristen on our podcast, and this is a very raw, honest, vulnerable session that he has today. Kristen. I mean, we haven't worked with Kristen before, so she's new to transformational coaching in the way that we do it inside out and doing body burnout method. And so this session was really helping her to unpack perfectionism patterns that are driving her burnout and overwhelm and keeping her stuck in cycles of self-doubt.
00:02:22:14 - 00:02:51:22
Filly
So this live coaching session, although Chris doesn't reach Chris and Kristen don't reach a resolution with the problem. There's a lot more awareness around why she has such a strong inner critic and where to go next in terms of taming it, reprogramming it, rewiring it so that, she can unravel these burnout patterns that are keeping her stuck and not well.
00:02:51:23 - 00:03:21:09
Filly
So it is a rare honour to listen to a very personal coaching session. So I want to say a very big thank you to Kristen for allowing us to publish this episode. And also, as you're listening, please hold some virtual space for Kristen as she is very honestly, very, very vulnerable, vulnerably unpack some of these deeper core issues that she has been struggling with for 40 plus years.
00:03:21:11 - 00:03:46:12
Filly
You might even find yourself resonating with some of the struggles or beliefs or insights that come out of this conversation. And if your heart is resonating with this style of holistic root, root cause healing, and you are done with band aid and management approaches, that just bandaid the core issue that just manage your symptoms and you're ready for real and long lasting solutions.
00:03:46:14 - 00:04:17:09
Filly
Guess what? Our ending body burnout method is open at the moment, but we do closed doors tomorrow on Tuesday, so if you have been wanting to come in, join us to really deeply not just support the physical body. Yes, we're going to do lab testing. And if appropriate, therapy supplements, lifestyle medicine. But the real healing happens when we get to the root root cause, which then allows your body systems to heal.
00:04:17:11 - 00:04:47:17
Filly
The doors are open. I would love to invite you to come and jump in. If your heart is saying yes, even if you're scared, just do it. Just take that first step and everything will start, coming to fruition for you. As you go through the method steps. Also, if you want to get coached on the podcast, we do have an application form in the show notes as well, where you can apply to come on the podcast for a library course coaching sessions.
00:04:47:17 - 00:05:04:06
Filly
So feel free to pop your name down. Share a bit about what's going on for you and if it aligns with what we talk about on the podcast, we will reach out to you for a coaching session. All right, so let's get into today's episode.
00:05:04:08 - 00:05:33:00
Chris
Hello, everybody. Welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. I have with us today, Kristen. And we are going to do a coaching call together, live coaching course. So, Chris, thanks so much for your for your bravery, you vulnerability. And welcome, welcome to the show. But also welcome to the, the coaching call hotseat for the next little bit.
00:05:33:02 - 00:06:00:10
Chris
It's big. Hello. So just so we get a frame, would you like to just say a little bit about who you are? Let's go. How old are you? What do you do? And where in the world you are? How's that sound? See, if I remember that sense.
00:06:00:12 - 00:06:24:09
Kristen
That sounds good. So I am turning 41 in a couple of weeks. I'm, like, headed in the. I. And, I am currently studying full time, doing to advance diplomas in natural health and, full time stay at home with my three kids.
00:06:24:10 - 00:06:34:12
Chris
Yeah. Cool. And what's the what's your age range of your kids?
00:06:34:14 - 00:06:40:22
Kristen
My eldest is ten. Yeah. And my youngest is four, and my middle boy is seven.
00:06:40:23 - 00:06:41:22
Chris
Yeah.
00:06:42:00 - 00:06:43:14
Kristen
Three years between all of them.
00:06:43:16 - 00:06:48:18
Chris
Yeah. That's neat. That's cool. Yeah. Awesome.
00:06:48:18 - 00:06:50:01
Kristen
Not so much around their body.
00:06:50:06 - 00:06:52:21
Chris
What did you say, boy? You said boys is.
00:06:52:22 - 00:06:55:23
Kristen
I have two boys and a girl. Two boys. My youngest, Jessica I.
00:06:56:00 - 00:07:02:05
Chris
Yeah. Oh, man. Okay, so I can imagine I can imagine the dynamic in that.
00:07:02:07 - 00:07:17:05
Kristen
Oh, yes, yes. My eldest, my eldest boy. My little girl. I like two peas in a pod. And my poor middle boy, just. He's the complete opposite, both in looks and in attitude and everything. It's it's quite the dynamic.
00:07:17:07 - 00:07:17:17
Chris
I love it.
00:07:17:18 - 00:07:19:21
Kristen
I love them.
00:07:19:23 - 00:07:43:19
Chris
Okay, so I was just reading your, your note, and I'll just read, what your intention was for our call. So you were looking at your perfection is, high achiever attitude. The more you think about it, the more fun it is. Underlying issues around your own self-worth and acceptance. Probably stemming from childhood. It's hard to address it all.
00:07:43:21 - 00:08:07:13
Chris
I know, but you find yourself being reactive to kids struggling to not get overwhelmed because of your high standards. And, and yeah, so in addition to that, or instead of that, is there anything that you would like to, to get out of our time today?
00:08:07:15 - 00:08:32:20
Kristen
I don't think so. I think that's pretty much the crux of it. It all in every area of my life, whenever I think about what my major hurdles are, it always seems to just come back to the standards that I set for myself. And that's everything. That's health. That's exercise, that's study, that's the kids. It's literally every every area of my life.
00:08:32:20 - 00:08:36:05
Kristen
So yeah.
00:08:36:07 - 00:09:00:20
Chris
Yeah. Okay. And, so what did you say? You said they, high achieving perfection is, probably pick that up, you know, in the past, but can we, can we focus on, a little bit more? What you mean by the standards that you set for yourself? Like, what are they? What are we talking about?
00:09:00:22 - 00:09:13:15
Kristen
Okay, so the most recent, example that I can give you is I just completed my end of semester exams last week.
00:09:13:17 - 00:09:15:08
Chris
Yeah.
00:09:15:10 - 00:09:50:19
Kristen
Yeah, yeah. One more day. So in the four years that I've been studying, I've managed to maintain, high distinction for all of my subjects. Until last semester, last semester, I ended up with three high distinctions and a credit. And despite the whole state get degrees and, you know, all of that mindset, the credit kind of overshadows the fact that I succeeded so well in the other areas.
00:09:50:19 - 00:10:11:03
Kristen
So for me, that's not sufficient. And I felt like I let myself down, which then obviously fed into my whole thought process of, why am I doing this? Am I going to be good enough to do this? Who am I to sit here and get a credit and not be able to link the information that I've learned? I've been studying for four years.
00:10:11:03 - 00:10:34:00
Kristen
I should know this information by now, and just the constant duration of why didn't you do better? But in the same breath, I was also four weeks behind in my study, so I didn't even complete all of the lectures that I was supposed to do. So it was relative to the information that I had on hand at the time.
00:10:34:02 - 00:11:06:23
Kristen
The outcome that I got was appropriate, but it's just I let myself down because I didn't apply myself this semester as much as I should have because of other things that were going on in the background with family. And I let that overwhelm me, and I let that become the focus, which then detracted from my ability to be able to focus on my study, which then in turn obviously had a knock on effect for my results.
00:11:07:01 - 00:11:21:22
Chris
Yeah. So, you were focusing on your is isn't what you just said. You focus on your family and and the stuff that was going on in the background. Is that because I want you? Yeah.
00:11:22:00 - 00:11:51:10
Kristen
So 2 or 3 weeks into the semester, we ended up going to visit my parents, and I have a bit of a, like, wouldn't say tumultuous relationship with them, but it's, it's not a super healthy relationship with them, let's put it that way. So there was a lot of pressure as I was growing up in my childhood because I, like I have siblings, but I was basically an only child because there's a big age gap between me and the next one.
00:11:51:14 - 00:12:11:08
Kristen
So all the focus was on me as a kid, and there was that expectation for perfectionism as a kid. And particularly being an ex ballet dancer as well, everything was about performance, right? So it's all about you build up, you prepare all the prior preparation. If you don't do the preparation, then you're going to let yourself down.
00:12:11:10 - 00:12:42:15
Kristen
And that was a very, very big thing growing up. So it was kind of almost, ingrained in me from the age of four. And while I try to leave that behind in my daily life with my family, and I try not to obviously let that come through and I've done a lot of work to try and set that aside and lower my standards and expectations for myself whenever I return home, I revert back to that, like automatic childhood response, and I know I do it.
00:12:42:15 - 00:13:07:12
Kristen
I'm quite conscious of it. But, because we were down there and we were dealing with that and I had a few conversations with them around my study, which didn't go as well as I'd hoped. That sort of played on my mind a lot. So I was very focussed on the feedback that I'd got from them. Instead of focusing on my uni, which is what I should have been doing.
00:13:07:14 - 00:13:11:22
Chris
00:13:13:23 - 00:13:18:08
Chris
Yeah.
00:13:18:10 - 00:13:33:07
Chris
Sure. So how is that a problem? That you, you focussed on them or, you know, like, I know the results happen, but but why is this a problem for you?
00:13:33:09 - 00:13:42:17
Kristen
Because I spend a lot of time and energy. Trying to.
00:13:42:19 - 00:13:46:10
Kristen
00:13:46:12 - 00:13:52:22
Kristen
Justify myself, I suppose. Or.
00:13:53:00 - 00:14:20:12
Kristen
It's it's not even necessarily getting the tick of approval, because I know I'm never going to get the tick of approval, but. There's there's probably still a part of me that is waiting for the recognition that I'm actually doing something worthwhile, and I'm actually doing something beneficial as opposed to the constant. Where you're spending all this money to do what exactly?
00:14:20:14 - 00:14:36:05
Kristen
Like it's a ridiculous course that you're doing, and you're wasting your time doing it, and you're never going to earn that money back. Even if you go into private practice and yeah.
00:14:36:07 - 00:14:55:05
Chris
Okay. So you got, you got some themes and thoughts and beliefs and they're, they're in there. So if you just take a moment and just, just have a think.
00:14:55:07 - 00:15:11:15
Chris
Because we can dig into something, something really really profound and wonderful that, that can help you out. But I want to make sure that whatever we dig into is like, it's something that's worth worth digging into, you know, like, it's not a superficial thing.
00:15:11:17 - 00:15:12:12
Kristen
Yeah.
00:15:12:14 - 00:15:27:00
Chris
Intuitively, after saying all of that, you've talked about your relationship with your parents, you've talked about your standards that you set for yourself. Health study, kids.
00:15:27:02 - 00:15:40:19
Chris
What do you feel like is the problem?
00:15:40:21 - 00:15:54:19
Kristen
Probably being caught in the cycle of core beliefs that I was raised with that don't necessarily align with my core beliefs. Name.
00:15:54:21 - 00:15:55:15
Chris
00:15:55:17 - 00:16:00:11
Kristen
So.
00:16:00:13 - 00:16:08:15
Kristen
Because part of me.
00:16:08:17 - 00:16:13:09
Kristen
00:16:13:10 - 00:17:08:03
Kristen
Because I spent so much of my life on stage, I created this habit of. Probably hiding behind a persona. And that persona was based upon what I thought people wanted, as opposed to being true to who I actually was. And I think there's probably still a misalignment now. Particularly because I've got kids. So, you know, you have kids and they just like a little mirror of yourself and all of a sudden you, you realise that, yeah, that this parenting gig is actually really freaking hard.
00:17:08:05 - 00:17:27:06
Kristen
As much as I berated my parents for the shit job that they did, like, it's they actually probably did the best that they could. But then you also look at the way that you were raised to, and you realised the way that you would do things differently. And it doesn't always align with the way that you were raised.
00:17:27:08 - 00:18:03:04
Kristen
So. It it kind of causes a bit of a divide in me because I as much as I want to create my own core belief system that aligns with my family now, I struggle to sever that and separate it from my own childhood and my own upbringing, because it's so heavily ingrained in me, because I literally spent 21 years of my life living with my parents and then moved in with my husband, and I've been with him for 21 years.
00:18:03:06 - 00:18:42:07
Kristen
It's literally split straight down the middle. And then and trying to separate the two is really, really hard. And the more that I think about. What I want my family. To look like as a unit, the more it realises it's so far from what I had as a child and the family unit that I grew up with, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's it's confronting and it's difficult to try and work around that.
00:18:42:09 - 00:18:46:05
Kristen
And not be influenced, I suppose.
00:18:46:07 - 00:19:02:04
Chris
Yeah. Of course. So that's, that's the, that's the, that's where you're at.
00:19:02:06 - 00:19:08:05
Chris
What were you want? What do you want instead?
00:19:08:07 - 00:19:09:02
Chris
Instead of that.
00:19:09:04 - 00:19:13:15
Kristen
00:19:13:17 - 00:19:21:23
Kristen
I.
00:19:22:01 - 00:19:29:06
Kristen
Would like my children not to be disappointed in me.
00:19:29:08 - 00:19:45:20
Kristen
At the crux of it, that's that's pretty much what it is. I don't want my kids to get to my age. And think. Yeah. Now, she could have done better.
00:19:45:22 - 00:20:01:02
Kristen
She could have done so much better. And she just didn't. And then in line with that, I also want my kids to understand that.
00:20:01:04 - 00:20:22:09
Kristen
They expectations that I put on them from people around them should not dictate their choices in life. Because I will be very unhappy if they let that happen.
00:20:22:11 - 00:20:31:17
Chris
Okay, this is really interesting. They contradict the.
00:20:31:19 - 00:20:36:06
Kristen
It's my middle name.
00:20:36:08 - 00:20:59:19
Chris
So on one hand, you want to have your kids think my mom does not think you want them to not think my mom could have done so much better. You want them to. I mean, that's what you don't want to. What do you want? You want them to think what what what what do you want your kids to think?
00:20:59:21 - 00:21:28:14
Kristen
I want them to be proud of us as a family. I can't even just say me as a mom because I want. I want them to grow up and have non-toxic relationships with each other and with me and my husband so that they can be proud of the family unit that they have growing up in. I don't want them to be ashamed of where they've come from and how they were raised.
00:21:28:14 - 00:21:31:17
Kristen
Essentially.
00:21:31:19 - 00:21:37:01
Chris
So you don't want them to be ashamed. What what do you want them to be?
00:21:37:03 - 00:21:37:18
Kristen
Well.
00:21:37:20 - 00:21:38:12
Chris
Proud. Yeah.
00:21:38:13 - 00:21:40:07
Kristen
Happy? Yeah.
00:21:40:09 - 00:21:47:08
Chris
Cool.
00:21:47:10 - 00:21:55:08
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So.
00:21:55:10 - 00:22:33:05
Chris
And what do you want to do, like to, to have that, to have that pride, that madness. Madness with pride, whatever that. And happy and non-toxic relationship with each other and you and your husband and, and to to be proud of you guys as a family. What are you willing to do? What are you willing to choose to do?
00:22:33:07 - 00:22:58:21
Kristen
My automatic response to that is anything but that's that's a mother's response, right? That's not that's not a logical response. That's just a mother's response. But, I, I spend a lot of my time sacrificing myself for the sake of the family, which we all do. That's what we do when we have kids. It's just.
00:22:59:00 - 00:23:00:07
Chris
It's it's an.
00:23:00:09 - 00:23:24:03
Kristen
Innate thing, right? But I. I want to be able to do that without them feeling any undertone of resentment towards them, which at times there is resentment because of the fact that.
00:23:24:05 - 00:23:47:11
Kristen
I bust my ass every day and while that's my choice, there are times where it feels like it's taken for granted. Which they're kids. That's what they do. They're inherently selfish, right? I don't.
00:23:47:13 - 00:23:52:08
Chris
00:23:52:16 - 00:24:13:06
Chris
How's and how is it a problem for you that you bust your ass every day? You know, it's your choice. Of course. But how is the problem that you feel like they take it for granted? You know what. How might that be a problem?
00:24:13:08 - 00:24:20:02
Kristen
00:24:20:04 - 00:24:37:00
Kristen
So there's a part of me that. This is where my contradictions come in, right? Because I think one thing. But then I say another, and it just, as a as a parent,
00:24:37:02 - 00:24:47:15
Kristen
There's a part of me that it's my job to teach them to understand gratitude.
00:24:47:17 - 00:24:50:23
Chris
00:24:51:01 - 00:25:17:10
Kristen
And I feel like at times I probably am not the best example of that. I probably don't voice it as much as I would like. I'm an overshare, but I, I, I'm. I'm selective in what I share from. I never get.
00:25:17:12 - 00:25:22:11
Kristen
Beyond a surface level, this is too hard.
00:25:22:13 - 00:25:23:02
Chris
Good job.
00:25:23:02 - 00:25:28:12
Kristen
Too. Yeah, it's too confronting.
00:25:28:14 - 00:25:38:03
Chris
Okay, well.
00:25:38:05 - 00:25:55:02
Chris
What's the insight? The insight here?
00:25:55:04 - 00:26:07:20
Chris
Okay, you've on one hand, you, let's talk about the other thing you said. I wanted to teach my kids that the expectations of others should not dictate their choices.
00:26:07:22 - 00:26:31:23
Chris
And then, on the other hand, you are basing your choices on the expectations of others. Yeah. And you want to set an example. You want to be an example. You want to show the way, teach, guide, help them to understand.
00:26:32:01 - 00:26:41:11
Chris
But you're basing your life on the expectations of others, albeit your kids, your parents.
00:26:41:12 - 00:26:45:17
Kristen
Yeah, not my parents, but my kids. 100%. Definitely.
00:26:45:19 - 00:26:48:19
Chris
Yeah.
00:26:48:21 - 00:27:18:22
Kristen
Because when I had my kids, I quit work right. So I was at the height of my career. I finally found what a finally I had finally discovered what I wanted to do. And we were told we couldn't have kids. So we'd already made the conscious decision that we were just going to be double income, no kids and live the life and have a big house and a big boat and you know, all the good stuff.
00:27:19:00 - 00:27:44:06
Kristen
And then the morning of my 30th birthday, I found out I was pregnant and that was pretty much just like an entire life flipped, because I suddenly realised that the career that I was in actually didn't matter squat. And I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't like it, and I just fallen into it because it was there and it was convenient and it paid well.
00:27:44:08 - 00:28:04:22
Kristen
And when I looked at going back at the end of maternity leave, I remember saying to my husband, I can't walk into that place every single day and do that job, knowing that I then have to come home and look after my kids. I was in health and safety, and I used to do an investigation and rate of return to work, so it was quite intense, like what I was dealing with.
00:28:05:00 - 00:28:32:05
Kristen
And I just said to him, I can't, I can't be a mother and deal with all of that on top of it because something will end up breaking. And I don't want that. So then I had to refocus myself and I spent well, essentially the better part of six years, investing myself in my kids. And then I kind of went through like another midlife crisis.
00:28:32:05 - 00:28:58:20
Kristen
Then after my youngest had been born, I was like, oh, okay, cool. So I'm done having kids now what? What's next? Like I'm not having anymore. I'm too old. So now what do we do? And I suddenly realise I didn't actually know what I wanted to do. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what was important to me other than my kids and my husband, that I literally the only things that matter.
00:28:58:22 - 00:29:37:12
Kristen
And my husband works away Monday to Friday. So he's only home on a Saturday. Sunday. And he has done that for. Pretty much the 2021 years that we've been together. So at some point he needs to be home. At some point he needs to be able to spend time with our children because he's missing out on the formative years, which we we had the discussions around all of it and how it's more important for me to be home because I'm the mother and, you know, secure attachment all of that sort of stuff.
00:29:37:13 - 00:29:40:22
Kristen
But.
00:29:40:23 - 00:30:10:09
Kristen
He still misses them. So for me to be able to enable him to be home more, it means that I have to be able to, to supplement that income. And to do that, it means that I've got to be earning good money. So I sort of decided that, well, I could probably do something in the health area and it's an interest of mine, so why not go with that?
00:30:10:11 - 00:30:19:16
Kristen
So that's why I've chosen it and I love it.
00:30:19:18 - 00:30:23:22
Kristen
But I don't know if it's enough.
00:30:24:00 - 00:30:34:14
Chris
Enough for what? And not, like, money. Are you talking or time or. What are you talking about?
00:30:34:16 - 00:30:50:12
Kristen
I don't know if it will be enough to. Be able to have him home with the kids more. And to be able to allow us the flexibility and freedom in future.
00:30:50:14 - 00:31:08:01
Kristen
Because we want to be able to spend time together as a family unit, which we do the best that we can at the moment. But looking ten years ahead, right when our youngest is 12, 14, sorry.
00:31:08:02 - 00:31:33:15
Kristen
Once they're old enough for us to be able to travel and do all of those things where they can actually appreciate it and absorb it, and I know they do when they're younger. But having travelled myself when I was younger, teenage years, you just absorb so much more, right? So that's a really important thing for us is to be able to spend that time together without the stress of having to worry about my husband.
00:31:33:15 - 00:31:58:18
Kristen
Go back to work. Well, it's Monday, he's got to go back to work. We want to be able to build that flexibility for our future so that we're not confined by the 9 to 5. We're not forced to have him working away, and I just don't know whether I'm good enough to be able to.
00:31:58:20 - 00:32:04:11
Kristen
Make that happen.
00:32:04:13 - 00:32:10:09
Kristen
Because it's never enough, right?
00:32:10:11 - 00:32:21:08
Chris
I you're telling the story, you know, maybe, yeah. It sounds like you think that. Not enough.
00:32:21:11 - 00:32:21:21
Kristen
Not not.
00:32:21:21 - 00:32:24:03
Chris
Enough money. Not enough time.
00:32:24:07 - 00:32:27:09
Kristen
Not on. Yeah.
00:32:27:11 - 00:32:38:10
Chris
Yeah. What's that? But what's the problem if you don't have enough money, what's the problem if you don't have enough time, what's the problem if you don't have enough husband. Dad, this.
00:32:38:12 - 00:32:42:22
Kristen
Well, that's why we're here right now. So that connection to that family.
00:32:42:22 - 00:32:46:02
Chris
Don't bring me into it to talk about yourself.
00:32:46:04 - 00:32:48:04
Kristen
Well, no, I meant us as people.
00:32:48:04 - 00:33:18:07
Chris
Oh, gotcha. Well, don't don't bring other people into it either. Like, is it? We're not talking about humans. We're talking about Christian. You know, this is you. This is all about you. So let's let's bring it into you because there's too many people to talk about. Everybody. Why is it a problem for you?
00:33:18:08 - 00:33:33:19
Kristen
Because the biggest thing that I want is to be able to spend the time with my family. And I feel like I'm chasing my tail 24 seven to do that. But we never get anywhere with it.
00:33:33:21 - 00:33:42:17
Kristen
I feel trapped in the system.
00:33:42:19 - 00:33:51:21
Chris
That you made. That you're running essentially a.
00:33:51:23 - 00:34:05:20
Chris
Okay, so. So not enough time. Not enough money, not enough husband has been present. Connection. Something. Something around that. What would you say? Yeah.
00:34:05:22 - 00:34:15:02
Kristen
Yeah. Connection. Yeah. Yeah. No, we have good connection when we're around each other. We just physical time together.
00:34:15:03 - 00:34:28:22
Chris
A quantity of quantity a time. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.
00:34:29:00 - 00:34:46:10
Chris
I don't know if I'm clear. I don't know if I'm 100% clear. I couldn't stand on a stage and give a speech onto why this is a problem for you. I don't think I could do that just yet. And I don't know if you've articulated that to me, to my dummies.
00:34:46:12 - 00:34:47:19
Chris
That was self-deprecating.
00:34:47:21 - 00:34:50:10
Kristen
But, it was very.
00:34:50:11 - 00:35:17:02
Chris
To my to my ears. I don't know if you've been plain and blunt enough about like, why is this an issue? Hey, can I can I get your permission, Christian, to just do a little poke, poke, poke? Just like, just speak really bluntly and, I'm just basically, I'm trying to get a rise out of you, is what I'm about to do.
00:35:17:04 - 00:35:36:22
Chris
Is that okay? You'll hurt me. Who cares? Who cares if your husband's not home? Who cares if your kids don't like you? Who cares if you're, You don't have enough money? Who cares if you don't have enough time? Who cares if you get credit? Who cares if you fail? Who cares about uni? Who cares about your house?
00:35:36:22 - 00:35:49:16
Chris
Who cares? I see beautiful dogs that are really cute running behind you. Who cares about your dogs? Who cares about you know, learning? Who cares about a career wise? What? Yeah, exactly.
00:35:49:16 - 00:35:53:19
Kristen
Because this is the Christian show. This is. This is why we're here, right? All right, I like it.
00:35:53:21 - 00:36:17:00
Chris
I love it. Okay, now, just connect with that. Just take a moment, because that's the honest truth that you care. When I'm talk about anybody, you care. Just really feel that allow that to hit you. The weight of it, the pressure of it. That's it.
00:36:17:01 - 00:36:29:01
Chris
Don't do anything with it. Just let it. Let it hit you.
00:36:29:03 - 00:36:57:19
Chris
Now, if you didn't have that, if you didn't achieve that, if you don't have any of that. Why is that an issue for you? A problem?
00:36:57:21 - 00:37:06:10
Kristen
Is that I potentially lose everything I care about.
00:37:06:12 - 00:37:08:06
Kristen
And I can't do that.
00:37:08:08 - 00:37:19:09
Chris
What would it mean about you if you lost everything? What would that say about you?
00:37:19:11 - 00:37:32:14
Kristen
That I wasn't worthy in the first place to have it. Because I didn't work hard enough for it.
00:37:32:16 - 00:37:46:12
Chris
And if you weren't worthy, and if you didn't work hard enough for it. What? What would that mean about you?
00:37:46:14 - 00:37:52:23
Chris
What would you say about yourself?
00:37:53:01 - 00:37:56:05
Chris
The honest truth. The honest.
00:37:56:07 - 00:37:57:06
Kristen
What's the point?
00:37:57:07 - 00:38:09:15
Chris
What's the point? Okay. Yeah.
00:38:09:17 - 00:38:21:12
Chris
What's the point?
00:38:21:14 - 00:38:37:01
Chris
Yeah. What is the point? If you're not worthy in the in the first place? What's the point in trying?
00:38:37:03 - 00:38:41:08
Chris
To.
00:38:41:10 - 00:38:45:17
Chris
You don't have to answer that.
00:38:45:19 - 00:39:09:03
Chris
Because here's the thing. This worthiness thing that you've got this fear that I'm not worthy enough. You get. You gave a rule just before I'm not worthy. So I have to work hard enough to prove to everybody else that I am worthy. And to fool them into thinking that I am worthy. Because everybody knows that I'm actually not worthy.
00:39:09:03 - 00:39:14:11
Chris
And heaven forbid that if they find that out.
00:39:14:13 - 00:39:40:13
Chris
Man, what's the point? I'm screwed. You fight, fight fight fight fight push push push push push win win win win win just to prove and to protect you from the judgement of others.
00:39:40:15 - 00:39:54:22
Chris
But every time you go in the bathroom, I suspect if you like me and you got a mirror in the bathroom, every time you go in the bathroom, you're faced with judgement face to face with your biggest critic.
00:39:55:00 - 00:39:59:01
Kristen
100%. Yeah, and I know it.
00:39:59:03 - 00:40:01:09
Chris
Yeah.
00:40:01:11 - 00:40:23:02
Kristen
And the issue is, is, it doesn't matter how much I. Try and talk myself down off of the ledge, I will still have that deprecating, self-deprecating inner voice that will just beat me down every time.
00:40:23:04 - 00:40:29:12
Chris
Yeah.
00:40:29:13 - 00:40:37:12
Kristen
Not strong enough, not fit enough, not skinny enough. Not smart enough.
00:40:37:13 - 00:40:45:13
Kristen
Not influential enough.
00:40:45:15 - 00:40:56:21
Chris
00:40:56:23 - 00:40:59:06
Kristen
I talk a good game.
00:40:59:08 - 00:41:36:00
Chris
You have to. You have to. You'd be screwed. You'd be stuffed mad. Because then everyone will see that the truth, the the truth, according to you. Right. They'll see it your way. So you do anything? Anything to. To hide.
00:41:36:02 - 00:41:42:18
Chris
Your,
00:41:42:20 - 00:42:08:03
Chris
You're wrapped in a blanket. A comfy blanket that looks like a cape. But imagine you as a super wonder woman with your cape on and you're just hiding. Hiding behind that. That superwoman cape. You're pretending to be the superwoman, or you are. You are being that superwoman just to hide the your truth of. I'm not worthy enough, not good enough, not fit enough.
00:42:08:03 - 00:42:20:07
Chris
I'm not skinny enough, I'm not smart enough. I'm not influential enough. I'm not wealthy or rich enough or, you know, whatever it is, I don't have enough money.
00:42:20:09 - 00:42:27:02
Chris
I mean, what if. What if that was true?
00:42:27:04 - 00:42:53:22
Chris
What? What would that feel like if. If you weren't fit enough, skinny enough, smart enough, influential enough, wealth wealthy enough? What if that was actually true?
00:42:54:00 - 00:43:00:15
Kristen
But even though.
00:43:00:17 - 00:43:03:10
Chris
It's probably scary, right?
00:43:03:12 - 00:43:24:06
Kristen
Yeah. That's why, I don't know. I'm terrified of flying, for the record. So it won't see me with a cape flying through the sky. Yeah, but no, it's the. It's the fear, right? It's the fear that. Is. All consuming.
00:43:24:08 - 00:43:54:09
Chris
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, my favourite questions are from Byron Katie. I don't know if you know who she is. I, I use these every now and then, but but just think about it. What's your what's your biggest fear?
00:43:54:10 - 00:44:01:06
Kristen
So I automatically my brain says one thing, but then it tries to correct it.
00:44:01:08 - 00:44:05:04
Chris
Oh, yeah. What's what? What are the what are they both because.
00:44:05:06 - 00:44:21:09
Kristen
Because because in my mind, as a mother. Right. The first thing I'm like, my biggest fear should be losing my kids. But that's not that's not the first thing that comes to my mind. The first thing that comes to my mind is my biggest fear is losing my husband.
00:44:21:11 - 00:44:25:16
Chris
Yeah. Oh, okay.
00:44:25:18 - 00:44:33:23
Kristen
And his he is literally my gravity, let's say, is the only thing that keeps me grounded right?
00:44:34:01 - 00:44:39:04
Chris
Okay. So that's kind of important.
00:44:39:06 - 00:44:41:09
Kristen
Yeah.
00:44:41:11 - 00:44:55:12
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So losing a husband is, is, big fear for you because he's. Gravity keeps you grounded.
00:44:55:14 - 00:45:05:19
Chris
What would be the problem? Let's do some digging there. What's the problem? If if you lost your husband.
00:45:05:21 - 00:45:09:23
Kristen
Because he's the only person in my entire life who's ever seen me as worthy.
00:45:10:01 - 00:45:12:09
Chris
Why is that a problem?
00:45:12:11 - 00:45:42:07
Kristen
Because if he's gone, then nobody thinks I'm worthy. Including myself. Which, as we've already ascertained, I don't necessarily 100% believe it anyway. But then, if I'm not worthy, then. Who am I to raise my kids? Who am I to try and help people get better? Who am I to help people try and find a healthier way of living?
00:45:42:09 - 00:45:52:03
Chris
That's and that's that's a lot of pressure your husband's got from you.
00:45:52:04 - 00:45:55:11
Kristen
Yeah. Not that I tell him that.
00:45:55:13 - 00:46:08:05
Chris
But the meaning, the meaning of communications, the response that you give the old behaviour is communication. So you've been telling him that for a long time.
00:46:08:07 - 00:46:17:20
Chris
Yeah. Just not. Maybe not with words. Or if you listen to the podcast, he's he's going to be like a new it.
00:46:17:22 - 00:46:20:21
Kristen
He's hoping he doesn't.
00:46:20:23 - 00:46:33:02
Chris
Yeah. I'll have to research how to do like geo blocking or something like that. Just make sure everyone in your area doesn't.
00:46:33:04 - 00:47:07:18
Chris
Okay, so. Worthiness. Let's bring the attention from your husband back to you for a bit around worthiness. Is it true? Are you not worthy?
00:47:07:20 - 00:47:11:21
Kristen
I am.
00:47:11:22 - 00:47:14:13
Kristen
But if you ask me what I can tell you.
00:47:14:15 - 00:47:15:07
Chris
Yeah.
00:47:15:09 - 00:47:17:05
Kristen
Okay. Because I don't believe it.
00:47:17:07 - 00:47:27:18
Chris
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So can you absolutely know that it's true that you're not worthy? No, no.
00:47:27:20 - 00:47:42:02
Chris
All right. So how do you react? What's your natural reaction when you believe that thought that you're not worthy?
00:47:42:04 - 00:47:47:10
Chris
When you believe you're not worthy, what's your reaction? What's your natural reaction?
00:47:47:12 - 00:47:50:05
Kristen
You give up.
00:47:50:07 - 00:47:51:00
Chris
I do or.
00:47:51:00 - 00:48:15:23
Kristen
I do anyway, I do, yeah, that's. That's why I feel like I didn't do as well. Like you need this semester because of one comment that was made and I took it on board and I ran with it. And that comment then basically fed into my bullshit story that I feed myself, that I'm not worthy. So then I was like, well, then what's the point?
00:48:16:01 - 00:48:21:04
Kristen
Why am I doing this? So I gave up.
00:48:21:05 - 00:48:32:15
Chris
Yeah, okay. And who would you be? Who would you be if you didn't have that thought?
00:48:32:17 - 00:48:38:05
Kristen
Would still be me. Just be a slightly different version. Yeah, a little bit more optimistic.
00:48:38:07 - 00:48:47:06
Chris
Oh, okay. Cool. What's that? What's that look like? What's that part of you look like?
00:48:47:08 - 00:49:06:00
Kristen
Somebody who's not bound by expectations, placed on me by others or not. Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Somebody who's not bound by expectations of others that I take on board and place on myself.
00:49:06:02 - 00:49:15:13
Chris
Yeah. And and so somebody who doesn't do that, what kind of person is that?
00:49:15:15 - 00:49:29:09
Kristen
Somebody who doesn't take expectations or. Yeah.
00:49:29:11 - 00:49:36:15
Kristen
All right. Somebody who doesn't get in their own head like me. Obviously.
00:49:36:17 - 00:49:38:01
Kristen
I don't know.
00:49:38:02 - 00:49:53:14
Chris
Yeah. So someone who doesn't get in the head call. So. So if they're not in their head, like, if you could be that person who doesn't get in their head. What? What's the upside of that? What? What's the good? What good would come of that?
00:49:53:16 - 00:50:03:13
Kristen
Well, there'd be no blockages. I don't think I would have that would.
00:50:03:15 - 00:50:07:15
Kristen
There would be no limitations.
00:50:07:17 - 00:50:13:06
Chris
No limitations.
00:50:13:08 - 00:50:17:05
Chris
00:50:17:07 - 00:50:32:16
Chris
All right. And if you had no limitations and you felt like you, you could do anything.
00:50:32:18 - 00:51:00:14
Chris
What. Something that you could, I don't know, like, say about yourself in instead of. I'm not worthy, I have to I need to, you know, like, if you could, if you could do anything and be anything with no expectation, what could you. What's something empowering in it? And and nice that you could say about yourself?
00:51:00:16 - 00:51:04:16
Kristen
Language. Wanting. Go for it. I'm fucking awesome.
00:51:04:18 - 00:51:11:14
Chris
I love it. Yeah.
00:51:11:16 - 00:51:15:21
Chris
Yeah.
00:51:15:23 - 00:51:49:02
Chris
Feel that hate you just allow you. So just take a moment to feel that. Just let that land. Notice if there's any sort of resistance or charge. And just let that hit you. Let that land in you. Because. A part of you wants that. A part of you believes that.
00:51:49:04 - 00:51:50:07
Kristen
Yes.
00:51:50:09 - 00:51:56:22
Chris
Am I right in saying there's probably a part of you that doesn't believe that as well? At the moment?
00:51:57:00 - 00:52:12:15
Kristen
There's a part of me that says, who am I to say that? It's not that I don't want to believe it, it's just that I have that. Yeah, but you know, it.
00:52:12:16 - 00:52:16:12
Chris
00:52:16:14 - 00:52:24:17
Kristen
And when you say that about yourself. You self-righteous.
00:52:24:19 - 00:52:27:13
Kristen
Full of yourself.
00:52:27:15 - 00:52:36:11
Chris
00:52:36:13 - 00:52:41:12
Chris
Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:41:14 - 00:53:23:20
Chris
So what would, what are some little things that you can do. When you feel like that that you're full of yourself, you know. Or, or you feel the expectations of others. Like what's something really little that you can, you can do to just pause, stop and connect with fucking awesome and less about I'm not worthy. What's something little that you can just do to connect with the more empowering thought about yourself?
00:53:23:21 - 00:53:30:00
Chris
And.
00:53:30:02 - 00:53:38:02
Kristen
I honestly don't know because I've spent so long.
00:53:38:04 - 00:53:47:02
Kristen
Quashing that voice. The I don't even know how to.
00:53:47:04 - 00:53:56:02
Kristen
Embrace it. I don't I don't even know how to allow it. Space.
00:53:56:04 - 00:54:06:19
Kristen
Because the automatic response is so ingrained in me. That.
00:54:06:21 - 00:54:21:02
Kristen
I say the words I'm fucking awesome. Then it immediately comes in. Who are you to say that? And I'm already 5 or 6 that damn before I suddenly catch myself and go. Why are you doing that?
00:54:21:04 - 00:54:24:23
Chris
00:54:25:01 - 00:54:32:07
Kristen
But by that point it's already happened, right?
00:54:32:09 - 00:55:05:08
Chris
Yeah. So now we only do what works and all our behaviours, even the dysfunctional ones, serve us. So, so that that thinking self-deprecating, you know, you've got this empowering thought that you, a part of you wants to believe does believe. But then you've got this I'm not worthy thought and all these other cascade of other thoughts that come through to you, those are protective mechanisms.
00:55:05:08 - 00:55:35:05
Chris
Someway, somehow, those those thoughts, those anxieties, those fears that they they serve you in some way shape or form. And, what I would do with you if you're, if you're my client is I would start to untangle the hold that those things have on you. I would get you to to journal, where this all started. The back stories.
00:55:35:07 - 00:56:02:23
Chris
I would look at. Meanings you make about yourself, about these, these significant emotional events that have happened in the past that led you to believe this. You know, if you, you know that, I do you know about the, I don't know what the name of the psychologist is, but he put dogs on a it was a horrific experiment.
00:56:02:23 - 00:56:27:09
Chris
He put dogs on a, electric floor. And have you ever heard this one? It's about learned helplessness. So the dogs. Dogs would go to get the food and they would get electric shocks. It was awful. Really awful. And so they would retreat and they'd run away, and then they would go to get their food, and they would get shocked and they'd run away.
00:56:27:11 - 00:57:13:02
Chris
And in the end, the scientists would put the food down and say, come and get you dinner. And the dogs just wouldn't even do it because that there's no point. So it would stay and they would just get starved off. Rubbish. What a what an evil right. The the the the most horrific experiment. But what we've learnt about that is that we, we do that in, in life, we, we, we learn helplessness and there's no point and we just shrink and we retreat.
00:57:13:04 - 00:57:32:11
Chris
And so to protect themselves, the dogs would just not do anything. Even giving up food, of which both you and I know as dog owners. Like there's that's an instinct that's very hard to, you know, that's a very dog thing.
00:57:32:13 - 00:57:41:00
Kristen
Absolutely. Particularly with.
00:57:41:02 - 00:58:08:02
Chris
So, so okay. You where whereas I going with that. You have a, a learned helplessness that to protect you I have to protect myself. I have to believe this about myself or I've got no other choice but to believe I'm like this. It's it's helpless to believe any other way. And I've got to work so hard to prove that I am good enough.
00:58:08:02 - 00:58:15:02
Chris
I've got to work so damn hard.
00:58:15:04 - 00:58:16:00
Chris
Yeah.
00:58:16:02 - 00:58:17:17
Kristen
Hit the nail on the head.
00:58:17:19 - 00:58:21:16
Chris
Boom!
00:58:21:18 - 00:58:32:14
Chris
What? What happened? You start getting teary. What was that? And.
00:58:32:16 - 00:58:39:00
Kristen
00:58:39:02 - 00:58:51:11
Kristen
Probably because I can point to the exact moments in my life where all of that. Attributed to and culminated in that thought process.
00:58:51:13 - 00:58:55:09
Kristen
And.
00:58:55:11 - 00:59:06:22
Kristen
In my logical brain, none of it was in my control. And it was from people taking liberties.
00:59:07:00 - 00:59:08:08
Chris
00:59:08:10 - 00:59:13:20
Kristen
00:59:13:22 - 00:59:26:09
Kristen
And may not recognising it because I was too young to process that their behaviour was. Not the way that people should behave.
00:59:26:11 - 00:59:30:11
Chris
00:59:30:13 - 00:59:39:08
Kristen
Degrading, degrading comments and statements and behaviours and it's.
00:59:39:10 - 00:59:51:09
Kristen
It wasn't even just one particular area. There was multiple different areas for multiple different people. So it, it makes it hard.
00:59:51:11 - 01:00:20:07
Kristen
Maybe it doesn't, but coming from different sources and not coming from the one source, it's a lot harder to try and reframe that in my brain, because if it was just one person, I'd be like, yeah, okay, it's that person. It was their problem that they had and they. Treated me in a way that was not.
01:00:20:09 - 01:00:21:19
Kristen
She.
01:00:21:21 - 01:00:22:10
Chris
01:00:22:12 - 01:00:48:07
Kristen
Or kind or whatever words you want to put in there. It was, it was not nice behaviour, but because it wasn't just the one person, because it was multiple different people over multiple different times of my life. It's very hard to reframe that as an IT being. Well, it was everyone else because I don't play the blame game, I don't I'm not the type of person who says, well, it's not my fault.
01:00:48:08 - 01:01:05:02
Kristen
It's their fault that that happened. And I would rather take the blame on myself to try and justify what happened to me, as opposed to.
01:01:05:04 - 01:01:28:03
Kristen
Saying it for what it is. Because I should have known better, and I should have been able to say through it. And I wasn't smart enough to say, throw it. And I wasn't clued in enough to say, throw it. So there's no one to blame but myself.
01:01:28:05 - 01:01:37:19
Kristen
And because of that, that's what makes me unworthy. That's what makes me.
01:01:37:21 - 01:01:43:08
Kristen
Tell myself that I'm not awesome.
01:01:43:10 - 01:01:51:03
Kristen
Because it's been proven many, many, many times that I'm not.
01:01:51:05 - 01:01:59:14
Chris
Yeah.
01:01:59:16 - 01:02:03:16
Kristen
And that's a bitter pill to swallow.
01:02:03:18 - 01:02:11:00
Chris
01:02:11:02 - 01:02:29:04
Chris
I have a parachute for you to, like, come down to earth for a sack. Oh. Okay. What kind of car do you drive?
01:02:29:06 - 01:02:31:04
Kristen
A soccer mom car. Jared.
01:02:31:06 - 01:02:33:10
Chris
Beautiful big one. Yeah.
01:02:33:12 - 01:02:34:07
Kristen
Big baba.
01:02:34:09 - 01:03:05:17
Chris
All right, big boot. Bob. Pajero. Have you ever seen any of them around town? Around the clock tapes. Tapes? Yeah. I bet you if you were to go shopping for a, I don't know, something else, like a 2025 model, something, you know, a new one. I bet you'd like you start googling it, you looking around, and then all of a sudden you start noticing them everywhere.
01:03:05:18 - 01:03:08:20
Chris
You're like, oh, there's it, there's that. Yeah. You know, you know that one?
01:03:08:22 - 01:03:10:19
Kristen
Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah.
01:03:10:21 - 01:03:52:13
Chris
Yeah. So, so this is, that's your reticulated activating system. Oh, I think raz reticulated activating system or lighting activated. Forget all raz, your the part of your brain that looks for looks for evidence, looks for proof. So right now you have tuned your brain to notice many things. Many things. One of the things is proof of enoughness.
01:03:52:15 - 01:04:01:23
Chris
You're in enough. You're in enough. Proving.
01:04:02:01 - 01:04:22:04
Chris
System like you've got this going on. You are looking for it everywhere. Your grades, the words that people speak, the looks people give you, the, lots of stuff. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I mean?
01:04:22:05 - 01:04:24:13
Kristen
I know, yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.
01:04:24:13 - 01:04:43:19
Chris
Yeah. Cool. Okay, now, there was a first time you started believing that you're not enough. There was a first time, and there was a second and third and fifth and 100 and a two hundreds and now you're starting to notice it everywhere you go. So now, just like I was talking a foreign. I can't even remember the name of the car.
01:04:43:21 - 01:05:11:05
Chris
What did you say, PGR you said. Yeah, right. Yeah. And. Yeah. So let's just say you wanted to change to, I don't know, like, 79 series or, you know, a LandCruiser or something like that. You wanted to make a switch or heaven forbid you got a Mitsubishi, Triton, you know.
01:05:11:07 - 01:05:24:11
Chris
Whatever happened, you'd start noticing it everywhere. So. So what my invitation to you would be is, what you need to do now is.
01:05:24:13 - 01:05:54:14
Chris
Stop looking for proof of who am I worthy? Yes or no, and start looking for something else. Start looking for proof that you're awesome. Start looking for proof that what is awesome actually means. It means something to awesome has a meaning. So I'm. I would define that if I was you. Try and find out what that actually means to you and then start looking for that.
01:05:54:16 - 01:06:36:23
Chris
Start looking for, for proof and evidence. That I tell you is, you know what? I am awesome at tying my shoes, I am awesome. Do you know what? I even made my own breakfast today. Do you know what? I even brushed my hair and my teeth. Look at me! Gah! The double whammy. I am awesome if the toddler me could see me now, it would that that that little girl would believe that I'm just the the boss brushing my own hair, brushing my teeth.
01:06:37:01 - 01:06:53:05
Chris
Start accumulating, insurmountable amount of data and evidence that you are awesome. Not just awesome, but be awesome.
01:06:53:07 - 01:07:15:20
Chris
And start to doubt the truthfulness of this not enoughness business. Because it's not 100% true. There's a back story to it, and it makes sense that you believe what you believe, but you do. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's logical that you are where you are right now. It's logic. It makes sense that you believe what you believe about yourself.
01:07:15:20 - 01:07:20:07
Chris
Makes sense.
01:07:20:09 - 01:07:30:22
Chris
So now you can start untangling that. It starts crumbling down because you've just undermined it.
01:07:31:00 - 01:07:33:11
Chris
This is this making sense?
01:07:33:13 - 01:07:43:01
Kristen
It is. Yeah, it is. It.
01:07:43:03 - 01:08:07:06
Kristen
It's just putting it into practice. That's the. Yeah, that's the habit. Right. And it always is. It's like when you start changing what you're eating or you start changing, going to the gym or whatever, whatever new habit you want to try and or whatever new. Recurrent theme you want to try and achieve. It's it's just it feels really daunting at first.
01:08:07:06 - 01:08:13:08
Kristen
And then eventually you get to a point, I suppose, where it's just second nature.
01:08:13:10 - 01:08:27:23
Chris
Yeah. And you've got history. You only say that because you've got, you've, you've tried in the past, but you're coming. You're coming at this, this, this, from a different point of view. Now.
01:08:28:01 - 01:08:52:19
Kristen
Yeah. Now that, now that you've framed it the way that you have. Because you're right. I have tried in the past to manage it and sort of work through it, but it wasn't framed in quite the same way. So I suppose having that different understanding of it makes it that little bit easier to.
01:08:52:21 - 01:08:55:12
Chris
01:08:55:14 - 01:08:56:22
Kristen
Base it.
01:08:57:00 - 01:09:00:12
Chris
01:09:00:14 - 01:09:02:01
Kristen
And address it.
01:09:02:03 - 01:09:25:23
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. I still think there's a need for you to, to dig into the past. We we we decided we weren't going to go there today. But but I think that that would be a, a mission critical job for you to go back there and rescue. Rescue your child. That I'm not your child, but you as the child.
01:09:26:03 - 01:09:26:19
Kristen
In a child.
01:09:26:23 - 01:09:56:22
Chris
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You. And see, now, you've been living your whole life as a little girl with little girl rules. But now you're a big girl. You're still a little girl inside. You know, you need to grow up and. And you want to be an inspiration to your kids. Well, it's time to to grow the up. And, become an adult, become a leader.
01:09:57:00 - 01:10:05:14
Chris
And start thinking about yourself with more empowering thoughts. You don't have anything to prove.
01:10:05:15 - 01:10:10:22
Chris
That's yesterday's news. That's old hat.
01:10:10:23 - 01:10:35:01
Chris
And now, any part of you, And for those people who are listening, the spectator's on the fence. Who, like, you might be thinking. Yeah, but. Okay, you got to find the buts, find the obstacles, and just piece by piece, bit by bit, just sort those bits out. You know, there's going to be some buts. There's going to be.
01:10:35:01 - 01:10:48:01
Chris
Yeah, but. Whatever the heck you say next. Yeah. You've got that's your mission is to to identify those buts and work through them.
01:10:48:03 - 01:10:49:18
Kristen
Yeah.
01:10:49:20 - 01:10:56:08
Chris
That's your mission.
01:10:56:10 - 01:11:01:06
Kristen
No takes necessary. Right.
01:11:01:08 - 01:11:28:19
Chris
Well how's how's that feel. Do they feel okay. Like we, we, we didn't get a resolution in, in my opinion of stopping these thoughts and because I think there's some buts that you've got to work through in the pot. But, but I do feel okay with where we got to today as, as the work, you know.
01:11:29:01 - 01:11:38:18
Kristen
Yeah, absolutely. Because me, I'm a very,
01:11:38:20 - 01:12:20:06
Kristen
If I can logically understand something and, and apply reasoning to it, then I can manage it. If I can't talk to it, I can't manage it. So. Realising that I have this level of perfectionism because I'm trying to prove myself is all good and well, I've known that for a long, long time, but actually understanding where it's coming from and why is it's a whole other kettle of fish, and that's just something that we've yeah, we've definitely highlighted today, which is good for me because it gives me, it gives me a working platform.
01:12:20:06 - 01:12:23:11
Kristen
And right, there's a foundation there that I can then build on.
01:12:23:13 - 01:12:25:13
Chris
Yeah.
01:12:25:14 - 01:12:27:09
Kristen
Which is good.
01:12:27:11 - 01:12:54:15
Chris
I love it. All right. Well, can I, can I give you an invite to to, you've got my phone number. If you've got a, like, a little follow up in a couple of weeks, just let me know how you gone and you can ask me a question. So reach out, shoot me a text, and, Yeah.
01:12:54:16 - 01:12:58:03
Chris
Be interested to see how how things are with you.
01:12:58:05 - 01:13:00:18
Kristen
Yeah, that'd be great. Cool, I share it.
01:13:00:20 - 01:13:11:09
Chris
My pleasure. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. Thanks for being vulnerable and coming on. That's super cool.
01:13:11:11 - 01:13:13:23
Kristen
It's not normally my jam, so. Yeah.
01:13:14:01 - 01:13:14:14
Chris
Yeah.
01:13:14:15 - 01:13:15:16
Kristen
Thank. You. Know, before.
01:13:15:16 - 01:13:31:20
Chris
We press record, Christian was saying that she's not 100% a podcast person. So I appreciate appreciate your humility and being here. It was it was awesome. I enjoyed it. Thank you.
01:13:31:22 - 01:13:33:00
Kristen
Really good chatting with you.
01:13:33:02 - 01:13:38:06
Chris
I reckon you you'll be a podcast person. You can do it. You can do it.
01:13:38:07 - 01:13:39:16
Kristen
Yeah, right.
01:13:39:17 - 01:13:41:16
Chris
If you want. If you want to.
01:13:41:18 - 01:13:44:19
Kristen
Have to get over that inner critic first, right. Yeah.
01:13:44:20 - 01:13:48:09
Chris
That'll take him. Yeah.
01:13:48:11 - 01:13:49:02
Chris
All righty.
01:13:49:03 - 01:13:50:10
Kristen
Well thank.
01:13:50:11 - 01:14:00:12
Chris
You. All right. Well, thanks for joining me. And have fun. And Mickey in those, in this chilly mid 20 degree weather, that's freezing cold.
01:14:00:14 - 01:14:04:01
Kristen
It is a terrible, terrible weather.
01:14:04:03 - 01:14:08:11
Chris
All right, I love it. All right, Kristen, take care, and I'll text you later.
01:14:08:12 - 01:14:09:05
Kristen
Thanks, Chris.
01:14:09:05 - 01:14:14:12
Chris
See ya.
01:14:14:14 - 01:14:24:16
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:14:24:18 - 01:14:50:18
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending body burnout programs. Shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
01:14:50:20 - 01:14:51:07
Chris
For.
