00:00:01:16 - 00:00:33:17
Filly
Hello, welcome to the podcast. Today we are going to share with you a beautiful live coaching session that Kris did with, Nicole, who put a hand up to our podcast. Show on socials and in our email list, we from time to time to see if there's anyone who would like to come on the podcast for a live coaching session so that you can get a feel as to how we work with the people inside out in body burn out method.
00:00:33:17 - 00:00:59:11
Filly
And Nicole was brave enough to put her hand up and she wanted to really get to the bottom of the root of her burnout patterns, showing up as perfectionism, overdoing controlling patterns, and struggling to switch her mind off at night, leading to sleep issues. Nicole also shares how she has struggled to really rest and be still, and find that balance there, to counteract the overdoing patterns that she has.
00:00:59:13 - 00:01:32:09
Filly
So it is a rare honour to listen in on a really personal coaching session. So I want to just acknowledge Nicole for sharing, herself so vulnerably and being open to be coached on the episode. And I'd love you to give her some energetic virtual love and compassion. As you listen into this conversation, you might even find yourself resonating with the struggles and the beliefs and the patterns and even the insights that come out of this conversation, which is the beautiful gift that keeps on giving.
00:01:32:09 - 00:02:11:20
Filly
So not only did Nicole, get some insights and some deeper understandings, but as you listen in and you put your own story into the coaching session, our hope is that you will also, have some insights and maybe even some shifts, big or small, around your own body, burn out patterns and the root causes of them. Also, if your heart is resonating with our style of holistic root cause healing, or what we call root root cause healing, and you are done with Band-Aid approaches and just managing your symptoms, and you're ready for real and long lasting solutions.
00:02:12:02 - 00:02:40:00
Filly
I'd love to invite you to join our waitlist for our ending body burn out method. So we will be opening doors again in September, which isn't too far away. And today's episode really gives you a glimpse into the metaphysical side of healing that we do with our clients. We're also supporting them physically, working therapeutically with any body system imbalances, but really going underneath and looking at why is your your body systems burn out in the first place?
00:02:40:00 - 00:03:08:00
Filly
Why are you running these burn out patterns? What's blocking you from healing? And so essentially, this is the big work that we do inside the method. Also, if you would like your to be coached on the podcast, you are very welcome to head down to the show notes. And there'll be a link there where you can apply to come on to the podcast for a live spark or root cause coaching session, so feel free to do that.
00:03:08:00 - 00:03:21:18
Filly
Otherwise, sit back, grab some organic popcorn. And yeah, I think you're really going to enjoy this coaching session.
00:03:21:20 - 00:03:35:13
Chris
Hello and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:03:35:13 - 00:03:43:10
Filly
Well, busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal, and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:03:43:13 - 00:03:56:17
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic, root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:03:56:17 - 00:04:04:20
Filly
Sorry. Get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply. Connect with yourself and step into the life of your dreams.
00:04:04:23 - 00:04:16:03
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:04:16:05 - 00:04:33:20
Chris
Welcome, everybody to the ending Body burn out show. We have a special guest on today who has volunteered for a coaching call. Nicole, thank you so much for responding to the call and jumping on for a coaching call today.
00:04:33:22 - 00:04:35:10
Nicole
No worries. Thanks for having me.
00:04:35:10 - 00:04:48:19
Chris
You all right? Well, we kind of had a brief chat before we went on air, but, I just want to know, what is something that you would like to get out of our time today.
00:04:48:21 - 00:05:01:16
Nicole
I'm really interested to learn more about my burnout points. What triggers, my normal sort of patterns and how I can overcome those core.
00:05:01:16 - 00:05:30:07
Chris
Okay, so patterns how to overcome burnout points. Cool. All right. Before we get into that, can you tell me a little bit more about what you do, who you are, your background, what life is like for you? How old you are, how old you are, what your family's like, what your work is like, business.
00:05:30:09 - 00:05:34:17
Chris
Just give me a. And Nicole rundown.
00:05:34:19 - 00:06:01:12
Nicole
No worries. 2538 I'm a mom of under nine of, two girls who, eight and ten, they both have additional needs and are on the spectrum. My husband, we've been married for two years. I tinder, romance. He works away ten days out of 14, fixing railway. So most of the time, that's with me.
00:06:01:12 - 00:06:27:10
Nicole
With my girls. Or our girl, should I say sorry? And I have a business called trading CFO. Where, bookkeepers and accountants specifically for trades builders, construction and manufacturing, helping them with their financial literacy and learn about their numbers. So they can have better businesses so they can live better lives. Growing up, I grew up in a family trade business.
00:06:27:10 - 00:06:48:04
Nicole
My father was always working longer, harder hours, and if he had access to the services that I now provide, he wouldn't be like he died five years ago from cancer and didn't actually live his life. And if he had these sort of skills in that now, like he would have had memories and actually ticked off his bucket list.
00:06:48:06 - 00:07:11:12
Nicole
So we also rent a caravan manufacturing company together as well. And yeah, five years ago when Covid hit, I was, out on the farm, with the kids father, running the caravan business because dad had the cancer, running an accounting practice, doing the mum thing, living 40 KS. Oh, sorry. 40 minutes out of town.
00:07:11:14 - 00:07:32:04
Nicole
I don't know how I did it all. Yeah. Set of five years ago with Covid and everyone going, you know, I want this, I want that. There's this grant, there's that grant. Everyone screaming at you, despite my own personal stuff that I had going on, I left the marriage and moved into town. Was very badly depressed. The grave with my father as well.
00:07:32:06 - 00:07:58:17
Nicole
And he's passing like, I hate burn out. I hated who I was, I was 150 kilos, and then I lost, about 65 kilos. Naturally, diet and exercise. And I've got the work life balance that I enjoy. Time is the one commodity you can't buy more of, get more back or tried for it. But I always have patterns of, you know, I've just got to get this done, just got to get this done.
00:07:58:19 - 00:08:13:21
Nicole
I really need to help people. And these things lead me to getting back to a point where I'm just too busy being busy and not focusing on my time and the things that actually matter.
00:08:13:23 - 00:08:37:17
Chris
Okay, so thank thanks for that. The couple, a couple of things come to me. First thing is, this past last part of the decade has been, I'm imagining a challenging, challenging time for you, right?
00:08:37:19 - 00:08:54:14
Nicole
Yeah. Lessons of memories, though, always being a glass half full kind of person. All my feelings are valid, and you try to work through those, but then it's like, Rob, you know, what can we do? What's the next best step to move away from this and move to somewhere more positive?
00:08:54:15 - 00:09:21:12
Chris
Yeah. Cool. Yeah. So? So always thinking glass half full. Moving. Moving to something positive. A growth mindset. You know, like, it sounds like that's what you, you try to, to adopt. That's your strategy to to, you know, you've got the ability to do something about your life. It's, it's sounds that you you embody that right?
00:09:21:14 - 00:09:36:03
Nicole
Yeah. Oh, the biggest thing I learned from my father's death is death is final. You don't get time back. You don't have choices. Once you did so that really has pivoted my life and how I live it now.
00:09:36:05 - 00:09:36:20
Chris
Oh, yeah.
00:09:36:20 - 00:09:39:23
Nicole
It's final. Very final. Yeah.
00:09:40:00 - 00:10:06:02
Chris
Yeah. It's not a no no. Return to sender. Get back. Get get back in the game. You're not done. There's another quarter to go. Get back in there. Yeah, there's none of that. So you mentioned it's it's been pivotal for you. Your dad's, dying. What sort of. You know, you mentioned a couple of things, like death.
00:10:06:02 - 00:10:17:11
Chris
Death is fine, or we kind of get time back. Like, if you always had that thought in the back of your mind, has it always been there or what's going on, like.
00:10:17:13 - 00:10:41:12
Nicole
Probably more no than yes. It's not until everything's lying in front of you that or until you hit rock bottom that you really can't. What matters? And for me, like, I've definitely found a pattern of if I'm not feeling quite raw, I just need movement. I need to walk. I need to do something. I don't like stationary.
00:10:41:17 - 00:10:52:08
Nicole
I feel like there's no growth when you're stationary. It's about what? Like counting time, I'll using my biggest fear is wasting time.
00:10:52:10 - 00:10:55:20
Chris
Oh, yeah.
00:10:55:22 - 00:11:01:17
Nicole
So that probably stems to why I always end up trying to be busy.
00:11:01:19 - 00:11:12:02
Chris
Yeah, yeah. See? See this belief? It's not a bad thing. Have you have you listened to much of a podcast or read a book or anything like that?
00:11:12:04 - 00:11:13:17
Nicole
I've listened to a few podcasts.
00:11:13:20 - 00:11:41:07
Chris
Cool. Have you heard this line? It's not a problem to Lydia is everything's okay till it's not. Have you heard that? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Because being, being stationary, you're not going to. Maybe you weren't grow, but maybe, maybe you're not going to burn in in in hell. So you're not an evil person for being stationary, but you're also, like, growing and moving and doing that.
00:11:41:07 - 00:12:03:08
Chris
So stuff. It's not it's not a bad thing either. You're not going to burn in hell. Bye bye. Activity and and achievement and and doing this, it's not a problem until it is. You know being stationary is okay till it's not growing. Doing, being some sort of way is is okay till it's not right.
00:12:03:10 - 00:12:30:00
Chris
But then you've got this fear your greatest. It's not just a fear or this thing that. Oh, sometimes I think about. It's you. You use the words like my greatest fear is in there. Yeah, yeah, it's always in there. Can you tell me, is that okay? Like, has it has that reached a point where, actually, you know, it is always in there.
00:12:30:00 - 00:12:39:02
Chris
So I do value time, but sometimes I think it's a problem. Do you think that at all?
00:12:39:04 - 00:13:13:04
Nicole
For me, I think, so, so when it comes down to financial things and why I'm big into helping charities understand the numbers because when you it's not about the dollars, but when you have money, money gives you choices. And when you have both of those, you have more time back. So you can pay people to delegate and, do all those things that you want to do, but with time, it's using it wisely because you, yeah, I, I always get stuck.
00:13:13:04 - 00:13:34:14
Nicole
It's like you just don't get it back. So for me, it's about making sure that, like, you know, we've I've got a couple different options. I'm always going to choose the option that's best across the thing where it's like, okay, well I'm not going to spend, like I say, when it comes to my media advertising and that sort of stuff, it's not a strength of mind.
00:13:34:14 - 00:13:51:20
Nicole
So why am I going to waste my time doing that? I'm going to go and delegate that. But for me personally, it's a case of, you know, I would much rather spend my time going to watch the kids at their school sports rather than sitting behind the desk. And it always feels like, what's the opportunity cost?
00:13:51:22 - 00:14:03:05
Nicole
This is what if you don't actually do it? Like, you don't get moments back either. You've only got 18 seconds with your kids. But it always. It's a play off, isn't it?
00:14:03:07 - 00:14:10:12
Chris
Yeah, yeah. So,
00:14:10:14 - 00:14:34:06
Chris
Where is it? We might be going down the wrong path, so this might be, not wrong, but we might be going down a path that, you know, doesn't go anywhere. But is this is this something that you think, is is a, potentially a dysfunctional pattern for you? Is there any sort of dysfunctional pattern in there?
00:14:34:06 - 00:14:55:05
Chris
Because when we first started, you wanted to, explore some patterns that that might be hidden to you or not obvious to you. Usually those ones are like, what have I got on my desk here? Nothing. My desk is actually quite clean today. That's weird. You know, something kind of hidden, like a Where's Wally type thing.
00:14:55:05 - 00:14:59:12
Chris
You know, you got to kind of take a little bit of time to look for it, you know what I mean?
00:14:59:14 - 00:15:00:15
Nicole
Let's go digging.
00:15:00:20 - 00:15:11:21
Chris
Yeah, okay. Okay. Digging. I love it. So, it does sound to me that.
00:15:11:23 - 00:15:46:15
Chris
That, your value for time has some, some beautiful benefits that serve you tremendously. You get a lot certainty. You get a lot of growth. You get sounds like you get connection with the most important thing, by by prioritising your time. So I think that the upside is, is there is there anything in there where you feel like it, but I and then fill in the blank kind of problem issue.
00:15:46:18 - 00:15:57:09
Chris
Do you know what I mean? What would that if you fill in the blanks, that's, but sometimes I.
00:15:57:11 - 00:16:31:04
Nicole
Yeah. See that would come back down to is like, you know, I spend so much time trying to spend my time wisely that there's always like, there's all that stuff that's always going to be underneath that still needs attention. It still needs doing. So when my attention isn't where like, you know, I'm spending the time where I want to to have those moments and time with my kids, with my family, then I'm going to be up till stupid o'clock doing all of those other things that fall underneath that still need to be done.
00:16:31:06 - 00:16:55:23
Nicole
And I'm at I am a bit of a control freak. I like to do things myself. I'm a perfectionist as well. And those sort of things lead me to not getting enough sleep. You're sort of up in the middle of the night thinking about things still. Or, you know, you're thinking about the next thing consistently. It's hard to switch off.
00:16:56:01 - 00:17:01:07
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:17:01:09 - 00:17:20:11
Chris
How much of a an issue is that? You know, like, is that is that, it's actually yeah, it's hard to switch off. However, I'm actually really good at noticing it and then I, then I fix it and blah, blah, blah. So it's kind of like a pendulum or balance or something like, or it's like, no, it's actually harder than hard.
00:17:20:11 - 00:17:24:00
Chris
It's I don't switch off. Yeah.
00:17:24:02 - 00:17:47:04
Nicole
I find that it's harder than hard. It will be until, like I just get, impatient sort of tick. It's like I'll be sitting there tapping my foot on my piano or something like that, and I get shorter. I end up getting snappy, and then it's like, oh, that's the reset. Let you know, let's go back, put things back in place.
00:17:47:06 - 00:17:58:00
Nicole
But then it's a continual type of thing. Oh, go back to good. And then I'll get back into the old patterns.
00:17:58:01 - 00:18:01:10
Chris
Okay.
00:18:01:11 - 00:18:08:03
Chris
All right. Let's grab the shovel.
00:18:08:05 - 00:18:14:06
Chris
Okay, so let me grab my. Let's do asthma.
00:18:14:08 - 00:18:18:01
Nicole
That's it.
00:18:18:03 - 00:18:32:14
Chris
A little pattern interrupt. Okay. So.
00:18:32:16 - 00:18:50:04
Chris
What kind of person are you? Like you said, perfectionist. Control freak. I do have it. You know that that that sort of language. I if I walked out, if I was at high school and someone called me a freak, or if I called someone a freak, it's almost like bullying, isn't it? Do you know what I mean?
00:18:50:04 - 00:18:51:04
Nicole
Yeah.
00:18:51:05 - 00:19:02:19
Chris
It's not a it's probably, in my opinion. Feel free to not have my opinion. It seems like,
00:19:02:21 - 00:19:25:16
Chris
You know, there might be nice way, nice things to say. Someone's like, oh, that's. You've got a really nice shirt, even though it's black, and they've got eye shadow and kind of gothic. And you like you, you really love black, don't you? Rather than saying you're a real freak, aren't you? You freaky freak? You know, so there's nice things to say than is not nice.
00:19:25:18 - 00:19:30:22
Chris
The control freak perfectionist. How do you feel about those sort of things?
00:19:31:00 - 00:19:55:09
Nicole
Very black and white. There isn't a lot of grey scale with me. I don't like. To me, personally, I don't feel like I'm talking dead to myself. It's like a spade, a spade. Like I wouldn't go to someone else. I'm your control freak. But I'm comfortable in my own skin to recognise, like, however it comes out, I guess, okay.
00:19:55:11 - 00:20:20:18
Nicole
Like I used to. Oh. Like, they would still be things about me now, but, say, five years ago, I hated who I was. I changed myself that much because I thought, like, it takes two people to make a relationship work, that when you are on a downward spiral and you're changing yourself to try and make a relationship shape work, you know, it's taken a lot of rebuilding to get to where I am.
00:20:20:18 - 00:20:42:19
Nicole
And even though I came across very confident with speaking, I still have a, there is a lot of areas as well where I don't have a lot of confidence. Like, I don't like public speaking. I've been hanging off from building my online course for ages because I don't like being behind a camera. But this is okay because I'm talking to someone.
00:20:42:19 - 00:20:58:05
Nicole
I'm interacting. But when it's me being centre of attention, like, just put me in the, you know, the trenches, let me do the work. I don't need to be the face of something. So there's always that that goes on as well.
00:20:58:07 - 00:21:13:14
Chris
Yeah. Which is which is fine. You know, everything's okay, so it's not right. So. So. Yeah.
00:21:13:16 - 00:21:48:05
Chris
So if we were to dig under this site, what? Okay. Perfectionist had to switch off black and white. Not much grey. Five years ago, you hated yourself. Yeah. You were 150 kilos lost. What did you say? 60 kilos. So you, Eight, I bet. Or differently. Like. And you moved your body differently. And the result of that is you use 60 kilos of.
00:21:48:07 - 00:22:08:07
Chris
You metabolise 60 kilos of your body and and used it for energy. And now it's now at your different physical person, right. Take a moment to answer this question. Just have a breath and think about it.
00:22:08:09 - 00:22:31:18
Chris
Think about what we've talked about so far. Control perfection. How to switch off black, even black and white thinking, even issues and thoughts about yourself from the past where you hated yourself and you've worked on that. And you, it sounds like you've you've done it. Done. You know, you're not starting from zero. You're on your journey right now.
00:22:31:18 - 00:22:40:06
Chris
You know, just take a moment and think.
00:22:40:08 - 00:23:02:04
Chris
Where's the where's the problem? What's a problem that you've got going on that you feel like, you know what if I think about all of that, I actually do have a bit of a problem with. So I just just take a moment, think about it, let me know what comes up.
00:23:02:06 - 00:23:07:00
Nicole
00:23:07:11 - 00:23:35:22
Nicole
Yeah. So kind of turned into a counselling session, hasn't it? I like a lot of it. Would like I, along with, like, you know, the DoD in in exercise and that sort of stuff. A lot of it came down to, seeking a lot of counselling as well, to actually learn what triggers, work through your feelings and validate them and give you strategies to be able to cope sort of going forward.
00:23:36:00 - 00:23:38:23
Nicole
A lot of the things that still sort of come out for me.
00:23:38:23 - 00:23:40:11
Chris
00:23:42:05 - 00:24:01:08
Nicole
Like, you know, I'm not close with my sister. My relationship with my mom is strained, and there's all way like, I was bullied a lot as a kid and all that sort of stuff. You know, a failed marriage. And it's. I don't know if it stems down to the like, you know, whether you feel. I feel abandoned with,
00:24:01:10 - 00:24:17:02
Nicole
I don't feel accepted. And it's like, you know, always trying to be on the improve, like I've got something to prove, but it's trying to prove it to myself.
00:24:17:04 - 00:24:18:15
Chris
Here we go.
00:24:18:17 - 00:24:22:00
Nicole
Whoop, whoop. Yeah.
00:24:22:02 - 00:24:28:14
Chris
What's the problem with.
00:24:28:16 - 00:24:38:21
Chris
With you as a as a person. You know why? If you got to prove yourself.
00:24:38:23 - 00:24:53:13
Nicole
Good question. So are you digging? It's like, you know, it's going to take about ten counselling sessions, probably to get to the bottom of that one.
00:24:53:15 - 00:25:19:15
Nicole
I spy like, one of my big mantras is I can control what I say and do and how I respond to others. So I've got full control over that stuff. But still, it doesn't matter how much you like, you can do so much work on yourself and try and prove so much to yourself, but it's still that thing of, fear.
00:25:19:15 - 00:25:36:00
Nicole
Like you, everybody wants to be able to connect. Everyone wants to feel accepted for who they are. And when you have past traumas, it's like, yeah, it's really a thing of really trying to reprogramme your brain.
00:25:36:02 - 00:25:36:20
Chris
00:25:36:22 - 00:26:02:15
Nicole
So that, like, that doesn't even answer, why do I have a problem with trying to prove something to myself? Because like, you know, I'm a decent person, I like who I am, I in the relationships, that I maintain like, you know, it's very, when I like, you know, they feel balance, I feel accepted. There's no expectations from either side.
00:26:02:17 - 00:26:16:04
Nicole
It's enjoying about what someone else brings to the table about them uniquely. Like, they're all really positive things. So. But it's like, what's this underlying seed that continues to sit there.
00:26:16:06 - 00:26:20:03
Chris
Yeah. That's pretty wise.
00:26:20:05 - 00:26:23:10
Nicole
Yeah.
00:26:23:12 - 00:27:07:18
Chris
Okay. So what I've found is. There's going to be some there's physical things that we could, we could go down, you know, if you eat this and if you don't eat that, if you do this and you don't do that, we call them strategies. You know, you can you can't have any sort of symptom without something happening in your body, you know, as a consequence or a cause, you know, that there's always going to be some sort of dis functioning body system, physical thing that's going on when when someone comes to us or when when someone has a symptom.
00:27:07:18 - 00:27:38:04
Chris
So overweight is a symptom. Sleeplessness is a symptom. Mood, depression, anxiety, fear, shame, all these sort of things are symptoms. There's going to be a physical thing as well. They're always holding hands, but it's like, yeah, okay, but why? Where did this come from? How did this start? And sometimes it's not like stubbing your toe, you know, like it's, oh, I just stubbed my toe.
00:27:38:04 - 00:28:00:21
Chris
And now I'm now I've got a soft foot. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Are you okay? Yeah. I'll be okay. And I'll heal. Now we're talking about burnout. Burnout is. No, I'm. It's not just I. I stubbed my toe. I keep stubbing my toe, and I'm so scared of stubbing my toe again. I'm always stubbed my toe. I've got a real pattern.
00:28:00:23 - 00:28:11:17
Chris
I've been stubbing my toe my whole life. Now my poor toe just feels some sort of kind of bad way. Do you know?
00:28:11:19 - 00:28:14:15
Nicole
Yeah.
00:28:14:17 - 00:28:24:01
Chris
And you mentioned trauma. Things happen in the past being bullied at school. You're not at school anymore.
00:28:24:03 - 00:28:29:07
Nicole
Right?
00:28:29:09 - 00:28:58:20
Chris
Those things are really hard. And I, I just I just want to hold some space for that and just say, yeah, I, I don't know what you went through. I don't know those experiences. They sound really tough and challenging. And any any trauma, any trauma is really, really hard and really challenging and.
00:28:58:22 - 00:29:14:11
Chris
It's in the past, even though it still hurts to think about those events are in the past. And what I've found is.
00:29:14:13 - 00:29:44:20
Chris
They pale in comparison, in challenging ness and hardness and harshness and awfulness. They are those events as hard and as awful as they are. They pale in comparison to the constant barrage of of shameful thinking that you have about yourself over and over again. After that is done, you know.
00:29:44:22 - 00:30:02:19
Chris
It just happens over and over again. It's it's really it's it's it's so awful. It's so sad, number one, to have those experiences in trauma. So I would love for those things to not exist. But but what's even more important.
00:30:02:21 - 00:30:10:10
Chris
Is to look at how you think about you.
00:30:10:12 - 00:30:21:22
Chris
Because that's the that's the real that's the real ongoing problem. If you don't fix that, that's the equivalent of.
00:30:21:23 - 00:30:24:14
Chris
Wanting to stub your toe.
00:30:24:16 - 00:30:34:16
Nicole
Yeah. You know what's really interesting? Tell me for shits and giggles. It would have been about six years ago. I went to a tarot card reader.
00:30:34:19 - 00:30:35:12
Chris
Oh.
00:30:35:14 - 00:30:56:23
Nicole
And it was all the things she was going through was just so interesting. And the worst thing she said to herself, despite everything else that you've got going on here, that you're going to have to work with, the one thing you need to start doing is the way that you talk to yourself is disgusting.
00:30:57:01 - 00:31:00:21
Chris
How does how did you take that? At the time?
00:31:00:23 - 00:31:10:06
Nicole
Oh, like it's like your note wrong. No. Wrong.
00:31:10:08 - 00:31:11:19
Nicole
So interesting.
00:31:11:21 - 00:31:22:03
Chris
Yeah. How did you. How did that change you? Hearing what she said?
00:31:22:04 - 00:31:52:21
Nicole
That was sort of about 12 months before, but the end of the marriage and like, everything was sort of on the rocks in that. Anyway, and. Yeah, like, she wasn't wrong because realistically, I'm the one that has control over how I feel about myself and how I let other people affect me. So it's just another part of the journey that sort of spurred you on to wanting better for yourself.
00:31:52:23 - 00:32:01:05
Nicole
And like, it's moved me in the right path, but obviously there's still oh, there's always work to do.
00:32:01:07 - 00:32:46:12
Chris
Yeah. There's this, there's this saying that you, you say to yourself and you don't know, are you saying it and and you say it to yourself unconsciously over and over again and you, you, it's not just saying it's you believe it about yourself. And it's that belief about yourself that that gets you doing all the problems of proving any time you tip over into, resourceful or dysfunctional patterns, if you dig underneath it, there's going to be this saying that you're saying to yourself in, in your, unconsciously, it's I am not enough in some way, shape or form.
00:32:46:12 - 00:32:54:06
Chris
Actually, more than that, I am really rubbish.
00:32:54:08 - 00:33:01:23
Chris
And it's always nasty. It's always mean. It's always unkind.
00:33:02:01 - 00:33:17:18
Chris
And so if, if you dug a little bit or a bit, you'll find this feeling, I call it your root. Root. Cause it's this belief about yourself that's really, really not nice.
00:33:17:20 - 00:33:32:02
Chris
Have you, have you, have you done any work on on your insecurities or self-perception or anything like that in the past?
00:33:32:04 - 00:34:00:12
Nicole
More so probably around, grief and all kinds of depression and that sort of stuff. Like, I'm working with a leadership coach, I'm sorry, life coach at the moment. Yeah. So, like, there's different things that sort of comes up, but probably no, I haven't dealt enough into that area. And, like, you know, who's the right person to sort of help you with that.
00:34:00:14 - 00:34:14:01
Chris
Yeah. I know, I know a couple of people that are really good at that.
00:34:14:03 - 00:34:36:22
Chris
The way the way that we do it is we go, okay, what's going on? I do this, and what's the problem with that? It's this. Okay. And what's the problem with that? Well, it's this. Okay. And how is that a problem? How does that affect you? All this okay. And if and maybe blah blah blah happens. So what's the problem with that.
00:34:36:22 - 00:34:57:15
Chris
And so we do a bit of digging digging digging digging digging. And anyone listening to to our conversation you can do this to you just dig under and you find a deep problem. And when you kind of start saying the same thing over and over again, or you get to a point, a certain point, you can say, all right, and what do you make that mean about you?
00:34:57:19 - 00:35:24:03
Chris
Or what does that mean about you? You say, well, I am blah blah blah. And what's the problem with thinking you're blah blah blah? Well, this and then we might go down a little bit and we might say, and where else is that a problem? We find some patterns where this is an issue for you. We dig and we go a little bit deeper and, and I say, and what does that mean about you?
00:35:24:03 - 00:36:00:08
Chris
And you might say the exact same thing, but sometimes you, you will say, well, I think this about me like, oh. And then one will just hate you and you'll feel some sort of way. And you just whatever that is, you just take note of it and you see if that pops up in any other problem that you've got going on and what filling it, I will do as part of our ending body burn out method is we will get to that deep root cause.
00:36:00:10 - 00:36:34:06
Chris
And what we found is that deep root root cause is under all this every dysfunctional pattern, every, resourceful pattern that you've you've got any time where you feel triggered or annoyed or frustrated or need to prove and defend any time you feel frustrated, even stressed or worried or, any insecurity underneath all of that will be the exact same root root cause it's every time.
00:36:34:08 - 00:37:12:17
Chris
And if you can reframe that and believe something different about yourself, that will, then you don't need to fix. You don't need to manage, you don't need to mask, you don't need to medicate. You don't need to prove and defend. Because you believe some sort of different thing now about yourself. And, we found that unless you change that root root belief about yourself, keep stubbing your toe, keep hitting, bang your foot on things you can't heal because you keep not wanting to heal.
00:37:12:19 - 00:37:17:16
Chris
Deep down. Does that make sense?
00:37:17:18 - 00:37:19:14
Nicole
Absolutely.
00:37:19:16 - 00:37:26:17
Chris
Yeah. You want to do a little bit digging, see if we can get you there.
00:37:26:19 - 00:37:28:06
Nicole
Go nuts. Let's do it.
00:37:28:07 - 00:37:58:23
Chris
Okay, cool. Well, Where will we start? Let's go. Traumas. Proving something to yourself the way six years ago. The way you talk about yourself is disgusting. 60 kilos heavier back then.
00:37:59:00 - 00:38:10:05
Chris
And then today, like you've got. You do try hard. You do intentionally try to use your time intentionally.
00:38:10:07 - 00:38:21:10
Chris
But what happens if you don't? What's the worst that can happen if you don't use your time wisely? All that sort of stuff.
00:38:21:12 - 00:38:53:15
Nicole
For me, it would be not being present for those around me, like my kids. For my husband, for my clients. Yeah. Like I, you know, say, like, it might be my daughter's first, basketball semi-final, like, that's on a weekend. But if you're, too busy doing this or too busy doing that, like, you know, it could.
00:38:53:17 - 00:39:21:07
Nicole
I'm not going to get that moment back watching her at least. I'm showing up for her, which means I'm showing up for myself as well. So with that, that stems back to with my dad, like, you know, working longer, harder hours. I've always said that, you know, it's not about expensive holidays or the things that you can buy and that sort of stuff.
00:39:21:07 - 00:39:39:01
Nicole
Like he did what he could and made sure we had, you know, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, a warm bed to sleep in and all that sort of stuff. But he wasn't present. All I could ever want was like, you know, sit down, read as a book. Let's go for a walk to the park.
00:39:39:01 - 00:40:02:05
Nicole
How was your day? All of those things that cost nothing but a little bit of time and a little bit of showing up, like, you know, I'll be I can as a parent, I can choose to do that differently with my own family. So that's like a choice that I have.
00:40:02:07 - 00:40:12:10
Chris
Okay. And.
00:40:12:11 - 00:40:40:05
Chris
Why is it a problem if you don't do that like you know like I mean it makes sense on I get, I get it. But if we were to do a little bit digging, let's just say you don't show up for your daughter, you don't go to the basketball game. And you maybe repeat those patterns that you learnt from your dad, you know, how is that a problem?
00:40:40:07 - 00:41:12:16
Nicole
Not connecting. Not maintaining, like, you know, not putting the effort into a relationship. Because, like, you know, you learn from the environment that you grow up in and that you surround yourself in and, like, you know, though, like, it's may seem like such a small, thing in a lot of them in the scheme of things.
00:41:12:18 - 00:41:34:15
Nicole
But I suppose for me, by having connecting with people, it's a way of feeling validated. It's that way of feeling accepted as well. But for me, as a parent, turning out from my daughter, I want her to know that I accept her, that I love her, that they know out there and having you go and that I'm proud of her.
00:41:34:17 - 00:41:55:19
Nicole
So those, all things that maybe like, you know, I'm not saying anything about the way I was brought up on my folks or anything else at all. But as a parent, these are things that matter to me, and I want my daughter to feel great and, like, feel that coming from me as a mom.
00:41:55:21 - 00:42:02:04
Chris
Yeah, I love it. Okay.
00:42:02:05 - 00:42:27:08
Nicole
I know that doesn't really answer your question of what if you don't do it? Yeah. Like, what else would I be like? You know, you'd probably be sitting on the couch not doing anything, like, what's the, better way to spend it? I would creating a memory is the better thing. Like. And that sort of comes back to, like, I can't sit on the couch and do nothing.
00:42:27:08 - 00:42:48:04
Nicole
That's not me. I'm stationary. So it's like, you know, if you're stationary, does that mean that you've got time to think, time to process stuff, time to sit with being comfortable? And am I choosing not to do that?
00:42:48:06 - 00:42:57:10
Chris
What what about this. So,
00:42:57:12 - 00:43:15:09
Chris
Stationary. Stationary. Stationary. Yeah. What's the, do we go down the what. Let's just say okay. Okay. So that's not me. I'm not stationary. Okay. Well who are you when you are stationary?
00:43:15:11 - 00:43:18:11
Nicole
That is very good question as well.
00:43:18:12 - 00:43:30:07
Chris
What kind of person is stationary? What kind of person sits on the couch versus creating memories?
00:43:30:09 - 00:43:32:22
Nicole
Someone could be relaxing.
00:43:32:23 - 00:43:35:14
Chris
Yes, someone. You've got a bad time.
00:43:35:15 - 00:44:08:19
Nicole
You know, someone could be relaxing. And it's like, you know, if I'm stationary, like, you know, that's one of my other fears as well. He's putting weight on again. If I put weight on again, I'm unhealthy. I don't like the way I look that then stems to, you know, the mental and emotional, way, you know, you think and feel about yourself not being a B, not being able to be active, which is then taking choices away from being able to participate and all of that sort of stuff.
00:44:08:21 - 00:44:22:05
Nicole
So if I'm sitting there stationary, I'm like, you know, I probably like very simple answer is like, you know, I don't feel like much.
00:44:22:07 - 00:44:23:22
Nicole
Which is the bottom line, isn't it?
00:44:24:00 - 00:44:27:02
Chris
Doesn't feel like much. Yeah.
00:44:27:04 - 00:44:28:11
Nicole
That's. Yeah.
00:44:28:13 - 00:44:56:14
Chris
Yeah. I don't feel like much. So. I just want to. I'm not saying being stationary is the goal or not being stationary is less than what? My intention right now is to just kind of test you and, like, just do a little bit digging, you know, like, doesn't, you know, can be stationary or not, you know?
00:44:56:16 - 00:44:59:13
Nicole
Yeah. I don't feel judged if that's what you're worried about.
00:44:59:19 - 00:45:32:07
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. And, so, so let's go. You don't feel like much when you are stationary or even if you do think about being stationary because because it sounds like there's not actually very much of the being stationary. Not anymore anyway. Not in this half of the decade. Right. Okay. So if you were stationary and you didn't feel like much, can you speak a little bit more about that?
00:45:32:10 - 00:45:35:17
Chris
I want to know more about this stationary.
00:45:35:19 - 00:46:02:22
Nicole
So if I had a choice beside like you know of say I like sitting on the couch and watching a movie. If I was watching the movie there with someone, then that's awesome. I would prefer to be out in the paddock with my horse because my horse feels at my back like I'm very big about feeling at your back, at about the things that you like doing.
00:46:03:00 - 00:46:29:21
Nicole
If like, you know, I say not much. It's like I don't have feelings. Sort of. Either way, you know? You know, they're competing about, what are people going to think about me or, you know, when you are stationary, I guess, like, there is none of those other, pressures surrounding you. But when I'm doing something, I'm getting some sort of fulfilment.
00:46:29:21 - 00:46:35:22
Nicole
And when you're getting fulfilment, that makes you feel better about yourself.
00:46:36:00 - 00:46:59:09
Chris
Yeah. What if your. Were your, I mean, yeah. Fill your bucket. That's all great, I love it. Buckets are nice to be filled. That's why we have buckets to fill them with stuff. What is your. What if your bucket wasn't full? What if you, Where do we go? Here. So. Yeah.
00:46:59:11 - 00:47:27:10
Nicole
No, that's a good one. If my bucket wasn't full. Oh, sorry. If I wasn't filling my bucket to try and keep myself at a good level, I wouldn't be in a good place. So that would be so. That would probably be the fear of, like, you know, going back to where I was, being depressed, being anxious, you know, not feeling like I can be like, I could easily just go hide my.
00:47:27:13 - 00:47:47:07
Nicole
My retreat would either be, you know, it's so easy to cut people off or to go hide under a rock. It's like, I don't want to be that person. So I have all these strategies. Yeah. To. It's like, you know. Yeah. Like, it's so easy for me to be a recluse, but I don't want to be a recluse because I like connection.
00:47:47:07 - 00:47:49:01
Nicole
I like being out there in life.
00:47:49:03 - 00:48:06:21
Chris
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yes. Sweet. So this is where I think, I don't know if this makes sense, but filling you back is not a bad thing. Connecting with people is not obviously not a bad thing until it is. You know, some people will sell their soul just to connect, right? They'll do. Do you know what I mean?
00:48:06:23 - 00:48:26:01
Nicole
Yeah, that's definitely not me in that category. Yeah. I value the people that are around me. Like there's something that's mutual there. If people have expectations or want something from me, like, one of the big things, we have quite a few people that I don't have a lot to do with. Like they say, me as a walking ATM.
00:48:26:01 - 00:48:33:02
Nicole
What else can I get out of here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's about having the right people around you and wanting to keep connections with them.
00:48:33:02 - 00:49:00:22
Chris
I love it, yeah, I us that's, that sounds similar to my own personal thoughts as well. And then and then I just think, okay, but then there's this part of you that just. It sounds like it's like in the, I don't know, like, back of your mind or just somewhere I kind of lurking where it's just kind of waiting just for you to want it.
00:49:01:00 - 00:49:22:18
Chris
A moment of weakness or something. This is part of you just come on and then you fighting against it. You say, no, I don't think that I am going to be not stationary because I don't want to be a recluse. I don't want to retreat and hide. I don't want to be anxious and depressed. I want to be in a good place.
00:49:22:20 - 00:49:25:14
Chris
I want to fill my bucket. You know?
00:49:25:16 - 00:49:31:22
Nicole
Yeah. What you said is exactly spot on, is it? Yeah, absolutely.
00:49:32:00 - 00:49:36:07
Chris
Can you go into more detail for, for for me?
00:49:36:09 - 00:49:38:13
Nicole
What do you mean? Might have to prompt me with some real quick. Yeah.
00:49:38:18 - 00:49:44:06
Chris
What what what hit you when I was saying that,
00:49:44:08 - 00:49:55:10
Nicole
Like, the way you sort of say it, like it, you know, it's the demon that sort of sitting there like it's, Yeah. Like the question is my head, what am I trying to fight?
00:49:55:12 - 00:49:56:09
Chris
00:49:58:05 - 00:50:00:05
Nicole
Like, what is that issue?
00:50:00:07 - 00:50:35:08
Chris
Yeah. Fight it. This is conflict. This is, Palestine. Israel. This is Russia. Ukraine. This is, them versus them. This is one team versus another competition fighting demon versus angel, good versus evil, bad versus good. That's similar sort of thing, right? Wrong. You know, but you see this demon do it sitting there that you're fighting. What? Who is that?
00:50:35:08 - 00:50:38:04
Chris
What is that demon.
00:50:38:06 - 00:50:42:14
Nicole
I'd really like to know. That that's a helpful.
00:50:42:18 - 00:51:07:20
Chris
Yeah, well. Well, it sounds like this demon, is tempting you or wanting you to to do something or be some sort of way, right? You know, and you're fighting against it. You like. No, I am going to do this. I'm going to do that. No, I'm going to go and do blah, blah, blah. Yeah. You've put your foot down the.
00:51:07:22 - 00:51:13:19
Chris
Does that make sense?
00:51:13:21 - 00:51:19:02
Chris
Who's this demon? What is this demon?
00:51:19:04 - 00:51:24:19
Nicole
Very good question.
00:51:24:21 - 00:51:33:13
Nicole
I don't need it. Oh, don't feel it. The thing that I needed exited existing something. So what? Yeah.
00:51:33:15 - 00:51:34:16
Chris
Yeah.
00:51:34:18 - 00:51:45:18
Nicole
Yeah. Definitely need, more work in that area of, being kinder to myself. Isn't it? Yeah. Getting to the root of those.
00:51:45:20 - 00:51:53:16
Chris
Okay, so, here's my.
00:51:53:18 - 00:52:21:03
Chris
I think this is probably, when when we first came on. What what would you like to do? I'd like to look at my patterns. I'd like to look at, more burnout points. How to overcome those. Right. Like, use the word overcome. It's it's another way of saying win or beat or fight and stand on the on the mound of my enemies with my sword aloft and,
00:52:21:05 - 00:52:24:12
Chris
And the winner.
00:52:24:14 - 00:52:43:19
Chris
Yeah. Something like that. Now, where we got to right now, just as a recap, I've kind of found this. There's a demon in your words sitting there, and you're fighting it.
00:52:43:21 - 00:53:05:15
Chris
And that demon, we got to there because we're talking about filling your bucket and and perhaps this demon wants you to do some sort of thing or or maybe not do some sort of thing. It wants you to be some side, some kind of way. Do you know what I mean?
00:53:05:17 - 00:53:06:05
Nicole
Yeah.
00:53:06:07 - 00:53:08:03
Chris
Yeah. Is that resonating?
00:53:08:07 - 00:53:39:08
Nicole
Is that I think demons probably the wrong word, because that sounds, makes me that I would, Yeah. Like they would different. There's definitely something there which, like, you know, I because that's who I used to be, like, I don't want to be. And there's obviously still a part of me that it would be so easy if you undo your life to stop doing these strategies, you going to end up back there again.
00:53:39:10 - 00:53:49:03
Nicole
And I didn't like who that person was six years ago, you know, five, six years ago.
00:53:49:05 - 00:54:05:05
Chris
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So so these these strategies,
00:54:05:07 - 00:54:36:13
Chris
Kind of. To manage, to manage that, that part of you to manage and make sure it doesn't come out again, that it doesn't show its head, that it doesn't become a part of your life again, that it doesn't control the whole show again. All right.
00:54:36:14 - 00:54:47:06
Chris
I've mentioned this on another podcast. There was, an ad. This is the Fast Forward edition.
00:54:47:08 - 00:55:11:21
Chris
Guy lost his son to SIDs, and him and his wife went through a break up, and he couldn't stop thinking about how he might have been responsible. And in his words, how he was responsible for what he did and blah, blah, blah, who he was. So he turned to drugs and alcohol and he used drugs and alcohol.
00:55:11:21 - 00:55:33:11
Chris
So he would just fall asleep and wouldn't dream. And for a long time he tried to think, damn, drugs and alcohol is a real problem. I've got to stop. I got to stop my drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol is a real problem for me. And then he had an eye opening moment where, oh, actually, drugs and alcohol isn't my problem.
00:55:33:13 - 00:55:52:16
Chris
It's my solution. And okay, well, if it's my solution, if I think about it as my solution, what problem is it trying to solve so. Well, I don't want to go to sleep at night. I want to dream. All right, well, what am I dreaming about? I'm dreaming about my son. Okay. And what happened to your son? Well, my son died, right?
00:55:52:18 - 00:56:26:14
Chris
And how did that happen? Well, sudden infant death, right. And what does that mean about you? It means this means I'm blah, blah, blah, right? Drugs and alcohol became his solution. His strategy to not think about him being that to forget he believed that about himself. And when he went sober, he just remembered, oh yeah, I forgot. I'm a piece of garbage.
00:56:26:16 - 00:56:35:14
Chris
This demon in you isn't the problem. It's the solution to something.
00:56:35:15 - 00:56:39:00
Nicole
Yeah.
00:56:39:02 - 00:57:00:16
Chris
And my invitation would be okay. What if it wasn't a demon? What if it was a part of you that actually wanted the best for you? And. See if I can find the right words for this. This makes sense.
00:57:00:18 - 00:57:02:10
Nicole
I break, comes out, is perfect.
00:57:02:14 - 00:57:29:12
Chris
Yeah. Like this. This part of you, that demon, that part that wants you to be stationary, that wants you to be some sort of way is your beer is a beautiful part of you. It's not an evil, nasty part of you. It's a beautiful part of you. That was just. It went a little bit too over the top.
00:57:29:14 - 00:57:48:09
Chris
It didn't find balance. It wanted you to survive somehow, some way, some shape or form. It was your childish solution to being some kind of guy just so you could survive. Man.
00:57:48:11 - 00:57:55:09
Chris
And so you've got this part of you that's still hanging on.
00:57:55:11 - 00:58:04:12
Chris
That needs to be. Just let go.
00:58:04:14 - 00:58:06:17
Chris
Does it make any sense at all?
00:58:06:19 - 00:58:29:06
Nicole
Yeah it does. And like, you know, it just brings up, you know, other sort of stuff, like when we talk about the child within yourself and that, but my aunt and I have, like, she's like, I have a lot of questions. Like, I'd love to learn more about, you know, my parents relationship and, you know, their upbringings and all the rest of it.
00:58:29:08 - 00:58:44:10
Nicole
But, yeah, one thing my aunt said is, like, you know, you didn't know what love was like. She got, I remembered her saying, like, you know, Accardo. Like, I'd have to go wrap my arms around you, and it has to be by your side.
00:58:44:12 - 00:58:45:03
Chris
All right.
00:58:45:05 - 00:59:08:10
Nicole
And, so, but one thing I have said about my previous marriage was I've walked out, and this is probably the same as the relationship with my, sister. She chose not to have anything to do with me. My relationship with my mom, that's fried. It's like, I felt like I was had to love.
00:59:08:12 - 00:59:36:02
Nicole
And it sort of stems, like, the right way, sort of through. But it's interesting because with my husband and the people that I choose to have around me, they don't make me feel that way at all. All that love is conditional, that, you know, you've got to do this. If you want me to feel that way about you and, there's just none of that that exists.
00:59:36:04 - 00:59:44:01
Nicole
My office is now free. Yeah. Yeah. Like all that sort of stuff comes up.
00:59:44:03 - 00:59:50:07
Chris
Yeah. Thank you.
00:59:50:09 - 01:00:08:02
Chris
And the wonderful thing about your your husband and your kids, they don't make you feel like that. They they love you unconditionally. There's no there's no fine print. That's lovely.
01:00:08:04 - 01:00:26:22
Chris
And then there's. It sounds like there's this part of you that could be examined a little bit more about. Okay. Yeah, they love me unconditionally, but there's a little part of me. Or maybe it's a big part of me. Of you.
01:00:27:00 - 01:00:46:11
Chris
That doesn't love myself in some way, shape or form. And you said something and I, I, for those of you listening and not watching Nicole's eyes, just do. I don't know if this means anything but your eyes. I don't know what it was like. They got tears or say moisture.
01:00:46:13 - 01:00:55:00
Nicole
Stop it. You do that to me now and my tissues are over there. That has worked for you.
01:00:55:02 - 01:00:59:12
Chris
When you said I was hard to love.
01:00:59:14 - 01:01:01:10
Nicole
That it's a real thing.
01:01:01:11 - 01:01:02:23
Chris
It's real. Saying. Yeah.
01:01:03:01 - 01:01:05:22
Nicole
It's a real thing though.
01:01:06:00 - 01:01:06:23
Chris
It is a real thing.
01:01:06:23 - 01:01:10:03
Nicole
Save me on Australian podcast.
01:01:10:05 - 01:01:38:14
Chris
This is what. And to be honest, here's why people. Love you and they love working with you. And and I feel like what you're describing is I'm a big hearted woman who, who wants to give and serve, and I want to connect. You talked about your family, but you also talked about your client. And I don't know if there's any of your clients watching this.
01:01:38:14 - 01:01:52:03
Chris
They're like, no flip and wonder. I love working with her because she just flaming cares. And that's brilliant.
01:01:52:05 - 01:01:58:20
Chris
But there's a part of you that that you don't have that for yourself.
01:01:58:22 - 01:02:00:02
Nicole
Yeah.
01:02:00:04 - 01:02:18:16
Chris
And anybody watching this that just loves you tremendously is just like, oh, I want her to feel what she makes me feel. I want her to feel this love for herself. Like I can imagine. It wouldn't surprise me. I betcha bet $1 million monopoly money.
01:02:18:18 - 01:02:21:14
Nicole
And you know what? I know that you would be right.
01:02:21:16 - 01:03:04:07
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So we probably pump the brakes here just as we get to the good bit. But, my invitation to you, Nicole, would be to, to and anybody else who's listening. That resonates. Just a blank sheet of paper and a beautiful book. In your favourite book, make it new or make it. Oh, whatever. I'm hard to love or I can't love myself, or I don't love myself because.
01:03:04:09 - 01:03:37:02
Chris
And you just. This might seem negative, and this might seem, Why would I want to do that? That's not positive. Yeah, I get it. But you, you've got this hiding beneath the surface somewhere, you know? It's it's it's it's there. So have a think about it. Get it out. Don't hide it. Don't suppress it. Don't. Do you know what I mean?
01:03:37:04 - 01:03:59:03
Chris
Let it have a voice. Let it speak. Okay. What's this all about? What else do I believe about me? And then once it's out, then you can actually do something with it. But what if it stays in there, buried? You just mask marriage. You medicate.
01:03:59:05 - 01:04:03:10
Chris
You bury yourself into the ground with activity.
01:04:03:12 - 01:04:06:01
Nicole
Yeah. I feel it is a fun.
01:04:06:03 - 01:04:18:03
Chris
Yeah. They are. Yeah. And, and, and I would argue that that guy on the YouTube ad said drugs and alcohol will fund.
01:04:18:05 - 01:04:38:07
Chris
And then they got to a point where he thought they became a problem. But they were his solution. Right. So swap drugs and alcohol for, activities or or something. You know what I mean? And that's not a problem. It's your solution.
01:04:38:09 - 01:04:55:08
Chris
And so you can start to unravel these things. Do a little bit more digging on. Okay. Well, how do I use activities which are fun as a solution to cover up for this?
01:04:55:09 - 01:05:04:04
Chris
Unlovable. Part of me.
01:05:04:06 - 01:05:05:18
Nicole
Now I'll have to give that a crack.
01:05:05:20 - 01:05:29:22
Chris
Yay! I would love to. I'd love to know what you come up with as well. After we finish chatting, I'll. I'll give you my details. And then if you're up for it, shoot me. Shoot me a brain dump. I'd love to. Yeah, love to hear more. But thank you so much. We might wrap it up there at.
01:05:30:00 - 01:05:41:16
Chris
The intention was to get to a pattern or get to, get to a burnout. Cause how do you think we went with that?
01:05:41:18 - 01:06:14:04
Nicole
Sort of turned into a little bit more of a, cancelling session. But if I'm able to dig to the root cause and find out where these patterns are coming from, that's going to make a big difference to my life in the way that I live it and not feel like I've always, constantly got to be on the move and then feel down on myself, you know, like a consolation prize or, you know, yeah, that'll be a good exercise and definitely something I'm going to take.
01:06:14:04 - 01:06:16:20
Nicole
Be proactive and take action on.
01:06:16:22 - 01:06:44:21
Chris
I love it. That's awesome. Okay. So can you do you get why I went in the direction that I went? Does that make sense to you or you? Yeah. You get it? Yeah. What's the what's the dots? How can you connect the dots? You know what? Why might this seeming counselling session. What the heck do you think that's got to do with patterns and burnout?
01:06:44:22 - 01:06:53:20
Chris
Why? And, why in the sausage? Did Chris even go down this path? What do you what what do you reckon?
01:06:53:22 - 01:07:14:00
Nicole
I don't know, maybe it was the most fun rabbit hole to go down last night. Well, it is about getting to the root cause and not just trying to have, you know, the symptoms and the solution is on top, because that is a Band-Aid solution. Yeah.
01:07:14:02 - 01:07:38:05
Chris
That's it, that's it, that's it. Yeah. And oh, if I just said something like, you just got to use more willpower or just shut that demon up, baby, and just, like, go hard. Yeah, hard. You know, I could have given you some strategies like that, and. Yeah, maybe that might work. But why are you even. Why you even doing this?
01:07:38:05 - 01:07:47:01
Chris
Why is this even a patent for you in the first place? You know?
01:07:47:03 - 01:08:10:05
Chris
Yeah. I look forward to to hearing some more from you. And, if this if my conversation with Nicole resonates with anybody, I'd love to hear from you as well. But we'll wrap it up. Thank you so much, Nicole. Stick around. But everybody else, thank you so much for joining us. And we'll chat to you later.
01:08:10:07 - 01:08:20:09
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing these episode.
01:08:20:11 - 01:08:38:18
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending Body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Hey, have the best day ever!
