00:00:00:08 - 00:00:29:11
Filly
Hello, welcome to the podcast. We have got another live coaching session for you. So today Chris coaches a very brave soul, Tara, who is an accountant who helps business owners with their bookkeeping and money clarity live on our podcast. And the problem that Tara came to get coached about is a problem that I think a lot of our listeners are going to resonate with.
00:00:29:11 - 00:01:01:20
Filly
So in particular, this sense of overwhelm, having a very full brain struggling with presence and really struggling with work life, family balance is almost like this war happening inside of her. She knows all the strategies. Externally, it's all there, but internally she has two parts of herself warring against each other. So what starts off as health stress quickly reveals deeper patterns as the coaching session goes on?
00:01:01:22 - 00:01:31:23
Filly
Chris and Tara tap into feel fear or failure, the inner war between presence with family and building the business, and the belief that she needs to give everything to everyone to be enough. At the end of the coaching session, Tara receives creates for herself a pretty big breakthrough that, she really felt was going to help her to move into living her life with more balance.
00:01:31:23 - 00:02:03:20
Filly
And she had an immediate, feeling of less overwhelm at the end of the session, too, which is really cool. So it is a rare honour to be able to sit in on a very personal coaching session. So a very big thank you to Tara for allowing us to publish this episode. And you, the listener, I would love you to give her some virtual energetic love and compassion as you listen to this very intimate conversation, you might find yourself resonating with the struggles and the beliefs and the insights that come out of this conversation.
00:02:03:20 - 00:02:27:20
Filly
I know for me, yeah, there's always things that like, ooh. Yes, I resonate with that. Ooh. Oh now this is opening up a new insight for me that might be slightly different to the person being coached. But when you're in this coaching space, even as a listener and your heart is open, you yourself can get a shift in insight, even a transformation just from listening, which is really awesome.
00:02:27:20 - 00:02:53:10
Filly
And this is a lot of the work that we do with our clients inside out ending body burn out method program. So we do work on both the physical healing lab testing therapeutic supplements to support the body systems. But deeper than that is why. Why you running these body burnout patterns in the first place of overwhelm, stress, people pleasing perfectionism, all or nothing thinking.
00:02:53:12 - 00:03:18:03
Filly
Because if we don't solve that, then all the lovely supplements you know, they might make you feel better for a little bit. They'll the great diets might make you feel better for a bit, but at some point you can't out self or out at the root cause. So if you really resonate with our style of holistic root, root cause healing, you can check out the show notes, check out our ending body burn out method program.
00:03:18:03 - 00:03:39:12
Filly
The doors are now closed. But we are opening doors again in September, so definitely put yourself on the wait list for that if you are keen. Being on the waitlist means that you get over $500 worth of early bird bonuses. If you join in the early bird period before the doors officially open, so it's definitely worth getting in on that.
00:03:39:12 - 00:03:55:10
Filly
We also have limited spaces, as our program includes one on one support, so it means you get first in first rest. Okay, let's get into today's episode.
00:03:55:12 - 00:04:09:04
Chris
Hello and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host Chris and Fili, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:04:09:05 - 00:04:17:01
Filly
Well, busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:04:17:05 - 00:04:30:09
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:04:30:10 - 00:04:33:14
Filly
So get ready to heal your body. Get your.
00:04:33:14 - 00:04:34:07
Tara
Spark back.
00:04:34:11 - 00:04:38:12
Filly
Deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:04:38:15 - 00:04:49:10
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:04:49:12 - 00:05:16:19
Chris
Hello guys, and welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. I have Tara with me today and we're going to do a different podcast episode. We're going to do a live coaching call. So Tara is in the hot seat, ready to be coached. And we're going to, turn some time over to Tara now just to introduce herself and find out a little bit more about her, maybe her business as well.
00:05:16:21 - 00:05:21:08
Chris
So, yeah. Tara, welcome. Tell us a little bit more about you.
00:05:21:10 - 00:05:44:05
Tara
Thank you. So my name is Tara. I do own a business called pets are Numbers bookkeeping. Which is a lot around education and empowering people more than it is. Just doing the nitty gritty data entry. It's also teaching the clients how to do it so that they can make informed decisions and and know what they're looking at.
00:05:44:05 - 00:06:22:08
Tara
So it's a lot more empowering for them. Behind the scenes, I'm a wife and a mother. I'm also part of a blended family, which has its own, exciting things as well as a few little challenges along the way. But, I also have lived with rheumatoid arthritis since I was 23. I think it was, and yes, so that had its own own challenges along the way with autoimmune and, learning a lot about my body.
00:06:22:10 - 00:06:33:05
Tara
Now I've hit 40, so that comes bunch of new, new challenges. So, yeah. Yeah, that's basically me in a nutshell.
00:06:33:07 - 00:06:39:06
Chris
Beautiful. And, how old's your your kids?
00:06:39:08 - 00:06:42:10
Tara
So we have an 11 year old and a nine year old.
00:06:42:11 - 00:07:06:21
Chris
So, both boys pretty much same as me, except for mine and both girls. So, bookkeeping? What? Tell me a little bit more about your how you work. Like, what's what's that involve for you? What's your business role look like?
00:07:06:23 - 00:07:34:19
Tara
So I started in the accounting world about nine, ten years ago, with my father in his accounting business. And from there, I obviously learned a lot along the way. What, the challenges are, you know, where's my money? Well, I've. I've got a profit. All of these things. And obviously now I'm working more on the education side and showing up, for my clients on more of a not.
00:07:34:19 - 00:07:50:00
Tara
I wouldn't say business coaching, but in a, in a learning environment. So. Yeah, I need to I need to make sure that I'm always present for that and up to date. Yeah. Ready to answer any questions that they need.
00:07:50:01 - 00:08:01:02
Chris
Cool. And, so what's your, stress levels like and, and all that sort of stuff at the moment.
00:08:01:04 - 00:08:23:15
Tara
So my business, because, it's my business and, I started it myself three years ago, branched away from my, father, but I also still work with him in some capacity. At the stress of owning my own business, I haven't really had any, because I love what I do. It's it's something that I actually go to.
00:08:23:15 - 00:08:48:11
Tara
When was stressed because it, you know, it brings me back to my passion and, you know, things like that. So, my business causes me no stress at all at beautiful clients. And I'm very thankful for what I have. Like I said, I'm also part of a blended family, which has its own challenges. And, yeah, my health is obviously, being a challenge along the way since I was young.
00:08:48:11 - 00:09:00:18
Tara
So, the only real things, I think that stress me out, my health, which I have been trying to implement changes with that. So.
00:09:00:20 - 00:09:10:04
Chris
Cool. What's the most stressful part of your health?
00:09:10:06 - 00:09:37:10
Tara
So a struggled, obviously finding the right medication for my right, to take 100% of the pain away, struggling with weight issues, because of not being able to move as much, as some actually got a bit of a flu at the moment. So, I mean, suppressing, and then having two kids at school who bring home all the lovely, lovely bugs for me.
00:09:37:12 - 00:09:42:12
Tara
So, yeah, that's that's probably the hardest thing that I, I struggle with.
00:09:42:14 - 00:10:28:23
Chris
Yeah. Do you, do you feel. Sometimes I think this this doesn't have to be a flat out diagnostic, but, sometimes I like to look at metaphors for, for health symptoms. So anything to do with itis so arthritis. It's like, that's an inflammation. So if I think metaphorically about inflammation, flame. So fire, heat hot anger, resentment, frustration and, either towards others or self, does that resonate at all with you?
00:10:29:00 - 00:10:34:15
Chris
I'm often curious about arthritis and and that sort of thing.
00:10:34:17 - 00:11:01:21
Tara
Yeah. So I've also looked at it from a, natural. I've done a lot of, natural healing, healing back the onion layers and things like that, with different people, and a lot of psychological, work around that as well. They say that it comes from a form of fear or fear, within yourself not feeling good enough and things like that.
00:11:01:23 - 00:11:25:10
Tara
Which, yeah, I think definitely I had I had a lot of that growing up, in myself, even though I had a really nice childhood and great parents and, I can't necessarily pinpoint where it came from. But, yeah, I, I do, yeah, I guess I do. I do feel a lot of fear sometimes, a bit of imposter syndrome and things like that.
00:11:25:12 - 00:11:37:14
Chris
Yeah. So what? When did you say this kind of flared up for you? Around 23 years old or 23 years ago. That's kind of.
00:11:37:16 - 00:11:53:05
Tara
That's 26. 23. Yeah, I was around 23 years old. So, yeah, very early, early in my 20s when I should be out having fun and all the rest of it, I had a lot of restrictions with that.
00:11:53:05 - 00:12:02:19
Chris
So, Yeah. What was life like for you back when you're 23?
00:12:02:21 - 00:12:33:23
Tara
Well, I'd say pretty good. I was actually working in education back then, which was something I really enjoyed. And so I loved my job. I loved working with the kids. I was married, very young, so I. Yeah, I was in a good relationship, and we bought a house and all the rest of it, so I didn't I really didn't have anything that I felt that I remember now whether or not I've suppressed things.
00:12:34:01 - 00:12:41:18
Tara
But I can't remember anything that really would have been a trigger, because that's something I've tried to work through before with other people. So, yeah.
00:12:41:20 - 00:12:50:21
Chris
Cool. And what was what was young Tyler like? What were you what was your childhood like?
00:12:50:23 - 00:13:22:15
Tara
I'm happy I had, you know, great parents, one, from education and accounting. My mum worked hard. My dad worked hard. Yeah. I had good friends around me. Went to a good school. I feel I feel pretty privileged with the with the, childhood that I had. We didn't really have much issues. My parents did end up separating, but remained friends, so it wasn't even a nasty divorce or anything like that.
00:13:22:15 - 00:13:26:06
Tara
Lucky for us. So. Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:26:08 - 00:13:27:13
Chris
Was that,
00:13:27:15 - 00:13:30:11
Tara
I think I was just happy, like, I don't. Yeah, yeah.
00:13:30:12 - 00:13:54:08
Chris
Yeah. Cool. Awesome. Thanks for that. It's it's always good. Good. Handy info. Just getting a scope as we go into a coaching framework. So what do you think you'd like to, to get some coaching on today? I've got your notes in front of me, but see if you can pop it in your words. What do you what do you after?
00:13:54:08 - 00:13:57:04
Chris
What would you like to get out of today?
00:13:57:06 - 00:14:22:20
Tara
Oh, one thing I actually do now that I think about it is, struggle with. And I was actually speaking to my husband about this before, so, I struggle with, I wouldn't say anxiety. I don't like to put label on things very often. It's just like a very overwhelming feeling. And it's kind of like, I've got to do this.
00:14:22:20 - 00:14:45:09
Tara
I got to do that, got to do this. And, you know, my husband goes, oh, can I just have five seconds? Okay? And I'm like, well, no. And I literally I can't shut my brain off to, to do what I need to do or even sit and listen to it. And so, that's something. And even though I have an office and I, you know, and I don't work from home that often, I.
00:14:45:11 - 00:15:00:17
Tara
Yeah, I just would like to have that disconnect. Am not that constant. Oh, what about this? And I got to do this. And yes, I think so. Yeah. Just having I don't know a calm I guess that's something I'd like.
00:15:00:19 - 00:15:05:12
Chris
Yeah. Cool. So.
00:15:05:14 - 00:15:17:16
Chris
Tell me, tell me more about What what would that look like? That calm.
00:15:17:18 - 00:15:37:04
Tara
Literally just trying to just being able to. If I get a phone call, not go. Oh, God, I've got to stop this, you know, and pick it up. I just I want to be present again. I want to be be able to feel calm when I'm having a conversation with somebody and not have other things going on in my head.
00:15:37:06 - 00:15:52:01
Tara
That's a big thing. So and because I'm not, one of the thing is, I'm being told at the moment that I'm not listening, and I and I think I'm listening, but I'm clearly not listening because I don't remember. So I'm.
00:15:52:03 - 00:15:53:00
Chris
Yeah.
00:15:53:02 - 00:15:57:13
Tara
So yeah.
00:15:57:15 - 00:16:22:15
Chris
So let's let's try and hone in on a, on a problem that you've, you've got. So you want calm and you feel like you're. You're told you're not listening. Your husband wants to have five minutes of you, you can't shut your brain down to listen to him. You've got to do this. You got to do that.
00:16:22:15 - 00:16:39:14
Chris
And so you struggle with the overwhelming feeling. So if we were to to give you some, some questioning and some some coaching in and around that, would that benefit.
00:16:39:16 - 00:16:40:09
Tara
Definitely.
00:16:40:15 - 00:16:51:14
Chris
Awesome. Yeah. Is there anything else that you would like to, to, to, to have coaching and maybe an outcome that you're after?
00:16:51:16 - 00:16:56:03
Tara
How long have you gotten. Well that's the main.
00:16:56:05 - 00:17:07:03
Chris
Yeah, that that could be the main one. But is there anything else that like maybe we can weave it in or maybe the next thing you say is the thing that that makes a difference. You know.
00:17:07:05 - 00:17:30:05
Tara
I, I really think if I can get on top of, you know, just finding that space for myself, you know, when you say, I'm going to have me time, even when I have made time, I don't feel like that is enough for me to, decompress and have space in my brain and my heart to be able to give it to other people.
00:17:30:07 - 00:17:43:10
Tara
So that's. Yeah, I think if if we could combat that particular part of me, I think that would really, start to open up other things, you know?
00:17:43:12 - 00:17:53:02
Chris
Yeah. If I was to say that backwards in a different way. So you want to decompress, is that right?
00:17:53:04 - 00:17:56:01
Tara
Yeah. Yep.
00:17:56:03 - 00:18:04:01
Chris
So that means if you want to decompress, does that mean then therefore that you feel compressed?
00:18:04:03 - 00:18:32:13
Tara
Definitely. Like I am like fighting flight and, I'm trying to think of the right words to explain it. I just I don't have room for anything, but it's not like I'm doing anything. I'm like, since my brain, my brain is very full. I can't even meditate because I'm, I'm excited, but I'm also too busy.
00:18:32:15 - 00:19:07:14
Chris
Yeah, yeah, excited, but too busy. Can't even meditate. Brain's full. This this makes a lot of sense. The other day, this this similar sort of feeling happened to me. I use the word full when I was describing myself. I don't know if this rings rings, relevant to you, but I just felt that I had had to send an email to a client, and it was feeling I went away for Easter and, and I wanted to reply to my client, and it was just sitting there.
00:19:07:16 - 00:19:32:01
Chris
It was sitting there, sitting there. And I had an expectation obligation to to reply. And I, I tried to write my email. I tried to use artificial intelligence to help me brainstorm and not to write email, but just to get thoughts out of my head. Oh yeah, I was stuck. I couldn't, I couldn't put words together. My brain was full.
00:19:32:03 - 00:20:00:07
Chris
I felt so, over whelmed. I couldn't put any more in and I needed to let stuff come out. My capacity so far was a cup. My cup was full. And if I was to think about giving me more time for myself in that moment, more me time, more crystal time, it's it's not really emptying my cup.
00:20:00:07 - 00:20:24:00
Chris
My cup just becomes more full, but kind of of fun things. Yeah. I mean, I just went on a holiday. I just went on a, on a four day holiday and I just felt full right. I don't know if that resonates at all, but but I feel I feel like this is, this is, this is a thing we can feel overwhelmed.
00:20:24:05 - 00:20:27:04
Chris
Our capacity is exceeded.
00:20:27:06 - 00:20:46:16
Tara
And a different. Definitely. When your, I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to wanting to make sure that I do everything 100%. There is. There is no in between. There is no, you know, laziness. When I go to do something, it has to be the best I've ever produced or, you know, the best relationship I've ever had.
00:20:46:16 - 00:21:04:18
Tara
Or, just give something to somebody. That's everything that I have, you know? And it's not that I dislike doing it. It's, And I want to. And it comes. Everything comes from my heart. But it does get to the point where I go, don't keep doing that for yourself.
00:21:04:19 - 00:21:33:20
Chris
So, I've got a saying. Nothing's a problem till it is. Everything's okay till it's not, doing doing things at at maximum or 100%. It's it's not. You're not an evil witch for wanting to to be like that. Right? So you're not going to burn in hell for for wanting to to be good and to to give it your.
00:21:33:20 - 00:21:40:06
Chris
All right. It's it's not bad until it is, you know, it's.
00:21:40:06 - 00:21:40:15
Tara
Yeah.
00:21:40:16 - 00:22:04:18
Chris
It. So where do you think your perfectionist patterns. You're giving everything everything from your heart but giving everything. Where is that a problem or where is being compressed and and being so full you can't even meditate because you're so full where your your heart. Or maybe you're listening, but you're not hearing or you're hearing and you're not listening.
00:22:04:18 - 00:22:06:07
Chris
Whichever way I.
00:22:06:07 - 00:22:08:08
Tara
Can get on board. Yeah, yeah.
00:22:08:08 - 00:22:13:06
Chris
It's not sinking in. It's kind of like you can wet a stone. Yeah. It doesn't sink in, right?
00:22:13:11 - 00:22:17:13
Tara
Yes, exactly. That's exactly what my brain. Just my.
00:22:17:15 - 00:22:18:15
Chris
Rockin.
00:22:18:17 - 00:22:37:23
Tara
Except for the things that I need to remember, the things that I do. But it's important to remember the things that, you know, my husband says and my kids say, my friends, I am, you know, that's that's where I. Where I struggle.
00:22:38:01 - 00:22:41:21
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:22:41:23 - 00:22:55:10
Chris
So so remembering the importance, did you say remembering the important things is possible for you? But but what other people who are important to you say is that. Is that what is that what you said?
00:22:55:12 - 00:23:20:06
Tara
Yeah. And it sounds. It sounds worse. Now that I've. What I'm saying is when it comes to business, I will remember everything. I will take things on. I will be able to give out information very easily when it comes to things. You know, my family, friends, kids say if I'm in the middle of something, I don't always retain the information, but it is just as important.
00:23:20:08 - 00:23:22:21
Tara
So know.
00:23:22:22 - 00:23:39:10
Chris
Yeah, so so if there's there's a part of you. That that believes what you just said there. Family and kids. Important. Super important.
00:23:39:12 - 00:23:40:05
Tara
Hundred percent.
00:23:40:08 - 00:23:52:22
Chris
Yes. There's a part of you that believes business. Remember, do make sure get it. Get it sorted out and, Remember? Yeah. You.
00:23:53:00 - 00:23:53:22
Tara
Yep. Yeah.
00:23:54:00 - 00:24:10:13
Chris
But then there's another little part of you. It sounds like I could be wrong. Sounds like there's this other little part of you that it's like a hierarchy of retention of information or hierarchy of of listening.
00:24:10:15 - 00:24:11:16
Tara
00:24:11:18 - 00:24:37:19
Chris
Might not be true with every part of you. I think a part of you will disagree with this, but a part of you at least will think business stuff kind of up here a little bit higher in importance. The stakes are higher. For business stakes are lower for family.
00:24:37:21 - 00:25:05:22
Tara
And especially because I do have such a solid family basis where they and no matter what I think that's, I think that's where every business really loses their, their connection and maybe and, and I have, I have actually helped, you know, families get back together because of their businesses driving them apart, you know, because I think it is and it's sort of autopilot what we do in our business because it's something we've created.
00:25:05:22 - 00:25:26:07
Tara
It's our baby. It's what we do. It's something we need to do on a day to day basis to give us the life that we have. But it it's just as important when you get home to have that quality time and take everything on that, you should be taking on. But that is something that I really feel like I need to work on.
00:25:26:09 - 00:25:32:01
Chris
Okay.
00:25:32:03 - 00:25:37:10
Chris
So why why haven't you sorted out yet?
00:25:37:12 - 00:25:41:22
Tara
Thing. It just feels like there's always something new that I need to do. Oh.
00:25:42:00 - 00:25:52:22
Chris
Oh, that's a good quote. My family is less important than the things that I keep inventing to do. Instead.
00:25:53:00 - 00:26:10:05
Tara
And even in on a family basis, you know, there's always things that need to be done, you know? But it's just like I said, I just want to be able to slow down, separate myself from the is not feel like I'm still thinking about it when people are talking to me and just focus on the present. That's the main thing.
00:26:10:11 - 00:26:14:00
Tara
Just being in the present.
00:26:14:02 - 00:26:17:02
Chris
Yeah. So it's not it's not just.
00:26:17:04 - 00:26:18:17
Tara
It certainly.
00:26:18:19 - 00:26:34:17
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So yeah, it does sound like this is a this is a fear for you. Hey, like, I'm scared that if I don't do the thing, then something. But something will happen that I'm not and crash hard about.
00:26:34:19 - 00:26:56:09
Tara
Definitely. Yeah. That's definitely how I feel. If I don't get everything done, then I'm fearful one part of my wheel of life will start to buckle and will fall off the bike. So yeah, but you never you never doing enough to get everything perfect. So.
00:26:56:11 - 00:27:31:20
Chris
Okay, so. So let's find the thing that you're your, you're aware of. Try and get clear on on the real problem. Because feeling compressed, feeling like your brain's full. That's kind of the effect of this situation being distracted, being pulled apart is, not present. That's a that's another consequence.
00:27:31:22 - 00:27:46:21
Chris
Why is why is this an issue? Why is this a problem for you?
00:27:46:23 - 00:27:56:15
Tara
I don't know, I guess I'm, have a fear of failure. In any part of my life. Okay.
00:27:56:17 - 00:28:04:14
Chris
What does that look like? What does that mean?
00:28:04:16 - 00:28:34:04
Tara
I think I. Yeah. It's just it's just if I. If I take the pedal off or I take the, you know, the finger off the post, then I'm. I'm not going to be 100% or somebody is going to say, or she's not giving it at all or and, and I'm going to let somebody down. Or they're just not going to be there, you know,
00:28:34:06 - 00:28:38:11
Tara
After everything I've built kind of thing. So.
00:28:38:13 - 00:28:42:17
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:28:42:19 - 00:28:47:07
Chris
After everything I've built.
00:28:47:09 - 00:28:56:12
Chris
What's what's that?
00:28:56:14 - 00:29:44:06
Tara
It's I've. I'm at a point in my life where I really value everything I have. I'm not. And I'm not talking the material. I'm talking about, and I guess in the past, I have been very materialistic and, with certain things. And then I've lost them, through different situations and, and maybe now that I have realised that value is, is more than just a material, and it's more about all the effort I'm putting into, you know, and contribution I'm giving to my clients and, and, where I am at, you know, all my education, you know, my husband and his relationship, my relationship with my kids, and my friends,
00:29:44:08 - 00:30:11:10
Tara
I've got a couple of really close girlfriends that mean the world to me. And that's all I really need. But those are the most important things to me. But you have this entire other side of life that you have to do, day to day. And those things that are important to you seem to be, I don't know, like, I'm more scared of losing them than I am anything else, you know?
00:30:11:12 - 00:30:15:07
Tara
So.
00:30:15:09 - 00:30:17:11
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:30:17:13 - 00:30:39:04
Tara
I think I've just learned what the true value of, you know, a relationship is, and I've worked really hard at it, and now I'm a little bit like, I know that I'm not giving it my all because I'm so focussed on building the business and, you know, all of that, which is important as well. But I know what my, my actual importance is.
00:30:39:04 - 00:31:03:00
Tara
You know what's important to me on a day to day basis. But I'm not giving that the same attention that I should be. And, and I am in the growth stage of the business. So I, and I understand from other people that that is just part and parcel of it. But I would love to have and maybe it is the controlling part of me that I just would love to have that balance.
00:31:03:02 - 00:31:18:14
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So, what it sounds like you got a little bit of a conflict going inside of you, right? Like, part of you wants to to really, like, you really value things that you have, not just material but also not not excluding material things. Right.
00:31:18:16 - 00:31:19:06
Tara
Okay. Yeah.
00:31:19:07 - 00:31:40:14
Chris
So you value that, which is fine. Of course. And then but also family, your, your husband, your kids, your your real select crew, your girlfriends. Right. You really, really value the those important people in your, in your life.
00:31:40:16 - 00:31:44:06
Filly
00:31:44:08 - 00:32:01:08
Chris
But there's a part of you that does really want that connection, that, that relationship. But then you also had this other part of you that. Value something else, perhaps. And at the moment.
00:32:01:08 - 00:32:20:22
Tara
Just stuck in the, you know, stuck in that. Yeah. That growth stage where you have to put a little bit more time into your business. But you don't want to let go of the things that you've spent the last, you know, 40 years growing and nurturing. So.
00:32:21:00 - 00:32:30:21
Chris
Yeah. Okay.
00:32:30:23 - 00:32:36:15
Chris
So what happens?
00:32:36:17 - 00:33:02:14
Chris
Well, let's try, I want to try and articulate the the parts in here, because you've got. A part of me wants this, but a part of me wants that. Okay, take a take a moment just to just to have a think about that. Just run some options through your mind. What are you dealing with here? What's what are the two two parts or more?
00:33:02:16 - 00:33:29:04
Tara
I know one thing that has really impacted is I used to, so my stepmom was she taught me all about, work life balance, in her own business. And she, you know, basically said, okay, what's your what's your ideal weight? And in that ideal week, it was what you couldn't really do as an employee.
00:33:29:06 - 00:33:51:07
Tara
Even though my father was quite flexible. With me, luckily. But it was. When I went into my business, I said, that's it. I'm going to make sure that I did not work past 230 in the afternoon or 3:00 in the afternoon. So I want to be present for the kids. I want to be there to do their homework.
00:33:51:07 - 00:34:17:11
Tara
I want to do the projects that they have to do. I want to sit down at dinner time. You know, for example, last night I didn't get home and off the computer till about quarter ten. And my husband was had beautifully prepared this meal and all the rest of that. And even though he's very understanding, you know, it does weigh on you and it go in even though it's a once off and I barely ever do that.
00:34:17:13 - 00:34:30:17
Tara
It was still. Well, hang on a second, Tara. You're not really sticking to that ideal plan so that that kind of, you know, the guilt and fear. That's where it all brings up.
00:34:30:19 - 00:34:32:14
Chris
Okay.
00:34:32:16 - 00:34:38:01
Tara
And then obviously you get run down trying to be everything for everybody, and you get the flu.
00:34:38:02 - 00:34:58:05
Chris
Yeah. Okay, so, so a part of you wants to stick to this ideal week. But then a part of you wants to send emails until 10:00 and not eat the not eat the beautiful dinner. Right.
00:34:58:07 - 00:35:18:19
Tara
I think what I want is to find a balance in my life. That's that's my biggest thing. I, I regardless of what anybody else feels, I would like to feel in my self that I am giving, my best to every part of my life, every part of my will. And and that will make me happy and calm I think.
00:35:18:21 - 00:35:19:08
Chris
Okay.
00:35:19:14 - 00:35:25:09
Tara
It's not, it's not because people are complaining on the outside. It's because I'm kicking myself on the inside.
00:35:25:11 - 00:35:42:04
Chris
Yeah. Okay. So there's, you're smart, you're, you're, you're wise. You, you, you know things you can you can work things out.
00:35:42:06 - 00:35:43:03
Tara
And the tools.
00:35:43:05 - 00:36:09:19
Chris
Right. Yeah. You you're, you're very, capable woman when it comes to, figuring things out. Right. So, so I'm sure that you'll think of a bunch of strategies, a bunch of rules to live by. Some of them. You'll you'll find it really easy to to adhere to some of them might be more challenging and maybe need some tweaking.
00:36:09:19 - 00:36:15:20
Chris
So you can just find that right, right thing.
00:36:15:21 - 00:36:33:22
Chris
So I'm going to let I'll let you do that sort of thing. You know, you'll come up with a bunch of rules and standards for yourself and you're not, you know, you know, you you know your life. You know what I mean? I could give you a bunch of recommendations. I could say, hey, have you thought maybe try this, maybe try that, maybe try.
00:36:33:23 - 00:36:57:06
Chris
And it's just kind of closing my eyes and throwing ideas at you. Kind of like a dart at a dart board or pin the tail on a donkey, you know, like, it could be kind of similar to that. So, you know, the strategies that are going to get you across the lot, you know, the right rules that it took to play this game.
00:36:57:07 - 00:37:05:17
Chris
But then there's you mentioned the Wheel of Life right.
00:37:05:19 - 00:37:36:10
Chris
There's going to be some some. There's a reason why you keep getting off balance. There's stories that you tell yourself that even with all the strategies, even with all the tactics and the ideas and, the, I mean, the infinite amount of possible things that you could, you could plug into your life, there's stories that you tell yourself.
00:37:36:12 - 00:37:43:02
Chris
That just keep making your wheel off balance or going off track right.
00:37:43:04 - 00:37:46:12
Tara
00:37:46:14 - 00:38:01:23
Chris
Does any come to mind when I say that.
00:38:02:01 - 00:38:19:16
Tara
I can think of right now. But it's different. I just, I just know that some sort of avoidance is around, you know, not sticking to what I, I want to have with that. You know, I do week in and the plan that I set out for myself.
00:38:19:18 - 00:38:20:06
Chris
Yeah.
00:38:20:08 - 00:38:27:20
Tara
Allowing things to get in the way I guess roadblocks to get in the way for me not to accomplish what I need to accomplish.
00:38:27:22 - 00:39:10:00
Chris
Cool. Okay. So if you had this all mapped out as, as a con, a conflict, like a tension, part of you is being pulled here. Part of you is being pulled over here. What's what are the two directions or what are the two parts that that you've got?
00:39:10:02 - 00:39:30:12
Tara
To know I don't know. One. It's more. More of what I've said. You know, just making sure that I'm giving everything to everybody as much as I can, you know? That's. And feeling good about it. Feeling like it's enough.
00:39:30:14 - 00:39:51:11
Chris
That's a that's a lot of that's. I want to give everything to everyone as much as I can and feel like that's enough. That's that's a lot of things and that's a lot of people. And take.
00:39:51:12 - 00:39:57:22
Chris
Who is the everyone like every single person on the planet, I.
00:39:58:00 - 00:40:22:21
Tara
Think, I think when it comes to, it's more the more my family, the things that are important to me. So making sure I'm present with the kids, making sure I'm listening when my husband talks to me and, you know, not trying to do a thousand things, giving him that attention he deserves, you know, calling my girlfriends more often every couple of weeks and going, oh, Colonel, sorry, I haven't called.
00:40:22:22 - 00:40:39:03
Tara
That kind of thing. So it's just making space in my life to, to make sure that I'm. I'm keeping up that, you know, that side of the wheel so that I feel full, you know, in a good way. Not in a overwhelm with my.
00:40:39:05 - 00:40:59:01
Chris
Okay, cool. So being present with your husband, giving him your present as a present. So it's like the gift of you. All right. Looks. Can I have five minutes of you? I love, I love that, yeah.
00:40:59:03 - 00:40:59:15
Tara
Yeah.
00:40:59:17 - 00:41:18:03
Chris
And to kids. For your kids, with your kids, and then to girlfriends with your girlfriends, for your girlfriends. And then what do you get out of that? You with that presents. You have space with that space in that presence, you can then you feel full.
00:41:18:05 - 00:41:19:12
Tara
Yes, in a good way.
00:41:19:17 - 00:41:39:00
Chris
In a good way. And when when you feel full, in a good way. That reminds me of the movie elf. Where? Where have you seen that? Where you bring us down a whole octave in a good way.
00:41:39:01 - 00:41:42:07
Tara
Yeah. Okay.
00:41:42:09 - 00:42:01:14
Chris
So you feel full? In a good way. What do you. What do you get out of that when you feel full? In a good way? When you can be present with your husband in a good way, when you can give time and space and energy and focus to your kids. What do you get out of that?
00:42:01:17 - 00:42:05:14
Chris
You feel full. And then what does that give you?
00:42:05:16 - 00:42:26:17
Tara
Just calm, just, you know, even being able to look back on the day and go, wow, that was that was a cool memory. That was something really nice. That was, you know, something we've learnt and built on and grown from. So that's that's what makes me happy.
00:42:26:19 - 00:42:38:06
Chris
And if you have those cool memories and you feel full and you feel calm, what's the benefit of that. What do you get out of that.
00:42:38:08 - 00:42:48:21
Tara
Well I can't, I have a different sort of energy which gives it allows me to have more space for the other things that I need to do and the other things that are important to me.
00:42:49:00 - 00:43:04:06
Chris
So, And what would that say about you if you had more space and more energy for the other things?
00:43:04:08 - 00:43:12:15
Tara
Just feel like I'm successful at everything that I put my heart into.
00:43:12:17 - 00:43:19:11
Chris
Yeah.
00:43:19:12 - 00:43:49:05
Chris
Okay. What about the opposite of that? If you don't feel success. Oh, sorry. If you don't put your your heart into to everything. If you if you don't feel full, if you don't feel calm, if you don't make cool memories every day. If you if you if you don't create space for your girlfriends, your, your husband, your kids.
00:43:49:07 - 00:43:56:04
Chris
Who are you then? In your in your mind?
00:43:56:06 - 00:44:09:02
Tara
That's where I become the fearful, you know, alone, stressed out, anxious person who I don't want to be.
00:44:09:04 - 00:44:16:05
Tara
00:44:16:07 - 00:44:20:15
Chris
All right.
00:44:20:17 - 00:44:44:11
Chris
So. Then you've got this. This part of you that does the other stuff right? That, that doesn't give time to your, to your husband. Doesn't give time to your, to your friends. Doesn't give time and focus time and focus and presence to your kids husband girlfriends.
00:44:44:13 - 00:44:45:05
Tara
00:44:45:07 - 00:44:55:07
Chris
What's what's that part of you giving time and focus and presence to.
00:44:55:09 - 00:44:58:06
Tara
Really nothing constructive.
00:44:58:08 - 00:45:02:00
Chris
00:45:02:02 - 00:45:07:12
Tara
I really just feel like I'm doing a lot but I'm not doing alone.
00:45:07:14 - 00:45:12:07
Chris
Yeah.
00:45:12:09 - 00:45:21:22
Chris
So is that what, what does that look like I want to what are we actually talking about here.
00:45:22:00 - 00:45:45:00
Tara
Why don't I focusing on the day to day things rather than things that are important, you know, I don't have to have everything right with the business now. I don't have to have everything that I want now. I know that I'm good at what I do, and I know that my clients are very happy with what I do, so I don't need to put any extra time and energy into that.
00:45:45:00 - 00:46:10:18
Tara
But I think when you feel stressed and overwhelmed, you do start to, go towards something that's, you can do, you know, with the back of your hand basically like this, you don't need a roadmap. You've done another billion times. You feel comfortable in that space. But yeah, where I really want to be is focusing on the other bits and pieces.
00:46:10:18 - 00:46:15:15
Tara
So.
00:46:15:17 - 00:46:26:11
Chris
Okay. So it sounds like to me you've got this part that really wants to, to, to focus on your on relationship and connection.
00:46:26:13 - 00:46:27:11
Tara
Yeah.
00:46:27:13 - 00:46:30:14
Chris
That means a lot to you.
00:46:30:16 - 00:46:31:05
Tara
Yeah.
00:46:31:07 - 00:46:55:08
Chris
Yeah. And then, but then you've also got a focus on building and business and maintenance and, and nurturing connections and relationships, but not from a friend and, and marriage and kid kind of thing. It's a, it's a different one isn't it.
00:46:55:10 - 00:46:57:00
Tara
Yes it is. Yeah.
00:46:57:02 - 00:47:02:11
Chris
Okay.
00:47:02:13 - 00:47:27:13
Chris
So right now you're torn between the two and you can't really give your all if you want to, to, to give everything you've got to everyone as much as I can and feel like that's enough. Currently, the way you're doing it, it's not working because nobody's getting the best of you.
00:47:27:15 - 00:47:29:00
Tara
No.
00:47:29:02 - 00:47:33:23
Chris
Okay.
00:47:34:01 - 00:47:40:09
Chris
So it sounds like there's a.
00:47:40:11 - 00:47:58:09
Chris
There's a bit of a conflict that there's a, there's, a switch between priorities type type question going on. So there's this part of you that you want one thing, but another part of you wants another thing.
00:47:58:11 - 00:48:03:13
Chris
And after I've talked about this a bit like, what are you. Yeah. What are your thoughts. What's what's coming out for you.
00:48:03:15 - 00:48:28:08
Tara
All right. I was going to say, the way you've explained things and the way we've gone through it, can really, you know, separate the feeling between the things that I don't like, the feeling that I get when I don't like it, or the loneliness and the fear. And, you know, even though it's something I really enjoy, it's not what's important.
00:48:28:10 - 00:48:45:23
Tara
So the way you've explained things and, you know, taking me to those two different areas or three different areas and going, okay, well, this is where you are now and this is, you know, if you do this path, how do you feel if you do this path, how do you feel that you made a really good comment?
00:48:46:01 - 00:49:10:15
Tara
A little while back where you said, and this happens quite often, you know, when things hit the fan. Keeping a page, you you really do have to stop, you know, or when you get sick, you have to stop, you know, and it's and it's at that point, the things that you thought were important actually are not that important.
00:49:10:17 - 00:49:32:16
Tara
So I think I just really need to, you know, reflecting on everything I really just think that I need to sit down and type. Maybe the main time is that five minutes to go and remember the feelings associated with each part of my life and go, if I do it this way, how am I going to feel if I do it this way?
00:49:32:16 - 00:49:46:17
Tara
How am I going to feel? Whether it's meditation or just having that, having that time? As we have to reflect, I think that's something that's really going to help me figure out what that blockages is.
00:49:46:19 - 00:50:29:22
Chris
Beautiful. Okay. So. Right. That's beautiful insights, right I love it. So nice, so beautiful. So just take a moment. Do mind closing your eyes and just letting what you just said there that insight just land in you and just, allow yourself to, to receive those insights, that understanding, that awareness that you just received. There and just let that land in you.
00:50:30:00 - 00:50:44:21
Chris
And after you've received that awareness and you and you know, you know what you know, and you, you, you now it's clear to you, you get it, you understand it.
00:50:44:23 - 00:51:06:15
Chris
Just take a moment and allow that to to land. And then you can see that. All right. So going forward, my intention is what what do you want to do with that. That awareness.
00:51:06:17 - 00:51:24:21
Tara
Just want to do exactly what makes me feel good and be very aware of the things that don't, it's not represent it that, it's the word.
00:51:24:23 - 00:51:48:07
Tara
You know, they don't don't give you those feelings. I think I just want to I want to be really present. And just like I've got my value and passion for my business on my wall. And I read it every day and say, well, are you doing this for clients? Are you being this person to them? I think I need to do the same thing and put it on the wall.
00:51:48:13 - 00:52:08:05
Tara
What's really important to me personally and do the same thing and just reflect on that every day. So even if I'm not doing a meditation, I'm sure it'll end up going that way. But at least just having that reminder, hang on, Tara, are you, you know, doing what you're what you really want to be doing is is what's making you happy.
00:52:08:05 - 00:52:16:09
Tara
How are you feeling right now? And maybe just those three sentences printed out. Love. Start something. So. Yeah.
00:52:16:13 - 00:52:38:10
Chris
So cool. Awesome. All right, so if you were to to condense this into, like, kind of like a mantra or, or some sort of a statement, but make it personal, like I am statement, what might that look like?
00:52:38:12 - 00:52:40:01
Tara
But not that creative.
00:52:40:03 - 00:52:56:21
Chris
Well, what kind of chick just does this? What kind of what kind of rock in you beard? Awesome. Well balanced person can just nail this.
00:52:56:23 - 00:53:18:02
Tara
Actually, I will still like something that I didn't, get from somebody else. And I've got that on my wall as well. I'm going to say, you know, if I had to condenser, I'd put something like, this is what you want, and you just, oh.
00:53:18:04 - 00:53:30:06
Tara
I have something similar that I printed out from somebody else, and it's more to do with the business side of things, but it's it definitely, you know, evokes emotion every time I read it. So that's something that I'd like to do personally as well.
00:53:30:08 - 00:53:58:02
Chris
Love it. Cool. What, this might not feel as powerful to you, but what happens if you make that personal? So instead of it being this is what you want and what and you deserve it, do you know what I mean? That's that's speaking about you. What if you from a third, third, what's the word that, people from outside of you.
00:53:58:04 - 00:54:01:00
Tara
Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:01:02 - 00:54:13:14
Chris
What if you changed the word you to I. This is what I want. This is what I want, and I deserve it. Well, how does it feel, if you were to say it that way?
00:54:13:16 - 00:54:17:17
Tara
This is what I want, and I deserve it. Much more powerful.
00:54:17:19 - 00:54:32:09
Chris
Yeah. What about if you slap a because on there as well? This is what I want and I deserve it because.
00:54:32:11 - 00:54:34:07
Tara
That's what makes me happy.
00:54:34:09 - 00:54:40:17
Chris
Because it's what makes me happy.
00:54:40:18 - 00:54:49:09
Tara
What my life is all about.
00:54:49:11 - 00:55:06:20
Chris
Okay, so just reading it back to you. This is what you said. This is what makes. This is. I'm sorry. This is what I want. This is what I want, and I deserve it because it's what makes me happy. And it's what my life is all about.
00:55:06:22 - 00:55:08:13
Tara
Yes.
00:55:08:15 - 00:55:10:05
Chris
How's that sound?
00:55:10:07 - 00:55:11:03
Tara
Very good.
00:55:11:05 - 00:55:40:12
Chris
I love it. I just want to just recap just for everybody else who's listening, but also for you. I use this, I use this, this acronym. Ehm, if you want to hit a target, you aim. If you want to achieve something, you aim. If you want something, you aim for it. It's possible if you flick it to close your eyes and just kind of throw stuff in the air, like what I was talking about.
00:55:40:12 - 00:55:43:06
Chris
Close your eyes and just. Yeah, just give it a crack.
00:55:43:12 - 00:55:45:04
Tara
Yeah.
00:55:45:06 - 00:56:08:18
Chris
But if you aim you put the odds in your favour. So you, we did a bunch of awareness work, ask some questions, got all facets, all sides of the of, of the story. There would probably be a little bit more stuff that if you were working with me as a client, I would, I would keep going down the parts.
00:56:08:22 - 00:56:26:09
Chris
Yeah, I would, I would unpack that. Yeah. I'd also really be interested in, in finding some more, awareness around your arthritis and seeing how. You know, exploring that a little bit more as well.
00:56:26:11 - 00:56:28:15
Tara
00:56:28:17 - 00:56:54:00
Chris
But then you had some really beautiful insights and, so aim, awareness, I intention, it's like, well, what am I going to do about now? I'm aware of all this stuff when we're actually gonna do about. And then M is like a mantra or something to be mindful of. And and you came up with this beautiful mantra which is, this is what I want, and I deserve it because, it's it's what makes me happy.
00:56:54:00 - 00:57:01:11
Chris
And it's what my life is all about. I love it. It's very beautiful.
00:57:01:14 - 00:57:04:07
Tara
Me, too.
00:57:04:09 - 00:57:31:11
Chris
Just just to wrap this one up, I would like to know, do you think that's going to help you with what we talked about at the start? Feeling a sense of calm, feeling, balance, feeling connected to the important people and the important things in your life, but not letting go of beautiful clients and beautiful business and growth that you've it.
00:57:31:16 - 00:57:38:23
Chris
Do you think that's going to if you can tap into that, that energy? Yes. Yeah. It's going to help you out.
00:57:39:01 - 00:57:47:12
Tara
Definitely. The way you constructed and the way we went through it has definitely already come. And now I'm going to go speak to my husband.
00:57:47:15 - 00:57:50:03
Chris
Oh, I love it.
00:57:50:05 - 00:57:51:08
Tara
Give him 15 minutes.
00:57:51:13 - 00:57:56:03
Chris
I give you you had for five, but I'll give you 15.
00:57:56:05 - 00:58:20:09
Tara
But yeah, no, I do, I do feel just, you know, and it is coming back to that awareness and your feelings, and, you know, it is handy that I've done the work before, but it doesn't matter how many tools you have unless you get back into it and, you know, do the coaching with you and, and, you know, start to unravel things, it then it starts to get into your brain and remember that feeling.
00:58:20:11 - 00:58:22:21
Tara
That's and that's what you're seeking.
00:58:22:23 - 00:58:30:08
Chris
Yeah. I love it I love it so much. Thanks, Tara. Thanks for thanks for coming on the show.
00:58:30:10 - 00:58:32:18
Tara
Thanks. But a great opportunity.
00:58:32:18 - 00:58:41:06
Chris
Yeah, it was awesome. It was lovely to connect and lovely to to meet you too, because we've never met in person or before at all as well. So this is our first time.
00:58:41:07 - 00:58:50:13
Tara
No, I've any same feeling on the, on the, Yeah. Her empire builder. Stuff. So. Yeah. Great.
00:58:50:13 - 00:58:53:09
Chris
Nice, I love it. Well, thank you so much for coming on.
00:58:53:09 - 00:58:55:02
Tara
And, Thank you.
00:58:55:07 - 00:59:25:18
Chris
Feel free. Everybody who's listening to leave us some comments and, ask some questions, and I'll if anybody wanted to, to get in touch with you from a, from a business side of things. Is there anything you would like to, to share or is there a way someone could get in touch with you, this beautiful, wholehearted entrepreneur who who can not only give you what what what you want and need, but she's also getting she's building this beautiful life for herself.
00:59:25:22 - 00:59:32:15
Chris
Is there some yeah way other people who really vibe and connect with what you do and who you are can get in touch with you?
00:59:32:20 - 00:59:52:14
Tara
Yes, I've got I've got the, pets out of numbers Instagram. I've got the Facebook and I've got my website which is pets order numbers.com. And any of those will connect to straight to me because I'm still very personal in the way I do things. And yeah, I'd love to connect with everybody.
00:59:52:14 - 00:59:59:05
Chris
I love it, I love it, love it so much. Thank you so much again. And, thank you everyone for listening.
00:59:59:07 - 00:59:59:21
Tara
Thank you.
00:59:59:23 - 01:00:04:00
Chris
All righty. See you. Tara. Have a good rest of your day.
01:00:04:02 - 01:00:04:15
Tara
Bye.
01:00:04:16 - 01:00:08:20
Chris
See you.
01:00:08:22 - 01:00:19:00
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:00:19:02 - 01:00:45:00
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
01:00:45:02 - 01:00:45:15
Chris
For.
