00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Body Burn Out Show. We are your host, Chris and Filly co-founders of a multi-award-winning winning functional medicine practice, serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
While busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm, it's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:05
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root, root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping any gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
Sorry, get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:01:21:14
Chris
Let's dive in get I guys welcome to the ending body burn out. So Chris and Filly here super excited to have you listening. Today's episode is all about boundaries and what we want to uncover today and talk about is how having boundaries or not having boundaries can be linked to body burnout and what boundaries are when it comes to other people.
00:01:21:16 - 00:01:54:14
Chris
And also we want to dive into the deeper unconscious reasons why you struggle to set, keep and communicate your boundaries. I want to wrap the episode up with some practical tips on setting boundaries and how to live with flow and ease and comfort and enjoyment while still having boundaries. So grab a cup of herbal tea, stick your feet up and enjoy the episode.
00:01:54:15 - 00:02:30:12
Filly
All right, so what about boundaries? And we're talking about boundaries specifically when it comes to relationships and how you interact with other people. So a boundary is also known, is a healthy emotional wall that you may put around yourself or create for yourself so that it's not encroached by other people. And that could be physical, whether it's like your physical space, it could be emotional boundaries, sexual boundaries, or even material boundaries, like what are you willing to do to give to other people your time?
00:02:30:12 - 00:02:57:10
Filly
Time is a huge one when it comes to boundaries and body burn out, and also even like intellectual boundaries, especially for our business owners out there, or maybe our people with the knowledge and skills that sometimes people can pick your brain and take up a lot of your intellectual time. So it's useful to understand that we need healthy and happy.
00:02:57:15 - 00:03:15:13
Filly
Yeah, well, in order to be healthy and happy, we we need to have these boundaries. And for you to really understand and become aligned with what you're willing to give away or do, and also what you're willing to do for others for the sake of making someone else happy.
00:03:15:15 - 00:03:40:21
Chris
There's a couple of different types of metaphors, as you're saying. A wall, a healthy wall. I was thinking as a rebel myself, rebel with cause I think sometimes a wall can sound restrictive. You know, I'm not some goat to keep wrapped up in a in a cage. That's a limiting belief, isn't it? I think of it as a game life As a game.
00:03:40:21 - 00:04:09:10
Chris
And in basketball or American football, my two favourite sports, there's boundaries. If there were no lines, the game wouldn't be as fun because guys would be running all over the place and it would be hard to score. Yeah, totally. So it's just, you know, the game is not as fun if there's no boundaries. So I think have fun.
00:04:09:12 - 00:04:32:23
Chris
Find the constraints that you can enjoy your game. How about that one? Rather than force yourself to stay in bounds, put a wall around yourself so you can imprison any sort of freedom and lock yourself into a way of living that you were like or die, you know? Or you can, Hey, let's have some fun with this. Find the game you want to play.
00:04:32:23 - 00:04:41:00
Chris
Hey, today we're playing netball, basketball, cricket, whatever. Let's slap a boundary up. This is the context is a constraint. That's how I see boundaries.
00:04:41:02 - 00:05:16:15
Filly
Well, yeah, that's kind of the difference between living your life with force or flow. So you could have very strict boundaries that X, Y and Z cannot happen or should happen. But yes, so I see driven and stressed about keeping your boundaries that it often is more detrimental than beneficial, or you can live your life knowing your boundaries, but doing that with more flow, more play, more ease because it comes from a place of safety.
00:05:16:15 - 00:05:29:17
Filly
And we'll talk more about that. Like how do you actually create, set, keep, communicate your boundaries? So it comes from a place of love and flow rather than force and fear.
00:05:29:19 - 00:05:41:03
Chris
I often think as one which has about this in a minute maybe we will chat or chat about it later. But. But yeah, let's. Let's move on.
00:05:41:03 - 00:06:10:11
Filly
Okay. All right. So you just did those. I mean, I feel like a lot of people, the boundaries is kind of like a very sad word. I think maybe in the last two years that people throw around. But in case you're really confused around, what are you even talking about specifically when you say boundaries? I just wanted to give you some examples so that might look like valuing your personal boundaries and not compromising them for someone else saying no and accepting when others say no.
00:06:10:13 - 00:06:35:21
Filly
I was actually talking to a client yesterday and she said, Yes, I'm really learning to say no to others before I say no to myself and it feels good. And did you know, since she's been doing this, she had chronic eczema all over her face and now it's healing. Actually, it's not even there at the moment, which is so cool.
00:06:35:23 - 00:06:59:23
Filly
Another example might be knowing who you are and what you want and communicating that to others. That feels good, knowing deeply who you are and what you want, and being able to communicate that with others, engaging in appropriate sharing sorry boundaries isn't about living on an isolated island in your number one and like no one can ever get into your heart.
00:07:00:01 - 00:07:09:10
Filly
It's really about actually creating beautiful and loving and really healthy relationships with others and knowing when it's appropriate to give and take.
00:07:09:12 - 00:07:18:09
Chris
Because that first example was coming from a place of fear and enforcing was that, yeah.
00:07:18:11 - 00:07:42:17
Filly
Another example might look like not letting others define you or your sense of self-worth. So whether that's, you know, sometimes people make sly remarks, they it might not be intentional. Sometimes people say things and put you down intentionally, regardless of whether it's intentional or not. You don't let others define who you are and your worth as a human being because you are in it for yourself.
00:07:42:19 - 00:08:14:02
Chris
And there's a lot of permission tied up in boundaries as well. So giving yourself permission to be a certain way and to have these boundaries not from a reactive, forceful stance. It's a no, I am of worth. I am valuable, I am a king or I'm a queen. I am very much the prize here. And with this value, this is what I stand for.
00:08:14:02 - 00:08:19:18
Chris
This is my standard. This is the line.
00:08:19:20 - 00:08:48:15
Filly
Another example would be knowing that your needs and feelings are just as important as the needs and feelings of others. And maybe in a way more important. Because if your coffee isn't full, if your coffee's empty, if your needs aren't being met, if your feelings aren't being validated even by yourself, then it's really hard to show up for other people knowing that you have the right to your emotions and feelings.
00:08:48:15 - 00:09:16:01
Filly
They're okay to feel sad or angry or excited or happy. That's okay. It's your right. And another example would be respecting others values, beliefs, opinions, while knowing that you do not have to compromise your own values, beliefs and opinions. That's that good old saying agree to disagree and it's okay. You don't have to compromise your own beliefs and opinions and values to make someone else feel good.
00:09:16:02 - 00:09:24:07
Filly
It's okay. Even if they get offended, that's when you know that you're leaving your boundaries and you feel okay with that.
00:09:24:09 - 00:10:05:08
Chris
Hanlon's razor philosophical quote is never attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance or incompetence. And so a lot of times we in our insecurities, we can falsely attribute malice to what could be seen as just ignorance. For example, we're driving down the street and someone's going 40 kilometres in front of us. We can say, Ah, with malice, we can get into a really sticky, stressful situation and state.
00:10:05:10 - 00:10:35:05
Chris
We might feel like our boundaries are being encroached on because this person is driving too slow and I have to get to work and blah blah blah. But we in that state become ignorant of the other person's wants and needs and a lot of clashes globally. Politically, relationships on the road can can happen when we falsely attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance.
00:10:35:05 - 00:10:48:14
Chris
We're all trying to do the best we can with what we've got and we put our blinkers on and we all live our own experience. So I think let that be and set your own boundaries and allow other people to have theirs as well.
00:10:48:16 - 00:11:14:00
Filly
Awesome. So what happens if you don't leave? No. Commit to your boundaries. We flow and we love. So how can that actually lead to body burn out? So we wanted to give you some examples of how I've stayed in Perth, like personally, clinically, where when these boundaries are encroached upon or they're not even set, how does this actually affect your health?
00:11:14:02 - 00:11:43:11
Filly
So a lot of people with the loose no boundaries will often or even give theirs or even giving over responsibility for others, overdoing for others, which might feel good at the time because it's like, yes, I feel like I'm a good human being because I'm doing all this for other people. But eventually that little bubble pops and shows up as resentment, frustration, stress, chronic stress.
00:11:43:16 - 00:12:10:23
Filly
So chronic stress can lead to not living a life true to your boundaries, which then burn burnout, your adrenals and your neurotransmitters. So these are part of the body that secrete your stress hormones or stress chemicals puts you in a chronic state of fight or flight. So not only have you got adrenal fatigue and maybe like burnt out serotonin or dopamine, but when you're in this fight or flight response, your gut and your detox pathways cannot function.
00:12:11:01 - 00:12:24:00
Filly
So a lack of boundaries is definitely a root cause, not the root, root cause. We'll get to that soon, but it's definitely a root cause and a reason as to why someone ends up in body burn out.
00:12:24:02 - 00:12:51:02
Chris
Sometimes it's not having a lack of boundaries. Sometimes you know well and good what your boundary is and what's what's really healthy and what's functional and what works for you. But the fear that other people will shoot you down, people that you value their input and you externally validate opinions and prioritise the the, the needs of others as opposed to yours and you retreat back behind the line.
00:12:51:02 - 00:13:14:13
Chris
You allow others to, to conquer your your values and they stand over you. And that door. It's not the absence of having a boundary, it's the not standing up for your boundaries, not having the self-esteem, the self-worth and the security in and of yourself to a stand up for what you believe strongly to be true and healthy.
00:13:14:15 - 00:13:52:08
Filly
So boundaries or lack of or not standing up for them often affects people's self-care as well. So we all know that in order to like really have healthy, happy body, we need to carve out time for ourselves. And self-care can look really different for different people. But if you're or even doing or even giving or even responsibilities, stressing about whether you can communicate in your during your trainings, communicating your boundaries, whatever it is, then often that time for yourself is affected, which often then leads to unhealthy habits and an unhealthy lifestyle.
00:13:52:08 - 00:14:22:00
Filly
Or it's like, I know I should be meal prepping or going for that walk in the sun, or I should be doing stock, which is part of out versus in the body burn out method or I know that I should be, I don't know, spending more time with my family, but I've got X, Y, and Z things that I have to do for other people, or because if I don't do these things, I'm going to look poorly in front of these other people.
00:14:22:02 - 00:14:36:00
Filly
And so then you just get stuck in this, this chronic state of overworking, overdoing busyness without any kind of intentional focus of what you really want.
00:14:36:02 - 00:14:55:21
Chris
And then there's a there's a cycle of shame and guilt as well. I should be doing that. When you say that, that's just like a little flag should could go off in the air as like that should be that shooting that should create that you're stuck up is is shaming self shaming.
00:14:55:23 - 00:15:21:00
Filly
I'll give you a really just a really real time example is something that last year I probably like the last quarter of last year beautiful things happened in our business. It was all tied up with different things but definitely like the book being published and I got really busy but you know, just booked out, booked out months in advance.
00:15:21:03 - 00:15:55:11
Filly
And so it all happened really fast and people pleasing kind of kicked in in that. I'm like, no, I can't say no to this person or this person. So I actually ended up and I, I did I had for many years these are the amount of one on one consult hours that I do a week because if I encroach upon that, if that bleeds into like more and more hours, I don't have time for myself or my family or to feed as well, and no time to work on and build the business.
00:15:55:11 - 00:16:23:12
Filly
And that makes me unhappy as well. And but anyway, so there was a good three months. I'm like, Yes, yes, yes. And I'm like, Holy crap. I look at my calendar. I'm like, I've got so many one on one appointments, which I love all my people. So I was feeling quite conflictual, but I was getting burnt out, which is kind of ironic because we're on a mission to embody burnout, and my body signalled this very clearly to me and my emotions.
00:16:23:12 - 00:16:51:09
Filly
So then I got, you know, Chris talked about the game. Okay, cool. We're playing a bit of a different game now. How can I still work the hours that I want to work and feel good about myself and also put these new boundaries in place and do it with flow rather than fear or force. And I've had some emails back from people who are kind of like paid off that they have to wait three months to see me.
00:16:51:11 - 00:17:14:05
Filly
And initially that did not feel good, but I just looked underneath the surface and like, Hang on, why don't I feel good about this? Well, the deepest fear is that they'll think that I'm not a nice person, that I should just open up time for them instead of spending time for my children. And then, you know, it was all just silly stories that I was telling myself.
00:17:14:05 - 00:17:38:11
Filly
So when I could get clear on all of that, then it was easier to go back to leave my boundaries and also to just say no to people who wanted to see me tomorrow. Like, No, you can wait. There's plenty of surgeons in this world where you have to wait six months or a year. You can wait like a month or two max three to see me.
00:17:38:12 - 00:18:18:12
Chris
Yep. And I think that's the very, very first thing. And this is what I was going to say before the step, the first step and boundaries like, Hey, write this down, take an art self worth if I would go so far as to say if you don't have a sense of self-worth, if you're not secure in your self, you won't have any concept of what your version of healthy boundaries are and you won't be able to to give yourself permission to keep them either.
00:18:18:13 - 00:18:45:05
Chris
So I think what underpins the concept that underpins everything in this whole discussion today is self-worth. If you're having trouble with this, go to the very first questions like not me. It's like, where aren't I seeing my worth and what am I? What is my worth and really, really, really dig into your security.
00:18:45:07 - 00:19:11:11
Filly
So that's the like this, the deeper unconscious reason as to why when someone doesn't leave their boundaries, but also how it leads to body burnout and we call it broken or poor. So and it's like I don't trust myself, I don't believe in myself. I don't love myself enough to show up for myself. You break for pool with yourself and the best, most, deepest part of you is not happy when you do that.
00:19:11:12 - 00:19:42:02
Filly
And it shows this true pain. And very often it shows that up through body burnout symptoms, energy, mood, gut issues, brain fog, PMS, autoimmune skin issues because we listen to pain. And so we have seen clear points. We've seen symptoms disappear in clients when they start deeply listening to themselves and showing up for themselves. I mentioned the lady with the the ex-Marine, like the horrible rashes all over her face just completely disappear.
00:19:42:04 - 00:20:19:17
Filly
I've seen anxiety and chronic fatigue disappear. I've also seen very recently a beautiful lady. She is probably listening to this podcast episode struggling with vestibular migraines for months and months and months to the point where it was happening every day so bad that she would vomit and diarrhoea and be stuck in bed for 12 hours. That when we cleared a bunch of stuff from the unconscious and she really deeply started listening to herself and feeling safe in her body and not feeling like she had to be responsible for everyone else.
00:20:19:19 - 00:20:55:02
Filly
I kid you not. The vestibular migraines have not come back since, and they were always happening on a daily at the very least weekly basis. So beautiful. All right. So so we've we've touched on deeper unconscious reasons as to why you struggle to set keep communicate your boundaries. But we might dig into this a little bit more. So people pleasing often shows up when there's lack of either boundaries being set or not being kept or communicated.
00:20:55:04 - 00:21:33:05
Filly
And so going right back from childhood is when we start getting reprogrammed program and into our patterns and our beliefs about ourselves. And a lot of people who really struggle with boundaries are often people who we're considered the good girl or the the good boy As a little kid, that might be because there was violence in the home or maybe even just a lot of yelling and disharmony, the type of child that tries to keep the peace or tries to stay under the radar, to not put more pressure onto a already stressful environment.
00:21:33:07 - 00:22:03:14
Filly
Sometimes it could be that you actually had a pretty happy, normal upbringing, but your parents were mostly where my emotionally unavailable, which most parents were and are because we haven't been taught. Not many people have been taught how to be emotionally a president and to have emotional intelligence. So a large proportion of the population have been brought up with emotionally unavailable parents, which then also can show up as people pleasing patterns.
00:22:03:14 - 00:22:23:13
Filly
Because then a child is like, Why are you not giving me attention? Why are you not listening to me? Why am I not being heard? Okay, well, I have to try even harder to get your love. And so then it can set up these these patterns where you're even doing for others to try and get external validation and love back.
00:22:23:15 - 00:22:47:22
Chris
Which we need. And if you don't have that, your life isn't safe. You don't have the connection, you don't have the significance. And so in order to be safe and to mitigate risk of of not having these these essential core needs met, to install a program to keep yourself safe, which might be like what Sally was saying, people pleasing.
00:22:48:00 - 00:23:13:14
Filly
So then, so that's the patterns that someone can set up in a young age in themselves are also like during that formative age we're creating unconscious core beliefs, identity, beliefs about ourselves. And often again, the general population have created at some point some unkind, dysfunctional self-loathing beliefs about themselves. And I don't even know it. It's hidden in the unconscious.
00:23:13:14 - 00:23:52:23
Filly
And until you actually start doing this deeper healing root, root cause work, you may die as a child with childish beliefs about yourself because you just never know about them. But they often look like I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy, I'm irresponsible. And so when you have these deeper beliefs that are controlling the like the machine that is controlling everything, your thoughts, your feelings, your behavioural patterns, the health of your body, when you have these deeper, self-limiting beliefs, you're constantly trying to seek external validation that the greatest fear about yourself is not true.
00:23:53:01 - 00:24:19:16
Filly
And so then those boundaries kind of like become encroached or you let go of them, or you don't even set them because it's not actually safe. It's not safe to say no to someone else too. It's not safe to stand up for what you feel is right for you because it's very risky. You could be rejected. You could be yelled at, you could be cut off.
00:24:19:18 - 00:24:28:00
Filly
And then therefore, the greatest fear that you have about yourself is validated.
00:24:28:02 - 00:25:07:16
Chris
Her Romans had Roman soldiers, had these guys who held a banner or a flag or tarred them up in the air, and it kept the whole whole group the Legion organised. This may or may not be factual, but good enough. And they were called standard bearers or insiders. And what they did is they, with their flag aloft or their thing aloft, their standard, they would march into battle, kept the troops organised, everyone heading in the right direction, make sure that the the force as a whole was cohesive.
00:25:07:18 - 00:25:39:05
Chris
When that flag bearer, that standard bearer got shot by an arrow, that would fall down the flag fell down, disarray ensued. If no one else picked up the flag the standard and carried that into battle. The the the army was in a disarray. So our enemies knew that as soon as the the people the Romans would march, they'd cross the line, the enemies would try and shoot the flag because they knew that the quickest way to win the battle was to shoot the standard down.
00:25:39:06 - 00:26:01:18
Chris
And that's what happens in life as well. We cross a line, a new boundary, and we say, This is the boundary that I want to live by. This is the rule that I want to adhere by because I have enough. And this is what I'm worthy of. I'm going to defend myself. And so this is I'm going to stand up for this.
00:26:01:20 - 00:26:27:13
Chris
And so we hold our standard up. Now, our loved ones and the people that we care about will sometimes not enjoy that we've crossed the line, that we're not going to be this good little boy, good little girl in their eyes and roll over and fawn and do what they are used to. And so sometimes there's a little bit of resistance and a little bit of pushback, and that happens sometimes.
00:26:27:15 - 00:27:01:04
Chris
And so I think sometimes the fear of that happening keeps us from raising our standard and holding our line. And I mentioned that before. And so whether our loved ones know it or not, that they stand up for what they believe. So we need to stand up for what we believe in. And sometimes that takes a little bit of negotiation and arguing and debating and standing up for what we believe in, not with force and hatred and violence, but with love and with care.
00:27:01:06 - 00:27:27:05
Chris
And I think that's that's a really crucial part of having healthy boundaries, knowing why this is important to you, so that you can actually go to your loved ones and say, hey, this is the reason why I'm doing the thing, and I'd love for you to be a part of this. So instead of us fighting, can we work together?
00:27:27:07 - 00:27:41:11
Chris
I think if we can feel that self-worth, but then also overcome that fear of others judgement and resistance, we'll be able to hold our standard high and be able to live our boundaries.
00:27:41:16 - 00:28:03:11
Filly
Yeah, and the way that you do that, like if we're getting kind of practical with how can you actually set and keep boundaries is number one before you do any kind of communication or even figuring out what the heck you want number one, you must resolve your deepest root cause, The unconscious core belief that you have about yourself.
00:28:03:13 - 00:28:28:22
Filly
See it Name it with laser clarity. What you can't, what you don't know, you can't change. So when you can name it, see it with laser clarity, then you can actually start reprogramming the belief and reprogramming a belief beliefs. The neural pathways and the research studies say that you can change in your pathway pathways as click as quick as three weeks to three months.
00:28:29:00 - 00:28:45:14
Filly
So if this remains hidden or unsolved, it will never be safe to set and keep boundaries. You'll end up just yo yoing with it. Kind of like a yo yo diet where it's just like, Yes, this is what I want. I got burnt out. If you really crappy, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm resentful. This is what I want people.
00:28:45:14 - 00:28:55:09
Filly
And it might feel really scary. You know, the system is going crazy, but you say it and then you don't stick to it because there's deeper unconscious beliefs holding you back.
00:28:55:09 - 00:28:56:17
Chris
It's not safe.
00:28:56:19 - 00:29:19:19
Filly
And if you're like, I hear these guys talking about these unconscious core beliefs all the time, but I don't know how to do it. Pop your name down on our list, our ending Body Burn out Method program, where we heal the whole self, including at an unconscious level. Doors open end of May. So we would love to see you in there.
00:29:19:21 - 00:29:42:00
Filly
So resolve those deeper unconscious core beliefs. Then, as Chris said, get clear on what you want. What does your dream life look like? What do you also need? Especially if you're in a state of body burn out in order to heal? Because there are needs that need to be met and maybe they don't being met at the moment because you haven't voiced them or you don't even know what they are.
00:29:42:02 - 00:30:07:06
Filly
And how should boundaries with others come into play to a tree achieve your dream outcome? So when there's when there's clarity, it's safe to proceed. Without clarity, you're unconscious. De nervous system is constantly feeling uncertain, so you must get really clear on what you want in order to get what you want.
00:30:07:08 - 00:30:46:05
Chris
Yeah. Close your eyes. Believe it, Dream it, see it, See it up top first feel it in your heart And then know this is why I want it. You know, you come up with your conceptual game plan before you can win any win any sort of game or or battle or whatever you want to call it. You got to have this purpose, this big picture, this strategy, this game plan, reason, cause, and then write it down, articulate it, know it, and and before you start shooting yourself, then start hold yourself back.
00:30:46:07 - 00:31:12:13
Chris
Take the handbrake off. Silly ideas, Ridiculous ideas are welcome. And just allow yourself to dream and want and yearn for something either better or maybe you want less of or maybe you want more of, but just open up the floodgates and just let it out or let it in. Whatever you want to, whatever you want to say.
00:31:12:15 - 00:31:13:21
Chris
Purpose.
00:31:13:23 - 00:31:16:23
Filly
So recruit. Reprogramme those beliefs.
00:31:16:23 - 00:31:17:19
Chris
Worth.
00:31:17:21 - 00:31:19:23
Filly
Get clear on what you want.
00:31:20:00 - 00:31:20:23
Chris
Purpose.
00:31:21:01 - 00:31:46:06
Filly
And then communicate that. And when you do the first to the communication, which often people think is the hardest, actually becomes really easy. Because now you can you can ask for what you want or scenario or whatever that boundary looks like for you, for that person. You can you can communicate that from a place of self-love because you're backing yourself.
00:31:46:08 - 00:31:55:03
Filly
And so you want and you aren't needy, so you're not needy for someone else's love or external validation anymore because you're giving it to yourself.
00:31:55:05 - 00:32:17:19
Chris
Before we go to this next point, I think a really important distinction is, well, once you've got that big picture, I think, and before you can start communicating with accuracy, really got to know what games you're playing. Who are you playing with? What are the rules? What does winning look like? Really get clear on on. I like the analogy of the game.
00:32:17:19 - 00:32:37:22
Chris
So players. Well, what are you talking about here? Is this a game for a relationship? Is this a game for work? Is this what's happening? Who's who's involved? What are the rules? What are the boundaries? All that sort of stuff. So before you can actually communicate these things, just get really clear. Big picture, they'll come little pitches, like who's actually involved with this?
00:32:38:00 - 00:32:45:13
Chris
And if I could win, what does that look like? And then, well, can you communicate?
00:32:45:14 - 00:32:50:01
Filly
I was almost finished. You kind of cut my point off and I'd almost finished.
00:32:50:01 - 00:32:56:14
Chris
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Well, because I think before you can communicate, you've got to kind of know all that stuff got to go to actually.
00:32:56:16 - 00:32:58:06
Filly
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:58:07 - 00:33:01:22
Chris
Otherwise it's hard to communicate if, if you don't have that. Cool.
00:33:02:03 - 00:33:04:20
Filly
Do you have anything else to communicate?
00:33:04:20 - 00:33:08:20
Chris
Ready to communicate about communicating? No. Now I established why we.
00:33:08:20 - 00:33:21:13
Filly
Might have to, like, communicate off of Mike for this one. Okay. Chris had. Hello to you, Chris. Actually, a patent that I had that really paid Chris off a lot was.
00:33:21:13 - 00:33:22:18
Chris
Saying you.
00:33:22:22 - 00:33:44:20
Filly
Do always and sometimes I still do is slip up. But in the middle of like what he's saying because he takes very long pauses and also to when I was more like in a heightened state, anxious parent at my system was fast as well. So he's my way of talking. I'm like, Come on, let's just get to the point.
00:33:44:20 - 00:34:12:18
Filly
What do you need to know? And then I'd like, but in with my opinion and all that sort of stuff, it's Why am I telling you this? Because it's, it's to do that through you say Chris didn't like that, so he actually had to share what he wanted from me. Now, I didn't receive it very well because I had my own insecurities about myself that I had to work through.
00:34:12:20 - 00:34:31:13
Filly
And that's okay. So here's the thing. When you do actually start communicating your boundaries, there probably will be people that push back or get offended or don't like it because they're like, Who even are you? Why are you actually demanding things from me?
00:34:31:14 - 00:34:33:23
Chris
Go back to where you came from and then.
00:34:34:01 - 00:34:51:10
Filly
Small and be a martyr and stay a doormat and let me walk all over you. Sorry. So he's a little thing that has helped me along the way, by the way, I have been getting a lot better, I think, with my communication with you, Chris.
00:34:51:12 - 00:34:55:11
Chris
You're you're a well formed novice.
00:34:55:12 - 00:35:19:00
Filly
And also also, I don't get offended very rarely anymore. I just I'm like, Yeah, take it on the chin. Yeah. Thanks for pulling me out. Going to try Vera. But if, if you're kind of in this sticky point where you are actually now, it's safe to communicate that people are pushing back. Frustration with others is almost always a frustration with yourself, with the self.
00:35:19:02 - 00:35:42:13
Filly
Yeah. And so I mean, if you're getting frustrated about them pushing back, then there's something there's still some work that you need to do around your own self-worth. But also, too, if you're like, No, I'm all good. I said my thing, they're getting frustrated. It's kind of frustrating that they're not listening to me, but I'm like not too concerned about it in terms of I'm not getting overly stressed about it.
00:35:42:15 - 00:36:02:18
Filly
Then they've got their own stuff, like they've got their own issues to work through. And so their pushback is no reflection of you as a person, which is really nice to kind of keep at the back of your mind or even the forefront of your mind, because then that allows you to continue communicating your boundaries.
00:36:02:21 - 00:36:32:01
Chris
And I could have come at that conversation like a soldier going into battle with mine insecurities, ready for a fight. It's like, shut up, stop interrupting me, blah, blah, blah. Battle Better battle, which might have reflected insecurities. Yeah, And I'm just thinking. Yeah, I'm thinking there's there's work to be done. The blind spots in there, it's cool.
00:36:32:03 - 00:36:36:00
Filly
But now. Now, if I slip up, I feel like it's very.
00:36:36:02 - 00:36:36:14
Chris
I think we're both.
00:36:36:14 - 00:36:41:01
Filly
There's no charge to it any more. It's just like, yeah, did same.
00:36:41:01 - 00:36:55:21
Chris
And then, and then also like, my security is, is greater and of myself it's you know, if your if you've got your own thing to say there's, you've got stuff to say, you know I'm okay with that. Just let you Yeah. Let you have your thing.
00:36:56:00 - 00:37:16:19
Filly
Whereas in the past it would have led to maybe like not talking for three days, me giving you the silent treatment because, my gosh, you're not listening to me. You're shutting me down all the time because I'm interrupting you. Whereas now it's just kind of like, Yeah, cool. That's a pattern that I'd been living for decades that I'm rewriting and.
00:37:16:19 - 00:37:18:07
Chris
Then my insecurities were and I'm.
00:37:18:07 - 00:37:19:08
Filly
Okay with that.
00:37:19:10 - 00:37:50:01
Chris
You don't care about me. I'm not enough. I'm unlovable. The deep cold wound that I've worked on. Alison, Love it. Hey, penalties as well. You know, we stick with the the sport analogy, the game analogy. My favourite two sports basketball and American football. American football's cool. They throw yellow flag. The referees have these these weighted flags in their in their belt and if you do the wrong thing, if you break a rule, they pull it out, throw a flag up in the air.
00:37:50:01 - 00:38:22:06
Chris
It's if you actually just watch it, it's I enjoy it. I think it's funny baseball you blow whistle So so there's got to be these signs, signals, flags. It's like, hey, time out, bro. Broken And you coming up with your own version of a flag or a whistle just to kind of, hey, this might be a letter. You might run a letter or it might be like a conversation framed with some gentle words, a little sandwich method.
00:38:22:12 - 00:38:39:04
Chris
But there's got to be penalties is consequences for four rule encroachment and boundary intrusions. Otherwise, you know what? Why would you not stand up for your boundaries? Are they important to you?
00:38:39:06 - 00:39:01:16
Filly
Awesome. If you want to learn a bit more about this, there's a few chapters in our new book, Ending Body Burn Out. The last chapter in particular is How can you? It's called Happy Harm, which really is about how can you become the leader to create change in the rest of your family or those that you are close to.
00:39:01:18 - 00:39:28:14
Filly
And also a bunch of stuff too, in the mind section. So I'll pop that in the show notes. Also too, if you would love us to guide you through this healing work that is actually like the quickest way to resolving your physical body, burn symptoms because we're doing physical and metaphysical support at the same time, pop down to the show notes and press the link to our ending body burn out method to join.
00:39:28:14 - 00:39:40:17
Filly
The waitlist doors will open end of May, and if you're on the waitlist you get tonight there. So there's only limited spots and. Also, you get access to some sneaky early bit bonuses.
00:39:40:18 - 00:40:00:14
Chris
Pew Pew Pew. Thanks so much for joining us today. We hope you enjoyed the banter and the chat about boundaries. Had the best day ever. Talk to you soon.
00:40:00:16 - 00:40:10:19
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:40:10:21 - 00:40:29:03
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root Cause contributors by taking out ending body burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group one on one ending Body burn out programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
