Rewire The “Good Girl/Boy” Pattern & Advocating For Self with Lora Cheadle

 Listen to the full episode.

Have you spent years being the reliable one?

The easy-going one.

The person who keeps the peace, works hard, says yes, and quietly puts everyone else first?

From the outside, it can look like you have it all together. But internally, you may feel exhausted, resentful, disconnected from what you want, or unsure who you are without everyone else’s expectations.

In Episode 187 of The Ending Body Burnout Show, Filly from Chris and Filly Functional Medicine speaks with confidence coach Lora Cheadle about rewiring the “good girl” or “good boy” pattern, rebuilding self-trust, and learning to advocate for your needs.

It’s a conversation about burnout, yes…

But it’s also about identity, safety, courage, and what becomes possible when you stop editing yourself to be acceptable.

What Is the “Good Girl” or “Good Boy” Pattern?

The good girl or good boy pattern is not a personality flaw.

It’s usually an old protective strategy.

Many of us learned early that being liked, helpful, successful, quiet, agreeable, or high-achieving helped us feel safe. Maybe praise came when you achieved. Maybe conflict felt scary. Maybe you learned to read the room and make yourself smaller so nobody would be upset with you.

Those adaptations can be incredibly intelligent.

They may have helped you belong, avoid criticism, or feel connected to the people around you. But when they become automatic in adulthood, they can pull you away from your own needs.

You might notice this pattern in the way you over-explain a boundary, say yes while feeling a tightness in your chest, avoid asking for support, or keep going long after your body has asked for rest.

Over time, this can become a major driver of body burnout.

Why People-Pleasing Can Lead to Burnout

Burnout is not always caused by a busy calendar.

Sometimes it comes from the constant internal effort of managing everyone else’s comfort.

When you’re always scanning for approval, anticipating other people’s reactions, or trying to get everything “right”, your nervous system rarely gets a true break. This can affect sleep, energy, digestion, mood, focus, hormones, and your ability to recover from everyday stress.

That’s why a root cause medicine approach looks beyond the surface symptom.

At Chris and Filly Functional Medicine, holistic health means asking what is happening in the physical body and what patterns may be asking the body to stay on high alert.

This is not about blaming yourself for being unwell.

It’s about understanding the full picture with compassion.

Your body may not be letting you down. It may be trying to get your attention.

The Cost of Living by Other People’s Rules

A good girl or good boy pattern often comes with invisible rules:

• Don’t disappoint anyone.
• Don’t be difficult.
• Don’t take up too much space.
• Don’t need too much.
• Don’t change your mind.
• Don’t let people see you struggle.

The problem is that these rules can become louder than your own inner voice.

You can become so practised at meeting everyone else’s needs that you no longer know what you genuinely want.

Lora’s work invites people to come back to that question:

What does my heart actually want?

Not what would look good.

Not what would keep everyone comfortable.

What feels true for you?

Fear, Trauma and the Brain’s Need for Safety

It’s easy to say, “Just speak up.”

But if you grew up associating honesty with rejection, conflict, punishment, or abandonment, advocating for yourself can feel genuinely unsafe.

This is where mind body medicine offers an important perspective.

The brain is designed to protect us. If it has learned that staying quiet, performing, or pleasing others reduces danger, it will keep repeating that strategy — even when it no longer serves you.

Fear, trauma, and other people’s opinions can all keep a person stuck in an old identity.

You may consciously want to set boundaries, rest more, change careers, ask for help, or speak your truth. Yet another part of you may panic at the idea.

That doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable.

It means your system needs support to experience a new kind of safety.

Rewiring Starts With Awareness, Not Force

Natural healing is not about forcing yourself to become a completely different person overnight.

It starts by noticing the moment your old pattern switches on.

Perhaps you notice the urge to apologise before you have done anything wrong. Perhaps your stomach drops when someone asks for a favour. Perhaps you automatically say, “Whatever you want”, when someone asks what you would prefer.

Those moments are not failures.

They are information.

When you can pause and recognise the pattern, you create a little space between the trigger and the automatic response.

In that space, you can practise a new choice — gently, imperfectly, and at a pace your nervous system can handle.

Embodying Who You Want to Be

Lora previously shared her “Be Who You Want To Be” workshop with clients inside the Ending Body Burnout Method program.

Her approach looks beyond simply talking about confidence. It brings the body into the process through movement, clothing, props, and embodied practice.

This matters because confidence is not only a thought.

It is also a felt experience.

How do you stand when you feel safe?

How do you breathe?

What happens to your voice when you believe your needs matter?

What would you wear if you were no longer trying to disappear?

These may sound like small questions, but they can create new evidence for the brain. You are showing your system, through lived experience, that it is possible to be visible, expressed, and still safe.

If you are a current client, you can watch Lora’s “Be Who You Want To Be” workshop here.

Advocacy Is a Form of Self-Respect

Advocating for yourself does not mean becoming harsh, selfish, or inconsiderate.

It means including yourself in the equation.

It can look like saying:

“I need some time to think about that.”

“I’m not available for that right now.”

“That doesn’t work for me.”

“I would prefer this.”

“I need help.”

For someone with a lifelong people-pleasing pattern, these words can feel enormous.

Start small.

You don’t have to overhaul every relationship this week. You can begin with one honest preference, one delayed response instead of an immediate yes, or one moment of rest without explaining yourself.

This is preventative health too.

Boundaries can protect the energy you need for sleep, nourishment, connection, recovery, and healthy living.

A Whole-Person Path Out of Body Burnout

At Chris and Filly Functional Medicine, burnout functional medicine is about more than chasing symptoms.

It brings together functional testing, personalised medicine, functional nutrition, nervous system support, emotional healing, and deeper subconscious work.

The Ending Body Burnout Method program is designed for people who are ready to explore why their body has become depleted — and address both the physical and metaphysical layers of healing.

Because you can take all the supplements, follow the most careful nutrition and wellness plan, and still feel drained if your body believes it must constantly perform to be worthy of love, approval, or safety.

Healing from within means giving your body a different experience.

One where rest is allowed.

Needs are valid.

Boundaries are possible.

And you do not have to earn your place in the world by being endlessly good.

Where to Begin

If this episode has stirred something in you, start with curiosity.

Ask yourself:

Where am I abandoning my own needs to avoid disappointing someone else?

Where do I feel a quiet resentment?

What would change if I believed my voice mattered?

You can learn more about Lora Cheadle and her work.

If you are ready for a deeper reset in an immersive setting, Unmask & Shine Retreat is open for bookings. Book by 12 December to receive the $500 early-bird discount.

Not sure where your body burnout patterns are sitting right now? Take the Ending Body Burnout Assessment for a helpful starting point.

Or, if you would like to explore support with Chris and Filly, you can find out how to work with Chris and Filly here.

Your needs are not an inconvenience.

Your truth does not make you difficult.

And the version of you who can speak up, rest, receive support, and take up space may be closer than you think.

Listen to the full episode.

Chris & Filipa Bellette are the Founders of multi award-winning health practice Chris & Filly Functional Medicine, which is best known for ending body burnout (for good!) in “busy” people with energy, mood and gut issues. They have worked with over 3,000+ burned-out clients in the past combined 30+ years, with their own passion for ending body burnout coming from their own personal experience of body, mind, family & business breakdown, after a prolonged period of physical and mental stress.

Filipa is an accredited Clinical Nutritionist, Functional Medicine Practitioner, Coach & Trauma Therapist. She is also a Ph.D. Scholar, author & regularly featured the media, such as Forbes, Body+Soul and The Daily Telegraph. Chris is a Burnout Recovery Coach & an accredited Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, with a Bachelor of Human Movement Science. He has existed in high-performance realms of the sporting (think national athlete) & business industries and knows what it takes to get out of hustle-and-grind culture to thriving. 

They were recently awarded as the Tasmanian State Winner & National Finalist for the Telstra Best of Business Awards, and Winner of the Australian Women’s Small Business Champion Awards.