00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:55:20
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:55:22 - 00:00:56:19
Belinda
Hello!
00:00:56:22 - 00:01:25:15
Filly
Welcome to the ending Body Burn out show. Today we have a awesome interview with the wonderful Belinda Stark. She is a certified alcohol mindset coach for midlife women. She actually came into our ending body burnout method a few weeks ago to take our clients through a coaching workshop on breaking free from food and alcohol cravings, addiction, emotional eating.
00:01:25:17 - 00:01:59:17
Filly
It was awesome. Definitely went beyond just the strategies of don't eat this. Stop doing that. Eat this instead. And it really got into the root of why we developed cravings. Addictions, emotional drinking, eating in the first place. So it was awesome. For any clients that, missed out coming to that workshop live, I'm actually gonna pop the in the show notes links a direct link to that workshop that Belinda ran with us.
00:01:59:17 - 00:02:30:21
Filly
So that's a great one to come back to if you feel like, you have emotional eating or, beverage cravings, addictions, that sort of stuff. So today on the podcast, we really dive into Belinda's story around why she does what she does. She's had a pretty, pretty big life. She ended up in hospital a couple of times with postnatal depression.
00:02:30:23 - 00:03:15:01
Filly
Recovered, diagnosed and recover from breast cancer, went through a divorce. And all of this built up to the point where she just, was drinking alcohol in excess. Not a alcoholic, but definitely causing some health issues and affecting her relationships. So we're really diving into all of that today. What that look like, the root cause of of why someone uses, things like alcohol or addictive type substances, it might even be things like social media, Netflix watching, too much TV or that sort of stuff just to numb out the problems that we're having deeper below the surface.
00:03:15:01 - 00:04:00:02
Filly
And essentially we, we, we really dive into what it looks like to have self-love for self. So the official stuff about Belinda, her bio, I'm going to read that out. She is a certified alcohol mindset coach that helps midlife women break free from the exhausting cycle of over drinking and rediscovers a vibrant, empowered life after navigating her own two chapters of cancer, depression, divorce, and addressing a 20 year grey area drinking issue, she brings a deep personal understanding to the work supporting women who feel stuck in the over drinking habit loop with her compassionate and no nonsense approach, she's here to help women stop numbing and start thriving, and she has been published in
00:04:00:02 - 00:04:16:08
Filly
the media, multiple times, including places like mama mia around the story of how she quit drinking and how she helps other people do the same. All right, let's dive into today's episode.
00:04:16:10 - 00:04:29:01
Chris
Welcome, everybody, to the ending body burn out. So today we have a special guest with us. We have Belinda Star. Thank you so much for coming on to the podcast. We asked today Belinda, welcome.
00:04:29:03 - 00:04:35:18
Belinda
Thank you. Thank you for having me. I was very touched when Philip reached out. So thank you. Thanks for having me guys. Appreciate it.
00:04:35:20 - 00:05:05:09
Filly
I've been thinking about it for a long time. And then I'm like, let's do this. Yay! Okay, so for the listeners, they would have heard me read you beautiful bio. But essentially, in a nutshell, you're a mindset alcohol coach for midlife women. Let's just dive straight there. Maybe before you became that and more around your personal journey that led to the point, or it's like this and there's some things going on that need to change.
00:05:05:11 - 00:05:29:18
Belinda
Yes. Well, I like to call myself a bit of a mixed bag because there's lots of different lollies in there. But, in a nutshell, I've gone through a divorce. That was the early 2000. I've had two boys, I've remarried, had my second son with my husband now, and had some very debilitating hospitalisation with postnatal depression.
00:05:29:20 - 00:05:56:03
Belinda
And things got better. And I purchased a business, retail fashion and built that up. And two weeks into owning that business, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And happy to say that. Yeah, 11 years ago. And I'm fighting fish. And then, about three years ago now, I addressed a drinking issue. Just, what we call them is the middle line drinker or a, grey area drinker.
00:05:56:03 - 00:06:07:14
Belinda
I wasn't an alcoholic. But it was time to address it because I was a big drinker. On and off, probably since my divorce. And that sort of. Yeah.
00:06:07:16 - 00:06:09:13
Chris
What's a middle lane drinker?
00:06:09:15 - 00:06:41:20
Belinda
Middle lane drinker? Well, you you're not. You're not drinking in the morning and way too much or and you're not like, not don't drink at all. You know, you either drink and drink more than the standard, health guidelines and you sort of you sort of know that alcohol is sort of taking a little bit of control of you in that you prioritise alcohol over other more important things, or you just start to notice little things.
00:06:41:20 - 00:07:14:23
Belinda
But that can take some time because it's very confronting and scary to, yeah, open up and get raw and honest. So I did, and I haven't had a drink for nearly three years now. And that was basically really the, turning point in becoming an alcohol mindset. Coach. Didn't think I would, but I yeah, I sort of fell into it in that I did some coke, I did some coaching with a sober coach, and I thought, I really like this coaching thing, and I've had plenty of therapy in my lifetime.
00:07:14:23 - 00:07:39:10
Belinda
So, you know, will might make use of that. And, yeah, I was going to coach midlife women just in with their inner critic, in their mindset and embracing the next phase of their loss. But what I happened was what happened was everyone was incredibly interested in the drinking. And I got published in Mamma mia! And nine honey and all sorts of things.
00:07:39:12 - 00:07:50:04
Belinda
And that was just the the thing that just kept coming up. Tell me about your drinking. What did you do? And that's sort that's how I became an alcohol mindset coach for, for women.
00:07:50:09 - 00:07:59:10
Filly
Yeah. I was actually on your website. Oh, when I was just, putting together questions and I'm like, you've been featured in a lot of media. That's really cool.
00:07:59:12 - 00:08:01:15
Belinda
Yeah. No, it's been great.
00:08:01:17 - 00:08:05:11
Filly
What I'm kind of interested in is even before that, there.
00:08:05:13 - 00:08:06:09
Belinda
Okay.
00:08:06:11 - 00:08:21:17
Filly
Like, if we echoed back to earlier on because I don't know if you use this language, but the alcohol isn't like, the alcohol isn't the problem. It's just a symptom. Yeah. It's a symptom that's kind of band owning something else underneath the surface.
00:08:21:19 - 00:08:22:11
Belinda
00:08:22:13 - 00:08:48:09
Filly
So when you were talking about that was a mixed bag, it's kind of like you in hospital for post-natal depression. That's massive. And then the divorce and then you got the cancer, even though you thought you were living your best life, like, can you say how was there a connection with all of those in terms of what led to, like the postnatal depression, even the divorce and the thoughts, feelings that came up after that.
00:08:48:09 - 00:09:03:12
Filly
And then alcohol was kind of just the the bandaid that was trying to Band-Aid the pattern of everything that's going on. I'm kind of like understanding or trying honestly and like a deeper root cause that, yeah, if there's a thread that is leading through all of that.
00:09:03:14 - 00:09:34:18
Belinda
Yeah. Yeah, I would say definitely. And like you said, the the alcohol is sort of the, the crutch or the Band-Aid, but there's a lot more going underneath with my depression. I look, I was just in this dark, deep black hole and really couldn't function. And alcohol sort of took that away. But the irony is it didn't really, because the next day you're more depressed more.
00:09:34:18 - 00:09:50:15
Belinda
Have you? So I feel I feel underneath and the root cause was self-love. Self-compassion. Just liking myself.
00:09:50:17 - 00:09:51:06
Filly
And.
00:09:51:06 - 00:10:16:06
Belinda
Really working on the inner critic and all those other ones. I have a family tree and I've got to critique, critical, critical. Cassie and Patsy. Perfect. And overthinking. Olivia. I literally I say when I do talks, I bring up my family tree and we go through it, and I can tell you now, there's a lot of ladies this, nodding.
00:10:16:08 - 00:10:17:00
Belinda
Yes.
00:10:17:02 - 00:10:17:14
Filly
Yes.
00:10:17:19 - 00:10:42:02
Belinda
They, they get got the better of me. But particularly kids that self, that self-love and self-care, that I wasn't giving myself or perhaps didn't feel like I deserved it all those and and that takes a lot of what it's a like. It's a work in progress. You always get those little voices. But it's how you manage them.
00:10:42:02 - 00:10:49:00
Belinda
You say, okay, Patsy, I know you're trying to look after me, but, you know, I've got this. And it's all self-talk, isn't it? Mindset.
00:10:49:02 - 00:10:57:11
Filly
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so what did it what did it. Oh, actually. And then the divorce happened.
00:10:57:13 - 00:10:58:01
Belinda
Yeah.
00:10:58:03 - 00:11:05:21
Filly
Is that when you started drinking more. Because it sounds like you're drinking. But then you started noticing it was getting a bit bit too.
00:11:05:23 - 00:11:25:14
Belinda
Definitely. I was incredibly lonely. I was incredibly sad. My ex-husband was a high sort of profile sportsman, so it was sort of in my face a bit, which I really struggled with. And I started drinking heavily prior to that. Not a problem. I wasn't often you hear of people being big drinkers, it's teenagers and what have you.
00:11:25:14 - 00:11:36:19
Belinda
I wasn't I was just not interested. But yeah. Early. Well, yeah. When I was 30 and went through a divorce, that's when I started drinking and and falling in holes.
00:11:37:01 - 00:11:42:11
Filly
Yeah, yeah. And essentially, were you just using it for comfort or like, with.
00:11:42:13 - 00:11:43:09
Belinda
00:11:43:11 - 00:11:45:02
Filly
Like. Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:45:02 - 00:12:13:00
Belinda
Loneliness. Numbing out, like I had my son, and when he was with his dad, it was really frickin hard and sad and at that stage, it's funny now because the friends that I hung around with were all happily married and had their little kids, and I was sort of the solo on, I was the Bridget Jones. They used to joke and say, you're that Bridget Jones that sings into the wine bottle, you know, that that says, well, it I just gag along.
00:12:13:00 - 00:12:47:16
Belinda
But yeah, underneath it was pretty sad. So, I would definitely say loneliness and and just sad and and drink to, to escape your feelings. And I think I never really and I think a lot of women, particularly women, never really learn how to cope with those feelings in a positive way. We brought up as the good little girl, or if you're being too loud, you know, stop carrying on or don't cry or, and not expressing them in a, in a positive way.
00:12:47:18 - 00:12:52:03
Belinda
So that's that's what I struggled with, too, I think as I reflect.
00:12:52:05 - 00:13:13:12
Filly
Yeah. Because if, I mean, that's that's the reason why we band aid managing and dysfunctional ways because we don't know how to we don't even know what we're feeling. There's disconnect with our body, our emotions. Sometimes people have past experiences where expressing emotion isn't even safe. You get into trouble. You get into like physical harm or emotional harm.
00:13:13:14 - 00:13:19:10
Filly
So it can feel safer to drink or like, oh, I.
00:13:19:13 - 00:13:25:07
Belinda
Can't fit my coat. Yeah, exactly. It's not just drinking. It's very similar with with all those things.
00:13:25:09 - 00:13:31:05
Filly
Going out on Netflix for hours, whatever it is. Because it's just like numbing out.
00:13:31:07 - 00:13:32:04
Belinda
For sure.
00:13:32:06 - 00:13:52:20
Filly
So you mentioned pot. So I'm assuming you did some pot work. What other things. Like what does it look like in order to heal. Not just to like let go of and stop the drinking because it sounds like it wasn't just a decision of like, I'm just not going to drink and that's it. There was a bunch of other stuff that needed to be unravelled, rewired in order to be able to heal from that.
00:13:53:02 - 00:13:54:05
Filly
What did it look like for you?
00:13:54:10 - 00:14:08:12
Belinda
Yeah. Sick and tired of waking up sick and tired. Just the physical, symptoms. What did it look like to actually mean before you go?
00:14:08:12 - 00:14:17:06
Filly
Did that? Like, what was the what was the moment where you thought there was a problem or that you wanted to stop? Like, was it waking up sick and tired?
00:14:17:08 - 00:14:42:19
Belinda
Yes. And it was waking up Christmas of 2022 over that Christmas period, waking up and having some shakes, which scared the hell out of me, but also having some disorientation. And I thought, what's going on here? Belinda and googled, of course, Doctor Google. Christmas time went down that little rabbit hole, and all of a sudden I was getting brain cancer and dying tomorrow and what have you.
00:14:42:21 - 00:15:07:12
Belinda
So we went. My hubby and I went to the GP and had a really honest chat. He was lovely. He's been through all my ups and downs and he first commended me on on making it verbal, putting it out there because he said a lot of people don't admit that. So, you know, I was very brave and I respect anyone that that puts it out there or talks about it.
00:15:07:13 - 00:15:36:08
Belinda
But then I also remember him saying in the nicest possible way, but Belinda, you've got to remember the buck stops with you. And that really stuck. And then my older boy, who was from my first marriage, he was 27 at the time, and he was really set a he still settled down with a lovely girl. And the turning point there was, you know, there is this is sort of marriage and children sort of time.
00:15:36:10 - 00:15:48:17
Belinda
But if they actually have a child, I wonder if they'd let me look after my grandchild. And that was a real pull. I better it's time, Belinda, it's time to address this.
00:15:48:19 - 00:15:49:04
Filly
Yeah.
00:15:49:04 - 00:15:51:19
Belinda
So they were the major turning points. Yeah.
00:15:51:21 - 00:16:17:19
Filly
Yeah. And it often is, just as you were talking, I'm reflecting back to the pivotal moment where it's like, I have to lie. I need to do something from, like, my issue is chronic illness really? Like, there's a lot of weird health issues. And that was painful. And there was a lot of struggle and a lot of discomfort and frustration.
00:16:17:19 - 00:16:38:05
Filly
But I think the big thing, like the pivoting point was, the day that I screamed at my kids and they at the time with newborn baby and like a toddler, and by the way, it wasn't the first time I screamed at them, but it was the pivotal time that it's like. I need to do this for me a bit far out.
00:16:38:05 - 00:16:48:14
Filly
Like, these little people are in my care. Yeah. And I'm helping them to grow and thrive. Currently, I'm not doing that.
00:16:48:16 - 00:16:52:06
Belinda
So it's like a light bulb moment, isn't it? Yeah.
00:16:52:08 - 00:16:52:22
Filly
And it doesn't.
00:16:52:22 - 00:16:57:11
Belinda
Have to be a rock bottom. Yeah, it's it's. Yeah. Whoa.
00:16:57:13 - 00:17:10:22
Filly
Yeah, yeah. And it's usually less around the symptom. Like I'm just done with this symptom, whether it's like drinking or a physical health issue or emotional eating. It's how it's impacting your life and those around you that you love.
00:17:11:00 - 00:17:30:16
Belinda
And you can't just snap out of it. You know I was doing things like prioritising alcohol. An example is school sports like a or you know a sport after school and dropping, dropping the boys off to footy. But I never wanted to pick them up at 6 or 630 because 530 was my drinking time.
00:17:30:17 - 00:17:49:12
Belinda
So I would either get my husband to pick them up or I would get friends to do it. I'd offer to do the drop off to the sport, but they they picked them up because and that was probably a thing to you know, I I've got a I've got to stop doing this and feeling so guilty about it but still drinking.
00:17:49:14 - 00:18:04:15
Belinda
Yeah. Yeah that was another, another thing. But yeah you don't have to hit a rock bottom. You just have to have those moments. And look, you can, you can put them under the carpet. You can keep putting them in denial can't you. But you'll just get sick.
00:18:04:16 - 00:18:08:22
Filly
Yeah. At some point something will scream whether it's somebody or.
00:18:08:22 - 00:18:09:11
Belinda
Yeah.
00:18:09:13 - 00:18:13:14
Filly
Yeah, marriage or parenting. Yeah. Or your business.
00:18:13:16 - 00:18:13:22
Belinda
Yeah.
00:18:13:23 - 00:18:15:03
Filly
Scream.
00:18:15:05 - 00:18:15:21
Belinda
Yeah.
00:18:15:23 - 00:18:37:01
Filly
So, so then going back to, like what it looks like to heal. And by that, like you mentioned part. So like I'm just curious around like the steps that you took and mentalities that you might have leant into that sort of thing, especially for those who might be having a problem who it's like, oh, this is what the journey would look like.
00:18:37:03 - 00:19:04:12
Belinda
Yeah. For sure. I didn't stop cold turkey and a lot of the programs out there at the time where you had to, and that was very confronting and just too scary and overwhelming. So I slowly sort of painted it down over, say, 12 days, just slowly, slowly cutting back. And one of the traits for many people that over drink is they're a bit of an all or nothing like a time extreme sort of thing.
00:19:04:12 - 00:19:12:11
Belinda
And that's me. And it can be really helpful, but it can really be very detrimental. So instead of can I like.
00:19:12:16 - 00:19:24:05
Filly
Can I just yeah, I think I actually feel like that's a common pattern for anyone with an addiction. Like regardless of what it is, it's like, I'm all in or I'm nothing.
00:19:24:07 - 00:19:45:13
Belinda
You know, and so what I did, rather than all in and have a bottle or more of wine or not, I just threw myself into the podcasts about sober curiosity and books. They called it. There's a lot of books out there. They call it quits less. And I found some amazing books and just distraction. This is in the early days, distraction.
00:19:45:13 - 00:20:08:20
Belinda
Throw myself into them. And what helped so much by doing that is that I resonated with them, and it made me realise I'm not the only one because it's quite isolating. Or you think there's something wrong with you and all those, you know, horrible things we can say to ourselves as a family, try again. But to just there's one in particular.
00:20:08:20 - 00:20:32:03
Belinda
And I had her on my podcast. I was so touched. Clare Pooley and it's called The Sober Diaries and she, she has breast cancer. She's so wishy, fun and and she's like, you know, it was school drop off and it was that, night and just so similar everything she writes about. And I'm just going, oh my God, this, this is made to a tee.
00:20:32:08 - 00:20:50:03
Belinda
And that was really helpful. So throwing myself into that, petering out, and in the early days some distractions. And it was oh and a bonus for me, some people it triggers alcohol free options. Fantastic. You really it was good.
00:20:50:03 - 00:21:10:14
Filly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like I've never had an alcohol problem, but I definitely had a sugar addiction problem. And like that slop out far out when I'm like oh like I don't have to like ditch sugar completely. I can actually just have like healthy and natural alternatives. And it was hard at first because it's trial and error.
00:21:10:14 - 00:21:28:18
Filly
You need to find something where it's just like this. This is really nice. This gives me the thing, that once I found. Yeah, like certain brands or certain recipes, I'm like, yeah, this is great. Like, I don't have to deprive myself. And I'm, I'm. And my body is thriving.
00:21:28:20 - 00:21:35:13
Chris
Well, can I ask you a question? Belinda. What what are some alcohol? Alcohol free options?
00:21:35:13 - 00:21:52:04
Filly
Yeah, that'd be good, actually, for people who, they might not have come across a good option, because I know that there are a lot of, like, not so good tasty or got, like, a lot of extra added fillers and that sort of stuff in it.
00:21:52:06 - 00:22:13:07
Belinda
Well, even since I stopped drinking, the industry has grown so much like the, who is it I think, who make Grange. I don't even know now, but there's a, I think it's Penfolds. They're spending 15 million in Adelaide on creating a alcohol, a low alcohol red and white wine, which is great because a lot of the white wine wines aren't great.
00:22:13:07 - 00:22:40:11
Belinda
Still. And that also tells us, by the way, that, you know, people want this, they want zero or low alcohol, which is awesome for me. I love the gin and tonics. Naked, naked loss is a great one. There's a local family here. Her husband had a, he was an alcoholic. They were both in the wine industry, and they created a business called Etch Sparkling.
00:22:40:11 - 00:23:04:07
Belinda
And it's a, alcohol alternative. It's a beautiful story, and I love that one. And because they're local on it. Small business. Jason? Sav blanc. Not amazing, but, you know, if that if if that's what you if that's what's going to get you through. Do it. I'm not a beer drinker, but, people swear by the beers.
00:23:04:07 - 00:23:28:06
Belinda
They just. They just taste like alcohol. And I find the more expensive ones are better. And the reason that good ones are expensive, like, similar to alcohol, is it's the same. It's the process. So extracting the alcohol, it is quite costly. But hey, you can drink it and then wake up and have a beautiful day the next day and a good sleep and feel fresh.
00:23:28:06 - 00:23:30:22
Belinda
So it's worth it. Yeah.
00:23:30:23 - 00:23:58:22
Filly
A common, a common theme, just as you were talking about that, that I've noticed with some clients, especially if they haven't yet, I don't know, reduced or stopped drinking alcohol, especially if it's kind of like your detox pathways really need support for your adrenals. It tanked. And so from a health protocol point of view, it's like you'd do better abstaining for a while, or at least like reducing to maybe like one glass a week.
00:23:59:00 - 00:24:21:03
Filly
Something like a common objection would be what will I hold at a social event? Yeah, it's almost like it's I've found that, yeah, there's this common thing where it's less around not drinking the alcohol, but more around the acceptance in a social group. So having those alcohol free versions, usually I'll just say just get a can.
00:24:21:03 - 00:24:41:17
Filly
Would you like it? Kind of like. Yeah, it's the same as well. Yeah. If you're worried about people asking you questions, put it in a, like, what are those, little stubby holder things? Yeah. I'm obviously I'm not an alcohol person, but, you know, where it's like, you know, you can even just put it in that and they won't even know what you drinking.
00:24:41:17 - 00:24:47:04
Filly
It's like, who cares? And so have you noticed that, too? From a social perspective? That.
00:24:47:06 - 00:25:00:08
Belinda
Yeah, it's a shame we have to do that though really, isn't it. Like, why why do we have to do that? And this and yeah, a prime example of how alcohol is encroached in our society in every way. Yeah.
00:25:00:10 - 00:25:26:14
Chris
Yeah I, I watched amazing YouTube my I bring this up with my clients all the time. I watch an amazing YouTube ad. It was a, it was a guy in America. I was logged out of YouTube premium and I saw, I got all the ads. And at this particular time, it was an alcohol coach. And, and he said he had his, his wife in him had a baby.
00:25:26:17 - 00:25:51:00
Chris
And then the baby passed away with SIDs and and it was a real challenging time for him and his wife and, and then, they had relationship troubles. His wife and him got a divorce. He drank and drank and drank because he didn't want to remember. And and so, years went by and he realised, man, I've really got an alcohol problem.
00:25:51:00 - 00:26:12:10
Chris
Let me, let me kick this alcohol problem. Let me stop this alcohol problem. And then he he tried, didn't get anywhere, tried, didn't get anywhere, got somewhere but then kind of went backwards. And he was just like, what am I going to do about this alcohol problem? And then he realised, well, alcohol, alcohol actually isn't my problem. Alcohol is my solution.
00:26:12:12 - 00:26:38:23
Chris
And and that's when he started making, all the difference. You know, he started getting to this, this root of the, the reason why he was drinking in the first place. And I, I wrote down some of the things you said at the start. It was, like self-talk, mindset, self-care, self-love, self-compassion, this inner critic, not deserving it.
00:26:38:23 - 00:26:42:10
Chris
Lonely. And then when we're talking about the stubborn.
00:26:42:11 - 00:26:43:02
Filly
Stuff.
00:26:43:04 - 00:26:43:21
Chris
And the.
00:26:43:23 - 00:26:47:00
Filly
What if they can give me judgement? Judgement? Yeah.
00:26:47:00 - 00:27:09:06
Chris
It's like, you know, like, why is this even necessary right now? It's not, it's alcohol's fine until it's not. And it might not be the problem. You know, so what is the problem, dude? Did you get to a point where you just kind of made, like, the YouTube ad you had a little, light bulb moment like that?
00:27:09:06 - 00:27:12:14
Chris
How did you get into the coaching side of things?
00:27:12:16 - 00:27:46:13
Belinda
Well, because of the media, but also because of the transformation I went through in on every and every part of my life. The relationship with myself improved so much. The relationship with my family, my husband, my kids, productivity, having freedom to go wherever you want, whenever you whenever you like. Like not that I'm a big go out everywhere, but just knowing you've got that having clarity and clear headedness.
00:27:46:15 - 00:28:12:21
Belinda
Not no more anxiety or not. Not much more. Hot flashes disappeared, like, honestly. And I do it with my ladies. I get them to do a bar and what I get from drinking on one side and what I get from not drinking. And when I really think about it honestly, that what do you get from drinking at the most 20 minutes of fun or, you know, socialising, which you can do without drinking and the other side just grows and grows and grows.
00:28:12:23 - 00:28:30:22
Belinda
So yeah, for me it was it got to a point where I want other women to experience this and feel it and love themselves again. And it truly, it truly does work. You watch them blossom.
00:28:31:00 - 00:28:58:15
Chris
That's amazing because it's not in the end when you, when you do that, when you get the, the women and your clients or anybody. Yeah. To love themselves, to have a relationship with themselves. The, the things that the fillers like alcohol or chocolate or food or drugs or, whatever, anything that gets that, that, you know, the band aid.
00:28:58:17 - 00:29:17:01
Chris
Yeah. It stops being necessary. Yeah. The escape, you don't need to escape because you can stand, you can stand in the force of the adversity or the or the or the experience of life. And it's just not a, it's not a big deal for you anymore. You don't need something to solve the problem because the problem doesn't exist anymore.
00:29:17:01 - 00:29:20:02
Chris
You love yourself. You go to great relationship with. Hey.
00:29:20:04 - 00:29:46:05
Belinda
Yeah, it's the key to everything. It really is. I mean, even in business, they say it's 80% mindset, 20% strategy. You know, it's it's if you can be kind to yourself and have compassion and it's an ongoing process and work in progress. But honestly, it really changes you, changes, changes your outlook. I just yeah, for so.
00:29:46:05 - 00:30:07:15
Filly
Awesome. It's so cool. And so you made a pretty big career pivot as well. So you had this retail shop that I'm guessing was like thriving. What was what did that look like? So then go on being like, hey, yeah, I'm going to like completely change in my mid life and do this thing instead.
00:30:07:17 - 00:30:27:04
Belinda
If it was just gradual. So I took it back a back step in 2023 to focus on me and my and my drinking goals and what I was doing. And because it was changing me so much, I thought, I'll study coaching. And I had great stuff. So yeah, I just took a back step, but I was still in the business.
00:30:27:04 - 00:30:56:22
Belinda
We've also got online and I produced my own clothing. But as I got caught doing the coaching training, I thought, I really like this. And I think when you start drinking, although I loved my business for the first eight, nine years and during Covid, we did incredibly well, I'd lost that passion. And with the drinking, because I'd stopped drinking, I was getting more aligned with my true self and my true values.
00:30:57:00 - 00:31:17:17
Belinda
And although I still love fashion and colour and I loved I loved dressing the ladies and look at these light therapies like coaching. We weren't like a cookie cutter, you know, high sale. I want them to genuinely feel good and, and and yeah, just help them. And, you know, it was we we've had I've had weddings there.
00:31:17:17 - 00:31:39:10
Belinda
I've had some very some sadness with people losing people like that. We were and I was sort of like coaching them in a way. So this is like a deeper level, I suppose. But, I'll and I'll be honest, retail has really, really, really suffered. You can only say that when you look at all the, the big guys that unfortunately going under or going to be online.
00:31:39:12 - 00:31:40:11
Filly
Yeah.
00:31:40:13 - 00:32:04:03
Belinda
The rents are huge, cost of living. All those things we hear about constantly. And I suppose to reduce, reuse, recycle that vintage clothing. I know my sons love the, the shop, you know, that sort of thing. So it was also, a financial choice to, that I was losing money near the end, and I could continue.
00:32:04:05 - 00:32:24:03
Belinda
I still had a year on the lease. But it was actually more prudent to shut the doors, pay the rent, and try and get it released, which I have after six months of a lot of stress. And just go all in with this business, and have a bit of a rest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My son.
00:32:24:09 - 00:32:35:15
Belinda
Yet my son, finished school. My younger son, Max, finished school last year. And yeah, I just I'm finding my way to have some balance.
00:32:35:17 - 00:32:36:17
Chris
Yeah, I love it.
00:32:36:20 - 00:32:38:03
Belinda
But I do like coaching.
00:32:38:05 - 00:32:41:06
Chris
When did you say you made that coaching pivot? Did you say 20.
00:32:41:06 - 00:32:49:19
Belinda
23, 23? I started the studying and then the business has been going again. Now all in. Yeah, business. It's been a year. Yeah yeah.
00:32:49:19 - 00:32:51:06
Chris
Oh yeah yeah.
00:32:51:08 - 00:33:07:02
Filly
So cool. So a couple of questions to finish off. If someone has been listening to this and they are consuming alcohol, how do how does one know if it's a problem. Especially did you call it the the grey area or the, you know, grey area.
00:33:07:02 - 00:33:33:10
Belinda
Yeah. Yeah. Grey area drinking I suppose people know more that saying than the middle line. It's if you're questioning it if you think you might if you are prioritising it, if you're waking up a bit foggy, if you know something's a bit off. Yeah. There might be that little inkling and I know it's incredibly scary to face, but I'm not blowing my trumpet.
00:33:33:10 - 00:33:57:18
Belinda
There's so much support out there depending on where you want to go and just take really gentle steps. Yeah. And everyone's journey is different. Like I wasn't, I wasn't going to give it up forever. I was giving it up for six months. But then I got to the point where after six months, the benefits of not drinking were so incredible that they far outweighed that.
00:33:57:20 - 00:34:19:05
Belinda
You know, 20 minutes of a of a drink and another one and another one and and numbing. So I'd say that and I'd say after we drink the next day, we beat ourselves up. We say, you're idiot. You're this you that visit family. Try again. Ceci. But that hasn't worked. Because for years and years and years we've been doing it.
00:34:19:05 - 00:34:42:09
Belinda
So rather than self operation change, which doesn't work, do some self-compassion. It change, and just slowly. And if you fall off the wagon, whatever they say, all those sayings, it's not that all or nothing in that that allows you to binge. It's like without eating. Like with everything else, you've had a blimp look back and reflect. Get curious why?
00:34:42:11 - 00:34:47:13
Belinda
Let's just start again tomorrow. Not not not bad ourselves up.
00:34:47:15 - 00:34:54:13
Chris
Common thread I love that. I love that self self operation to self. What did you say? Self-compassion.
00:34:54:15 - 00:34:55:23
Belinda
Self-compassion change.
00:34:56:03 - 00:35:25:20
Chris
It's amazing. It really is. The more the more I do this. I just see healing, healing from anything. Addiction, compulsion. Hurt, pain, trauma, seem to burn out. Yeah. Anything. It's it's more it's it's more about relationship rather than, you know, ticking a box here and then. Yes, having a, it's having a better relationship with yourself.
00:35:25:22 - 00:35:27:05
Belinda
So. Yeah.
00:35:27:08 - 00:35:50:10
Filly
Something else I liked what you said was, when you first made the decision, it's like it was. You said, this might not be or it's not a forever thing. It's six months, which I think is really helpful for people to. So regardless of whether we're talking about alcohol or some sort of change nervous system, brain hates change is like, no, yes, let's stay in the familiar.
00:35:50:12 - 00:36:02:14
Filly
And so if you if you have these go that just feels so far away or so long or torturers, it's less likely that you're going to make a change.
00:36:02:16 - 00:36:03:14
Belinda
Like a whelming.
00:36:03:14 - 00:36:27:02
Filly
Yeah. So if it's like one month. Oh, cool. I got to one month. Actually. This is good. Okay. Maybe I'm, six months, and then, you know, you might get to a point where it's 8020, and I'm talking not just about alcohol. It might be food, it might be consuming social media, like, whatever it is, or it might be like, I don't actually need this in my life anymore.
00:36:27:02 - 00:36:38:13
Filly
And it feels really safe to then make that decision because you've already created enough evidence that this is if this feels better on this side, as opposed to the other side.
00:36:38:15 - 00:36:58:07
Belinda
At night, you're absolutely spot on. And like I did, I just painted it out. And you can do that. You don't have to. If some like some of my ladies, they don't want to give up and they'll want to not drink during the week and drink lightly on the weekends and they achieve that. Some ladies don't, or some ladies do it and they start.
00:36:58:08 - 00:37:21:03
Belinda
Then some weekends I think, oh, I don't really want to drink because I like what I do when I don't drink. So it's it's everyone's journey is different. There's no hard and fast rules. And like you said, it's just slowly, slowly, step by step. Your journey. Plenty of time. Even just cutting back is, is a step in the right direction for your mind and your body and your total health.
00:37:21:07 - 00:37:48:17
Filly
Yeah, yeah. And lastly, this is like slightly off topic, but I'm at menopause. What does that look like for you? Because I know a lot of our listeners, women midlife kind of like either like leading up to or in the perimenopause phase. There was just something like on your website, you said, navigated menopause with joy and positivity, which I think we need more stories about this.
00:37:48:18 - 00:37:54:14
Belinda
Well, I think I navigated it much better when I stopped drinking. Yeah. Yeah, really?
00:37:54:15 - 00:37:55:05
Filly
All that.
00:37:55:06 - 00:38:21:09
Belinda
Disappeared. Yeah, that hundred percent. And the moods and the anxiety, everything, the puffiness. But I was also with menopause. I was probably because my breast cancer was oestrogen based, and that I had to strip my body, that region and take, like oestrogen blockers. Tamoxifen was what I was on. You're sort of thrown into a bit of a early onset, fast menopause.
00:38:21:11 - 00:38:49:03
Belinda
But honestly, when I stopped it, I just kept coming back to the alcohol. I just, Yeah, it it gave me a new lease on life, and I'm 56 now. And, yeah, I'm ready for the next stage, so. And I think, truthfully, with, I'm quite good friends with Shelly Horton. She's just finished a book. My Perry godmother, and she's so passionate about it.
00:38:49:05 - 00:39:14:08
Belinda
It's talked about more and it's there's so many options now. It's like, look, do you know what it's like the alcohol free thing. It's talked about more. There's other options. Now. Menopause is so much talked about more. Don't sit there on your own and and yeah be unhappy. You know it's normal and there's so many options. So just stop getting curious and and trying what works for you.
00:39:14:08 - 00:39:18:23
Belinda
Because, you know, we're here for a good time, a happy time.
00:39:19:01 - 00:39:20:17
Filly
A joyful time.
00:39:20:19 - 00:39:21:14
Chris
Yeah.
00:39:21:16 - 00:39:41:12
Filly
So good. So how can, listeners, if they want to reach out to you, learn a bit more about you? You do have a free download the top 20 Tips to Cut back, cut out, or Take a break from drinking. Can you talk us through that? How people can connect with you. We'll make sure it's all in the show notes.
00:39:41:14 - 00:40:07:04
Belinda
Yeah. Lovely. My website, Belinda Starcom. There's other free resources there. I've got a podcast which you're coming on, nephew. Yay! Yes. And my Instagram, I always post up it's Belinda Stark underscore. I post, tips or little snippets of my story. And I'm in the middle of writing my books. I hope that's out in January.
00:40:07:06 - 00:40:09:22
Belinda
Yeah. You can you can find me. I'm out there.
00:40:10:00 - 00:40:16:06
Filly
Awesome. So great. Well, thank you so much. Staying in some awesome conversation.
00:40:16:08 - 00:40:19:06
Belinda
Yeah. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it, guys.
00:40:19:08 - 00:40:27:02
Chris
Thanks, Belinda. All right, guys, have the best week ever and we'll chat to you soon.
00:40:27:04 - 00:40:37:06
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:40:37:08 - 00:40:55:15
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Hey, have the best day ever!
