00;00;03;08 - 00;00;16;29
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Body Burn Out Show. We are your host, Chris and Filly co-founders of a multi-award-winning winning functional medicine practice, serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00;00;17;00 - 00;00;24;27
Filly
While busyness addictive doing, people pleasing amp perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00;00;25;00 - 00;00;38;06
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root, root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00;00;38;06 - 00;00;46;09
Filly
Sorry, get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself and step into the life of your dreams.
00;00;46;12 - 00;00;52;00
Chris
Let's dive in.
00;00;52;02 - 00;01;26;15
Filly
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the ending Body Burn Out show. We have a gold nugget tip pad next episode for you. Today we are chatting with Sharon Colon from the Functional Family. She is an award winning ADHD coach and it is not only does she have her own fascinating story to share about overcoming working through autoimmune condition due to the daily stress of raising three boys with severe ADHD.
00;01;26;17 - 00;01;56;17
Filly
She also shares so many gold nugget tips around how to identify if you have ADHD in yourself and your children, and how to work with an ADHD brain rather than trying to fix it, and also manageable ways to bring more calm to the nervous system because people with ADHD do do are very often stuck in a fight flight distracted, high stressed state.
00;01;56;19 - 00;02;37;11
Filly
So this is a must listen for anyone with or suspected ADHD or if you have a ADHD family member or even if you're just struggling with overwhelmed stress, a distracted, busy mind, an ADHD type signs and symptoms. You cannot find so much value in this episode. And I'm also excited to announce that Sharon is coming into our ending body burnout method to do a very practical and action packed knowledge bomb packed workshop with our clients in the ending body burnout method very soon, so clients look out to fit that.
00;02;37;11 - 00;03;02;15
Filly
Want to make sure you all attend live because you want to pick Sharon's brain. She is a wealth of knowledge. It'll also be recorded in our portal and talking about the ending body been out method doors are now open, so we are having an extended door opening over the summer period where you can jump in and start your ending body burnout method journey straight away.
00;03;02;17 - 00;03;22;18
Filly
If you've already had a connect the dots, initial consult or you've got lab test lab tests that you're waiting to get back, you can actually jump straight into the program and your first one on one with me will be to go over your lab tests. But you don't have to do the what we call the answers space first.
00;03;22;18 - 00;03;43;28
Filly
Before you join the program, you can actually jump right in. And I will make sure that I catch up with you within the next one two weeks to get you started with the initial consult, Connect the dots experience, which is great because I do have quite a wait list for people who are just looking in further connect the dots.
00;03;44;04 - 00;03;58;01
Filly
So this is an awesome way that you can jump the queue and start your healing journey. All right. Okay. I'm sorry. Let's jump into our convo with Sharon.
00;03;58;03 - 00;04;25;18
Chris
Okey dokey. Welcome to this episode. We're super excited to have Sharon on the podcast today. Thanks so much for coming on. Sharon. We excited to have a conversation with you. And before we get into it, welcome and tell us a little bit more about yourself and and your story.
00;04;25;20 - 00;04;48;16
Sharon
Well, thank you for having me, guys. I'm so excited for our chat today. So my name's Sharon Culliton and I am a certified ADHD coach and I have the best job in the world. I get to provide life changing practical strategies and support for beautiful people with ADHD. So we get a little bit about my story. Told me to tell you.
00;04;48;19 - 00;05;15;14
Filly
Yeah, well, we love we love when we have guests on because most people have some sort of a body burn out story. And so, so in the bio that our listeners would have listened to, you did hit burn out after heating daily stress with dealing with three boys with severe ADHD Tourette's and I. DG Yes. Yeah. So I already said.
00;05;15;16 - 00;05;17;19
Sharon
It's not a glamorous story. Okay.
00;05;17;21 - 00;05;30;01
Filly
Yes. Yeah. A Are you happy to jump into that and yeah, yeah. How, what, what was happening during that time. How you are feeling, symptoms that arise and then we'll get into why you do what you do.
00;05;30;03 - 00;05;58;13
Sharon
Okay. Yes, sure. So basically how it all started is I married this incredible man called Anthony and he is I lovingly call him my resident cyclone. He is now. I'm an ADHD coach. So this says a lot. Very, very extreme. Hyperactivity, ADHD had a terrible time growing up in school. Yeah, really quite so. My field story was to him and we met.
00;05;58;13 - 00;06;25;19
Sharon
I loved that side of him. He's super spontaneous. It's incredible. He's quite brilliant. He's a little bit got mad scientist vibes. That's like if you could picture that. And so we got married and we had three beautiful boys and they all have ADHD because we know it's genetic and we've got some threats and OCD in there and some specific learning disorders and things.
00;06;25;21 - 00;06;58;24
Sharon
And it was just a very it's still is a very extreme existence, right? So you've got me little neurotypical me here and these like just hurricanes swirling around the house and it just burnt me out. It really everyone can do hard things for a short amount of time, right. But when you're living with a lot of stress and a lot of dysregulation and ADHD, a little bit like burnout we're talking about today in its core is a dysregulated nervous system.
00;06;58;27 - 00;07;27;07
Sharon
And so it takes its toll. And so one of my favourite things that I get to do is to help families have easier lives with ADHD. That's what I'm super passionate about. Anything that makes it saves time, sides, effort, saves drama. That's that's my jam. Love that, love that. So a little bit about my journey with Burn out is after I had it with each child, it kind of got progressively worse, I've got to say.
00;07;27;07 - 00;07;48;19
Sharon
Like the first one went burn like was was very exhausted, burnt out. He was definitely not an easy child in terms of baby like to spend all the time and which each one, it got worse. And by the time it hit my my friend was recovering from my third child from the start of the pregnancy and the birth and everything.
00;07;48;19 - 00;08;18;19
Sharon
It just went the next and so I did okay for a little while, but then I got diagnosis after diagnosis, so I got diagnosed with autoimmune conditions. Psoriatic arthritis, which is a real bug about one. Lots of neuralgia, lots of fatigue, lots of brain fog. I even passed my face left paralysed and Bell's palsy and just incredible amounts of stress on my system.
00;08;18;27 - 00;08;30;22
Sharon
And it crying out for help. Yeah. So it's been quite an epic journey and one that I love helping other people avoid.
00;08;30;24 - 00;08;55;25
Filly
Sorry. Okay, so that's a lot was going on. We always love people to ask people, what do you feel like was the root cause of your body burn out? With my wisdom in hindsight, often when you're in that, especially when you got like autoimmune conditions, all sorts of weird stuff happening, it's very hard to see what's causing it when you're in it because you just want it to stop.
00;08;55;27 - 00;09;25;11
Filly
So you mentioned like a lot of stress with the kids in the house. I'm guessing too, like do you think that that was it and then having babies or do you feel like there was something I don't know the way that you said, your expectations of the way you thought life should be or anything like that, like was there anything deeper behind how you were responding to the rest of the family and the stuff that was going on?
00;09;25;14 - 00;10;01;01
Sharon
I think that's a really great question. I had strong words with an with my neurologist the other day about this, so I will throw him under the bus here a little bit. I think some of it was that I am quite mentally strong. Like I feel like I coped with the stress meant like quite well mentally. But a lot of what happens when you have emotional dysregulation in the home and we have extreme behaviours and you know, lots of aggression and things like that that goes on is my body did not feel safe so in my mind felt safe.
00;10;01;08 - 00;10;17;10
Sharon
I knew I was researching ADHD like a demon. I've been studying it for 16 years, right? And I formally studied it and everything. And even back then I was definitely studying it and working out how I could claw our family out of this hole that we were bringing. But my body didn't get the message that I was safe.
00;10;17;14 - 00;10;45;07
Sharon
So when you've got consistent, you know, aggression and and yelling and intensity going on around you, it's very hard to give it that message that that it is safe. So I would say that is probably the number one driver behind it. And even though I was doing things like I was trying to, you know, go for walks and do meditation and things, and I had the bit where I'm going to throw my neurologist under the bus.
00;10;45;08 - 00;11;04;05
Sharon
He's like, oh, you know, you just also stress these days like this, this one, you know, he goes, I'll say distressing stuff. And I like I just don't let it affect me. I don't let it affect me. And I said, All right, I tried. But he also made the comment, oh, everyone has ADHD these days. And so I was like, okay, now we're at war.
00;11;04;07 - 00;11;20;22
Sharon
And he didn't know, but we were in war. We're in war. And so I said to him, You know, I bet that you go home and you've got your wife and kids there, right? And it's like a sanctuary, Like it's where you get to chill out and you get you get to come home from work. And yes, your job would be distressing, but you get to chill out there.
00;11;20;23 - 00;11;41;26
Sharon
I go home and it's a war zone, right. I have got to keep battling. Mm. So there's a difference of people that have intense home lives, whether it be whatever it is, they don't have that place to retreat to. So they've got to find those little pockets that they can have, those moments of calm and those little moments of retreat.
00;11;41;28 - 00;11;55;18
Sharon
And of course having those moments of safety as well is really, really important. So, yes, I very much enjoyed letting him know all about it.
00;11;55;18 - 00;12;40;26
Filly
Is it's sorry until you you live that like I mean, our children are pretty I think our kids are kind of just usual rowdy kids, lovely kids as well. But, you know, they've they're pretty pretty chilled most of the time. They can have tantrums when we ask them to get off technology, especially the oldest one. But I would I kind of think about as you tell that story, too, I think about people just in environments, whether it's a family, a tribe with ADHD, or whether it's domestic violence or even I think about families in in war countries.
00;12;40;28 - 00;12;54;29
Filly
It's kind of like, yeah, the environment has a massive impact on the health of the body. So what what have you done then? Because I mean, you could just assail the children, but we don't want to do that.
00;12;55;02 - 00;13;01;00
Sharon
Oh, no, I love I love them. I love them. I could never sell them. Yeah.
00;13;01;02 - 00;13;27;13
Filly
Oh, so sometimes I think that in my head I'm like, oh, gee, I could just give my children away and all my strength would go away. No, we don't want to do that. So what did you what did you do initially to start healing from all the autoimmune conditions, the chronic fatigue, and then also now in the environment that you are in to help prevent from going back down there, That track again?
00;13;27;13 - 00;13;49;17
Sharon
I think that the most important thing was learning about how their brains worked so in perhaps in the early days, I was very much about fixing it. We've got to like, you know, we'll do this diet and we'll do this therapy and we'll do this and we'll do this and we'll throw everything at it. I think it spent $30,000 on my eldest child trying to fix it.
00;13;49;17 - 00;14;13;23
Sharon
Right now, I very much don't do that. I try and work with it, not against it. So the strategies, you know, since this has been like 15 years of this, you know, this journey, but the strategies are to work with ADHD brain, we look at where the strengths are and we try and build the environment in our home to very much suit the ADHD brain.
00;14;13;29 - 00;14;33;23
Sharon
I'm not going to work against it. So things that that, you know, like when you got kids with oppositional behaviours, I don't come in and tell them what to do because they kind of push back straight away. So instead of like I think point like crazy.
00;14;33;25 - 00;14;35;07
Chris
Yes it does.
00;14;35;09 - 00;14;51;03
Sharon
But they don't even know why they do it, right? So I might say something like, Can you put your shoes on? And now I know I'm not going to mention that I get instant pushback, right? So instead of doing that, instead of giving a command at something as simple as saying, Can you tell me what you need to do next?
00;14;51;05 - 00;15;14;17
Sharon
And they'll say, Put my shoes on. And then they got buy in and they'll do it right this. But getting them to come out of that oppositional behaviour and actually think about what they need to do next. So knowing little tricks like that and knowing how to structure our home to make it easier for me in particular in to survive the storm because when the storm hits, we need to adjust our stance.
00;15;14;24 - 00;15;41;12
Sharon
So I need to adjust my stance and also knowing which fights to, which fights to fight and which ones to to let go is very, very important. But also for me and healing some like from the burnout element, really prioritising time away. Okay, so I need to have time away. I can't do it. I can't be a perfect parent.
00;15;41;14 - 00;16;05;15
Sharon
I'm never going to be a perfect parent, but I need to be even a good one. I need to have time because I'm an introvert. And when you are surrounded by people that are putting out huge energy all the time, I need to have time to retreat. So it's very, very important. So however that looks like me, like I drop the kids off, I go for a walk by the beach that sometimes I don't have time for walks.
00;16;05;15 - 00;16;26;00
Sharon
I'll just sit in the car and do deep breathing bothers me like that crazy lady in at the beach, just breathing. Right? But those little things I've worked in, how to have those little pockets to give me a little bit of time to breathe and be me to survive for what's going on. And I mean, it's easier these days.
00;16;26;00 - 00;16;58;05
Sharon
We've got such a good framework and such a structure in place that I would you know, I definitely don't feel like I'm under attack like the whole time. Like I used to like things a lot better. Obviously, I have an ADHD coach as a mom, which is really a bonus and we have lots of good support. But you know, knowing when to take those times and recognising those little red flags as they come up like if I don't react to the kids how I want, like if I start screaming and, you know, have those parenting moments where you go, Oh, I didn't handle that well.
00;16;58;06 - 00;17;13;14
Sharon
Like, you know, the ones where we were like driving away in the car, like, you know, those sorts of things. They're just little red flags to me that I need to have those little pockets, Like I need to incorporate a few more of those in so I can have some breathing room. I don't judge myself about it. It's a hard job that I'm doing.
00;17;13;14 - 00;17;18;19
Sharon
I just go, Oh, it's just a little red flag and I need to have a little bit of time. Yeah, yeah.
00;17;18;21 - 00;17;40;23
Filly
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. There's so much that I had so many questions on everything that you just said that just then, same things that came to mind was around. How. What did you say? I, I let go of trying to fix it and I started working with it and that's a big thing that we talk to our clients with as well.
00;17;40;23 - 00;18;14;17
Filly
Sometimes people are so fixated on fixing the health issue or the symptom that it actually causes more stress and overwhelm and burnout than healing because you get so fixated on that end outcome as opposed to what can I learn here and what's the gift and or what is it? Actually, there's nothing to be fixed, but it's to work out how to live in a way like if we're talking specifically around ADHD, living a way that we can have more.
00;18;14;24 - 00;18;41;17
Filly
How many MPs and and manage the situation in a more healthy way and something that you said around what was it, the defiant behaviour. So Chris and I so we've we've said on the podcast before, I think if not everyone's about to land that pretty show, Chris has undiagnosed ADHD. You take like what almost all of the, the symptoms, the signs.
00;18;41;19 - 00;18;59;13
Chris
Yeah. I forget how many in the 20. Yeah. There's like 22 or 25 or something like that Mark is and I had the most and the other two were worded poorly so I feel like.
00;18;59;16 - 00;19;23;22
Filly
But it was when, before we knew that. Well before I understood that not everything is about me and not everything is a personal attack. You start really stressed out about Chris's behaviour where I'd ask him to do something. Sometimes it was as simple as Can you put the the beanie out or can you do the dishes or whatever it is?
00;19;23;22 - 00;19;47;04
Filly
And you, when you went sort of aggressive in terms of pushing it back, but I think you just were so in la la land, kind of just like getting lost in whatever project you were doing, which is also his genius. But back then it was just like, What? You don't respect me, you don't love me. Why do you not like doing these simple things that I'm asking you to do?
00;19;47;04 - 00;20;07;02
Filly
So you can help me with the mental and physical part of running a household and children. And so, yeah, that came to mind when you said, okay, how about we start working with the brain and rather than trying to fix it or getting or personalising it as an attack to me.
00;20;07;04 - 00;20;40;11
Sharon
I think that you would speak to a lot of partners that perhaps have a neurodivergent partner that's that some of the behaviours can look like not caring or not valuing. And in the flip side, for the Neurodivergent continent, some of our behaviours. So the neurotypical look a lot like nagging and being a mom. So it can be really tricky navigating a relationship and that's why when I love that my Angela, like when we know better, we do better, right?
00;20;40;12 - 00;20;59;15
Sharon
So once you know you can go back. No, no, no. This is, this is not what that means. This just means that he's hyper focussed right now. He is really into and and actually interrupting him out of that focus when he's worked so hard to get into it because of the transition steps that they have to do. Feels rude, feels rude to get out of that.
00;20;59;18 - 00;21;17;04
Chris
So it's I just need to, I just need to record that, that you just said that and just like put that as like a pre saved button that I can just like, you know, like a red button that you can save. Like an audio file is like, this is what it means, This is what it means.
00;21;17;07 - 00;21;20;12
Filly
To also play to the children when they come in while you're on the computer.
00;21;20;16 - 00;21;21;23
Chris
Listening to you that.
00;21;21;25 - 00;21;23;24
Sharon
Oh.
00;21;23;26 - 00;21;58;18
Filly
Well, that's super interesting too, because our oldest, I mean, she's very high functioning, but I feel like she has inherited certain patterns that Chris has. But it is on technology, like the youngest one is like, Hey, Chelsea, it's time to turn that off. Now, TV, whether it's X-Box, TV firing, she's like, okay, mommy or daddy. But the other one is just like so hyper fixated that it's very hard to get her off without there being some sort of war in breakdown because she get stuck in that.
00;21;58;20 - 00;21;59;28
Filly
Yeah.
00;22;00;03 - 00;22;37;10
Sharon
Very rewarding screen time and it needs a lot of transition work to help them tunnel set. What isn't it's oh my gosh, the whole webinar on this spot really I think notice is a great thing. Oh, actually, before that, take a step back like a green before you go on it, how long it is. And so remember with ADHD this time awareness issues, so really agreeing and having some sort of visual representation, look at my whole world is full of timers, you know, like a visual representation of how long they have to use it before before anyone to touch.
00;22;37;10 - 00;22;57;01
Sharon
It's a device I'd like to get them to actually fill in a check in, check out like a library card like that. Yeah. Because I want them to have buy in and have the accountability of the time. And then, of course, giving them transition warnings is really great. So you might have something like, like 5 minutes to go on, minutes to go through minutes just to allow them to.
00;22;57;08 - 00;23;13;02
Sharon
I picture hyperfocus like and bear in mind that screens are very, very great for dopamine and all that sort of stuff. I picture hyperfocus like throwing hair out of your head and wrapping around the iPad. Right. And we need to when we ask them to come off, just allow time for that hair to go back into their heads.
00;23;13;05 - 00;23;29;17
Sharon
So we don't do anything jarring. We allow time for transitions. And you know, the other thing that's great is I hate the idea of parents having to go and like remove it out of the child. And so I think that usually results in like, what do you what do you do when someone grab something of you? You want to fight night.
00;23;29;19 - 00;23;51;11
Sharon
So I love those devices that like that that shut it down so it's not in the hand. Like it's not a parent coming and physically removing it. I think it's really great too. But this I mean, that's just at the start, the base level of us, because we know this is something that that a lot of families are struggling with and my family included.
00;23;51;11 - 00;24;05;18
Sharon
And I'm not anti sprains. I think it's a modern wear in modern world. And we have to keep our kids with these these skills to be able to manage something that is as rewarding a screen time. Yes.
00;24;05;20 - 00;24;23;24
Filly
Okay. Can you give us a little bit of like a one hour one on how to pick up if either a child or yourself as an adult may have ADHD. So what are some some key signs that that may demonstrate that?
00;24;23;26 - 00;24;50;27
Sharon
Yes. Well, first of all, I would say obviously go to your GP and talk about it if you're even suspecting it and get the proper assessment done by if it's a child, a developmental paediatrician or an adult. Second, a psychiatrist. But you I would probably look at family history because we know ADHD is largely genetics and there's things that look like ADHD, like trauma and breathing issues and food intolerances and all sorts of stuff.
00;24;51;00 - 00;25;23;19
Sharon
But ADHD in itself is genetic. So I'd be looking at family history if you can spot, you know, someone in the in the line as ADHD or you suspect had ADHD, that would be a really great place to start. But I also it is ADHD in itself is a problem with executive functions. So things like memory, short term memory, recall, emotional regulation, low frustration tolerance, you know, task switching, you know, it's not a lack of focus.
00;25;23;19 - 00;25;54;17
Sharon
People with ADHD can focus incredibly well. They just don't have the ability necessarily to choose what they're focusing on. So it's a novelty, an interest based brain. It's not like any a neurotypical has an important space brain for ADHD. It has to be interesting, it has to be novelty. So, you know, you can kind of spot it, you know, if their brain, perhaps your child, the brain is working a little bit differently or your partner, the brain is looking a little bit differently, having a look at those things are great, but nothing, nothing compares to a proper diagnosis.
00;25;54;17 - 00;26;18;11
Sharon
And don't be scared to go through that diagnostic process because you can't take it so it's good to have that validation if it is in fact ADHD. And I do always say I prefer the label because some people are very anti labels. They don't want to tell their kids about it. But it's been my experience with ADHD coaching that people give themselves horrible labels when they don't have ADHD.
00;26;18;14 - 00;26;31;23
Sharon
They give themselves lazy. Useless has potential, right? Like all of these awful, awful labels. And I'd rather them have the ADHD label and then we can do something about it and we can stop working on it.
00;26;31;26 - 00;27;03;16
Filly
That's super interesting. Again, I think like a lot of work we do with our clients too, is looking at, Well, how did the body burn out happen in the first place? And we go back into childhood and do a lot of digging into deeper root cause unconscious beliefs that they have about themselves. And I'm pretty sure that a lot of I'm thinking about a few clients in particular that have diagnosed ADHD, that a lot of their beliefs where I'm lazy, I'm damaged, I'm too, I'm too much.
00;27;03;18 - 00;27;19;07
Filly
And often that diagnosis didn't happen until later on as a teenager in adulthood. So they're carrying this belief about themselves, which is just like which is basically untrue. It's just that their brain is wired in a different way.
00;27;19;09 - 00;27;39;12
Sharon
Yeah. And and often, you know, they're carrying around such heavy self-esteem issues and heavy beliefs. And I love being able to break those down a little bit for people. But on the flip side, and I know I've opened with the extreme side of my family, but on the flip side, like it's on the same spectrum as being a genius, right?
00;27;39;15 - 00;27;49;09
Sharon
Like they are often incredibly gifted and they're often funny, really generous, really caring. Oh, look.
00;27;49;11 - 00;27;51;21
Filly
Kirsten's like, Do you want to say something? Chris?
00;27;51;25 - 00;27;58;26
Chris
Just wanted to go off mute and just go. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Definitely the funny, distantly funny one. I'm good looking.
00;27;58;29 - 00;28;01;24
Filly
Oh, did you say good looking? Very good.
00;28;01;26 - 00;28;07;20
Sharon
I let with the booking looking like fit.
00;28;07;27 - 00;28;32;03
Filly
That is. That is so true. Like there is Chris and I always have a little giggle because we are opposites complete opposites in all things in some of the things that you're really genius at. I feel like, Yeah, what am I trying to say? He like it is. It is the gift. And sometimes I dislike it because it can get a bit too much.
00;28;32;06 - 00;28;47;11
Filly
But then it's like, you know, but I don't want you to be any different because if you were like me or like, or someone else or just kind of average or just hari humming along, then you wouldn't be who you are. So I love you.
00;28;47;14 - 00;28;48;29
Chris
But that's, that's the thing.
00;28;48;29 - 00;28;50;23
Sharon
I want you guys together, you know.
00;28;50;28 - 00;29;21;19
Chris
Every, every cos like when we drive, when we drive on the straight, there's still speed limits right. That you can't, nothing's a problem till it is. So when is accelerating a problem accelerates problem when you're going 150 in a 40 K zone. Right. So genius nurse can sometimes reach that tipping point where it's now it's, it's hey, this is dysfunctional, this is disregulated, this is not okay any more.
00;29;21;22 - 00;29;34;15
Chris
And that's identifiable. So it's workable. It's not you know, it's not doom and gloom. I think that's right.
00;29;34;17 - 00;29;54;10
Sharon
And my favourite, one of my favourite psychologists, she has this analogy which I want to share with you. So picture Spiderman. He's been he's just discovered that he can do the web, right? You can do the web thing through the web app. I don't know whatever that's called, but he has to go away to a factory and he goes away to a warehouse and he practices it.
00;29;54;11 - 00;30;12;08
Sharon
He doesn't get it straight away. He just keeps wetting himself and causes himself all sorts of breaks. So he goes away to this industrial area and he practices and practices and practices. That's what we need to get people with ADHD. They need that God a gift. They need to practice it. So executive functions like what we spoke about before.
00;30;12;11 - 00;30;34;07
Sharon
They are a muscle that we can build. Hmm. So if you have ADHD, you've got to build the muscle just like me with an autoimmune disease. I know I've got some things I need to work on, so I work on it, right? Everyone's got this stuff with if you've got something as amazing as ADHD, you've got to learn how to use your brain.
00;30;34;09 - 00;30;45;13
Sharon
Yeah, and that's the coolest thing that I get to do. I get to shine a light on that. So people, how are we going to work on that? How are we going to get your strengths across and use that for some of the things you find more challenging?
00;30;45;18 - 00;31;15;08
Filly
Mm hmm. That's so cool. Chris Like Chris's burnout story with you were just hyper focussed with business and we had a gym back in the day when you got really burnt out in training and it was just like it was tunnel vision. This is everything that I do from 5 a.m. to 10 p.m. at night, no break. And then I'm curious if this is something that you do as an ADHD coach in terms of helping people with ADHD.
00;31;15;08 - 00;31;18;23
Filly
But Chris, also with the time.
00;31;18;25 - 00;31;19;13
Chris
What's that?
00;31;19;13 - 00;31;23;08
Filly
Yeah, like no concept and so and so my brain.
00;31;23;08 - 00;31;26;06
Chris
Just made that up. Business thing is time.
00;31;26;08 - 00;31;47;04
Filly
My brain just thinks, Oh, I just have my to do list in my head and the things that I need to do in my head. And then I turn off and I do the thing. Chris, on the other hand, he's like, How can you even do that? And so if we could move the camera, he has like a project board with heaps of little sticky notes in the calendar.
00;31;47;04 - 00;31;56;13
Filly
He's like, Now I'm going to eat food and now I'm going to do workout. And this is when I'm going to meet my coaching clients. Is that something that is actually really helpful?
00;31;56;16 - 00;32;15;13
Sharon
And it's a great visual strategy, Yes. Yeah, because I think a lot of people with ADHD, they have the thing called time blindness, right? I would say to call it time awareness. So they have that either over anticipate how long a task will be. So like, say like sort of do like a few admin things before I go to bed and I think it's going to take hours.
00;32;15;13 - 00;32;36;06
Sharon
So they procrastinate, put it off or they underestimate the very optimistic about time. I could be like, it's not enough that I read 5 minutes, but actually it's an hour and they secretly think that they are a time wizard. They can bend time so you can leave even though like it's 20 minutes to get to the destination. You think you can leave in 5 minutes, but you going to catch up time so it'll be somewhere on the way.
00;32;36;09 - 00;32;54;19
Sharon
So it's very much about having that time awareness pace. So having like a visual representation of time thinking about it and you've done this in your with your visuals that Chris you've got, you know, you've got your planning if you're actually scheduling it in, which helps you be realistic about what you can actually achieve in one day, which is wonderful.
00;32;54;22 - 00;33;06;17
Sharon
And setting that sort of marker with when things are going to happen to make sure that you don't get into hypotheticals to get to eight and to get to do the other stuff which happens.
00;33;06;20 - 00;33;11;08
Filly
Yeah. What's it, what's it t if you, if you colour coded the calendar.
00;33;11;10 - 00;33;11;27
Sharon
And then you.
00;33;11;27 - 00;33;15;02
Filly
Still don't follow it.
00;33;15;04 - 00;33;35;02
Sharon
That's the most effective tool is the one that you use. Right. So maybe that is having it a bit like actual physical one that's not around with you can be a problem. Like maybe you need like a reminder, maybe you need like one of these ones, maybe you need an alarm like one that has an alarm going off.
00;33;35;05 - 00;33;56;27
Sharon
Maybe you need to have it stacked. So there's something else that you do. Like every time you go for a coffee, you make sure you grab a bottle of a sandwich or something, you know, like or something. Maybe there's something that you can stack on top of another thing that you're already doing. Like, you know, I often say to people that are having because we know ADHD is it's burnout, right?
00;33;56;29 - 00;34;26;04
Sharon
It's synonymous with burnout that every time you go to the toilet, take a deep breath checking with your body, where are you? Just because everyone goes to the toilet, you can't put that off for too long. You. So maybe that's your opportunity when you're in there and you've got the door shot to just do a deep breath, maybe you need to put a post-it on the back of door set and check in, you know, just so you can have little moments to centre in on ground yourself a little bit in the whirlwind of the day.
00;34;26;06 - 00;34;28;00
Sharon
Yes.
00;34;28;02 - 00;34;58;25
Filly
Do you find so so there is a very strong relationship between ADHD and burnout because of the dysregulation side of things, whether you're the person with it or the person who is caring for someone with ADHD. Do you do you find that people with ADHD struggle to do what you just said in terms of having that downtime to allow the nervous system to come back to a state of calm?
00;34;58;27 - 00;35;10;08
Filly
Is that something or do you find that it just it's different for different people? Like some people just naturally gravitate to spending 3 hours at the beach in the morning.
00;35;10;11 - 00;35;41;16
Sharon
It can depend. And I think that ADHD is quite linked to burn out because it's a very anxious brain. So it's a very, very fast brain that's thinking a lot, often ten steps ahead of everyone else. And that is okay. You know, it often is one of big gifts, but it also is exhausting. So when you're processing things at such a speed and you're anticipating and you're thinking about things really quickly, and for women, it often looks like anxiety, right?
00;35;41;16 - 00;36;17;10
Sharon
But it's not anxiety, it's ADHD. At couple that with a bit of masking and trying to keep it all in and trying to look like everyone else. But it's an exhausting combo to to walk around with. So some people do really well with, you know, taking, you know, meditating, mindfulness, those sorts of things. For some people, it needs to look a little bit more like moving meditation and you the gym and physical exercise and being out in nature, you know, not being still, you know, that stereotypical meditation sitting with the legs crossed type that doesn't, that doesn't necessarily work.
00;36;17;16 - 00;36;31;02
Sharon
But those sorts of little moments of consciously like being intentional and bringing it down a couple of notches can really help for that dysregulated nervous system of it.
00;36;31;04 - 00;36;49;09
Filly
Yeah, that's cool. What's the book that you have? I'm sure. How did this book what's the book that you read around ADHD And it talks Well, no, it talks there's a book that talks about like likens agricultural.
00;36;49;12 - 00;36;50;23
Sharon
People to.
00;36;50;24 - 00;36;51;16
Chris
Oh.
00;36;51;18 - 00;36;59;28
Filly
Hunter gatherers and hunter gatherer. Okay, we can't remember it. Anyway, it's a great book.
00;37;00;03 - 00;37;18;02
Sharon
I think I know what you mean. So you're talking about like back in that back in when we would triads and the ADHD people would be out of France, they would be the hunters, the people pushing forward, taking the risk. Yes. And now that they aren't, the problem means that they weren't built for sitting in a in a desk chair all day.
00;37;18;04 - 00;37;38;06
Sharon
They're out. They're supposed to be taking risks, pushing the tribe forward and being the leaders. But we're not using now in our modern world, we're not using that. And that's where it's causing the problem for people with ADHD, because we're not supposed to be sitting down all day working on computers. We're supposed to be out doing adventure. Adventure things.
00;37;38;11 - 00;37;39;09
Filly
Yes, It's.
00;37;39;11 - 00;37;45;25
Chris
It's just called a hunter in a farmer's world. Yes. ADHD, deer hunter in this world. Yeah. By Thom Hartmann.
00;37;45;27 - 00;38;14;15
Filly
And it just clicked in my mind when you talked about, oh, maybe it's not the sitting down and meditating and being steel. It's actually moving the body in a mindful way. Yeah. And that's what brought that book to mind in terms of the Hunter is the one that's active and doing things and exactly right. Like so many people, kids as well, sitting down on chairs at tables doing the work, you become an adult.
00;38;14;15 - 00;38;28;04
Filly
A lot of people are working on computers these days. And does that just exacerbate like the burnout side of things, of ADHD? Because you're not able to burn off the energy is that.
00;38;28;06 - 00;38;49;29
Sharon
I think what we call it is like the base levels. You know, if we're talking about hierarchy of needs and having a really nice grounding of what we need as say, like the cement or the slab of the house. So things like sleep eating, healthy diet, being out in nature, like they're the basis of like what we need to be happy and to be.
00;38;50;02 - 00;39;18;27
Sharon
And we know that when we don't get those the things on the slab in the house rise ADHD symptoms are much more variable, like they are more significant and more pronounced. So we need to make sure that we get those things correct in order to be a functional human. So those things become when you have ADHD because you're more sensitive to the world, those things become more important that those foundations are incredibly important.
00;39;19;04 - 00;39;51;19
Filly
Yeah. Awesome. Oh, we could talk to you all day. One last question. What do you. So if there's anyone listeners struggling with body burnout at the moment, especially if they have identified or they like suspecting they may have ADHD or caring for someone with ADHD, what would you be what would you suggest is the first tips towards moving to healing, creating a bit more calm, working with the brain rather than against it?
00;39;51;19 - 00;39;55;01
Filly
What? What would be the first answer?
00;39;55;01 - 00;40;21;01
Sharon
I think the first step is knowledge, like learning about just like what you've done and reading about it, understanding how your brain works, that that is always going to be. You're coming at it from a position of power then, but also addressing what I would call a predictable problem. So we know that especially when you're raising kids with ADHD like this, big meltdowns that happen, they're not the things that grind our kids, right?
00;40;21;01 - 00;40;39;12
Sharon
We can handle big things when they come up. We can do hard things for a short time, but it's the everyday little bits of stress that light will have you down over time. So this is for adults with ADHD too. This is for everybody. So if there is, let's say for example, my son hates putting a seatbelt on.
00;40;39;16 - 00;41;02;05
Sharon
So even before I go down to the car, my body is tensing. I know that he's going to have a problem. I know that it's going to be an unpleasant interaction. And so I know that is what we call a predictable problem. It day in, day out. I know it's going to pose a problem. So what I would love for people to do is to work through those predictable problems, so collaborate with those around us.
00;41;02;05 - 00;41;17;26
Sharon
What can we do to make this easier for us? Is there some framework that we can put in? We don't want to keep hitting our head against a brick wall. Perhaps there's something that we can try and we don't have to be emotionally hooked up to any outcome. We're just experimenting. So we just say like, Hey, let's just give this thing a go.
00;41;17;26 - 00;41;38;02
Sharon
Let's see how that goes. Let's let's get some feedback on that and see if we can make this a little bit easier for us. Easier for you, easier for all of us. And I love to collaborate with my children on this. So I'll say like, Hey, buddy, I can see you're struggling. If you see things like and you do this when they come, not when they are kicking off about a seatbelt and you go, Hey, like, what can we do to make this a bit easier for you?
00;41;38;08 - 00;41;56;02
Sharon
He might say something ridiculous, like, I just want like this constant, like that's probably what he would set and say, This smells things. It's not my excuse. And it probably does. And then let's get the car like, let's do something. Let's put a cover over the seatbelt. We come up with some solutions together. He's got the buying because he's suggesting things.
00;41;56;08 - 00;42;16;21
Sharon
And then we document what works and what I'm doing in, that instance is I'm getting and collaborating with them, which which ADHD people don't love being told what to do. Right? So we're collaborating, letting them come up with solutions and have been we're encouraging the best part of the ADHD brain, which is their ideas. Factories, they have the best ideas ever.
00;42;16;23 - 00;42;39;13
Sharon
So we're asking them to problem solve and we're teaching them that skill of thinking about something that's causing them friction and solving it for themselves. And so I've got a little predictable problems worksheet for you that you guys can work through with an instructional video on how to solve those predictable problems. So you guys can have that and you can start working through some of those little friction points.
00;42;39;15 - 00;42;43;05
Sharon
You know, if you if you come up with them. So can you listen to this as well?
00;42;43;07 - 00;43;05;20
Filly
Awesome. I love to read. Yeah, we'll pop that in the show notes so all the listeners can download the predictable problems worksheets. Yeah, I think it'll be so great. And I feel like probably even if someone doesn't have ADHD that they're in a state of stress and overwhelm, burn out with this, be a useful resource as well.
00;43;05;23 - 00;43;21;23
Sharon
Yeah, and I can't tell you like I don't have ADHD, right. But how many times I've used this sheet just because it slows you down enough to think of, okay, what can I do about this thing? Get out of this is a problem as a problem. As a problem. And I hate it. And I hate it. And why is this happening to me to like, what can I actually do about it?
00;43;21;23 - 00;43;42;00
Sharon
And we come up with three different solutions. So that way you're not like you're not invested, like fully invested in any of them because I don't want it to be like this. ADHD comes along with black and white thinking, right? So like, Oh, it's ruined now. We don't want to do that. We just want to experiment, roll it out, see how it goes, get some feedback and refine it so I can do I can do that myself.
00;43;42;06 - 00;44;02;00
Sharon
So instead of having these friction points as we move throughout the day, we're actually looking at our lives from a helicopter view and going, okay, what can we take? Which friction bits can we take away? Which bits can we solve, Which bits can we put some buffering around? How can we make life easier because we are here for such a short time and it can't be just surviving, right?
00;44;02;00 - 00;44;18;08
Sharon
We have to be able to enjoy life as well, Like we handle the hand that we've been given and we enjoy it and we have a happy life together. So we've got to have those moments where we look at it from some from up top and go, okay, what what can we do to make this easier? And more fun?
00;44;18;13 - 00;44;19;04
Sharon
Mm.
00;44;19;07 - 00;44;32;14
Filly
I love it. Thank you so much. You've just been super generous with sharing not just your story, but so many golden little nuggets that people can take away and start implementing. So it's been awesome chatting. Thank you.
00;44;32;17 - 00;44;35;24
Sharon
Thank you so much. Loves chatting with you guys.
00;44;35;24 - 00;44;47;00
Chris
Thanks, Sharon. All right. Well, thanks, guys, for tuning in. We will see you on the next episode.
00;44;47;02 - 00;44;57;04
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love sharing this episode.
00;44;57;07 - 00;45;15;17
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause Contribute is by taking out ending body burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
