00;00;03;08 - 00;00;16;29
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Body Burn Out Show. We are your host, Chris and Philly co-founders of a multi-award-winning winning functional medicine practice, serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00;00;17;00 - 00;00;24;26
Filly
While busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm, it's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00;00;24;29 - 00;00;38;06
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root, root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00;00;38;06 - 00;00;46;09
Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself and step into the life of your dreams.
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Chris
Let's dive in.
00;00;54;23 - 00;01;20;00
Filly
Hi, friend. Welcome to the party. So excited to be sharing these conversation with you. Before we dive into the episode, just another announcement. If you're a regular listener, you know, I've been spouting on about my new book, Ending Body Burn Out for the past month. It's so exciting. It's like giving birth to a baby and it is so close to being released.
00;01;20;00 - 00;02;03;11
Filly
So if you've had on your to do list to purchase or pre-order a copy of the book, you have about a week left to do that, to then secure your free bonuses. So when you pre-order the book before it's physically released, you'll receive almost $300 worth of free bonuses, including our Body Burn Out and Perfectionism Short Course, our Gut Movement Masterclass and my Our Communicating with Symptoms Intimate Workshop, which will be a live workshop that Chris and I will run with all the people who have pre-ordered the book dates for that to be announced.
00;02;03;13 - 00;02;25;20
Filly
So yeah, have a look at the show notes, click the link and pre-order your book. And I'm so excited for everyone to be reading it so soon and I am just so incredibly grateful for the beautiful support that I have received with this book. We have had a lot of pre-orders coming through, so I'm know I'm going to be a busy.
00;02;25;20 - 00;02;26;25
Chris
Bee.
00;02;26;27 - 00;03;07;02
Filly
Wrapping up and posting all these books really soon. Okay. Sorry about today's episode. We have the wonderful Sammi Jaeger on output cost today. Sammi is a powerhouse woman. She wears many hats and she is super passionate about living a few up life. So I know you're going to really love this conversation. I came away from it feeling very motivated to fill up some tanks that have been a little bit low personally for me, and we'll talk about those tanks soon on the podcast.
00;03;07;04 - 00;03;37;27
Filly
I've known Sammi for a couple of years now. We actually connected, yeah, for about two years almost, and Chris and I went on her date forever podcast. I'll put the link to the show notes if you want to listen to that Potti episode where Chris and I shared all the juicy details about how we make our relationship work, both in business, in family and also past experiences where our relationship was on the rocks.
00;03;37;29 - 00;04;04;06
Filly
And today we're lucky enough to have the tables turned and we interview Sammi on alpacas. So Sammi is an entrepreneur, co-founder, integrator, coach, speaker, author in the making and co-host of the Date Forever podcast After Sammi's Life hit a crossroad, she hit the wall, picked herself up again, and began leaning into creating and leaving her oriented field up life.
00;04;04;09 - 00;04;38;01
Filly
This time, by design, Sammi is deeply passionate about how our relationships impact the quality of our lives, and she is an advocate for the UN Global Goals and knows that we all have a role to play in creating a better world. So without any further interruptions, let's jump right in and enjoy this conversation we had with Sammi.
00;04;38;03 - 00;05;04;20
Chris
All right, so let's dive in. Sammi, thanks so much for coming to join us. We are excited to have you on our podcast. I think maybe diving into a personal story first, you said in your bio you hit a crossroad, a brick wall. What happened there? When when did you experience body burnout and what was happening in your life at the time?
00;05;04;20 - 00;05;07;20
Chris
Business, personal, all that sort of stuff.
00;05;07;22 - 00;05;22;29
Sammi
All the things. Well, first of all, thank you for having me on your show. The two of you have been on our show forever, and I love chatting with you and hearing a bit about your story. So I'm very grateful to have this show on the other foot and come and join you on your show. So thank you.
00;05;23;01 - 00;05;50;12
Sammi
But yeah, I did. I hit across it and I hit it pretty hard. It was in the beginning of 2019. I resigned from my first really big job as general manager to training and education company, and I had grown through a massive trajectory of personal and professional growth over three as ARC and I crammed about a decade's worth of growth into those three years or three and a bit years.
00;05;50;12 - 00;06;14;11
Sammi
And although I hit the wall in January, I really didn't deal with it until about September and I sort of fumbled my way through that year. And then my beautiful husband Nathan and I had spent some time in Europe gallivanting around and I was really meant to do some soul searching. And we got to the end of the trip and I had to go back to work.
00;06;14;19 - 00;06;54;20
Sammi
And of course I did not, but I wasn't ready to go and face my life. I was still not ready to restart like quote unquote, normal life again. So Nathan left Madrid and went back to Australia, and I went from there to Lombok, Indonesia, and basically cried for three weeks. Yeah, I saw it in my own discomfort of the life that I had created and how exhausted I was even after being on holidays for or travelling for two or three months and just really had to go inwards to be like, What decisions did I make that have has landed me here?
00;06;54;20 - 00;06;58;18
Sammi
And what am I going to do about it?
00;06;58;20 - 00;07;01;03
Chris
That's awesome. Other than.
00;07;01;05 - 00;07;02;04
Sammi
It wasn't, it.
00;07;02;07 - 00;07;03;23
Chris
Wasn't awesome at all.
00;07;03;25 - 00;07;07;09
Filly
But in the end I was in Indonesia having a cry and a song.
00;07;07;09 - 00;07;18;07
Chris
Yeah, yeah. What sort of physical symptoms other than crying, feeling exhausted? Did you, did you.
00;07;18;09 - 00;07;36;16
Sammi
I was pretty overwhelmed I think is like I was having difficulties making decisions because I think is one part that I was, you know, I had all the options available to me. Like, you know, when you end a big chapter, it's okay. Now I really have to decide what you want to do next. And I think that was a little bit overwhelming.
00;07;36;16 - 00;07;52;27
Sammi
It was like, you know, if you ever go to a restaurant and they give you a menu that's like 50 pages long, sometimes that could be a lot harder than being like, Oh, here's the menu of eight things. And just choose one of those eight and pick the one that really resonates. I you know, I had the menu of 50 things and I was really overwhelmed by that.
00;07;53;00 - 00;08;13;12
Sammi
But yeah, I was I was tired. I was exhausted. I was probably the heaviest I had been in a really long time. I wasn't sleeping that well, wasn't having the best sex that we like my husband and I could have like all of the, I guess, normal things that you experience, like headaches. And my vision wasn't that great.
00;08;13;12 - 00;08;28;17
Sammi
Like I was wearing my glasses more than I had historically, Like just the the top to toe of symptoms that you could you would expect of someone who had been burning the candle at both ends for four years.
00;08;28;20 - 00;08;31;28
Filly
So then in Indonesia, I did a bit of soul searching.
00;08;32;04 - 00;08;32;18
Chris
In.
00;08;32;20 - 00;08;34;00
Filly
Thailand. Sorry.
00;08;34;02 - 00;08;36;10
Sammi
Yeah, no, thank you.
00;08;36;13 - 00;08;38;23
Chris
I'm blessed with Lombok like a.
00;08;38;23 - 00;08;42;29
Sammi
Small little island. A few hours boat ride from Bali.
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Chris
Ah, right.
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Filly
Yeah. No one.
00;08;44;25 - 00;08;46;28
Chris
I was thinking Bangkok.
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Sammi
Of course.
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Chris
Yeah.
00;08;48;17 - 00;08;53;14
Sammi
In in the scheme of the world, Southeast Asia, it was close to that.
00;08;53;16 - 00;09;06;28
Filly
So what did you discover about yourself? If you think about the deeper root cause as to why you got into a state of body burn out burning the candle at both ends of four years? What was what was the deeper root behind all of that?
00;09;07;01 - 00;09;40;05
Sammi
Yeah, I, I had neglected a lot of the other areas of my life. I had gone all in on my career and my personal and professional development at the cost of almost everything else. Lack. And in a lot of ways, although the pursuit of growth had been about building a better relationship with myself, it, it, it actually cost me that like one of the things that I did while I between crying sessions in Lombok was that I went out on on the water and I had a whiteboard and went wakeboard for a couple of hours.
00;09;40;07 - 00;09;59;06
Sammi
And after that I just felt so incredible having like used my body in that way, being on the water in the sun, doing something that is from my childhood and something that I really love to do. And I came back and I was just sitting and reflecting about how amazing that I felt. And when was the last time I did that?
00;09;59;09 - 00;10;25;20
Sammi
And it was no surprise more than four years ago. And that I really just sat with that and I was like, okay, well, what else in my life do I really love doing that? I'm not doing that. I haven't been prioritising and I think I just found myself in this like headspace of everything I needed, everything that I was doing needed to be some sort of productive there needed to be an outcome that needed to be a result.
00;10;25;23 - 00;10;55;28
Sammi
And that had meant that things that I really loved doing, like baking, just tending to me, buying the cake, not baking the cake, which is not why I, you know, that's I wasn't looking for the outcomes, looking for following the process and the creative outlet and all of those kind of things. But yeah, that realisation that there's a lot of things in my life that I really love doing that I haven't done for a long time, and I've created this life and lifestyle where they are embedded as things that I do often.
00;10;56;01 - 00;11;16;13
Sammi
And I really couldn't remember the last time I'd taken myself out for a coffee, not like a grab, a takeaway and run. And between things that like to really mindfully sit, you know, either with a book or with a journal or with nothing, no stimulus at a coffee shop or a cafe, and just be there, like with myself.
00;11;16;15 - 00;11;41;28
Sammi
And that was really, really confronting. And that's a big part of how my husband and I have ended up with the Diet Forever podcast. And we chat with couples and experts like the two of you who have found tips and tricks to keep their relationship with themselves and their chosen person filled up. So I made a commitment to start dating myself again.
00;11;42;00 - 00;11;50;28
Filly
I love that. That's so cool. Did you bounce back pretty quickly after that realisation and then prioritising yourself and things that you.
00;11;51;04 - 00;12;06;09
Sammi
I would love to say. Yes, I would love to say, okay, it was so easy. But I think one of the things that I mean that you two are the experts in this, but I think one of the like social narratives about burnout is that people say, Oh, you just need to get some more sleep, you really just need to get some more rest.
00;12;06;09 - 00;12;27;01
Sammi
And like, that's really like the equivalent of parking a car that has no fuel in the garage for a week and then expecting it to drive perfectly. When you pull it out like that's not actually what you need. You really need to figure out how to put more fuel back in the tank. And sitting alone resting is not always that.
00;12;27;04 - 00;12;53;20
Sammi
But yeah, I had a couple more confronting, kind of like eye opening experiences after that. So I came back to Australia. My deadline was not coming back to work, but it was to go to Tony Robbins unleash the power within event. And I bought those tickets almost 12 months prior and it was probably the first like fully immersive personal development event that my husband Nathan, I had done had committed to go to together.
00;12;53;20 - 00;13;21;22
Sammi
So that was my deadline. So that was pretty that was pretty full on to go in and know that I already had sort of had this realisation, but then to dig around in there a bit more about some of the limiting beliefs and things that I really needed to move through. But I was at a, an event run by General Assembly, which is just like a small education company, and they run like these networking events and the event was like about refining your pitch and like, how do you introduce yourself when you're in a networking event?
00;13;21;22 - 00;13;42;22
Sammi
You know, who are you, what do you do, who do you help? And this woman that I got paired with was a workplace psychologist who specialised in PTSD, and she was running through her pitch about what she does and who she helps. And I was like, Holy crap, that is, you're talking about me. That's what I've created for myself.
00;13;42;22 - 00;14;12;22
Sammi
I have this workplace experience that's now almost a year ago that I really have an address. Like I addressed some of it in terms of like my lifestyle, but I haven't actually really owned my part of that. So it was it was layers of rebuilding. What I needed to to look at introspectively to heal. It wasn't just about rest and terror.
00;14;12;23 - 00;14;29;10
Sammi
I was better like I wish I could like I can't even really point to the line in the sand of like that was that was when I came full circle there really wasn't one. It was just so gradual bit by bit, looking under the hood and healing one thing at a time.
00;14;29;12 - 00;14;51;22
Filly
Which I think is so important too, because a lot of people, when they first start trying to address their health issues, they burn out. It's like expecting a magic pill. If I do this, I'm going to feel better in a month. And actually we the the health forms that we get new clients to feeling, there's a question around how long do you think that this will take in order to get the results that you want?
00;14;51;24 - 00;15;06;11
Filly
And once I've had someone say days and it's like, hang on, when you had these symptoms and this condition for ten years, it's not going to flip around really quickly for most people. Yeah, I think that.
00;15;06;11 - 00;15;35;01
Sammi
Decision can change really quickly, right? Like the commitment, like I'm committed to this transformation. I think that can happen really quickly. But the actual undoing of what likely is years that took me to get to that place I had, I was. Yeah, I don't think I was unrealistic that it was going to be instant. Yeah, I think I had some awareness, but it was definitely over a year of actively working on it after I'd ignored it for almost a year.
00;15;35;03 - 00;15;36;23
Sammi
Mm.
00;15;36;26 - 00;15;51;26
Filly
I actually feel like a year is a pretty, pretty standard. Yeah. And when you're doing deep healing as well. So did you do any, did you do anything around like lab testing, supplements, diet or, or it was more working on it.
00;15;51;29 - 00;16;16;06
Sammi
Yeah. I had done, I had done that sort of stuff previously. But one of the big things I mentioned back, I was having headaches, but I was having migraines, not just headaches like migraines. And that had been something that had been reoccurring in my life for a long time. And I'm pretty grateful to say like, you know, four or five years on now, and I can't remember the last migraine that I had, but that was probably the thing that I went the more science based route.
00;16;16;06 - 00;16;38;22
Sammi
I was like, Let me see the neurologist, Let me get the cat scans, let me get the things. And ironically, none of those things helped. Not like none of those things led me to an answer. It was actually a natural path. Who helps me work through through that part. But yes, there was parts where I definitely saw like Western medicine to figure out like what was going on.
00;16;38;24 - 00;17;11;02
Sammi
But I think I think and maybe it's only because I can see it in hindsight. I probably didn't know this in the moment, but so much of it was about, well, what you know, why did I overwork the way that I was overworking? What was I trying to prove, and to who like what was I doing there? So I think a lot more of that was far more healing than taking the supplements or the pills or the you know, not to say that those things don't have merit because, like I said, one of the things that has helped me get migraine free was some recommendations that are natural made.
00;17;11;02 - 00;17;16;16
Sammi
And it literally changed my life from having quite regular migraines to almost none.
00;17;16;18 - 00;17;18;18
Chris
Mm mm.
00;17;18;20 - 00;17;30;23
Filly
So what did you discover then? Like around Why, why, why were you behaving this way? Like what were the deeper beliefs, the programming, the events in the past that led to that point?
00;17;30;25 - 00;18;12;20
Sammi
Yeah, I definitely think that I was trying to prove something. I was trying to prove that I was worthy of that big job that I'd like somehow found myself into, because I hadn't really that hadn't been my career path. That wasn't the direction I was looking to go. And I think not ended up there by accident. I definitely made conscious choices and decisions, but I was very much trying to prove that I was worthy of that role, that I could do that role, that I could overperform in that role, that I could make really big changes to teams and culture and the business overall that I was working with.
00;18;12;22 - 00;18;19;19
Sammi
Yeah. So I think that was the underlying part more than anything was like about worthiness. Hmm.
00;18;19;21 - 00;18;46;19
Filly
Yeah, huge, huge, huge, huge. Okay, say you have created a life that is a fuelled up life, you know, is what you've created. So and not by default, but by design. So can you talk to us a bit about this because is this what in and how you help others do that? You mentioned that there's eight different tanks that you use to fill up your life.
00;18;46;19 - 00;18;49;21
Filly
I'd love to like break all those down.
00;18;49;24 - 00;19;17;04
Sammi
So one of the things that I did on Return from Lombok was start to get a bit more curious about like, okay, I went all in in this one area of my life. What are the other areas? What are the other things that regularly need fuel that I wasn't adding fuel to. So Nathan, I had already sort of had like a planning practice where every year we take one or two days and what we now call is our annual game plan day.
00;19;17;07 - 00;19;37;24
Sammi
We make it, we make a plan, we make a game plan for the year to follow. But we went back through some of the notes and looked at what were the reoccurring themes of, you know, what are the different areas of my life and our shared life that if they go on neglected, if they go overlooked, like they will run out, they will hit empty.
00;19;37;26 - 00;20;00;24
Sammi
So we've identified eight of them and we've spoken to so many couples and experts about these different areas of life, and they resonate for most people. So the first one is self. It's my relationship with myself sets the tone for every other relationship that I have is my romantic relationship and just that love is the best thing that I do or that we do.
00;20;00;27 - 00;20;26;06
Sammi
And it isn't passive. We do it. It's a to doing word, it's a doing thing. The next one is, the third one is my relationships and network. So recognising that if I want to go far, I want to go with others. And who are those others and who are like deep connections that I want and need in my life for it to be truly fuelled up is my humming household.
00;20;26;06 - 00;20;54;14
Sammi
It's that my, my home, how it feels is way more important than how it looks like. Do I have good systems in place that make that household hum with ease and it's not sucking the time and energy away from like what are the truly like the bigger problems that I could be solving. So it's about career and business and recognising that opportunities don't just happen and I create them and then wealth and lifestyle.
00;20;54;19 - 00;21;14;16
Sammi
So yes, I might be creating the money that I want to attract and bring in, but do I have the lifestyle that matches that? So be about being really conscious about what lifestyle am I trying to design? If I have a perfect week, if I have a perfect month, if I have a perfect quarter, what does that actually look like?
00;21;14;16 - 00;21;41;05
Sammi
How much time of my spending surfing, how much time of my spending with my social network and with my connections? How much time I spending working on my business, not in my business, how much downtime having how many holidays am I having like truly unplugged and then the world. So what? What unique skills and gifts am I contributing to the world and a solution that's bigger than myself.
00;21;41;08 - 00;22;03;02
Sammi
So for me, I'm really passionate about the United Nations global goals and in particular education, because I believe that education is one of the fastest ways that we can bring people and communities and countries up and above that poverty line. So what am I doing to keep that that contribution tank or the world tank filled up and then the last one is the future.
00;22;03;09 - 00;22;19;24
Sammi
And recognising that future, Sami is actually current. Sami And I'm making decisions now that are impacting my future. And if I don't ever think about the future tank, it might look pretty bleak. So those are the I super intentional.
00;22;20;00 - 00;22;22;21
Filly
I'm like, be thinking they are organised.
00;22;22;23 - 00;22;29;26
Chris
You probably wouldn't have come up with those those categories if you hadn't hit the wall. Hey do.
00;22;30;00 - 00;22;30;16
Sammi
Yeah.
00;22;30;19 - 00;22;33;09
Chris
Or maybe you would have, but not as.
00;22;33;12 - 00;22;57;26
Sammi
Fast and, and definitely not in the way that I needed to. Like I'm actually now so incredibly grateful for that experience. Like, you know, those things. I think the quote is like, you know, those things that don't work out for you really did work out for you. And and that's that's so true for this experience. I'm so grateful that I ran as hard and as fast into that wall as I did.
00;22;57;28 - 00;23;29;06
Sammi
And I also I was 30, like, how fricking lucky am I that I figured that stuff out at 30. That's people that I know and that I've met who are much further along in life and still wrestling with some of those things and haven't had those real obstacle is the way breakthrough. So yeah, I definitely wouldn't have come up with those eight or so introspective about my life and what I needed and creating a framework for it where it's easy for me to think about which tank needs fuel.
00;23;29;09 - 00;23;48;23
Filly
How do you like? I'm kind of thinking from a practical point of view, do you have these visually somewhere like how do you if you're feeling well, what are the signs? First of all, when you just like, oh, is there anything that you're like, Oh, a tank is going like coming down? And then how do you pinpoint what tank it is?
00;23;48;26 - 00;24;13;13
Sammi
So Nathan I do this monthly check in together. It's a reoccurring like calendar invite, literally as practical as that now shared Google calendar. But we, we do we do this monthly. We check in and give it a rating. Sometimes we use out of five, sometimes these out of ten. But like, how full is this tank? And some of them obviously we share like our humming household and some of it is about checking mine and this alignment.
00;24;13;13 - 00;24;35;00
Sammi
Like do we agree that our house has been a hellhole and has been really hard to manage or do we both feel like it's swimming along really well and it's happening with ease? But the main introspectively, like it's always curious, like if I show up that Oh look my relationship with myself is not feeling that great. I look back at the last month and go, Yeah, it's probably because you haven't taken yourself on a day.
00;24;35;07 - 00;24;56;16
Sammi
You haven't been as intentional with exercise or you know, you're travelling and you may know probably not the best choices for diet and sleep and all, you know, all of the like well-being fundamentals haven't meditated and it's just that invitation monthly to take a look which tank mates feel and what are you going to do about it. And that's what I asked myself.
00;24;56;19 - 00;25;00;24
Sammi
Which tank needs fuel and what are you going to do about it?
00;25;00;27 - 00;25;22;17
Filly
That's cool. The way you were talking about that too. It didn't like I didn't he any feelings of self guilt self shame. It's like a far out of stuffed up again this month. Oh, you know, it was just like it's just purely like, oh we can feel the tank up any time. Yeah, it's within my power. But also life also happens, so it's not going to be perfect all the time and that's okay.
00;25;22;19 - 00;25;39;28
Sammi
Yeah, I'm super visual, so I like to think about these. Your tanks, like the same way, you know, I don't. I love flying, but I'm definitely not a pilot. Right. But, you know, and I imagine the cockpit of a plane like this, little dashes and dials and gauges everywhere in that cockpit, and there's some of them that matter more than others.
00;25;40;05 - 00;26;03;20
Sammi
And there's some that can be off course longer than others. And there's not an expectation that they're all perfect from take off to touchdown. And that's kind of how I think about my life is like recognising that not everything can be important all at the same time. If everything's important, then nothing's important. And I think this just gives me agency to go look.
00;26;03;24 - 00;26;27;29
Sammi
Do you know, I know that my relationship and network tank is feeling pretty low at the moment, but actually I've got some really big career things happening. I've got some really big, you know, things happening in Monday night's marriage or whatever it might be. I've got some really big things happening in our home. Like I like to let that relationship and network tank stay at half, you know, for this month, maybe even next month.
00;26;28;01 - 00;26;52;14
Sammi
And then the invitations like, okay, now it's time to to address it. But what I've really found is that like when one or two or three of these tank starts to get empty, it puts a real drain on everything else. Like I'm the burnout. Sure. Like people would know that when their relationship with themself is empty, it hurts every other tank, right?
00;26;52;14 - 00;27;17;19
Sammi
Like it's just not possible where it's like pouring into a leaky bucket. Like you can do as much as you like. But if that relationship with self is not in in good stead, in good health, it makes everything hard. And same in your marriage. If you're if your romantic relationship is hurting, like it makes everything harder. And maybe that's the same.
00;27;17;20 - 00;27;33;15
Sammi
I don't have kids, but I imagine true like for your relationship in network, like your relationships with your kids, if their attention point in your life in that tank is feeling really empty, there's no way that that doesn't impact your career, your business, or your wealth, your lifestyle, or your contribution to the world.
00;27;33;17 - 00;27;36;01
Chris
MM That's go.
00;27;36;03 - 00;27;49;26
Filly
Can we dig in a bit more around the relationship with yourself? Set the tone for every other relationship, but then everything else in your life as well, like health, business, finances.
00;27;49;28 - 00;28;14;09
Sammi
Yeah. So I mean that, I think that's was one of the greatest realisations that I had coming away from Lombok and going like, Hey, look, here's this thing that you haven't done for five years that lights your soul on fire. Like you just feel incredible when you do this and you have done it for five years. And I just recognised like there's so many opportunities for me to take care of my relationship with myself every single day.
00;28;14;09 - 00;28;40;27
Sammi
It's not like an occasional practice. I'm not talking about like going on a coffee date with myself once a month. I'm like, Tick, that box is done like it's s. I don't know if this is the right word, but it's like cyclical. It's like there's I'm always somewhere in that cycle, in that relationship with myself. But I think there's like lifestyle decisions that I've made now that make it not only something that I like have to do, but something that I like really want to do and love doing.
00;28;40;27 - 00;29;10;02
Sammi
You know, for me, like topping up my relationship with myself is like carving out time and making time for that active reflection or journaling, walking on the beach, barefoot, surfing because there's no technology in arm's reach at all, you know, getting into nature. But then also like being intentional about my my growth, like whether that's working with coach or listening to podcasts, like yours or reading books like those.
00;29;10;07 - 00;29;17;10
Sammi
For me, those are things that really add fuel to that tank. So I don't know if I've answered the question.
00;29;17;12 - 00;29;31;26
Filly
Yeah, yeah, you have. I think that was a big I was it couple it maybe a year or two ago, but our listeners know that I talk about this quite a lot bit. Chris was the most annoying person on earth.
00;29;31;28 - 00;29;34;09
Sammi
And and you married him and.
00;29;34;12 - 00;29;46;22
Filly
He wasn't going to get married. I was like, Oh, you're actually really okay. But it got to a point. And I think this encapsulates exactly what you're saying here, that like year by year he just got more and more and more annoying.
00;29;46;24 - 00;29;48;10
Chris
I had time to practice.
00;29;48;13 - 00;30;10;00
Filly
But but when I started actually looking introspectively at myself and not at him, it was all coming from me and it yeah, in a broken relationship with myself. So then therefore I was triggered by a lot of things that he would say. And even this morning actually, I was writing back an email to one of our clients and it was kind of around parenting.
00;30;10;00 - 00;30;39;21
Filly
She's like, Yeah, like her biggest stress at the moment is my children, my child and the family dynamics. And in it I reflected then this morning too, that that when I started really loving myself and reprogramming those beliefs and supporting my nervous system and also knowing that, you know what, not the perfect parent don't ever want to be because that's exhausting trying to be that person.
00;30;39;24 - 00;31;06;09
Filly
But then when you have that love for yourself and the permission to be yourself, then for example, parenting is a lot easier because then the children, like I always personalising my children as direct reflections of myself. So if they misbehaved, if they were not well, if they were bratty, then yeah, they would annoying. Like from a surface level.
00;31;06;09 - 00;31;11;23
Filly
I was like, Oh, you're so annoying. You like, Oh yes, are frustrating. Why can't you behave well? But the frustration, why.
00;31;11;23 - 00;31;22;06
Sammi
Can't you do exactly what I want and make my expectations? I understand at the time. Yes, yes. Why can't you do that human that I loved.
00;31;22;09 - 00;31;43;06
Filly
But and yeah, so it was all of that. But it was the the deeper it was that the deeper reflection or the personalisation was that will if they're not perfect, then therefore I am not perfect yet. And so, so the frustration with them was really just a frustration with myself.
00;31;43;08 - 00;32;05;17
Sammi
Yeah, I do know, as you've asked that question about like, how do I tell when my relationship with myself is off? And I was like, Oh, you know, I have a rhythm where I check in with myself. But I also know that if I'm struggling to get dressed, if I am having a hard time pulling clothes out of the wardrobe that I feel good in, that's a key indicator for me.
00;32;05;19 - 00;32;25;15
Sammi
Hold on. This should not be hard. You know what you like? You know what feels good on your body. If that's out of step, that's a pretty key indicator. Like that's an early detection sign that something about my relationship with myself is is not right because those those are decisions that I make every day. So it's impacting the way that I show up in the world.
00;32;25;15 - 00;32;59;01
Sammi
So that's probably an early detection plan. Another is like how I respond to minor inconveniences, like and I'm talking about minor minor inconveniences like dropping my keys as I walk up the stairs with my dog or, you know, running out of poop bags while I'm out with my dog. Like I'm resource so I can solve that problem. And if that really gets under my gears, like that's probably an indication that my self tank is running pretty low and I'm not in a very resourceful state and say like, you really like the way that you're responding to your most annoying husband ever.
00;32;59;03 - 00;33;01;26
Sammi
It probably had nothing to do with him, right?
00;33;01;28 - 00;33;02;23
Filly
Pretty much not.
00;33;02;27 - 00;33;08;00
Sammi
Yeah. And everything to do with you and the beautiful state you weren't living in.
00;33;08;02 - 00;33;17;06
Filly
But yeah, I resonate too with the minor inconveniences where it's just like, Oh, we're like, hang on. Last week that was not an issue. I didn't care.
00;33;17;06 - 00;33;21;14
Sammi
That. Yeah, I didn't know how they would navigate that. Yeah.
00;33;21;17 - 00;33;48;00
Chris
That's really interesting. So sometimes we get caught up in expectations and perfection and things like that. I'm thinking about the dog dog dog poo thing, you know? Yeah. Resourcefulness that really comes into it because it could be very stressful. The other day I had to pick up after my dog and there was I had no bag and I had to use leaves instead.
00;33;48;02 - 00;33;56;03
Chris
And, and you know, that could be really stressful if I had this expectation. I needed to be perfect, needs to be all this way. But, you know, metaphorically.
00;33;56;10 - 00;33;56;25
Filly
My hands.
00;33;56;26 - 00;33;59;02
Sammi
And I'm literally carrying shit in my hand.
00;33;59;07 - 00;34;19;11
Chris
Right? Yeah. And metaphorically. Like, how much crap do we have to shift? And we have these these perfect expectations of the way it should be done, and then we get stuck up. Should creak, right? And it just leads to a stress that's that we put on ourselves, doesn't it.
00;34;19;14 - 00;34;21;07
Filly
Yeah, absolutely.
00;34;21;10 - 00;34;54;13
Sammi
Yeah. That's, that's definitely something that I've learned is like that resentment comes from unmet expectations and sometimes those expectations haven't been communicated and they can be expectations that you're holding like for yourself, like, Oh, I'm really annoyed with myself because I didn't meet my own expectation that I said, like that infinity loop thing. Yeah, but I think that's really reflective of like how resourceful I am is very much linked to how how nourished and full relationship with myself is.
00;34;54;16 - 00;35;08;15
Sammi
And I don't, you know, not all of that is an inside job. Sometimes I need help, sometimes I need a courage. Sometimes I need someone else to hold the mirror and ask the questions like, I don't think any of us should go at this thing alone, like, ever. Really?
00;35;08;17 - 00;35;11;05
Filly
Well, I don't think we were ever taught how to do it.
00;35;11;08 - 00;35;11;25
Sammi
Yeah.
00;35;11;25 - 00;35;36;08
Filly
And so coaches are invaluable because unless you had parents going like that in our generation, when our parents were parents, there was and I don't mean this mainly, but the emotional intelligence wasn't really there because they weren't taught it either. Yeah. And sorry, how the heck can you learn to love yourself when we would just give in? Like, I'm thinking about my upbringing loving parents.
00;35;36;08 - 00;35;59;03
Filly
Like I always knew that I was loved by them, always had everything that I needed, like, especially from a physical point of view. But there were things that were missing that my little child wanted or needed probably didn't even realise that I wanted or needed, or that it was missing until you become an adult running child patterns. And then it's like far out.
00;35;59;04 - 00;36;04;15
Filly
I didn't know anything yet. And then now how do I navigate this.
00;36;04;17 - 00;36;20;28
Sammi
100%? I was like, I mean, we're all in that. If you're listening to this podcast, you clearly in personal development, right? That's what make in your life that you want to be better and you've gone about finding a free resource to help you do that. Yeah, So snacks for you listening. But yeah, I think that's all of it, isn't it?
00;36;20;28 - 00;36;29;24
Sammi
It's like, what have I learned? What belief have I got that is not serving me well? And where did that come from and what would be a better belief?
00;36;29;26 - 00;36;54;02
Filly
Mm hmm. Yeah. Okay. So for our listeners out there currently struggling with body burn out, what would you suggest? Because we talked about the eight fuel tanks. Maybe there will be something else that you suggest that's beyond that. Yeah, but what would you be would, what would you suggest are the first steps to moving towards healing, developing a deep relationship with yourself, creating a life by design?
00;36;54;02 - 00;36;56;13
Filly
I know there's quite a few questions there, but what would be the first step?
00;36;56;16 - 00;37;20;21
Sammi
This. Okay, so I'm sure lots of people have done some sort of yoga and like at the end of a course, like you drop into savasana in my dead body part is and you just lie there, right? And you can run a scan, turns to the tip your head about, you know, how does this body part of you how does this you know and identify like actually yeah, I might have a little bit of tension in my left lat.
00;37;20;23 - 00;37;40;22
Sammi
Everything else actually feels amazing. And that's how I think about this fuel tank sort of diagnostic is like, hey, when I take a moment to run to top two toes to the tip of my head, of my, my life of these eight different tanks, I might be really hung up on the one that's empty. Look at all these other stuff that I've actually got going on really well.
00;37;40;25 - 00;38;01;08
Sammi
So step one, run a diagnostic because things might not be as shit in the hands as you maybe first thought. But I think one of the things I'm going to talk about, the relationship itself is like the first thing, because I think that's probably the most common. And like I said, I think I believe that that's where everything starts.
00;38;01;11 - 00;38;33;07
Sammi
But one of the things I did was I, after recognising, Hey, I love wakeboarding, have done that for five years, why I got it out a journal and started to write the list of 100 like glimmers that bring me joy. And what are those things? And then, oh, they don't all require me to hire a bow and a board and have three 4 hours free, like some of them are about like trying new coffee beans or seeing the sunrise eyes or walking on freshly caught grass or, you know, having a snuggle with my dog.
00;38;33;07 - 00;38;59;02
Sammi
Like those things, like really bring me joy. But to get really about that and I think that's a great exercise or an activity for anyone who's struggling with that relationship itself to just go inwards like you have the answers you really do. You know, there's moments in your life where you felt joy or happiness or elation or whatever the feelings are that you want to cultivate now, like you've had them in the past.
00;38;59;04 - 00;39;21;29
Sammi
What was your recipe for success then? What were the things that you were doing? Frequently we're on my audio medium, but you can probably say that's a big bunch of flowers behind me. Like that is probably one of the cheapest cheat codes to make me happy for an entire week. Like, I will look at those 1020 times a day and go, Gosh, that feels nice.
00;39;21;29 - 00;39;34;26
Sammi
I bought that for me. Like that was a gift from May to me, but that won't work for everyone. That's not going to be everybody's little glimmer, but I would encourage it. You've probably got your own 100 and it will be unique to you.
00;39;35;03 - 00;39;38;07
Filly
Yeah, I love that. That's so cool.
00;39;38;10 - 00;40;03;26
Chris
Do you have anything else? Glimmers. I like it. It's. It's it's. It's sparkly, right? Like. Like not life's not like it's not dull, is it? It's nice. There's glimmers everywhere. Sometimes you just need to stop staring into the darkness to realise, Hey, you're actually surrounded by glimmer. You're mostly glimmer.
00;40;03;28 - 00;40;32;22
Sammi
Yeah. That's something that I learned from Shawn Achor, who wrote The Happiness Advantage. And that was probably, I don't know, I probably read that book maybe eight years ago. And Nathan, I really started an intentional gratitude practice around this idea that what you, you look for, what you train your brain, your reticular activating system to look for, you will see more of and if you can get really conscious about like these elements that you see all day, like you start to notice more of them.
00;40;32;24 - 00;40;44;13
Sammi
And then that's the lens that you look at this world through. So if feel that sounds like what you were doing with Chris, it's like readjusting that. The lenses that you were looking at him through, he didn't change. You changed.
00;40;44;13 - 00;41;06;07
Filly
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we we talk about this a bit too, but any second there's 2 million bits of information, but we only take in about five to 5 to 9 chunks, which is crazy. Yeah. So when you were just talking about, Oh, if you start focusing on the glimmers, it's not that they magically appear, they're already there.
00;41;06;11 - 00;41;16;23
Filly
It's just that you neural pathways are currently looking for certain things and then doing that intentional shift, there's so much goodness. Yeah.
00;41;16;23 - 00;41;46;28
Sammi
And you can start to piggyback them to that. So one of mine that I started actually during Code Red was like because I was going to the fridge, how many times a day? Well at home was like to open the fridge and be like, Oh I'm so grateful. Look at all this beautiful, nourishing food that I have access to like a now that's a regular thought that I have is like, I'm so grateful for all of this incredible, nourishing fruit veg, tasty things that I love to eat and I, I've programs that to myself.
00;41;47;00 - 00;41;47;12
Filly
Yeah.
00;41;47;17 - 00;41;48;28
Sammi
So beautiful. Glimmer.
00;41;49;01 - 00;41;57;23
Filly
Beautiful. Okay, another glimmer is your podcast. So you mentioned before you have your Diet Forever podcast which I think they're on their back in 2021.
00;41;58;00 - 00;42;03;17
Sammi
Yeah it was a while ago. So if anyone wants to come in here, Chris and Phil's love story, it's a pretty good one.
00;42;03;20 - 00;42;24;11
Filly
I'll pop it in the links below Whirlwind, but I'll also put your podcast in the link below and your website is social so that if anyone else wants to learn more about you, get some more goodness from Sammie. All the links will be below there. But can you just tell us a bit more about the podcast, how listeners can find it and you and anything else that would be valuable?
00;42;24;14 - 00;42;48;26
Sammi
Yeah, absolutely. So Date Forever. We've had the show for about three and a half years, so well over 150 episodes there chatting with couples and experts about the tips and tricks they found to keep her relationship fuelled up. So it's a really nice balance of like the theory, like this is what should work from a researcher or from a sleep expert or whatever, and then from a real life couple who are like, this is what works for us.
00;42;48;26 - 00;43;10;16
Sammi
And it's been really interesting to see the things that work for some couples. Absolutely doesn't work for others. Yeah, there's some pillars of good relationship health for sure, but the nuances are really interesting. So we love hosting the show, but it's all about cultivating a really good relationship with yourself and your chosen person that you're doing life with so you can get it.
00;43;10;16 - 00;43;18;08
Sammi
Where do we you're listening to this podcast wherever you like to get your podcasts. It's called Date Forever. And yeah, I heard this is my husband, Nathan.
00;43;18;10 - 00;43;28;03
Filly
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on to the show. It's been awesome. It's actually been really refreshing and I'm keen to find some more glimmers in my life right now.
00;43;28;05 - 00;43;44;23
Sammi
Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah. And if anyone just wants to connect or you want to talk about a concept or see my list of 100 things that bring me joy, just slide into my damns. I love chatting with people in my home on the internet at sammijaeger.com, but you'll find me on Instagram.
00;43;44;23 - 00;43;50;00
Sammi
That's probably my platform of choices. Sammi somewhere Sammi with an I.
00;43;50;03 - 00;44;03;12
Chris
Love it so good. Thanks Sammi It's been awesome. So thanks everybody for tuning in. We'll catch up with you next time.
00;44;03;15 - 00;44;13;17
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love. By sharing this episode.
00;44;13;19 - 00;44;31;28
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root Cause contributors by taking out ending body burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
