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Chris
Hello and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host Chris and Fili, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues. While busyness.
00:00:17:20 - 00:00:25:01
Filly
Addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm, it's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
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Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplement hoping something might stick.
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Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
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Chris
Let's dive in.
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Chris
Welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. Fili and I have a topic today that is a little bit close to home.
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Filly
Yeah, I'm.
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Filly
Actually really excited about today's episode. I've had it on my my podcast idealist for a long time and I'm like, oh yeah, let's do this. Fine. So today I am actually interviewing Chris all about how he lives with an added brain.
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Chris
Chris is one of one of the things is Chris is just writing a note about the last podcast that they did.
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Filly
So would you go into what that actually looks like in real life? The hard part, the funny parts, the superpower part.
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Chris
The annoying parts.
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Filly
I've also asked our kids what they find annoying and inspiring about their dad, and funnily enough, most of their answers are pretty in line with what experts consistently see with ADHD.
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Chris
He's so funny.
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Filly
So whether if you have ADHD yourself, I'm sure you resonate with a lot of parts. Or if you love someone who does. This is going to be a great episode for you. And maybe you don't have Eddie, but you're suspected and you might see a lot of similar patterns that you run. Okay, so before we get into Chris's experience, I thought I would just pre frame.
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Filly
So this is Chris's and essentially our family's personal experience. So this isn't universally saying this is how everybody experiences ADHD. So we're not saying that this is or should be other people's experience.
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Chris
You're probably not going to be like Chris.
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Filly
You're probably not going to be like Chris, Chris, Chris has a whole heap of other skills, talents and personality traits, patterns that all mush into like exactly how he is.
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Filly
Okay, now I also so it's not just a bunch of like funny stories, but I'm sure we'll hear some funny stories. I thought I would intersperse the questions with what ADHD looks like, how it presents. According to ADHD experts, coaches, practitioners, psychologists, all that sort of stuff. So I've done a bunch of research around this. Okay, so first of all, ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
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Filly
But there are many psychologists now saying that this is a wrong or incorrect name for it. And that is because, not everyone, not all people with ADHD have a deficit of attention. They often have too much attention spread across across too many directions all at once. Also, not everyone has hyperactive hyperactivity or at least displayed outwardly. The hyperactivity can exist internally in that the brain, even like the nervous system, never stops.
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Filly
And they're questioning the word disorder now as well. So it might be a disorder in certain environments, but in others, others it can actually be an extraordinary advantage. So it's not always a disorder in that it's a bad thing. And after living with Chris.
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Chris
We call.
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Filly
It a lot of his strengths and amazing superpowers because he has ADHD.
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Chris
Attention deficit.
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Chris
Hyperactivity, dude.
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Chris
Or do that?
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Filly
Well, that's my first question. Which type do you identify with, if any?
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Chris
I I've got a different one that I like. I call myself.
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Chris
A hunter, you know, searching, going through the wilderness of life and just hearing. There's I'm very sensitive. There's, there's, there's, you know, what are the senses? Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. I can sense things. I can feel things. You know that.
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Filly
That's that's like the attention, like, hyper hypersensitive.
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Chris
To.
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Filly
All the.
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Chris
Things I'm aware. So it's so it's so the attention deficit thing. I think that's a normies way of trying to understand what, what I do. And clearly I think anyone with ADHD would say that, that they, they it's not so much of a deficit. It's actually a intense in my experience, an intense awareness of stuff. And, and it looks like on the outside that I can't pay attention.
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Chris
No no no no no, my normie friend, what it is, is I'm not paying attention to the things that you're paying attention, because I already have. I've seen that now you've moved on. The next thing I saw that like ages ago when you were, was you were hyper focussed on your one little normie thing. I was, I was being there, done that and, and so, so ADHD like the deficit thing now.
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Filly
Which is what, which is what like like in more new research and like when they're looking at the terminology, that's why they're actually saying ADHD isn't the best label because not everyone has a deficit. For some people with ADHD, they have too much attention, which I think is what you're describing. And again, not that it's bad. I mean, it can get you into trouble sometimes when I'm like, did you do the thing?
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Filly
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Chris
Only in my.
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Filly
Mind then that can like later forgetfulness. Only in your mind.
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Chris
Yeah. So hyperactivity don't like the hyperactivity thing because sometimes hyperactivity, like there's no hyperactivity I can I am very capable of sitting and staring at a wall. Like if you film me and. And what I'm doing, my mind is so on. I'm like, on if I just. I've been watching Stranger Things recently, and if you attach one of those like, things that they put to 11 and they like and they scan her brain, you know, if you did that to me, I'm like staring at a wall.
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Chris
I'm doing this. But then they're like, his heart rate's at 120. He's he's going into the trance. And I'm like this.
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Filly
So so you experience it? Not so much because I don't see it as external hyperactivity. Like you're not like jumping like a little rabbit from here to here. But internally the brain is constantly.
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Chris
On, constantly on. But but I feel like I also I've got a pen in my hand. I've been I've been in my pen over the course of over the course of 46 years. I've accumulated a significant amount of skills. One of those skills is finger twirling a pen.
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Filly
But stimming.
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Chris
Stimming, I have, I have, one of my stems of choice. Well, little dominance.
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Filly
Okay, let's let's stay on track.
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Chris
Shall we? These are these are things I think I just I have my little things and that that's probably where the hyperactivity comes in. Like the fidgeting, jaw clenching. Now, when I'm, when I'm the disorder, part of it comes in when I'm disregard. So swap the d word of disorder to a dysregulation. When I'm, when I'm dysregulated, when my nervous system is off with the whatever it is fairies or firetrucks I stem or clench or fidget or.
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Filly
Yeah, you can.
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Chris
Be.
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Filly
Sort of still scatter too in like a really dysregulated way.
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Chris
So yeah, I also become grumpy as well.
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Filly
And that's usually when you have like an anger outburst and she's like, whoa, that escalated quickly.
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Chris
I also feel like this, my, my unique physical thing that comes into this is just with sport has had a few injuries and things that I wasn't born with that, that also activate my nervous system. And so when I'm when I'm dysregulated, I get the physical expression of, of that stress, you know, like and I might get an ache or a, a joint thing that has more to do with my nervous system being dysregulated than less to do with something that's physically going on.
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Chris
But as we we always talk about this one and the other. So when it comes to ADHD, there is going to be a physical thing that's going on in my body and I become aware of it. It becomes an irritation. It's a scratch to itch kind of thing. If I can't breathe properly in a normal way, for whatever shape or form or reason, if my joints are aching, I will become like, this is where it starts to express more.
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Filly
And this is a good example of ADHD. Like we're only at the tip top of all my questions, and this may be like a part three. Book asked.
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Chris
Welcome back guys. Great to have you back. This is okay.
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Filly
We'll do that if we need to. Okay. Next question. When did you first realise something was different? That's in little speech marks because what even does it mean different.
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Chris
Did you.
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Filly
When did you start? Yeah. When did you start realising that. Oh, I think I might have ADHD.
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Chris
Do you know what? I was talking to my coach Kylie, about this. Shout out Kylie Ryan.
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Filly
And when was that?
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Chris
Oh. This was. Wait. Hang on. When did I talk to Kylie.
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Filly
About it?
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Chris
Oh, 20. I know it's not important. Okay.
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Filly
It might be.
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Chris
2021, 2022. I can't remember anyway. Hey, Kyle's so. And we're talking about things that I used to really enjoy. And let me up back when I was a kid. And and one of those things was singing and dancing and making people laugh and performing and drama. And I squashed that because of other people. You know, my story, my, my, my traumatic experience with a little tea was around people, not, me not fitting in with the with the, the other other kids.
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Filly
Kids. I don't know. Or just any kids.
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Chris
No, no, I just had I always had ideas.
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Chris
I always wanted to make people laugh and enjoy. And so I joined the choir, I did acting and all this sort of stuff. But but I ended up getting kicked out because I.
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Filly
Didn't show up on time.
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Chris
Probably. I can't remember that, but but I remember I would get in trouble for fidgeting or or laughing and having fun. I just thought it was just a course thing in the world. Like, how fun is this, Chris? Get out! Why? Because no having fun in here. I'm like, oh, that sucks. And so, you know, sit still, be good.
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Chris
Stop talking, be good. And so I.
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Filly
Said, it's like a recent experience that we probably won't share publicly.
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Chris
Sure. I don't know what you're talking.
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Filly
About.
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Chris
But anyway, it happens all the time. So but going back in as a little kid, I recall I have a recollection back when I was like grade two in Brisbane back then, what was that, 1988? How I was eight eight.
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Filly
So when you were so is what you're saying eight years old is when you thought you had ADHD.
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Chris
That's the first moment when I realised that I would get in trouble for being Chris.
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Filly
Yeah, okay.
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Chris
And I would get the cane, I got, I got the ruler. Wow.
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Filly
So much older than me. I never got the cane. Maybe it was just.
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Chris
Probably also didn't talk.
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Filly
There was an okay.
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Chris
Teacher and tell her that tell her things.
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Filly
And then what about as an adult? So was it the conversation you were having with Kylie?
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Chris
Like you're. Yeah, well, recalling these things. And so then. Then I was just like, yeah, I squashed a part of myself. And and so back in, back when I was like 7 or 8 and I really squashed that, that performing part of me. And I tried to be small. I tried to be tried to fit in and tried to be normal.
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Filly
It would have been hard trying to be small.
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Chris
As if I can be like, I'm not a small guy. I'm not a, I'm not a, I'm not a quiet kid. And so I really was being an inauthentic copycat. I was a fraud because I was I was trying to be a counterfeit. Counterfeits. The word I was trying to pretend that I was valuable by counterfeiting myself. And and I went through life and eventually, like, it's not hard to find out when someone's a fraud.
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Chris
And that got spotted all the time over and over and, yeah, struggle to to to follow through with things until I really started to work on it. Not squashing myself, not suppressing myself, really allowing myself to be who I am and and not apologise for that, not shame myself. Brought up a whole bunch of other things beliefs about myself.
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Chris
So the first part for me.
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Filly
Can we get into like, things that were helpful in a moment?
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Chris
The first part for me. Stay tuned for that.
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Filly
Okay, so I knew I knew that this wouldn't stay on track. Now, this also tells you that I. I'm either like autistic or neurotypical. I'm not really sure.
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Chris
It's not normal.
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Filly
I'm not normal in terms of I don't have ADHD.
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Chris
No you're not you're not like all those other other other people.
00:15:03:09 - 00:15:30:07
Filly
Okay, sorry. Let's talk about some brain science. And Chris has mentioned some of these in his stories as well. So ADHD brains are wired differently. The research shows that there are some key differences in dopamine regulation. So dopamine is really essential for gold driven behaviour. And in a neurotypical brain, there's a steady trickle of dopamine that occurs that helps in your typical brain to do boring tasks.
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Filly
Things like the dishes, the admin, the to do list. Whereas an ADHD brain often has a like not a steady trickle. So it's kind of like dumps and then there's none and then it dumps and then there's none. And in fact, MRI studies have shown that an aid brain when it has when it is given boring tasks, brain activity actually drops that now like I'm like.
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Chris
Drops dead.
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Filly
Drops dead.
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Chris
Gosh.
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Filly
Another way that the brain is wired differently is there can be executive functioning issues. And this is what Chris was talking about when he mentioned that he it was struggled to follow through with things until he actually understood how to work with his brain. So this might show up as issues with planning, organising, prioritising, managing time. These are often the invisible, unglamorous skills that neurotypical brains do automatically.
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Filly
So you could imagine a neurotypical brain working in a straight line, sequential, logical, step by step versus an 80 brain is more like a global messy web doing all the things. And and sometimes it can feel like everything feels equally important and equally urgent all at once, which then can lead to like analysis paralysis or difficulties with starting something.
00:17:05:13 - 00:17:35:23
Filly
Or you might have started something, but you struggle to follow through. The other two differences are structural differences. So some parts of the ADHD brain are a different size and connected differently to neurotypical brains, and they can also be genetic differences. So a 2023 research party paper, I had 174 genes that appear common in people with dyslexia and ADHD that aren't switched on in non Addie brains.
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Chris
Interesting.
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Filly
So yeah, all of that is really interesting.
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Chris
What does that mean?
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Filly
Well it basically means that it's a it's not because this is a question that that I ponder about some clients and sometimes clients ponder ask the question. To me, it's like, I don't know if I have ADHD or if I just have unprocessed trauma, or if I'm just really stressed, because you can have a lot of these issues that like some of the deficits or the disordered type patterns that show up with ADHD.
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Filly
And and for someone who doesn't have ADHD, and I've seen this with clients who have been misdiagnosed and been on medication, and now they don't need medication anymore, or they weren't on medication, but they're like, I actually don't think I have ADHD anymore because I'm regulated and the beliefs I have about myself a good and my body systems are balanced, whereas what this is telling us is like with the genes and the structural differences and the trickle of dopamine or lack of is that and this is what I've experienced with you, like with all the work that you have done on yourself, you still have ADHD.
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Filly
Yeah. Not because you can't like actually go and do surgery to the brain to change some of those structural, wiring.
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Chris
I've thought about. Yeah. Like so just as a full disclosure, I don't take medication for it other than pasta, carbohydrates, just food. You know, like I and sure, go for it. Do it if you need to.
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Filly
But some people, it's life changing.
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Chris
Yeah.
00:19:10:23 - 00:19:13:04
Filly
There's there's no no.
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Chris
My thought, my thought is. Yeah. Life changing. Like. But why, why is it life changing. So. So this is my this is my thought about like how to fit this into what you and I do. You know, at what point I, you just trying to force yourself to be in a box by taking the drugs so that you can fit in so that you can do the things that other people do so that you can not be, who you are in authentically.
00:19:41:21 - 00:19:57:19
Chris
You know, like, I just see so many people who are on ADHD medication who use it as a masking or a management tool. And I just I'm, I'm not into that sort of thing. I'm not saying that I won't one day, but I don't and I haven't actually ever.
00:19:57:20 - 00:20:03:03
Filly
You don't feel like you've had a need to it because they haven't. It hasn't posed as a big enough problem.
00:20:03:04 - 00:20:09:18
Chris
Sometimes I feel so like tempted for it, but then I just can't be bothered.
00:20:09:20 - 00:20:19:02
Filly
Okay, so around around the wiring of the brain, can you walk me through a typical morning?
00:20:19:04 - 00:20:19:12
Chris
Yeah.
00:20:19:13 - 00:20:23:09
Filly
What does it actually look like from the moment you wake up to I don't know.
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Chris
When you say typical.
00:20:25:20 - 00:20:32:03
Filly
Like it's going to be atypical, isn't it? What is your first, first little piece of the puzzle? It's like ADHD.
00:20:32:04 - 00:20:34:03
Chris
Are you at home or have you gone to work?
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Filly
Well, you can do both.
00:20:35:14 - 00:20:40:13
Chris
All right. If you've gone to work, well, the time pressure's off. So I can just kind of have a little bit of fun.
00:20:40:14 - 00:20:41:07
Filly
So you can get.
00:20:41:07 - 00:21:07:09
Chris
Out of bed. It determines whether or not I have a shower in the morning. You know, if you're if if Filiz gone to work and she's at the clinic, I'll usually take Elsie to school. Elsie starts school at. She lives pretty close. And she'll start school around like 845 or whatever it is. And so we'll get there, you know, leave 8:15, mosey on down there, have a nice little time with else.
00:21:07:10 - 00:21:13:08
Filly
Are you usually like early or on time or how often? Late.
00:21:13:10 - 00:21:14:03
Chris
Never.
00:21:14:03 - 00:21:15:12
Filly
Never late. Really?
00:21:15:13 - 00:21:19:18
Chris
Yeah. No I won't I won't make somebody else late. I'm okay being late myself.
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Filly
Oh what I had on a Sunday morning.
00:21:24:21 - 00:21:52:18
Chris
Don't know. That might be a different thing. So, so with with school, with important things. Maybe so with with else. Get her to school, have a bit of have a bit of connection. That's fun. That's I cherish that. I actually miss taking my oldest to school. She goes to high school now. So typical morning school then I see.
00:21:52:23 - 00:22:01:11
Filly
You like wake up and you have breakfast within 30 minutes and got like a morning routine that you do every day.
00:22:01:13 - 00:22:28:08
Chris
I mean, if I have to, but but usually. Not usually. Usually I would not have breakfast until like about maybe like midday or something like that. Because that's when I'm kind of finished going to the beach and, and chilling out there with my dogs and journaling and all that sort of stuff. But then if I have to work, if I've got some coaching clients, I might be at the beach still doing my coaching calls with my clients.
00:22:28:10 - 00:22:29:18
Filly
You like the variety?
00:22:29:22 - 00:22:42:09
Chris
Yeah. Or maybe. Maybe I might be in the office. In here? In the studio with my coaching clients. But if I don't have any coaching clients, I will generally spend the first half of the day at the beach.
00:22:42:11 - 00:23:05:16
Filly
I think I think something that when executive functioning shows up as a problem is it's often there's a time warp in your brain as well in terms of like how long things are going to take or like, or if you do have to get out of the house. Do you have any or like because in my head it's like, that'll take me five minutes.
00:23:05:16 - 00:23:08:22
Filly
That'll take me 15 minutes. Oh, that's the time.
00:23:08:23 - 00:23:10:06
Chris
That takes a lot of energy.
00:23:10:07 - 00:23:11:12
Filly
Better go do my makeup.
00:23:11:13 - 00:23:12:11
Chris
Figure that out.
00:23:12:11 - 00:23:18:02
Filly
And then I and then I'm. I always, like, leave at the same time for when I need to go somewhere.
00:23:18:06 - 00:23:41:11
Chris
Yes. To me, that's exhausting, because that takes a lot of mental energy for me to force myself to, to be aware of time like that. So. So I usually only am like that when I have to. And I think what works well for me is having an automated calendar that I don't have to schedule people in, have a system where they do all the work my clients book themselves in.
00:23:41:12 - 00:23:57:07
Filly
They it's actually really funny. If a client has had a one on one with you first before me and then after my session, I'm like, so let's book a time. They're like, are you going to send me a link? I'm like, no, let's just do it now. Then you don't have to think about it. They're like, oh, okay.
00:23:57:12 - 00:23:59:12
Filly
Just because we have different processes.
00:23:59:15 - 00:24:23:14
Chris
Yeah. So I'd rather I'd much rather not be responsible for things that are unessential. And so I get people to do, you know, wipe their own bum, oh kind of thing, you know, so to speak. There's a, that's not coming from a place of non non loving or non respecting other people. But I mean it's super it's easy I don't I don't need to look at your calendar.
00:24:23:14 - 00:24:43:08
Chris
I can just give you a link and you can see when you're available and I'm available. It's on the book yourself in I open my calendar, I say hey I've got this person, this person, this person. Today, let me do a bit of research on them. Let me look at what they've been going through, experiencing what are their journals, their outlets like, what's what's happening, what are their emails say.
00:24:43:11 - 00:25:08:07
Chris
And then I can have a conversation with them being on the ball, you know, and I and I love doing that either when I'm going for a walk or I while I'm singing at the beach. And I think that really works for me. I don't I don't like to be locked into her. So when you say a typical morning, what does that even mean?
00:25:08:08 - 00:25:10:10
Chris
Yeah. Chris doesn't have a typical morning.
00:25:10:13 - 00:25:12:23
Filly
Okay. So dopamine are there.
00:25:13:00 - 00:25:13:17
Chris
I have all of it.
00:25:13:17 - 00:25:14:09
Filly
Thanks.
00:25:14:11 - 00:25:15:20
Chris
I have a full serving.
00:25:16:01 - 00:25:22:19
Filly
I'll have six of those. Are there tasks or situations that your brain is just like?
00:25:23:00 - 00:25:25:00
Filly
I do not want to engage.
00:25:25:00 - 00:25:25:20
Chris
With writing.
00:25:25:20 - 00:25:34:16
Filly
No matter how hard you try, even if it's like really important, are there some tasks that your brain just like shuts, shuts down?
00:25:34:22 - 00:25:38:05
Chris
I'm not very good at writing words.
00:25:38:07 - 00:25:42:05
Filly
Whereas when he does right, he's really good at writing. But you find it hard.
00:25:42:07 - 00:26:06:05
Chris
Yeah, I feel like I have to, I have to really. It's almost like a I have to have an explosion for it to, to come up, like it's all if, if you've read something that I've written, that was the first draft and it was the only draft, and there's been no spellcheck and there's been no grammar check, and it's crazy because.
00:26:06:06 - 00:26:07:19
Filly
You don't use AI either.
00:26:07:20 - 00:26:27:13
Chris
No. When I write, I can't use I hate it, I can't stand it. Because it's because it's, it's brain where it's different. I'm like, why are you even talking about oh, you're distracting. And so now nowadays I actually don't I did for a little while use it as a brainstorming tool. But now it's just like, man, what the heck is even talking about?
00:26:27:15 - 00:26:42:22
Chris
Yeah, it's very distracting. So. So I discard it. So if you've ever read anything that I've written, that's 100% me. And and it's been all done in one blast and it's crazy. I could write a 5000 word.
00:26:42:23 - 00:26:57:03
Filly
And. You probably only read something of his every six months, correct? What about on the on the flip side, what gives you a do for me and hit,
00:26:57:05 - 00:27:02:11
Chris
Whatever's the flavour of the day. Really?
00:27:02:13 - 00:27:39:00
Chris
What gives me a dopamine hit? I enjoy? I brainstormed a few things that they all start with the letter S, and I called them my little sparks. But then. Then we came up with a product in our business called spark. So I don't call them sparks anymore. But they all start with this. So, you know, getting some steps in, going for a walk, getting some sleep, having sex, sipping some water, sipping some tea, sparkling water, strange things, snuggles, stranger things, having a stretch massage.
00:27:39:02 - 00:27:54:17
Chris
I used to really enjoy strength training, but now my joints don't enjoy it so much, so I don't enjoy it. I'm much rather go for a walk. And going to the beach, having a swim, playing the guitar, strumming.
00:27:54:19 - 00:28:30:14
Filly
I love it. Awesome. Okay, you mentioned dysregulation before like nervous system dysregulation. So that is actually a key component of ADHD, especially for people where it's showing up as a disorder, where people with an HD brain can be more prone to feeling nervous system dysregulation. And it can be for a few reasons. So either it shows up as all or nothing energy, either going at 100% like hyper focussed on like the new ADHD obsession or project or completely flat.
00:28:30:14 - 00:29:06:01
Filly
So for some people they haven't yet learned to to balance that out. There can also be emotional dysregulation. So big, rapid mood swings that can look like other conditions. In the past, historically, women were often misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, but they just had ADHD and they were dysregulated. There's also a condition called rejection sensitive dysphoria. And so this one it can mean I don't think I see that in you, but I have a question around it.
00:29:06:03 - 00:29:32:10
Filly
But if there's a hint of rejection, some people with ADHD can be really sensitive to that. So it might be like the tone of voice, or if someone says no to them or perceive disapproval that can cause an adult brain to go into a spiral of despair. And it can be a neurological response. And this was really interesting.
00:29:32:10 - 00:30:01:02
Filly
So a child with ADHD has been criticised or corrected an estimated 20,000 more times than a neurotypical child by age of 12. So this kind of accumulation and you even shared that in your story as a kid, it's just like I tried like I ended up masking and trying to fit in because I kept getting in trouble all the time, or I kept getting told that I wasn't doing it right or bad or whatever it is.
00:30:01:02 - 00:30:23:03
Filly
So, so a child with ADHD, especially if it's undiagnosed or there's caregivers or teachers that don't understand how to speak to them in a in an affirmative way, often get caught either lazy or hopeless or not smart enough, bad, wrong, annoying. And those stories.
00:30:23:03 - 00:30:23:12
Chris
Naughty.
00:30:23:13 - 00:30:28:13
Filly
Naughty, naughty is a big one and those stories will follow people into adulthood.
00:30:28:16 - 00:30:41:22
Chris
I have a story. So I was I was eight and I was sitting I remember I'm back to the window and I can't remember the name. I teacher and we were doing something around maths and she goes blah.
00:30:41:22 - 00:30:42:22
Chris
Blah blah blah blah blah.
00:30:42:22 - 00:31:06:09
Chris
Insert words blah blah blah x y z. Okay, good. And then I turn to the person next to me. I'm like, so what do we have to do? And my teacher says, right, you Chris. Come with me after class. You weren't listening. You weren't paying attention. You're in trouble in life. Out nowadays. I would have said to her, yeah, well, you're not a very good teacher because you can't explain things properly.
00:31:06:09 - 00:31:24:11
Chris
But anyway, back then, I didn't have those words. And so I had to write lines. And I remember sitting down and she said, right, you need to write 40 lines. I'm like, oh, okay, that's easy. I thought I was in trouble. So I grabbed my little pencil. I went one line, two, line three, and I drew 40 lines.
00:31:24:11 - 00:31:41:05
Chris
I'm like, man, this is this is really easy. Okay? I said, okay, I've done what? What do I do now? And she's like, are you being a smart aleck? Like, no, this was the first time I ever had lines. And I said, like, I've done it. Oh, she wanted me to use a ruler. I knew it, so I grabbed the ruler.
00:31:41:06 - 00:32:09:05
Chris
One, two, three, 40 lines and white. There you go, miss. Done. And she's like, you disrespectful little idiot. And and I can't, I can't believe how bad you are as x, y, z. Anyway, I'm like, oh, I should have drawn the lines on the lines on the page. Oh, and she's like, you have to write that 40 times.
00:32:09:05 - 00:32:26:08
Chris
I look at the board almost for the first time. I'm like, whatever it said, I'm like, oh, that's going to take a long time for me to write down. It's like, that's why it's a punishment. And I'm like, lines means writing words. Got it? That's not fun. I don't like that. So I remember back then, whoever you were, my grade two teacher.
00:32:26:08 - 00:32:28:13
Chris
Thank you so much, I love you.
00:32:28:15 - 00:32:29:10
Filly
Can you share the.
00:32:29:10 - 00:32:30:16
Filly
Coffee story?
00:32:30:17 - 00:32:32:21
Chris
Because I think that's the other night.
00:32:32:23 - 00:32:33:07
Filly
I think.
00:32:33:07 - 00:32:48:03
Filly
That that's another example of just like I did another thing. And because of all the the accumulated evidence that this teacher has about me, that I'm like, well, but you still would have been in her class that like.
00:32:48:05 - 00:32:50:16
Chris
Oh yeah, yeah. Oh, this is a different teacher.
00:32:50:17 - 00:32:51:07
Filly
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:51:13 - 00:33:10:13
Chris
Did the coffee. Yeah. So so I had a teacher and she would often get her kids in the class to, to go and make her a cup of coffee and oh, my family doesn't drink coffee, so I didn't know how to make it. I thought it was like Milo. So I went and, you know, you know, make Milo.
00:33:10:14 - 00:33:29:15
Chris
I don't know how you make Milo. I make Milo one, two, three at the bottom. Pour in the milk, mix it all up. And she said it was hot. So I'm like, oh, that's a bit weird. So I'll put it in microwave. So I put the milk in the microwave or whatever I did, I can't even remember. And then you sprinkle a little bit on top.
00:33:29:15 - 00:33:50:20
Chris
That's how I do the Milo sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle. You come back and I'm like here you go. No other thoughts. Gave it to her when I sat down and she's like, what is this? I'm like, oh, I just used I used the coffee and she's like, how do you make coffee? I'm like, oh.
00:33:50:22 - 00:33:51:20
Filly
Like Milo.
00:33:52:01 - 00:34:00:01
Chris
Is it like Milo? And she's like, go to the principal's office. So I went to the principal's office. I go, I got the ruler for being being rude and disruptive. Yeah.
00:34:00:02 - 00:34:11:11
Filly
The reason why I said accumulated evidence. Because if it was like, I don't know, like a little, maybe quiet neurotypical girl who did that, she probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble. Maybe.
00:34:11:13 - 00:34:16:04
Chris
She probably would have asked some questions. She probably would have said, I don't know how to make coffee. What do you mean?
00:34:16:05 - 00:34:19:07
Filly
Well, maybe. Coffee rather than like, oh, yay.
00:34:19:08 - 00:34:19:14
Chris
Where does.
00:34:19:14 - 00:34:22:07
Filly
That mean I get out of classroom? Go make the Milo.
00:34:22:08 - 00:34:37:09
Chris
I'm probably discounting. Like, I could just imagine what I would have been like. I would have gone like, no, no, no, no. Oh, there's a ball. Throw the ball at the wall. I would probably been about 20 minutes to go make the coffee. I would have my teacher would have had the best time because she wouldn't have had me in the class.
00:34:37:13 - 00:34:38:20
Chris
Yeah.
00:34:38:22 - 00:34:53:16
Filly
Okay. That's that's tough. Poor little, poor little Chris. So did you did you find as a kid you carried a story around being naughty, bad? Something wrong with you? Lazy?
00:34:53:18 - 00:35:17:16
Chris
Yeah. And also I'm bad at this or I'm. I'm bad at that. I'm not very good at this. I'm not very good at that. I think sport for me was really good at at being an escape mechanism. It's something that I could, I could do without even trying. Although I had experiences when I played football and my friends didn't want to play with me because I was too good.
00:35:17:18 - 00:35:37:00
Chris
So that's kind of like a backhanded compliment. But I had little, little stories like that pop up, around rejection and acceptance and, and things like that. Could be academic, could be in my family. It could be in my social situation. Yeah.
00:35:37:02 - 00:35:49:20
Filly
Did you do you resonate with that rejection sensitivity dysphoria growing up or like, you know, before doing deeper inner work and rewiring beliefs about self and stories about self?
00:35:49:21 - 00:35:54:03
Chris
Yeah. I think.
00:35:54:05 - 00:36:01:11
Chris
Yeah, it's pretty easy to manipulate me reverse psychology wise.
00:36:01:13 - 00:36:17:01
Chris
Like for example, oh, Chris, you you probably wouldn't like it or you probably wouldn't be able to do this or you doubt me. And now you shall witness My Majesty.
00:36:17:03 - 00:36:28:02
Filly
Did you did you find that when you when you understood that you had ADHD, did that help with rewiring stories and belief?
00:36:28:03 - 00:36:42:10
Chris
Not at all. No. Like the understanding was a bit of an excuse, really. It could be. I think. You know what I mean. Like, I think it's a bit of a crock. I, I.
00:36:42:12 - 00:36:50:10
Filly
By the way, this is his personal experience. I have had clients working with us and then they get a diagnosis of ADHD, and all of a sudden it's like, I.
00:36:50:10 - 00:36:51:09
Chris
Can so nice.
00:36:51:09 - 00:37:04:19
Filly
Well, it's like I can rewire now because all the shame that I had around like, patterns that I really hated about myself, that's not because I'm like broken or like, I can't do this.
00:37:04:20 - 00:37:05:16
Chris
When you put it that.
00:37:05:16 - 00:37:08:08
Filly
Way, understanding myself in a different way.
00:37:08:10 - 00:37:09:15
Chris
Maybe that can maybe put.
00:37:09:15 - 00:37:28:11
Filly
It away with let go of stories that were around being flawed. And it's like, oh, this is just my brain. And I would really love to be more regulated. So therefore, you know, it'd be an excuse if you're just using the label as saying, well, this is my get out of jail free card because I have ADHD.
00:37:28:12 - 00:37:52:20
Chris
Yeah, that's what I mean by a crock. So so I'm pretty opposed to, to to that using things as a bit of a excuse. I don't like that for myself. And it kind of irritates me when other people do that too. So I would much rather, go things a different way. However, now I get what you mean.
00:37:52:22 - 00:38:05:11
Chris
Yeah. I suppose it helped me to understand patterns and to be aware of of things and opened up different avenues of investigation.
00:38:05:13 - 00:38:18:19
Filly
I feel like it's softened how I perceive you, because in the past I would have it's just like, it's just it's like being disrespectful or he's being like, lazy.
00:38:18:21 - 00:38:24:22
Chris
Is that why he used to whip me with a cane? But now you've stopped? I like that, I like when you whipped me.
00:38:25:00 - 00:38:26:14
Filly
But it was it. It.
00:38:26:18 - 00:38:27:21
Chris
She never whipped me.
00:38:28:00 - 00:38:28:10
Filly
It was kind.
00:38:28:10 - 00:38:28:20
Chris
Of like I.
00:38:28:20 - 00:38:55:00
Filly
Wanted to. If you. If you could just, like, remember, then you would prove that you love me. I mean, that was also part of my healing work too. Was not personalising everything. But I think, like when we understood even, like, personality quizzes where it's like, well, we're opposite in everything. It's like, oh, so the things that irritate me about you, they're not bad and you're not doing them to irritate me.
00:38:55:00 - 00:39:15:06
Filly
And so then I just like, lowered my expectations around certain things and chose to believe that you aren't or. No, because I had this perception or this belief that it's like you should be the same as me. You should think the same as me and do the same as me. And then it's like, oh, actually, we complement each other in a lot of ways.
00:39:15:07 - 00:39:34:06
Chris
Yeah. I think on in my personal development journey, I had this, had this Eye-Opening awareness, this epiphany of, of that. And I was for, for a long time, I was trying to make people be like me and.
00:39:34:08 - 00:39:34:14
Filly
Yeah.
00:39:34:15 - 00:39:58:23
Chris
And and then therefore, if I could make them be like me, they would like me, you know, and then I would, I would fit in. I was doing that all unconsciously. And so then, then I realised, oh, well, I do not want the world does not want multiple me's running around. One of me is enough and and I am enough.
00:39:58:23 - 00:40:25:11
Chris
And and I'm big and I take up space and and I think getting going back to the acting thing when I've gone in, when I've really, leaned into my authentic self, I'm a better performer, I'm more engaging, I'm more fun to to watch and be around. I do better performance. I tell the truth authentically in imaginary situations.
00:40:25:13 - 00:40:49:20
Chris
I was talking to my one of my acting coaches the other day, Kate and, and we were talking about taking up space and being big and and being truthful. And I think the more I have learnt about myself and how I roll, I can, I can, you know, I don't have to apologise for that. I don't have to.
00:40:49:21 - 00:41:24:10
Chris
I'm not ashamed of who I am and I am so not for everybody. And that's okay, because almost everybody on the planet isn't for me either, and that's fine. So yeah, be be yourself. Learn about yourself. I think that's all important. Learning about ADHD and the little things, the little criticisms was essential. But me personally, the labels, I find the labels less useful than the patterns.
00:41:24:11 - 00:41:29:06
Chris
I think patterns are way more useful. I can I can apply that more.
00:41:29:08 - 00:41:39:22
Filly
Well, it also means like the patterns are changeable, where when someone identifies with a label, it can actually affects the pattern subconsciously. And you know, that.
00:41:39:22 - 00:41:41:05
Chris
Might make it permanent.
00:41:41:07 - 00:42:18:00
Filly
Yeah, yeah. Obviously when you're elastic so we can change it any point in time if we wholeheartedly lean in. But that could be as a potential down for and I have experienced that with other people where it's they just stay stuck because it's like, well, it's because I have ADHD and it's like, but patterns are changeable and you're not fixing or changing the structure of the brain, but you could do something, you could try to do something different in a different way, or think about it in a different way, or have some practical things in place to help you do the things.
00:42:18:02 - 00:42:50:07
Filly
Yeah. Which I guess, the next part I wanted to talk about is the superpowers. So there's a lot of research and just, I guess, like case studies and real life experience that in high stimulus, high stakes or creative environments, many people with ADHD brains don't just cope, they actually thrive. And so a lot of the people who are elite athletes, entertainers, entrepreneurs, innovators, emergency doctors, top chefs.
00:42:50:09 - 00:42:51:07
Filly
Apparently.
00:42:51:08 - 00:42:52:07
Filly
ADHD is.
00:42:52:07 - 00:43:24:07
Filly
Widely overrepresented in all of these fields. And it's not a coincidence. It's actually the way that the ADHD brain has been wired. If it's utilised in a resource way, it can actually there can be some real beautiful superpowers behind it. So some of those are hyperfocus when something generally interests and ADHD brain, it floods with dopamine. And they have this amazing ability in their talking from like.
00:43:24:09 - 00:43:41:12
Filly
Seeing my husband do this time and time and time again, they had this amazing ability to go completely obsessive, brilliantly deep on something that a non ADHD brain struggles to do in that capacity, in that depth.
00:43:41:16 - 00:44:09:03
Chris
Do you know what I actually the word deep for me, I don't know if this is for everybody, but for me I don't actually don't resonate with that word deep. I think broad is better. So I'm, I'm a I'm a matcher I think for, for my conversations with other people who have ADHD similar to me. I'm not sure about everybody, but but here's what I've noticed.
00:44:09:05 - 00:44:41:18
Chris
We're really good at getting around. We're good at seeing aspects where we link things, link points. We take something that we're interested in, and we find another thing that's linking that. So. So in my head and in my heart, we have a web like a, like a whole network of interesting things. So if you if I had to have like a bit of butcher's paper on, on, on the, you know, fish and chip paper on the table, and I had to map out all the things that I've been interested in in my whole life.
00:44:41:21 - 00:44:52:07
Chris
There'd be a I probably need two rolls of it, but but they'd all be linked. It's not like I have something that I get into of.
00:44:52:09 - 00:44:56:19
Filly
Probably why you jump every six months or so. It's just like new obsession.
00:44:56:20 - 00:45:19:01
Chris
Yeah. And for now, this is where, you know, your last question about have has a diagnosis helped me like understanding that that this is actually a really cool thing. Now it will not. The consequence of this is it will not get me deep. It won't get me deep friendships. It won't get me deep connection. It won't get me deep knowledge.
00:45:19:01 - 00:45:21:22
Chris
It won't get me deep awareness. So that's where I had.
00:45:21:23 - 00:45:24:00
Filly
To learn things, really. Like, like.
00:45:24:01 - 00:45:26:19
Chris
But it's not deep, honey. I feel like it's broad.
00:45:26:20 - 00:45:45:21
Filly
Okay, but. But it seems like because of the the like the ADHD hyper focus, you're able to become a mini expert in something pretty quickly. Like, you learn guitar really quickly, but you also put a lot of hours every day into playing it.
00:45:45:22 - 00:45:46:11
Chris
Yeah.
00:45:46:13 - 00:45:54:00
Filly
Same with the garden, although I think the seasons have dropped at the door for me. I don't mean levels have dropped every time. It's just like.
00:45:54:00 - 00:45:54:07
Filly
There's.
00:45:54:07 - 00:45:55:09
Filly
A frost.
00:45:55:11 - 00:45:56:18
Filly
I can't control it.
00:45:56:18 - 00:46:18:11
Chris
There's a significant correlation between my stage performances and acting shows and the effectiveness and the productivity of our garden, our vegetable garden fruits. I think I'm a fruit orchard kind of dude. Less so much of a veggie gardener. Herb dude. Yeah, yeah.
00:46:18:12 - 00:46:19:13
Filly
But anyway, I.
00:46:19:19 - 00:46:20:16
Chris
Do, you know what I mean?
00:46:20:16 - 00:46:34:08
Filly
Like, yeah. Yeah, I used to really dislike that about you. I don't know if I've ever told you that out loud, but I'm like, oh, why can't he just stick to something? He's just been hundreds, thousands of hours and now he's like, ditched it for something else. But now.
00:46:34:09 - 00:46:35:01
Chris
You don't see the.
00:46:35:05 - 00:46:36:09
Filly
Now I love it.
00:46:36:11 - 00:46:39:14
Chris
This is what I mean. Like, it's, it's.
00:46:39:16 - 00:46:40:12
Filly
It's inspiring.
00:46:40:13 - 00:46:43:01
Chris
Some people. Sure. Thanks.
00:46:43:01 - 00:46:44:04
Filly
But to me.
00:46:44:06 - 00:46:45:16
Chris
Thank you for me.
00:46:45:18 - 00:46:48:22
Filly
But I want more of that in my life.
00:46:49:00 - 00:47:14:23
Chris
Well, here's the thing. What what I can't like just because you don't care. Like that's not a dig. But it's just like you don't care. You can't care about the network. Like it's just not interesting to you. It might help you to understand if you could see the network. But you. But you won't see my network. I can't even see it.
00:47:15:00 - 00:47:21:09
Filly
Your network is also different to another person with ADHD network as well, because of all the different parts of you that like with you.
00:47:21:10 - 00:47:34:02
Chris
Yeah, like I really do think it's a web, like you said, or a connection of of stuff that's that's bounce from one thing to the next thing to the next that like dominoes, you know.
00:47:34:03 - 00:47:41:17
Filly
Yeah. Okay. So because when I think about like when I go deep onto something, I'll go, I'll go like deep.
00:47:41:18 - 00:47:53:00
Chris
You are a dot I'll go. You are a seven km deep domino dot. Whereas I have all these different dot options to blend out from. Yeah, sorry.
00:47:53:02 - 00:47:56:08
Filly
But my deepness also has a longer time period as well.
00:47:56:12 - 00:47:57:04
Chris
It has to.
00:47:57:05 - 00:47:57:14
Filly
It's like.
00:47:57:15 - 00:47:57:22
Chris
It's.
00:47:58:03 - 00:48:05:20
Filly
Years, years and years until it's kind of like, oh, like, I feel like I've outgrown that now because I know all the things.
00:48:05:20 - 00:48:06:04
Chris
But that's.
00:48:06:04 - 00:48:14:19
Filly
The really good at it. And so and now I'm not finding that, like, I'm not finding that that passion and that drive to like, go deeper and deeper because I've hit the depth.
00:48:14:20 - 00:48:15:14
Chris
Everyone loves that.
00:48:15:15 - 00:48:17:22
Filly
That's like, now I gotta yeah.
00:48:17:23 - 00:48:38:04
Chris
Like it's your superpower. Like when, if you guys for any of you who've had a connect the dots appointment with Philly Phillies, knowledge and depth is superior to to she's her mentors. Doctor Daniel Kalish has said that she's she's excellent.
00:48:38:06 - 00:48:39:22
Filly
I won the university medal.
00:48:39:23 - 00:48:51:08
Chris
For the university medal. She she has a flippin d like I man you you get deep into things. But but I mean lots.
00:48:51:09 - 00:48:52:05
Filly
But I.
00:48:52:07 - 00:48:54:08
Chris
But you don't have the network in the.
00:48:54:09 - 00:49:01:02
Filly
Well yeah like that flexibility to be able to jump to something else or to hold multiple things.
00:49:01:03 - 00:49:11:18
Chris
I've never met someone who struggles with technology and open tabs as much as my darling wife. Like she she. Someone's so smart.
00:49:11:19 - 00:49:17:19
Filly
She very organised in the house and with my hygiene.
00:49:17:21 - 00:49:39:08
Chris
But this is the thing. Like you are so good at the things that you're so good at, and then the things that you're not really like, you know, it's don't even care and it's just not even important to you. Whereas I scratch the like relative to you, I scratched the surface, but I have lots of scratches, so it looks like I'm deep, but I am.
00:49:39:08 - 00:49:51:09
Chris
I'm all over the I'm all over the place. So it looks like I've, I've got like depth, but I can just bring lots of approaches to the one thing.
00:49:51:10 - 00:49:53:16
Filly
Okay. Some other superpowers.
00:49:53:16 - 00:49:54:12
Chris
Which hyperfocus.
00:49:54:12 - 00:50:04:18
Filly
Which I feel like, I feel like we've touched on with the hyperfocus, is creativity, because the ADHD brain can hold 20 things simultaneously rather than four.
00:50:04:19 - 00:50:06:03
Chris
There's a cost to that.
00:50:06:04 - 00:50:10:08
Filly
There is a cost to that. Burnout or distraction?
00:50:10:10 - 00:50:11:04
Chris
Exhaustion.
00:50:11:04 - 00:50:24:02
Filly
Yeah, yeah. And like the connections and nonlinear, unexpected innovative. So that is why there's a lot of people who are very successful entrepreneurs, innovators like the people who develop things that have never been developed before.
00:50:24:03 - 00:50:41:11
Chris
I think 11 in Stranger Things has got ADHD because she can see different dimensions and she brings things into reality, like what you were just about, say like different, innovators and things like that, like, like 11, they're able to see different dimensions and bring it into the, into the real world.
00:50:41:12 - 00:51:05:11
Filly
Yeah. Like I, I, I definitely yeah. And I definitely and everyone can be everyone is creative. But I kind of think about that too through my lens. Again, I'm not sure if I'm neurotypical or regardless of that, I can say that my creativity isn't the holding like 20 things at once and like mushing it all together. It's the depth of it.
00:51:05:11 - 00:51:06:08
Filly
And then it's like.
00:51:06:08 - 00:51:07:07
Filly
Oh.
00:51:07:09 - 00:51:08:14
Filly
And then like, we could do something.
00:51:08:14 - 00:51:13:10
Filly
There and we could go deeper there, and then it's like, oh, it's this beautiful artwork.
00:51:13:10 - 00:51:27:06
Filly
That is slowly coming to fruition after many, many, many layers. Whereas yours is kind of like, is it pole? Pole? Someone who's the artist that just like, splattered any, you know, became this famous artist?
00:51:27:07 - 00:51:33:12
Chris
I don't know, but if I Google it, I won't, I won't stop looking into it. I'll be interested in it.
00:51:33:14 - 00:51:50:19
Filly
So people with ADHD also thrive under pressure. As I mentioned before, big ideas. So the global nonlinear part of the brain allows different ideas to connect with each other that are unexpected. Yeah. Go.
00:51:50:21 - 00:52:26:15
Chris
I know a friend of mine who's a mentor of mine as well, and he's he's great at big ideas, but he's also very, like implementation like go go go go go like. And I think there's different, different brands of ADHD and there's the, the thinking about this as a stereotype. There's the sales guy, entrepreneur, dictator, director, kind of just imagine all those things wrapped up into one beautiful, wonderful person who can just come up with an idea and just go.
00:52:26:16 - 00:52:28:20
Chris
But.
00:52:28:22 - 00:52:54:20
Chris
But then what suffers on the edge of of that is relationships and their conversation. Their tone of voice is, is very, it can come across as condescending or abrasive or, or nasty, but they're totally not meaning it like that. And when you, when you reflect things back there, actually they this one person in particular, I can I'm just reading your next note.
00:52:54:22 - 00:53:19:05
Chris
Here's just the most loving, caring, wonderful person I've said some I've reflected some things back to him, and then he's just taken it to heart. And it's and it's led to a real emotional conversations with, with this, this person. And, it was awesome. It brought us together as friends and, and and he's a mentor of mine, as I said.
00:53:19:07 - 00:53:30:15
Chris
But anyway, he I think there's different breeds. There's the more arty, arty one, there's the more sciency one, there's the more salesy direct the dictator kind of ones.
00:53:30:17 - 00:53:41:03
Filly
It's the Dharma. If anyone listen to the podcast with doctor Harmony a couple of weeks ago, it's like, whatever your purpose, your passion, your dharma is and whack ADHD on top of that.
00:53:41:05 - 00:53:41:11
Chris
Yeah.
00:53:41:11 - 00:53:43:07
Filly
You're going to like, create a different flavour.
00:53:43:07 - 00:53:51:10
Chris
This is just a little. Yeah. This is the the the ADHD brings something special out. It magnifies it for sure.
00:53:51:12 - 00:54:25:09
Filly
And this is not that. It's the last superpower, but it's the last one I want to talk about is empathy. So many ADHD experts who work in one on one in group settings with people with ADHD found that a standout trait of ADHD is empathy, which is really cool. And I see that increase as well. And that is because, again, the added brain can be wide open to other people's emotions, more highly attuned, very kind, intuitive present.
00:54:25:11 - 00:54:28:14
Filly
Do you resonate with that for yourself?
00:54:28:15 - 00:55:01:00
Chris
Yeah, I see, I come back to that sensitivity, sensitiveness, you know, being being aware of the sensing of of stuff. And this is why I think of myself as a hunter. There's a really cool audiobook that started and didn't finish that is all about, hunters and farmers and farmers are more neurotypical type people. They can they can grow food and they can go with systems and repeated actions, all this sort of stuff.
00:55:01:00 - 00:55:27:07
Chris
Whereas hunters are attuned to the scenarios and the the stuff that's going around in the world and around them. And they've got a purpose. They've got a cause. It's anyway in when it comes to empathy. Empathy is a label. But I think what you could also hone in on is the sensitivity to the sensations that are that are happening.
00:55:27:07 - 00:55:49:14
Chris
And some of that could be a look, it could be a heartbeat, it could be a shoulder rise. It could be when you're talking to somebody, could be a touch. It could be could be the intention behind the touch. It could be the tone of voice. When you say touch, it could be anything, you know, and I think that that that can be labelled as empathy.
00:55:49:16 - 00:55:56:13
Chris
But sensitivity I think is underneath that you can't probably can't have empathy without sensitivity. And.
00:55:56:14 - 00:56:02:02
Filly
Yeah, I mean, I think when you're coaching you're so present.
00:56:02:04 - 00:56:02:14
Chris
Yeah.
00:56:02:15 - 00:56:25:19
Filly
And that's probably also partly time blindness where it's like, you know, not there's not a need to like look at the clock and like, oh, oh, are we running out of time? Yes. But I think also the ability for you to be able to be lost with time is because you can be very present with the person. And I see that with our kids as well.
00:56:25:21 - 00:56:30:05
Filly
With the kids and with us. If you don't have a phone in your hand.
00:56:30:06 - 00:56:34:13
Chris
Or a domino. Yeah. Like because something that I, that I.
00:56:34:14 - 00:56:45:00
Filly
Would also the distracted piece could be that you come out of the presence really quickly because it's like oh, oh funny meme on YouTube.
00:56:45:02 - 00:57:10:21
Chris
Yeah. I can also keep a conversation going really easily, which is, which is a great superpower, but also a pretty bit of big bit of Kryptonite as well. Because because there's always something to link it to, isn't there? And that can be really irritating to some people. A lot of people and I'm sorry, sorry people who have ticked off over the years for doing that.
00:57:10:23 - 00:57:31:16
Chris
But but I also think the superpower of that is that I can you can tell me anything and I'll be interested. Yeah. And I can I can really connect deeply because I've got stuff to, to connect with. And when someone tells me something that I can't connect, I've just got an instant attraction to that because I'm just like.
00:57:31:19 - 00:57:33:12
Filly
I find the connection.
00:57:33:13 - 00:57:34:00
Chris
Yeah, because I had.
00:57:34:00 - 00:57:39:11
Filly
This conversation like, you're like almost automatically trying to find the connection and it's like, oh.
00:57:39:12 - 00:57:55:02
Chris
I had this conversation the other day. Someone told me what they do, and I was like, I do not know what that means. I haven't said those words for a really long time. I've said that to them and they're like, oh, really? It's pretty complicated. I'm like, can you explain? Give it a go? And they explain it.
00:57:55:02 - 00:58:08:11
Chris
I'm like, oh, so it's like this and this, this, this. And they're like, yeah, kind of empathy is really cool. Sensitivity, really cool. Networking bringing things in similarity. In summary, I'm probably.
00:58:08:11 - 00:58:09:03
Filly
Going to be.
00:58:09:05 - 00:58:31:01
Chris
I'm probably really interested in what you have to say about yourself. Good fun at parties, but but more likely to be my breed of my brand of ADHD is happier in the corner. Having a conversation, finding everything out about you and then probably never talking to you, never remembering to text.
00:58:31:01 - 00:58:55:10
Filly
You back. And you like to be a peacock sometimes in group settings as well. Centre of attention. Okay, so to to wrap up all of that, I asked our kids two daughters, two questions. One was, what's the most annoying thing about dad and what's the coolest thing? Or the most inspiring, inspiring thing about dad? And it is very funny because most of it relates to everything that we just talked about.
00:58:55:10 - 00:59:08:07
Filly
I'm going to start off with the coolest thing, because what Poppy said really follows on from what you were just saying. She loves that he's very friendly and he knows everyone.
00:59:08:09 - 00:59:09:07
Filly
That's their presence.
00:59:09:07 - 00:59:15:03
Chris
Feed in multiple cities, in multiple states. I'll be walking down the street, I'll be like, hey.
00:59:15:05 - 00:59:22:04
Filly
It's like, hello. And then like, he'll he'll stop and talk for about an hour. Let me know, learn.
00:59:22:04 - 00:59:22:17
Filly
Everything.
00:59:22:17 - 00:59:25:09
Filly
I can about what you have been doing the last week.
00:59:25:10 - 00:59:29:13
Chris
I'm literally not offended if you tell me you need to go.
00:59:29:15 - 00:59:46:23
Filly
And then Poppy also said he can do many things. He's a jack of all trades were her exact words. And that's so funny because, you know, I was shopping the other day and Poppy said, I can't even remember what we were looking at. Maybe it was a photo frame or something. She's like, I reckon I could make that.
00:59:46:23 - 01:00:10:15
Filly
And then she turned around to me and she said, oh boy, I'm starting to sound like dad. And then she said, and I don't mind that. That was so sweet. Now Elsie, on the other hand, didn't really have much to say, but that's probably because I asked her when Chris was right next to her. So the most inspiring thing is he can't do maths that may or may not have anything to do with ADHD.
01:00:10:17 - 01:00:13:12
Chris
We talked about this.
01:00:13:14 - 01:00:29:04
Filly
And then both of them in terms of the most annoying thing. Well, I else is were a bit funny. He has a spiky beard and he tickles me, so that's probably not so reflective of what we were talking about today. But Poppy's very reflective.
01:00:29:05 - 01:00:41:01
Chris
So I think that's empathy though. Like the tickles because because I don't have to I don't I actually don't have to tickle her anymore. I've given her tickle trauma. Like, I could just go like this and like, I can do, like, a telepathic tickle.
01:00:41:01 - 01:00:59:10
Filly
Now that's so funny. And then for Poppy, she said his time management is one of the most annoying things. He loses track of time. Who's all the time? Poppy. And I said, can you give me an example? And she said, oh, like when he's on the toilet, he literally takes an hour and she's like, these are her words.
01:00:59:11 - 01:01:16:14
Filly
Are you constipated or something? Or are you just losing track of time because you're watching videos on your phone? Probably the latter. And the other annoying thing was, he's so messy he leaves his socks and his nose strips everywhere, especially in my room. And then she said, why?
01:01:16:14 - 01:01:20:20
Filly
What's going on there?
01:01:20:22 - 01:01:23:15
Filly
That's you, babe. That's me. Okay.
01:01:23:17 - 01:01:25:17
Chris
Was what was Elsie's annoying thing?
01:01:25:18 - 01:01:31:17
Filly
Elsie was you have a spiky beard and you tickle me.
01:01:31:19 - 01:01:43:16
Chris
Oh, yeah. Because Elsie and I have a secret handshake I'd show you, but it's secret. And part of that part of that is like a cheat kiss. Cheek kiss, lip kiss, cheek kiss, cheek.
01:01:43:16 - 01:01:45:09
Filly
Kiss, spiky cheeks.
01:01:45:09 - 01:01:54:03
Chris
And so these days, just because of this, these roles that I'm in, I've been shaving and, it gets a little bit spiky at the end of the day.
01:01:54:03 - 01:02:01:02
Filly
Yeah. Okay. We're going to wrap it up with a couple of questions just around.
01:02:01:04 - 01:02:02:00
Chris
A rapid fire.
01:02:02:01 - 01:02:03:06
Filly
A rapid fire questions.
01:02:03:08 - 01:02:04:10
Chris
To do this rapid fire.
01:02:04:11 - 01:02:17:20
Filly
And this is, this is more around like how you have worked with your brain. So some of the things that we're showing up on resourceful for you would love some some tips and tricks for things that have worked for you or things that you've noticed for other people.
01:02:17:21 - 01:02:18:17
Chris
Okay, go.
01:02:18:21 - 01:02:28:14
Filly
Okay, so what's the what's the single best strategy you figured out for working with your ADHD brain?
01:02:28:16 - 01:02:30:03
Chris
Single best.
01:02:30:06 - 01:02:32:13
Filly
One of the best.
01:02:32:15 - 01:02:34:13
Filly
You like this? Too many. It's a web.
01:02:34:17 - 01:03:19:09
Chris
Okay. The concept of the edge and leaning in. I feel like sometimes I can have a massive pull towards something and an urge and a and a and a need and a and I can just kind of ride that wave now. I can, instead of being completely lost to the to the interesting or the dopamine or whatever it is, the concept of the edge is, you know, if something's uncomfortable, it could be uncomfortable to stop, uncomfortable to do, just finding, finding that life comes in waves and and there's always going to be a tipping point or an edge.
01:03:19:14 - 01:03:49:18
Chris
And I think that's been that's been huge for me. And so as you know, corresponding with that breathing, some, some of the practices we do with our clients in our nervous system regulation part, in the past it was mindset shifts and, and doing NLP and other bits of coaching. But but I think is that one thing or is that 65 things.
01:03:49:18 - 01:03:53:17
Filly
But you know that wasn't the best question to ask you.
01:03:53:22 - 01:04:00:06
Chris
What's the one thing one one single thing. Right. Well, let me give you 50 instead.
01:04:00:07 - 01:04:15:08
Filly
What about what about. So with the executive functioning problems that can show up sometimes in terms of doing the thing, getting it complete or even starting it? Have you done anything environmentally wise to help you set. Up so that.
01:04:15:08 - 01:04:17:15
Chris
You're leading? You're leading me? Well.
01:04:17:16 - 01:04:19:19
Filly
I'm giving you some more specific things.
01:04:19:20 - 01:04:44:06
Chris
I like it, so yeah. So I'm I'm a big fan of post-it notes. I think, my productivity system should fit that. Not everybody. But for me, my system should be able to fit on a post-it note. So that's in my head. I'm like, okay, I should be able to summarise this to do list on one post-it note, smaller post-it note, the better.
01:04:44:06 - 01:05:05:18
Chris
And if I can just have that, I know I'm going to get it done. And and anything that doesn't get done, I'm either unclear of it, I need some help, or I don't see the point. And if anybody else wants me to do it, you just looked at the thing that's been up there for a while. So yeah, that definitely fits in with that.
01:05:05:20 - 01:05:13:15
Filly
And I think you get to do for me and hit to when you do complete the projects, you get to take the sticky note off and like do a little basketball shot into the bin.
01:05:13:16 - 01:05:17:02
Filly
It's like I did it. Yeah, yeah.
01:05:17:03 - 01:05:20:09
Chris
Like I got a little here's one I prepared earlier.
01:05:20:10 - 01:05:20:21
Filly
Little.
01:05:20:22 - 01:05:27:08
Filly
He got this out of the bin. What was that. What did you complete there. Said anything exciting.
01:05:27:10 - 01:05:29:06
Chris
Oh actually that was.
01:05:29:08 - 01:05:30:09
Filly
That was just some random.
01:05:30:10 - 01:05:33:01
Chris
Unfortunately, that one was rubbish.
01:05:33:03 - 01:05:36:08
Filly
What about what about time? How do you manage time?
01:05:36:10 - 01:05:56:23
Chris
Time? Manage just a calendar. Use Calendly and get my clients to book in. That syncs up through Google. Google Calendar. And then that goes into my I cal which is in my phone. I take that everywhere with me and. Any toilet, and.
01:05:57:01 - 01:05:57:05
Filly
It's.
01:05:57:06 - 01:05:57:16
Filly
Where you get.
01:05:57:16 - 01:05:58:09
Filly
Stuck in the car.
01:05:58:13 - 01:06:05:23
Filly
Are you looking at it like once in the morning? Or if you got like time is set up for when you have appointments?
01:06:06:01 - 01:06:06:17
Chris
No.
01:06:06:18 - 01:06:09:13
Filly
You look when do you look at it. So you know what's coming up the next day.
01:06:09:15 - 01:06:23:11
Chris
Little as possible. I look at it once. I find I've also made it so that people can't do little sneaky, sneaky assassin bookings unsuspected.
01:06:23:13 - 01:06:28:13
Filly
Oh yeah, because he definitely won't say that. Come through your email if it's like four hours beforehand.
01:06:28:15 - 01:06:47:07
Chris
Yeah. No, I've made it. I've I've set up my system so that there's, you have to book in and so and I have clients who will message me when, when, when they can't book in. And that works for me too, because I'll say, yeah, yeah, I can, I could do this time. How's that sound for you?
01:06:47:09 - 01:06:50:16
Filly
And what about boring things that need to get done?
01:06:50:17 - 01:07:17:13
Chris
I call them fires. So every there's always going to be fires to put out. This is my philosophy. There's always going to be fires are. I thought that one was a fire because pink post-it notes are fires for me. And in my life and anybody's life. If you if you have to, if you if you've set up your life in a way that you're constantly putting out fires, you're going to burn out.
01:07:17:14 - 01:07:36:01
Chris
And I found that for me. And so I, I call the boring things that I have to get done. You know, maybe I've made a commitment or this I've said yes to something that that I, for some reason it's it's so not valuable to me. I'm like, oh.
01:07:36:03 - 01:07:38:05
Chris
Why did I do that?
01:07:38:07 - 01:07:56:04
Chris
That's okay. I'll commit to it. I try not to live my life like that. And and I'm pretty good at sticking to my boundaries. But there are some fires that have to get put out. Yeah. So that's my. That's my way of dealing with it.
01:07:56:05 - 01:07:56:09
Filly
Yeah.
01:07:56:10 - 01:08:24:12
Chris
Cool. I call them fires and I just get them done. And how do how do I get them done. Well they it just becomes the focus. I probably won't get anything if you, if you have a fire that you need me to put out, nothing else will happen. That's it. You become my obsession. And so therefore. Yeah. Well, yeah, you become, you become my obsession.
01:08:24:12 - 01:08:43:11
Chris
And because. Because this fire I've committed to it. And. And so I don't like doing that. I'm not a fan of living my life like that. So I say no to a lot of things that other people probably would say yes to. Don't I like? I'm very comfortable.
01:08:43:11 - 01:08:50:09
Filly
Some things that even make me cringe sometimes, or it's like, you could do that if.
01:08:50:09 - 01:08:52:04
Chris
You were a nice person.
01:08:52:05 - 01:08:55:03
Chris
You brought something up the other night at family dinner about, hey.
01:08:55:08 - 01:08:57:19
Chris
We should we should do this.
01:08:57:19 - 01:08:58:15
Chris
And I'm like.
01:08:58:16 - 01:09:02:08
Chris
No, shut it down. And I'm like, I think I could commit to that. Be great for me.
01:09:02:08 - 01:09:03:06
Filly
And Poppy.
01:09:03:08 - 01:09:11:16
Chris
Well, yeah, you guys could. We won't go into it what it is. But but yeah, you know, like this, this cool thing. I think it'd be cool, but not for me.
01:09:11:17 - 01:09:21:00
Filly
Yeah. Okay. Last question. How have you worked with me and the kids in order to help you work with your brain?
01:09:21:02 - 01:09:23:18
Chris
Oh.
01:09:23:20 - 01:09:26:09
Chris
I don't know how I. Okay, this.
01:09:26:09 - 01:09:26:18
Chris
Is a good.
01:09:26:19 - 01:09:33:04
Filly
There's a lot of things that you have trained me to do that help you to do the things.
01:09:33:05 - 01:09:55:15
Chris
This is the reason I'm struggling to think of it off the top of my head is because I live my life like a scramble up post-it note scramble opera. If I if I implement something, it's done. It's I move on and I have no attachment to it emotionally. So if I've told you to do something and it's happened, great.
01:09:55:16 - 01:10:03:04
Chris
That post-it note in my head has scrambled up and moved on. But if it if it happens, I'm like, why is this, you know, does that make sense?
01:10:03:05 - 01:10:22:14
Filly
Like, yeah. And I think that's probably the top of mind, one that comes like when we're having team meetings, it's I now know that if you haven't written it down, it won't get done because you'll forget about it. And that's something that you have taught me to give you a bit of time to write it down before we move on to the next thing.
01:10:22:14 - 01:10:23:02
Chris
Oh yeah.
01:10:23:03 - 01:10:24:06
Chris
Like if you, if Filiz.
01:10:24:06 - 01:10:25:11
Chris
Like.
01:10:25:13 - 01:10:27:18
Chris
Do things like.
01:10:27:20 - 01:10:42:18
Chris
So what did you say? Oh I've written this down in a notes and I'm like, okay. In the early days I was like, all right, let me have a look at these notes. I'm like, where did you write it down? It's like, right there. I'm like, where? And you're like, right there. I'm like, feel. That is a document that's 76 pages long.
01:10:42:18 - 01:10:47:19
Chris
He's like, yeah. So I've written it down. Like, you're gonna have to boil that down to a post-it note.
01:10:47:20 - 01:11:06:10
Filly
And I think that's true with some home admin stuff. Not that you always write it on a sticky note, but I know that you will action the thing if it's in writing in a text message or Facebook versus me just saying, oh, can you make sure that you put the washing out and put the bin out and the kids have this thing that you have to take them to?
01:11:06:12 - 01:11:13:15
Filly
And maybe that has just been learnt because we've had I've had disappointment where it's just like, you didn't do that thing.
01:11:13:16 - 01:11:15:00
Chris
It's like, all right. Yeah.
01:11:15:05 - 01:11:23:22
Filly
I work with your brain better because I know that you're not doing it because you're lazy. You're just forgetting for the sake of getting. It's just that your brain.
01:11:23:22 - 01:11:42:20
Chris
I didn't even hear it. I heard you, but I didn't hear you like it. Philly. Or say something like, can you? Yeah. Can you hang up the washing? But when? When did she say, oh, there you go. That's a, that's a thing that I've done. I'm like, well, when did you tell me that? I told you this morning.
01:11:42:20 - 01:11:56:21
Chris
When? This morning when I was walking out the door. Where was I? Honey, you were right there in front of me. When I'm standing right in front of you. Was I in the same room looking at you with my notepad in my hand? No. You were doing the dishes. I'm like, right? I was not listening.
01:11:56:22 - 01:11:58:16
Chris
To you sing to you.
01:11:58:22 - 01:11:59:20
Chris
I was doing.
01:11:59:20 - 01:12:01:08
Chris
The dishes.
01:12:01:10 - 01:12:26:19
Filly
And I think one other thing. And maybe this is just a relationship thing, but I think it ties in with ADHD patterns, is when we need to broach a subject, whether and it's going to require a bit more time to unload or unpack or to formulate. It might be like a business thing, or it might be a relationship thing or a personal thing like asking permission.
01:12:26:20 - 01:12:39:20
Filly
Is this a good time to have this conversation? And usually it's not because we're like, especially you. Like you're hyper focussed on something, or I get hyper focus too, which maybe makes me think that I'm autistic, but in a different way that.
01:12:39:20 - 01:12:40:11
Chris
Chris does.
01:12:40:11 - 01:12:44:15
Filly
But I'm like, if I'm in there, I'm like, do not disrupt me.
01:12:44:17 - 01:12:44:21
Chris
Yeah.
01:12:44:22 - 01:12:48:19
Chris
Because I'll come in and I'll be like, oh, like Energiser Bunny. And I'm like.
01:12:48:19 - 01:12:49:19
Chris
Hey, this, this, this.
01:12:49:20 - 01:13:01:19
Chris
This, this. And you're like typing and words and insert. And I'm like, this is not a conversation that's going to happen right now. Yeah. And I'll and I'll stand there I.
01:13:01:21 - 01:13:03:11
Filly
I really want.
01:13:03:13 - 01:13:06:21
Filly
It's like your brain and all the creative downloads just like.
01:13:06:21 - 01:13:08:03
Filly
I need to say it now.
01:13:08:03 - 01:13:27:07
Filly
But I'm like it never works for either of us. So we, we plug like today, for example, we had a team meeting. We had two things that we needed to map out, just you and I not involving staff. And so it's like and I because and this is a conversation we've had over the three weeks and it hasn't gotten done.
01:13:27:07 - 01:13:32:10
Filly
So I'm like, Chris, pull out your calendar, schedule it in I will be there.
01:13:32:11 - 01:13:33:15
Chris
Yeah, yeah.
01:13:33:16 - 01:13:39:23
Chris
Speaking of that, there is something in my calendar that I need to get to. And so we're going to love views and leave use.
01:13:40:00 - 01:13:40:12
Filly
Listen.
01:13:40:14 - 01:13:45:01
Chris
Is that good English love you. And Levy's.
01:13:45:03 - 01:13:52:01
Filly
All right. Thank you everybody. Hopefully you either found that entertaining or learned some things. Probably going to be about yourself.
01:13:52:02 - 01:13:55:11
Chris
Clicked off podcast. You know.
01:13:55:13 - 01:13:57:13
Filly
Like this is a ramble.
01:13:57:15 - 01:14:01:15
Chris
Maybe although that that one that that I did in the car. Do you guys.
01:14:01:15 - 01:14:02:18
Filly
Remember that you had to go?
01:14:02:19 - 01:14:09:02
Chris
I do have to go. I just ate it in something most popular podcast, one of one of them in the last. Yeah.
01:14:09:03 - 01:14:12:08
Filly
Like I haven't looked at the downloads. So funny.
01:14:12:09 - 01:14:16:09
Chris
It's the worst microphone set up that we've had.
01:14:16:10 - 01:14:23:11
Filly
And can we start doing the podcast outside then with the birds chirping in the background? Well grounding on nature.
01:14:23:14 - 01:14:24:04
Filly
01:14:24:06 - 01:14:32:08
Filly
Delicious by.
01:14:32:10 - 01:14:42:10
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:14:42:15 - 01:15:01:03
Chris
You can also rate your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
