00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:55:19
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:55:21 - 00:01:37:19
Filly
Hello! Welcome to the podcast. Today we have got a beautiful podcast all around how to be happy even when things feel tough. Even when you're dealing with struggling with chronic health issues, even when you're people pleasing or even doing, feeling overwhelmed and life isn't going your way. So to dive into this topic, we have invited on the happiness Guy, also known as a Declan Edwards, to dive into how to retrain the brain to create more happiness and a strong link between healing body burnout and cultivating more happiness.
00:01:37:19 - 00:02:10:07
Filly
Because the very interesting thing that we uncovered as we were, having a conversation with Declan was at the root in the foundation of healing, body burnout is essentially rebuilding a beautiful, strong, loving, trusting relationship with self. And based on his personal experience working with many students in his happiness College and the bucket loads of research he has done as he has been studying.
00:02:10:09 - 00:02:32:00
Filly
PhD a is that the foundation of cultivating creating more happiness is also having a beautiful relationship with self. So we talk about that plus a lot more today. I know that you are going to love this episode, and it's going to leave you a little bit more happier. Sorry, a little bit about Declan Edwards, the official stuff.
00:02:32:02 - 00:03:05:17
Filly
He is the founder of b u Happiness College and a researcher dedicated to the no fluff science of feeling and living our best. Whether he's presenting at the United Nations, speaking for the Red cross or Guest lecturing at Bond University, Declan s message is clear happiness is an evidence based skill set, not a stroke of luck. He has helped thousands of students increase their happiness by an average of 57%, by focusing on the science and skill sets that uphold human flourishing.
00:03:05:17 - 00:03:16:16
Filly
He's here today to move us past the surface level fads and into the actual habits that build a great life. Let's dive in.
00:03:16:18 - 00:03:27:12
Chris
Gidday guys, and welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. Jillian and I have a guest on today. We've got Declan. Hey, Declan. How are you going?
00:03:27:14 - 00:03:29:23
Declan
I am well, I'm excited for this one. It's gonna be great.
00:03:30:01 - 00:03:54:23
Filly
Yay! So you have been known or unknown as the happiness Guy? And I can just say it in your face to have big smile. You look happy. Thank you. You can tell when people are, like, forcing happiness and when they are actually happy. So I'm curious how you got into specialising in happiness. Was it connected to your own?
00:03:54:23 - 00:04:07:19
Filly
I guess like burnout experience or an experience where you weren't feeling happy? That then led you to to dive into how do I create more happiness in myself?
00:04:07:21 - 00:04:35:08
Declan
Yeah, a little bit more Colombe for me. I don't know if I'd necessarily call it burnout. That led me to research and study the science of happiness. I think it was more. I spent a lot of formative years of my life remarkably unhappy, and also not knowing what happiness was by my own terms and definition. So I was the kid who was really good at chasing other people's idea of a happy and successful life.
00:04:35:10 - 00:04:47:18
Declan
I was relatively high performing in academics for a little bit there. I was relatively high performing in sports, and I was really good at kind of going, I'll be happy when I excel at this thing in my life.
00:04:47:19 - 00:04:48:06
Filly
00:04:48:08 - 00:05:18:09
Declan
And then I'd excel at it or do relatively well and go, I feel like I've, I don't know, maybe I've drawn a bad deal here because I did what I thought was going to bring me happiness and I don't feel any happier. And thankfully, I was introduced to some great mentors and coaches at the time, and it just seemed like they had this language and this toolkit for understanding happiness not as something that we pursue, not as this fleeting feeling, but as a skill that we can actually cultivate and develop.
00:05:18:09 - 00:05:43:00
Declan
And I remember saying to one of them, why does it feel like you've got this whole toolkit on living a better life that I've just never been exposed to? And he said to me, oh, well, you know, this is the field of research called positive psychology that's dedicated itself to studying human flourishing and happiness and well-being as a scientific pursuit and really understanding what makes life worth living and how do we fulfil our potential.
00:05:43:02 - 00:06:11:20
Declan
And I've been learning from that. And I went, that sounds like a cheat code for a better life and how do I get in? And very thankfully had, previously done a bachelor's degree in health science and health studies. So I was able to then leverage that and go into a postgraduate study in In Happiness, which then, as you mentioned at the start, over the long term, which is more than ten years later now, quite a while now, led to me showing up to like networking events and parties and people like, wait, I think I know you are that, aren't you?
00:06:11:20 - 00:06:23:12
Declan
That happiness guy like you talk about happiness online that happiness is your whole gym and thing. And I remember saying to one of my friends, I was like, no one remembers my day, but they remember me as that happiness guide you guys. You might just need to lated to that.
00:06:23:14 - 00:06:24:03
Filly
And so the.
00:06:24:03 - 00:06:43:09
Declan
Last few years I've, I guess it's worse things to be known as, but I've been referred to as that happiness guy. And I've dedicated my life's work and research to not only understanding happiness as a scientific pursuit and skill set for myself, but teaching that and sharing that and educating others on that to hopefully play my part in making the world as a whole just a little bit happier.
00:06:43:15 - 00:06:44:06
Declan
00:06:44:07 - 00:07:06:12
Filly
I love that. Personally, what did it look like for you before and after? So when you said you found yourself and you actually went that happy, even though you were succeeding and taking goals off, what did that look like? I guess in terms of mentally, emotionally, physically in your life and then what it didn't look like on the other side,
00:07:06:14 - 00:07:32:08
Declan
Beforehand it felt like I was always chasing the next high. I was from a happiness science viewpoint. I now know, as a lot of my approach to happiness was previously built on dopamine and endorphins and built on very quick, fleeting forms of happiness. It was built on success and accomplishment and achievement in taking me wrong. Those are still important in my life, but previously it was all built around that.
00:07:32:08 - 00:07:59:11
Declan
So I would have this fleeting experience of happiness or joy or excitement or pleasure or pride or accomplishment. And I'd have this big crash and in the crash, you know, I would find myself not feeling very good, going through bouts of, you know, depressive symptoms, going through bouts of anxiousness and anxiety, having quite a loud inner critic and a loud, you know, internal voice of judgement.
00:07:59:11 - 00:08:18:17
Declan
And then I would do everything I could to avoid those feelings. I used to fall into the toxic positivity trap of to live a happy life means not feeling those things. And now I adamantly don't believe that at all. I think that's dangerous, but I got really good at repression and distraction and avoidance, and sometimes that would be through food.
00:08:18:17 - 00:08:40:09
Declan
I had a really tough relationship with food for quite a few years, and body dysmorphia and, and disordered eating. Sometimes it would be through, you know, scrolling and mindful as I'm mindless, not mindful, mindless activities. It was just a way to go. I don't like feeling this way. I want to avoid it. And I'm sure, you know, and hopefully your listeners know as well, that works for a short term.
00:08:40:11 - 00:09:05:02
Declan
And then it really bites you in the butt later. And it started biting me in the butt. You know, I found I was, feeling really lethargic and flat in life. I wasn't thinking clearly. And above all else, I felt really disconnected from myself. And I remember saying to one of my early coaches and mentors who introduced me to positive psychology, he said, what do you want at the moment?
00:09:05:02 - 00:09:24:15
Declan
I said, well, to be honest, I'd like to be a bit kinder to myself. I would like to be a bit more confident in myself. I'd like to trust myself more. I'd like to actually like who I am and like the body that I'm in. And he went, okay, cool. So it's like, you know, self-trust, self-care, self connection, self-worth, these all making sense knowing.
00:09:24:15 - 00:09:33:20
Declan
Yes, all of those I want ten scoops of every single one. Yes. All right. They all start with self. Tell me about yourself. And I went.
00:09:33:20 - 00:09:34:15
Filly
Up.
00:09:34:17 - 00:09:52:10
Declan
I can't I got I don't know how to answer I don't know what happiness is to me. I don't know what my values are. I don't know what my strengths are. I don't know really who I am, not outside of the roles I apply for all this. I know who I am, as in like I'm Declan a son, I'm Declan a partner.
00:09:52:10 - 00:10:15:11
Declan
I'm Declan, but who am I for me? And now on the other side of that, you know, I've spent a lot of time getting to know myself and looking inwards rather than repressing and avoiding those thoughts and feelings and thankfully, having the language and the frameworks and the tools and guidance to do that healthily and effectively. And over the years, it's led to me having a really good quality relationship with myself.
00:10:15:13 - 00:10:33:09
Declan
Right. It's very hard to have trust in a stranger or worth in someone you don't know yet. But over the years of getting to know myself, knowing who I am, I'm like on who I have a really nice relationship with me now. And that allows me to then feel a lot better even when life is not going to plan right.
00:10:33:14 - 00:10:48:14
Declan
I'm not here to tell anyone listening to this that as a happiness researcher, you know, and somebody working out of me is a happiness expert that I'm happy every second of every day, I always I feel like happiness is not always my primary feeling, but an element of happiness is always present.
00:10:48:16 - 00:10:49:04
Filly
00:10:49:06 - 00:11:15:04
Declan
Right. Even in even really stressful times, I can normally find a little lens of hope. In really challenging times, I can find an element of pride in grief. In times of loss, I can find an element of love and connection, like happiness I believe is always there. But it may not be always the main feeling. And that's that's been a beautiful thing for me to come to terms with and experience on the other side of spending close to a decade now studying this.
00:11:15:06 - 00:11:19:16
Filly
Yeah, all emotions fit. They're all okay.
00:11:19:18 - 00:11:37:13
Chris
I actually really resonate, Declan, with your with what you said about, if I do this, if I, if I have that, then then I'll be happy. You know, it was, it was chasing the, the. It's like the grass is greener on the other side kind of thing. If I can, if I can go there. One of my favourite books is, is by Doctor Seuss.
00:11:37:13 - 00:11:58:07
Chris
Oh, the places you'll go and there's this, this place that, that he talks about in the book called The Waiting Place. And and he calls it the most useless place people are waiting for a plane to come where blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I've always thought about when because I've used those words that you used before. And when I read Doctor Seuss, I'm like, oh man, that's that's it.
00:11:58:08 - 00:12:18:06
Chris
That's I, I at that point, I was waiting, waiting to do the thing or waiting to have the have the accolades or waiting to, to to win or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then once, once that bus comes, once that thing happens, then then I'm enough, then I'm. Then I'm okay, then I'm good enough. Then I'll be happy, you know.
00:12:18:06 - 00:12:42:23
Chris
But you're you, you're. I found something a different way of of going about it. And I think that relationship with self is an important thing. I'm so glad you talked about relationship with self as, what's the word you had to have that before you could be happy. You know, it was more about how you how you were, your relationship with yourself.
00:12:42:23 - 00:12:48:01
Chris
You know, I think that's just such an amazing insight and so critical.
00:12:48:03 - 00:12:49:00
Filly
Yeah, we say that, for.
00:12:49:00 - 00:13:09:17
Declan
Better or worse. So let's just jump in straight away. But, like, for better or worse, we are stuck with ourselves for the rest of our life, right? So like our relationship with ourselves, I would argue, is the most important relationship that we have, because you better get used to living in your mind because unless you're really, really good, you know, repression and distraction and avoidance.
00:13:09:22 - 00:13:28:01
Declan
What's the the saying is like an unexamined life is not worth living, right? If people are not introspecting and not looking inwards and thoughts and feelings, I would argue that that's a life not worth living, as the ancient Stoics did. I would also argue that if all we're doing is examining, are we actually living like I think there's an element of introspection looking inwards.
00:13:28:01 - 00:13:54:22
Declan
But also to your point, don't just wait around. Take action. Right? Like actually go, hey, this I know enough about myself and I've done enough work and continue to do enough work on my self to then do something with that and do something meaningful with it. Be that meaning that I can be a much more intentional and present parent, or I can be a much more impactful leader, or I can be a much greater contributor to others.
00:13:55:00 - 00:14:10:16
Declan
I think sometimes there's a little trap there of, I know people think personal development just has to be personal. When the best research in the world shows that one of the greatest contributors to happiness and long term well-being is our connection to others. And I we picked tell. So I'm like, yes, do the work, get to know yourself.
00:14:10:18 - 00:14:16:19
Declan
But please, by God, don't just keep it to yourself. I go in and share that with others and connect to others.
00:14:16:20 - 00:14:38:11
Filly
Yeah, I was going to draw a thread too with the relationship with self. So in our practice, like at the root, people get burnt out and have chronic health issues because they break rapport with themselves, they lose connection with themselves. And so it's just very interesting that in order to physically and mentally, emotionally who that relationship has to be re-established.
00:14:38:11 - 00:14:49:15
Filly
And what I'm hearing from you too is it's like, well, that also has to set the foundation for building and creating more happiness inside of you and in your life and sharing it with others. Yeah.
00:14:49:15 - 00:14:57:00
Declan
Yeah, that's spot on. Like this. My my favourite piece of research, if I might just share that here.
00:14:57:02 - 00:14:58:15
Filly
Love research over the last.
00:14:58:15 - 00:15:28:02
Declan
Yeah, my favourite piece in the last ten years I think specifically around happiness is there were some studies coming out of I forget which country it was, was by the Scandinavian countries. I want to say Denmark, because I know they've got a big happiness lab over in Copenhagen. It might have been Finland, but anyway, they found that they could measure the happiness ripple effects, the impact of someone being more intentional about their own self-care, their own well-being, their own happiness, basically being more intentional about gaining the skills and tools and support to show up more consistently as a better version of themselves.
00:15:28:04 - 00:15:32:09
Declan
They could measure the impact of that person up to three degrees of separation.
00:15:32:10 - 00:15:33:07
Filly
Wow.
00:15:33:09 - 00:15:52:15
Declan
So like that person making a choice to look after their wellbeing, their happiness, to learn their body, their health, to show up more consistently is a better version of them, meant that their child's teachers, husband had a measurable change to their happiness. This person might never even meet their child's teachers, husband. Right. And I think that's it's that excites me.
00:15:52:15 - 00:16:19:09
Declan
It energises me because there's this sense of I've dedicated my life's work to this pretty ambitious goal of making the world as a whole a bit happier in my lifetime. If I think about doing that directly on my own, I have no idea how I'm going to do that. But the ripple effect of that work of people showing up more wholeheartedly and more equipped with the skills of happiness, of being able to bring a better version of themselves to their parenting, their partners, their communities, their families, their clients.
00:16:19:11 - 00:16:23:03
Declan
That's what gets me out of bed in the morning. I'm like, that's how we make the world better.
00:16:23:05 - 00:16:38:11
Filly
I love that. So anyone who identifies with people pleasing, rescuing, self-sacrificing, you're actually making people less happy by self-sacrifice in yourself.
00:16:38:13 - 00:16:58:00
Declan
It's not sustainable, right? Like eventually, I'm sure you guys do this too, I'm saying. So if we have a lot of people come through the college who historically have wrestled with people pleasing or undervaluing themselves, maybe feeling some guilt or shame about prioritising themselves. For some people, coming to the college is the first investment they've made into themselves in a long time.
00:16:58:01 - 00:17:28:18
Declan
And it's so exciting seeing the point where they go, oh, this like the greatest gift that I get to give my loved ones is a happy parent, is a happy partner, is like a happy, fulfilled version of me. What a beautiful thing for them to give to their loved ones in the world. So like, I became a dad last year and I am so proud of the work I've done over the last ten years that my son will only ever get to know me is a very true and authentic version of me.
00:17:28:19 - 00:17:46:19
Declan
And that he will get to know me as the best version of myself. That's not saying that I'm always acting as the best version of myself. I still definitely have moments where I wrestle with my thoughts and feelings, but over the years I've gotten a little bit better at taking ownership responsibility for that and having a toolkit to help me get back on track quicker.
00:17:46:20 - 00:17:47:02
Filly
Right.
00:17:47:02 - 00:17:56:02
Declan
What a beautiful gift that my son will get to be raised knowing a happy, fulfilled version of his father. That's so.
00:17:56:04 - 00:17:57:18
Filly
It'll change generations.
00:17:57:20 - 00:18:03:08
Declan
Yeah. Putting myself as a high priority over the years and learning that is the least selfish thing that I could have done.
00:18:03:10 - 00:18:04:05
Filly
00:18:04:07 - 00:18:05:02
Declan
What a gift.
00:18:05:04 - 00:18:12:16
Filly
Yeah. So what do most people get wrong about happiness.
00:18:12:18 - 00:18:28:18
Declan
I think there's two things. One is it's very common to get on. We call it in the research the hedonic treadmill. It's the I'll be happy one trap. So I'll be happy when insert whatever the hell you want afterwards. Right. I'll be happy where I have to pay. Rise the relationship. When I get out of the relationship like they will.
00:18:28:19 - 00:18:46:14
Declan
I'll be happy when I have kids. I'll be happy when the kids finally move out, right? Like we tend to have this to the point where I was born in the US, but I've got a very good Australian accent. I've been here for a long time. It baffles me that the founding fathers of us enshrined in that the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution.
00:18:46:14 - 00:19:07:00
Declan
I'm forgetting at the moment, but the it is an inalienable human right for the pursuit of happiness, like you're allowed to pursue happiness. We didn't say anything about a right of you being allowed to experience it, or it, you realise it. It's like, no, you're allowed to always be chasing. It was basically what was enshrined, right? The pursuit of happiness.
00:19:07:02 - 00:19:23:21
Declan
And like at some point we've got to stop pursuing it. We've got to learn how to cultivate it and nurture it and strengthen it here and now. And so I think that's to this day I still have moments. I'm like, that's the happiness trap. That's the hedonic treadmill. I'm getting stuck in that I'll be happy when the business is doing this.
00:19:23:21 - 00:19:32:21
Declan
So when this happens in my life or when we're through the first six months of having a newborn because we're not sleeping, you know what I mean? Like, it's so easy. The brain likes to chase.
00:19:33:00 - 00:19:33:18
Filly
Yeah.
00:19:33:20 - 00:19:53:22
Declan
And so that practice of coming back and going, how do I cultivate happiness here and now? Yeah, it's really important. I like that. The other one I'll quickly mention, which is a common mistake, is I think people mistakenly think of happiness only in fleeting forms. So very commonly people will say to me, why dedicate your life's work to happiness when it's such a fleeting feeling?
00:19:53:22 - 00:20:21:11
Declan
And I'm like, oh contraire, my friends. There are forms of happiness that are fleeting joy, excitement, enthusiasm, pleasure. Very quick right? But there are forms of happiness that I kind of just have, like low gi, high GI foods. Like you can get a sugar rush. Happiness. Yeah. You can get a low, steady release of happiness. And the low, steady release of happiness is things like contentment, meaning, purpose, contribution, connection.
00:20:21:13 - 00:20:37:19
Declan
Right. Authenticity. Like feeling deeply proud in who you are. Those are still forms of happiness. So when someone says to me, don't focus on happiness, focus on contentment. I'm like, you're basically saying, don't eat chocolate, only eat Cadbury.
00:20:37:21 - 00:20:38:17
Filly
Well.
00:20:38:19 - 00:20:56:13
Declan
Happy is a form of chocolate. It's just a brand for it, right? So like from a happiness research perspective, there's a whole range of emotions that sit underneath this emotional umbrella term that we call happiness. So when I say happiness, yes, I mean joy and pleasure and enthusiasm. But I also made happiness in the form of contentment and.
00:20:56:13 - 00:20:58:14
Filly
Connect, you know? Yeah.
00:20:58:16 - 00:21:18:12
Declan
Stillness, peace. Right? They all sit underneath that happiness umbrella term. And much like a balanced diet, has a blend of all different things, I think a balanced and blended approach to happiness requires us to learn how to notice and savour and strengthen all those different expressions of happiness.
00:21:18:14 - 00:21:19:13
Chris
Like it?
00:21:19:15 - 00:21:33:19
Filly
Yeah. As you were talking, I'm thinking about the good old feel wheel where it has like the five core emotions or the caveman. And I'm pretty sure I have happiness is one of them. But then it's like there's a whole spectrum of how you can experience this emotion.
00:21:33:21 - 00:21:42:03
Declan
It's a very common tool we use at the college to help people expand their emotional awareness and literacy. The feelings of, like, Gloria Wilcox, I think was the first one in the 80s.
00:21:42:05 - 00:22:05:02
Filly
Yeah. So it sounds like to part of the work of cultivating more happiness. We even call it work. The play of cultivating more happiness is changing one's perception on story of what happiness is. Because if someone believes that happiness like top of mind, my brain goes to when I'm like, yeah, I'm so happy.
00:22:05:02 - 00:22:07:19
Declan
Like a smiley face emoji.
00:22:07:21 - 00:22:35:14
Filly
Okay. And if I was to even nuance that, that's kind of like excitement or maybe joy, but not even joy. Happiness is like, yay! Whereas how can even I could even see how that would be blend if there's no negative emotion, but even blends of grief could have happiness in it as well. And frustration could have happiness and confusion could have happiness.
00:22:35:16 - 00:22:45:02
Declan
True, I I'm such a believer now. And there's a saying that if we hope to live a fulfilling life, we must expect that we will experience the full range of human emotion.
00:22:45:03 - 00:22:45:22
Filly
00:22:46:00 - 00:23:04:04
Declan
Right. Living a full, rich life means that all these different feelings are going to come up and if we're able to meet our feelings, be it I try not to use term like positive or negative emotions, I try to lean more into like enjoyable and challenging. So I think as a society we tend to find more emotions a bit more enjoyable.
00:23:04:09 - 00:23:27:15
Declan
Yeah, other emotions a bit more challenging to deal with. But if we can find a way to meet those more challenging ones with emotional intelligence, with emotional awareness and literacy, with curiosity rather than judgements like one of the most common things that happens there is the emotional snowball effect, which is okay, I've told myself I'm going to be a happy, positive person, but I'm actually feeling, quite anxious today.
00:23:27:15 - 00:23:42:02
Declan
And I don't like the fact that I'm anxious. Well, if I judge the fact that I'm anxious all of a sudden, I'm now frustrated that I'm anxious. And if the frustration continues, well, now I'm stressed about how frustrated I am about how anxious I am now. Eventually, I'm overwhelmed by how stressed about how frustrated about how I've time.
00:23:42:05 - 00:23:47:19
Filly
If we just feel this shame and I hate myself, right? Yeah, I can give a bad.
00:23:47:19 - 00:24:14:02
Declan
Person, right? Like if you just let the anxiety be like, hey, I'm noticing some feelings of anxiety today in myself, right? The spaciousness there, they're not. I am anxious today because I'm not I as a human being. I am not anxiety right as a human being. I'm not how I'm feeling happiness. I'm experiencing happiness. I'm noticing it. I'm feeling, noticing, experiencing anxiety or anxiousness and then being able to go, what might that be trying to tell me?
00:24:14:04 - 00:24:19:19
Declan
Like, why is that coming up? What's the positive intent behind it? And just being able to work with it a little bit more compassionately.
00:24:20:01 - 00:24:20:07
Filly
00:24:20:08 - 00:24:21:11
Declan
So much healthier.
00:24:21:13 - 00:24:22:03
Filly
Yeah I.
00:24:22:03 - 00:24:54:19
Chris
Like that. I often think about what's the word political correctness and an aversion to hurting people's feelings and cotton wool bubble wrap type stuff going on. You know, like we I don't think it's nice to go out of one's way and, and bully and belittle and hurt and harm and this with but but, wrapping ourselves up in cotton wool and and and being averse to to having hard experiences in, in life.
00:24:54:21 - 00:25:25:22
Chris
I see that as a, as a fear as of, of really living and, and experiencing the, the range of, of spectrum of, of human emotion and life experience. Right. So, how does fear aversion running away? Compulsively avoiding things because it's hard or it's challenging? How does that fit into to to happiness in, in the research and and in your experience.
00:25:26:00 - 00:25:44:18
Declan
If it's in well I'll, I'll say a couple of things on this. The first thing I'll say is that as someone who has spent over a decade now and is just starting another eight years of research for my PhD work in this area, so it's going to come close to two decades by the time I finish my PhD.
00:25:44:20 - 00:26:15:11
Declan
If studying happiness is a science and a skill set, I can promise you with no hesitation that your brain does not give you if you're happy, right? Like it doesn't care. That's not its job. That's not its priority. That's not what its wired for. Our brain is really, really good at trying to keep us alive. And so naturally, we all have a little thing called the negative cognitive bias, which is basically if ten things go well in a today and two things went wrong, which ones are you thinking about when you lie in bed at night?
00:26:15:11 - 00:26:39:09
Declan
Probably the two that went wrong. Right. And so fear and avoidance and anger and that fight or flight stress response, we are all the great success story of generations upon generations of generations of worst case scenario thinkers. Bless. They're called socks. The downside of that is there's a lot in our life these days that hijacks that system and taps into it.
00:26:39:09 - 00:26:56:20
Declan
The fact that our brain responds with the same fight and flight response to an email that we got that's not worded all that nicely as it would to fighting a bear is probably not conducive to well-being and happiness. Thankfully, we can retrain the brain. We can rewire it. But that does take work. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes time.
00:26:56:22 - 00:27:18:03
Declan
And so what I find very useful is when I find myself or someone else responding out of fear or anger or judgements, I try to make myself or the other person with compassion and just go, oh, their brains doing brain things. They bride's doing what the bride's meant to do. It's not currently prioritising happiness, it's not currently prioritising well-being.
00:27:18:05 - 00:27:39:17
Declan
And that's okay, right? For myself or for them, what are we going to do about it? So and that's where I then try to I've just found over the years that my life is better when I adamantly believe that the vast majority of people in the world are good, and to try to do the best they can with what they have, it's just sometimes they've got really shitty toolkits and shitty strategies.
00:27:39:21 - 00:27:40:12
Filly
00:27:40:14 - 00:28:00:22
Declan
I think people mean well and want to do well. They do sometimes don't have I don't recognise it is a privilege. I was, I was, I took a retreat of members to Africa in 2018, and I was trying to explain to our tour guide, who's a maasai Mara warrior who doesn't even have a bank account. He stores his wealth in cows so that he was apparently quite wealthy.
00:28:00:22 - 00:28:16:10
Declan
People kept commenting on how many cows he had. He'd apparently done quite well for himself. Completely different way of life. And I tried to explain to him for about two weeks what I do for a living. I was like, I research happiness, I guess lecture on it, I coach, I teach people about happiness and how to live a happy life.
00:28:16:12 - 00:28:25:20
Declan
And by the end of the two weeks he turned to me and said, that sounds like a very privileged problem to solve.
00:28:25:22 - 00:28:29:12
Filly
And I went, you know what? Only it is, is.
00:28:29:17 - 00:28:48:09
Declan
And I hope my hope is that around the world, we're able to get to a space where more people are not worried about survival needs, where more people do have the privilege of learning better tools and resources and skills to live a happy life. Because the fact is, the vast majority of people, I would argue, don't live a very happy and fulfilling life.
00:28:48:11 - 00:29:01:09
Declan
They survive. They get by and at the end. And we know this because, you know, Bernie, where he was an Austrian palliative nurse who studied what people regret on their deathbed. One of the most common regrets people had was I regret living a life that was not true to myself, but was the life others expected of me.
00:29:01:11 - 00:29:02:01
Filly
00:29:02:03 - 00:29:07:07
Declan
And while the other most common regrets people had was ivory, I wish that I'd let myself be happier.
00:29:07:09 - 00:29:07:18
Filly
I was, I.
00:29:07:18 - 00:29:14:16
Declan
Think, people listening. Two of the most common five regrets that people have on their deathbed is I didn't live a life true to me, and I wasn't happy. What the fuck's the point of life if we're not doing that?
00:29:14:20 - 00:29:15:04
Filly
00:29:15:06 - 00:29:36:23
Declan
Right. So what I recognise we need to solve is it is a privilege problem to solve. My hope is that we're able to help people have more access. Why do this work? It's why I put so much out for free. Right. I'm like I want people to, no matter where they are in the world, no matter what's going on, to be able to access this research and these tools and hopefully become a little bit more intentional with our happiness as a result.
00:29:37:01 - 00:29:40:11
Filly
The the African guide, was it a little messy?
00:29:40:13 - 00:29:45:00
Declan
Yeah, I got him. He was Maasai, Mara warrior. Great guy, I recommend him.
00:29:45:04 - 00:30:11:07
Filly
I'm curious because I've. I've been in, I stayed in Kenya for about four months in a tiny room in Kenya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm I'm curious. His response. Was it because he was happy and it was kind of like the people that he was around were genuinely happy with what they had in their life, or was it kind of like, how do you make money from teaching people how to be happy?
00:30:11:07 - 00:30:12:14
Declan
Yeah, I think it was more.
00:30:12:14 - 00:30:14:05
Filly
Just the concept.
00:30:14:07 - 00:30:37:01
Declan
Yeah. I think it's more through lens of Maslow's hierarchy. Right. Which was like we are. So we spend eight hours of our day just dedicated to getting fresh water. Like we don't have the time to sit around and think about whether we're happy or not. Right. And so we say this as a society, as countries are able to move out of basic physical survival needs, they move more into those esteem needs.
00:30:37:01 - 00:31:00:15
Declan
Community needs. And I think a lot of the Western world and, you know, wealthier countries are starting to wrestle with this. People are feeling disconnected from each other in themselves. And so whilst our physical needs and survival needs a largely taken care of, there's this gap where we haven't structured society with giving people the tools and resources and language, to be able to then go, okay, how do I form great connection with others and community?
00:31:00:15 - 00:31:18:16
Declan
How do I form good connection to myself and good self esteem, you know, Self-Actualisation how do I feel, fearful of my potential and then past Self-Actualisation, which a lot people don't talk about, you know, past Maslow's hierarchy is meant to be then self-transcendence, which is how do I then transcend myself and give back to others in a way that's sustainable?
00:31:18:18 - 00:31:21:02
Declan
And leave my mark in a positive way?
00:31:21:04 - 00:31:49:09
Filly
Yeah. So it's almost like I think that circles back to the hustle culture of like, okay, well, our basic needs are met. Like, food is on the table. So I'm going to chase after success and achievement and I'm going to be happy, whereas they're actually missing that self connection and self-actualisation and contribution. Yeah. Yeah okay. How do we rewire.
00:31:49:11 - 00:32:04:04
Filly
So if we were talking more about actually cultivating happiness what is and skill sets techniques, how do we rewire the brain to actually start looking for creating amplifying or happiness?
00:32:04:06 - 00:32:25:15
Declan
Yeah, the same way we learn any other skill. This is the thing I want to be clear on. I think sometimes people make the mistake of going technical intangible skills. For example, learning to play an instrument. I've got some guitars behind me right? If someone went, I want to learn to play the guitar. I don't know many people who would start that and expect themselves to be good at playing the guitar immediately.
00:32:25:15 - 00:32:41:07
Declan
Like there's almost this acceptance of, like, I'm probably going to need to get some advice. I might need to learn some stuff off YouTube, I might need to go to a guitar lesson. I might need to, and I'm probably going to suck at it for a while. And we accept that that's part of growth with a technical skill like and a very specific skill.
00:32:41:09 - 00:32:57:06
Declan
But the soft skills or the human skills, things like learning, self, worth and self-knowledge, things like learning emotional intelligence and emotional literacy, things like learning communication skills and interpersonal skills. I noticed a lot of people fall into the trap of like, oh yeah, the habit of, you don't.
00:32:57:08 - 00:32:57:19
Filly
Get a.
00:32:57:20 - 00:32:59:08
Declan
Good at it or you don't.
00:32:59:10 - 00:33:02:19
Filly
Know, like, like, why do you think that? Sorry.
00:33:02:19 - 00:33:07:00
Declan
I think because it's it's not part of our education system. It's starting to be now.
00:33:07:03 - 00:33:08:02
Filly
Yeah. So I think part of.
00:33:08:05 - 00:33:19:02
Declan
Part of the benefit of the education system, which I have a lot of thoughts on. But part of the benefit of it is it does give people and students a chance to go, hey, practice this and you're going to suck at it for a bit, and over time you'll get better. Like your knowledge will improve.
00:33:19:05 - 00:33:20:03
Filly
00:33:20:05 - 00:33:33:05
Declan
I don't know about you, but when I went to school, there was nothing about mindfulness or emotional intelligence or resilience or. Right. And so if we're not learning at school, then we really cross our fingers and hope that we're one of the lucky few people who have very emotionally intelligent parents at home who could teach it.
00:33:33:10 - 00:33:34:02
Filly
00:33:34:04 - 00:33:58:10
Declan
I love my parents. They've fantastic about doing the best they can with what they had. Not remarkably high emotional intelligence, right. As well growing up. Yeah. Getting better now, but. So people are kind of left blind. And I think that then leads to this, we either have it or we don't. I think one of the first steps to training your brain to be happier and training yourself to live a happier life is give yourself permission to suck at happiness for a while.
00:33:58:12 - 00:34:14:17
Declan
Like give yourself permission to go. I'm going to learn about this and probably not understand. I'm going to learn about it and probably stuff it up along the way. At our college that I run Baby Happiness College, we've got members and graduates in six countries now. Our curriculum is built around 75 distinct skills for happiness.
00:34:14:19 - 00:34:15:08
Filly
00:34:15:10 - 00:34:30:13
Declan
There's a lot that the evidence says ties into a happy life. I describe that to people like, it's like learning a language like Latin, to speak another language. You don't need to learn all 75 skills of happiness to live a happy life. Just like you don't need to learn every single word in Spanish to have a conversation.
00:34:30:15 - 00:34:31:06
Filly
00:34:31:08 - 00:34:34:19
Declan
But I do need you to know enough to have a base level.
00:34:34:21 - 00:34:35:07
Filly
Yeah.
00:34:35:09 - 00:35:00:03
Declan
And so our base level, we build it around three overarching categories. So when people first come to the college, we often say, hey, the best that you can practice is personal happiness skills. So your own wellbeing skills learn about stress management. Learn about burnout. Learn about regulating anxiety. Learn about emotional intelligence and literacy. Because if we don't do that, it's hard to do the other skills because our mind and emotions feel so clouded.
00:35:00:05 - 00:35:00:20
Filly
00:35:00:22 - 00:35:27:15
Declan
Right. If I can't ask someone to introspect and to know their values and strengths, if when they look inwards, all they feel is emotional chaos and overwhelm. So we have to learn to regulate the mind and body first. That's our personal happiness skills. Then stage two is our personal growth skills, which is more about expanding your potential. So self-actualisation, this is all about goal setting behaviour change, habit building, you know, being able to change priorities, intention setting, knowing your strengths, knowing your values.
00:35:27:15 - 00:36:01:05
Declan
Right. Like this is more how you're managing your emotions. Well, you're managing your own happiness better. How do we expand your potential? And then the final stage is interpersonal happiness skills, which is that self-transcendence. Hey, you've learnt a lot about how to live a happy life for yourself. You're taking action towards building a happy life for yourself. How do you then use that way more intentionally in your impacts that you have on others, be it through parenting at bay, through being a leader in your workplace or career, be it through you know, just being a good citizen and a good member of your community.
00:36:01:07 - 00:36:18:16
Declan
How do you play your part in spreading a ripple effect to happiness? And I find when people learn that and they go, hey, I'm going to practice this imperfectly and messily and be patient with it, I'm not gonna expect it to happen overnight. Some of the best research in the world says psychological, behavioural and emotional change takes a minimum of three months.
00:36:18:16 - 00:36:31:04
Declan
But those those are three months normally in lab conditions where it's like, hey, we're going to study you for this three months for the behaviour change, and you don't need to go to work for that three months. They're just going to pay you for. It's like, I don't know about you guys. My life is not a lab condition.
00:36:31:06 - 00:36:36:12
Declan
Or if it is, it's like a chaotic, like mad scientist laboratory. And so I say to.
00:36:36:12 - 00:36:37:16
Filly
People like, I got a very if.
00:36:37:16 - 00:37:01:19
Declan
We're going to take yeah, I'm like, you know, any change that matters to you, be it change in your emotions, in your, you know, habits, be it psychological change, it's probably realistically going to take closer to six months, to a year to actually stick and take root. And if you go in with that expectation and acceptance, you're far less likely to get frustrated along the way and quit and give up, because that's not happening quick enough.
00:37:01:21 - 00:37:16:17
Declan
And I think in this particular in this world where everything's so instantaneous. Yes, there's something valuable that's saying, hey, I'm going to I'm going to commit myself to a pursuit for a year to try to get good time. I'm going to practice guitar for a year to see how good I can get it. I'm going to learn Spanish for a year.
00:37:16:19 - 00:37:25:02
Declan
I'm going to learn about the skills and signs of happiness for a year, and practice them to give myself the time to actually, hopefully become good.
00:37:25:04 - 00:37:48:08
Filly
There's so much to the as you were saying, I'm like, yeah, yeah, I see that. Like in clinical practice, like 6 to 12 months is a really solid period of time for someone to not only heal, but to have a deeper transformation and for it to stick. Because of there's space and time that is needed to change neural pathways, which are all connected to everything.
00:37:48:10 - 00:38:08:07
Filly
And then also your three steps were interesting as well because when we have a client working with us, like the first thing is we got to like take out some fires first. And sometimes that might be physical too. It's like you've got really nasty parasites in your gut that are like literally inflaming your gut. But it's also sending inflammatory signals out to the brain.
00:38:08:07 - 00:38:30:16
Filly
So it's like, let's dial up down. And then it's like, get clear in who you want to be and you values. And I find that people will reverse in their progress if they don't move into some sort of like, how do I integrate this into my relationships? You know all very well to do like lovely healing work inside the solitude of your bedroom.
00:38:30:16 - 00:38:42:00
Filly
But if you're not practising or developing those skills to implement and embody an integrated into the world, then it kind of starts fizzling out again.
00:38:42:02 - 00:38:55:11
Declan
Yeah, I don't know if you guys say this in your practice, but I find so many people come to the college and try to start immediately at step three. Yeah, like I'll do an intake session or one of our coaches or do an intake and we're like, why are you here? Like, why do you want to come study happiness at the college?
00:38:55:13 - 00:39:00:23
Declan
And they're like, oh, I think it's going to make me a more mindful and emotionally regulated parent.
00:39:01:01 - 00:39:01:20
Filly
00:39:01:22 - 00:39:15:20
Declan
Well, that's a stage three skill, right? That's about interpersonal happiness skills and impact on others only like, oh, I think it's going to make me a more humanistic and better leader. I've been promoted at my work and, you know, I've never led a team before, and now I want to learn how to lead people. I'm like, okay, good, that's a valid goal.
00:39:15:20 - 00:39:34:15
Declan
But it is a stage three goal. Yeah, right. And I think again, a lot of people who come to the college have this desire to help others, but if it's not built on those foundations of how you managing your own happiness and well-being well, and if you expanded your potential and do you understand who you are, it becomes inherently unsustainable.
00:39:34:16 - 00:39:49:00
Declan
It's like you're building a house on really shaky foundations. And so I'm like, look, I don't wanna take that away from you. I love that you want to help others. I'm not here to say, hey, maybe we shouldn't make the goal, that you're a good parent and that's ditch that goal. That's irrelevant. But like, hey, can we build that on top of.
00:39:49:02 - 00:40:04:09
Declan
I also manage my own happiness really well. I feel really true to who I am and as a by-product, I'm a really good parent. That just leads to better, I don't know. Do you guys find that some people come to you being like, this is actually a little bit more about other people than me?
00:40:04:11 - 00:40:32:16
Filly
Definitely. We, a lot of moms, but often now they'll have the profile of playing the rescuer. The people plays are they're burnt out there isn't resentful that irritable. And then they're feeling guilt and say, then therefore it's like, I gotta heal myself so I can be a better mom. How do I do it? And I'd say, like, yeah, business owners to kind of, from a point of view of like, I can like I'm not showing up the way that I need to.
00:40:32:18 - 00:40:36:18
Filly
So help me heal so I can do this.
00:40:36:19 - 00:40:39:21
Declan
But also do my healing part as quick as possible so I could help stuff.
00:40:39:22 - 00:40:41:07
Filly
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
00:40:41:11 - 00:41:11:02
Chris
But also the preoccupation with the, the, the, the outcome of I am healed or I am, I am 100% symptom free like most of our clients. They've got like some sort of energy, some sort of mood or gut thing going on that's that's not easily solved by a quick nip on down to the GP, pop a pill or or have a have a sleep or take a rest, you know, like that doesn't cut it that and they get body burnout.
00:41:11:02 - 00:41:30:11
Chris
Their body systems stop working. So that's our, our clientele. And so it's natural for them when they're in survival mode, like you're saying before to, to want for, that whole different grass on the green grass is greener on the other side. They want to be they want to they want this done. They want to go what?
00:41:30:12 - 00:41:41:10
Chris
And so they get preoccupied with that, don't they? They. Yeah. I need this now. But they don't focus on the stage one. The level one, you know, themself.
00:41:41:12 - 00:41:53:04
Filly
That's focussed to you comes from a place of judgement like and fear of judgement, which led to someone either not being happy or being burnt out in the first place. Sorry. So interesting.
00:41:53:04 - 00:42:14:20
Declan
That's a good point. I'm glad you brought it up. Chris, that each level also needs to be continually practised for its own sake. Like so when I was saying hey, like level one skills at the college, managing your own emotions in mind. Well, well, when you progressed to level two skills and you're learning about goal setting and habit building and behaviour change, that doesn't give you permission to stop looking after the wellbeing skills.
00:42:14:20 - 00:42:31:21
Declan
Yeah. You know, like okay, yeah, I'm at level two. I like I sometimes use the analogy I, I said to people that would be equivalent to going, well my teeth are clean so I don't need to keep brushing them. No no no your your teeth are clean because you brush them regularly and or if someone's like oh well I feel really fit and healthy at the moment, so I don't need to exercise or eat.
00:42:31:21 - 00:43:03:20
Declan
Well, again, no, you feel fit and healthy because you're exercising well, so it's like you're able to do those level two or level three skills because you're doing the level one skills. Right. And so we need to keep that. So often I find myself reminding our members, and students at the college of that where I'm like, hey, you might have studied this and been practising it for a while, and you're now really excited about learning about these personal growth development skills and feeling like you're living a life of purpose and meaning and expanding your potential.
00:43:03:22 - 00:43:18:02
Declan
But don't forget to regulate stress. Don't forget to check in on burnout. Don't forget to check in on your core wellbeing skills to make sure that your mind and body feel well. Because if that goes like this, why I love the work that you guys do. If that goes out of sync, it's so hard to do the other stuff.
00:43:18:02 - 00:43:29:06
Filly
Well, yes, yes. So good. So for listeners who are listening, people who are listening, I.
00:43:29:07 - 00:43:31:23
Declan
Hope they are.
00:43:32:01 - 00:43:34:06
Chris
Is sleeping.
00:43:34:08 - 00:43:36:10
Filly
Why? Slight noise background.
00:43:36:12 - 00:43:39:20
Declan
And even if you are listening to this while sleeping, I hope you have a lovely dreams.
00:43:39:22 - 00:43:40:21
Filly
Live a new message.
00:43:40:21 - 00:43:44:20
Chris
We need to like wave our hands for everyone who's on mute.
00:43:44:22 - 00:44:13:06
Filly
You can be has just by listening to this and sleeping at the same time. Okay, what I wanted to say was for any listeners who are who, struggle, who is struggling with chronic health issues because I have been there in the past and it is it can feel very debilitating, not just physically, mentally, emotionally, but it can impact every part of life.
00:44:13:08 - 00:44:27:13
Filly
And they're not happy fit they would like to be that would like to start cultivating some of the things that you've been talking about today. What would be awesome first skills or steps that you would recommend starting with,
00:44:27:15 - 00:44:47:10
Declan
Start with any form of mindfulness that feels accessible. So sometimes people think of mindfulness and they think, okay, I need to shave my head on a robe and meditate under a waterfall for three hours a day. Which, if you want to by all means, but you can be mindful in anything you do. You can eat more mindfully and be present with it.
00:44:47:12 - 00:45:02:08
Declan
My favourite experience in mindfulness, actually, I did recently. I've been doing it for many years, but I invited my wife recently to do this with me. Whenever an artist that I really like puts out a new album, I lie on the floor of a room with the lights turned off and listen to the album start to end with my eyes closed.
00:45:02:10 - 00:45:23:11
Declan
It's the most present and grounded I ever feel in life. Is that experience for 30 or 40 minutes, depending on who likes the album, so you can find ways mindfulness is just awareness and presence. It's aware of where we are in our surroundings and how in the world, and being present where we are right now. Practice that. I practice just slowing down, being present where we are in any way, shape or form.
00:45:23:11 - 00:45:39:09
Declan
Do a mindful breath. Listen mindfully like chances are you've been listening to this conversation. If you're anything like me and a lot of people that I made, you've kind of got the podcast going while you're working, or maybe you're driving to work or you doing something like, just listen for the next minute. I just be here, give it, give it your full attention.
00:45:39:09 - 00:46:01:01
Declan
Not because, you know, I've got some egomaniac in me being like, only listen to me for the next 60s. But because it's genuinely good for you to be present. So practice mindfulness would be the first, skill that I think is really valuable for people. The second skill is then practice expanding your emotional awareness and literacy. We cannot hope to be emotionally intelligent if we can't name our own emotions.
00:46:01:03 - 00:46:12:07
Declan
Yeah, and in Australia in particular, we have a huge gap with emotional literacy. The gold standard is we should all be able to recognise, name and distinguish between three distinct emotions.
00:46:12:09 - 00:46:13:06
Filly
00:46:13:08 - 00:46:22:08
Declan
Now I'm a happiness researcher. When I found out that number a few years ago, I was like, I don't even think I can do that. The average in Australia amongst adults is 7 to 8.
00:46:22:10 - 00:46:23:21
Filly
Yeah, well, right.
00:46:23:21 - 00:46:44:05
Declan
So if you say to someone, how you feeling at the moment, the range of vocabulary we have to describe accurately, our inner world in our feelings is 7 or 8 feelings. So understanding a lot of nuance gets lost in that. So download the Feelings Wheel. It's a free resource online. Literally search the feelings. Hope it's yours. Go to town.
00:46:44:07 - 00:46:59:21
Declan
And just start testing yourself to go. How am I feeling today? If I was to only captured in two words I love it. You would check in if you were to capture how you feel in only two words right now. What are the two words that come to mind? Do this regularly and eventually you'll get sick of using the same words, and it'll force you to expand your emotional literacy a little bit.
00:46:59:21 - 00:47:23:05
Declan
Emotional awareness and literally is the first step to emotional intelligence, to practice that one. And then the third skill I'd recommend. So mindfulness the emotional and literacy. Third one practice appreciation and gratitude far more regularly. Right. So that might mean noticing a good moment and savouring it. I find a nice challenge for myself and for others is if you notice you're in a good moment, say verbally out loud, this is a good moment.
00:47:23:07 - 00:47:31:09
Declan
It trains your brain to notice them more and to sit in them more and not be stuck in that fight or flight survival mode. So if you're in a nice moment, be like, oh, this is a nice moment.
00:47:31:10 - 00:47:32:13
Filly
Now that was a nice meal.
00:47:32:14 - 00:47:47:03
Declan
I can just be in it for a second. The other one is retrospectively, you may have been advised before I heard of doing a gratitude journal. I resisted this for many years, even though as a researcher I kept saying it time and time again in journals saying like, this is really good for you. And I went in.
00:47:47:04 - 00:47:48:10
Declan
Not for me, though.
00:47:48:12 - 00:47:50:14
Filly
Too lazy. Yeah, it turns.
00:47:50:14 - 00:48:06:10
Declan
Out I was a stubborn. Turns out it turns out it is actually really good for you. What I found difficult at the start was if I had to sit down and stare at a blank page, And I'd go, okay, what am I grateful for today? And I'd have days where my brain went. Nothing. Today sucked, right?
00:48:06:12 - 00:48:24:09
Declan
And I'd really wrestle with that. So I use prompts and the three prompts I use out what is a small moment that I could feel grateful for today, that I'd normally take for granted. Chances are you've had so many nice little moments in your day that you just overlook trying your brain to find them. And so what were the what was a nice little moment that I can feel grateful for?
00:48:24:13 - 00:48:46:22
Declan
Second one who is somebody else that I feel grateful for today that helps with that? Happiness is inherently, connected to others. Other people's happiness and our relationship to other people is inherently important to our own well-being. So practice appreciation towards other people more. For bonus points. Tell them, whoever you write down your happiness journal of like or your gratitude journal of hey, I feel really grateful for this person.
00:48:47:00 - 00:49:06:04
Declan
Call them, text them, let them know. It is such a beautiful and simple way to spread happiness and joy and gratitude, and to make the world a better place. It saddens me that the best speeches we give about our loved ones are normally at their funeral. Like, yeah, don't don't wait for your loved ones to be dead to tell them how you feel about them, please.
00:49:06:04 - 00:49:28:23
Declan
Like like they deserve to hear it. So do that for bonus points. And then the third one is the hardest one. What is something about yourself that you're grateful for today and why? What is something that you like about yourself? A quality or a trait or something that you can genuinely be proud of? As someone who wrestled for a long time with my own self-image, my body image, my relationship with myself, that was probably the most healing practice that I ever learned to be able to and did.
00:49:29:01 - 00:49:49:07
Declan
So. Some great three things to start with immediately. Some form of mindfulness. I don't care what it is, I don't care how long you do it for. Just start a second one. Expand your emotional literacy. An awareness practice. Those two word check ins. Expand the range of language you have to describe your inner world. And third one, be more appreciative and grateful to watch yourself towards others and towards the little things in life, because they do add up.
00:49:49:09 - 00:50:17:01
Filly
Amazing that, I'm going to practice something right now because as you were talking, I'm like, what emotion am I feeling right now? There's a few. There's gratitude for you and for all the beautiful work that you do. And, I don't know, there's like not I wouldn't use the word paced, but there's a stillness in my heart and I don't know if that is an emotion.
00:50:17:01 - 00:50:35:21
Filly
Stillness. And. Joy. It's not quiet joy though. The way I said that I'm like joy is a joy. So this is, there's a flavour on an employee.
00:50:35:23 - 00:50:53:05
Declan
Yeah. This is an exact real world example of people practising it this way. You'd use the feelings we to go at something near joy. So the feelings will be grouped into similar like cousin feelings. So I'd recommend get a feeling. So there's a few different ones out there, because no single wheel has every human emotion on it and be like, hey, here's joy, what are the ones around it?
00:50:53:05 - 00:50:58:07
Declan
And you might find you like, that's what I was feeling at that podcast. That's the one. Right.
00:50:58:07 - 00:51:08:15
Filly
So Yeah. So good. Okay. Now you have a book coming out. I do in July. It's not out yet July 1st.
00:51:08:15 - 00:51:15:04
Declan
So in Australia 1st of July, overseas 1st of August and I think audiobook on audible and Spotify in August as well.
00:51:15:08 - 00:51:27:08
Filly
And they're saying so how to be happy. Stop chasing happiness. Learn the five skills to create it instead. And I'm guessing it's going to dive deep into everything that we talked about today.
00:51:27:10 - 00:51:37:06
Declan
Yeah, there's a whole chapter at the start on emotional intelligence. There's a whole chapter dedicated to introspection and knowing yourself like so much that we touched on this is like the deep dive into it.
00:51:37:08 - 00:51:51:07
Filly
Yeah. Awesome. So I'm going to put that in the show notes. Everyone can grab a copy of that book. And you've also got a free micro class, The Skills and Science of Happiness. Can you talk into a little bit about that and what's in that.
00:51:51:07 - 00:52:09:12
Declan
Yeah. So I tell people that it's a 35 ish minute, micro class, because I think I went for about 40 minutes and said I was going to do 30. I get excited about this stuff. I love sharing it. But I wanted to put out a free micro class that just helps people lay the foundations for better understanding happiness.
00:52:09:14 - 00:52:32:01
Declan
We spoke a bit about it today in our conversation of there's a lot of myths and misconceptions about happiness that actually block people from living a happy life. And so this is I kind of went if I was just put out something for free, that didn't take a lot of time, that would help people much better understand what happiness actually is by the science and the research, and form a much firmer foundation for them to then build their happiness skills.
00:52:32:01 - 00:52:43:12
Declan
On top of this is what it would be. And so my team and I went to put that together as a class. We're just going to make this free to the world and and give it out. So you've enjoyed learning a little bit from me today. Definitely jump on and learn that as well.
00:52:43:14 - 00:52:52:12
Filly
Awesome. I'll pop that in the show notes as well. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. And lots of exciting things.
00:52:52:12 - 00:53:10:15
Declan
A little tease too, for your listeners. I'm I'm extra enthused by the end of this conversation about, you guys are jumping over onto my podcast, How to Be Happy as well. I'm so keen. I already know we're gonna have a conversation around. I have historically and traditionally thought about burnout a lot through the lens of psychological burnout.
00:53:10:15 - 00:53:20:20
Declan
And I'm su became to dive into body burnout and physiological burnout so well, for those who can't get enough of you guys just on your show, make sure they come across and hear you on my show as well.
00:53:20:22 - 00:53:23:22
Filly
Have a have a listen to it from a different angle.
00:53:24:00 - 00:53:27:17
Declan
Yeah, yeah, put you guys in the hotseat. It'll be great.
00:53:27:19 - 00:53:30:07
Filly
All right. Well thank you so much.
00:53:30:09 - 00:53:34:18
Declan
Thank you.
00:53:34:20 - 00:53:44:22
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:53:45:00 - 00:54:03:07
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Hey, have the best day ever!
