00:00:03:07 - 00:00:16:23
Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:00:17:00 - 00:00:24:21
Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:00:25:00 - 00:00:38:04
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:00:38:05 - 00:00:46:07
Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:00:46:10 - 00:00:56:16
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:00:56:18 - 00:01:35:21
Chris
G'day guys, and welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Out Show. Okay. So today I want to do a, a wee episode on, something that I've been talking to a few clients about recently, and this is something that that I have spoken to Filly about a lot in the past, and I have what we call out come together meetings or we have these, these times where we can come together and we have a chat about rules and, and things that are important to us in our relationship.
00:01:35:23 - 00:02:01:20
Chris
And there's a couple of things that that have come up in our chats together. And some of them, things that are really important to her, to Phillipa. Some of them are really important to me. Some of them, so important to Fili, but not so much to me. And I don't get why they're important to her.
00:02:01:22 - 00:02:22:18
Chris
And we're not talking about things that, You know, some people in the world might side with Filly. They might say, oh, yeah, that's an excellent idea. I believe that, too. I think that's really critical. I think that's important. Other people might be more on my side of things and say, oh, that the. Why is that such a big deal for you?
00:02:22:18 - 00:02:44:19
Chris
That's not so important. And, you know, whatever's coming to your mind is coming to your mind. It doesn't really matter the point. I don't want to go into it too much in this podcast, but the main point that I want to get at is that in our relationships, we have rules, we have guidelines, we have boundaries. We have things that are okay.
00:02:44:19 - 00:03:12:12
Chris
Things are not okay. There's some things that Fili and I both agree on that we're like, yeah, absolutely. I think our relationship is the best that it can be. If this rule is followed, I think our relationship will be atrocious if we allow this to happen. And so Filly and I get on the same page, and if we choose to.
00:03:12:14 - 00:03:33:22
Chris
If either one of us choose to, to not adhere to those rules or to to break those rules, it's just like, you know, a rule in a, in a game, like a rule that's broken in basketball, for example, you know, might be a foul, might be a technical foul, or it might be, you get too many of these fouls and you sent off, you're gone.
00:03:34:00 - 00:03:56:00
Chris
And that could be like our relationship, our marriage. Too many fouls, and you're out. See? Later, Chris. Or see you later. So by you rule break, you're gone. You're out of here. You know, that might be like our relationship. So what rules do you have in your relationship? What boundaries do you have in your relationships?
00:03:56:01 - 00:04:22:09
Chris
What's a red card for you? What's a straight off flagrant foul ejection. Get. Get out. Gone. See you later. You know not you're not allowed to play anymore. You know, a play in my relationship. What's a you know, they've stepped out of the out of out of light, out of, out of what's the word? You step out of the court, out of bounds.
00:04:22:09 - 00:04:44:02
Chris
What's out of bounds? You know, you're not a bad person. You're going to burn in hell. It's no grounds for divorce, but they're, they're out of bounds that they've crossed the line. What's that like for you in your relationship? I've got a got a rule. This is just the first one that I can think of.
00:04:44:02 - 00:05:14:18
Chris
That's that's actually a really important one. Both of us value sleep. Both of us value rest and recovery. We both, also value business. We also value freedom and self-development. We are also in business together. We also have ideas. We're very creative. Both of us are creative. And at our best, we work together. We stick to our strengths.
00:05:14:20 - 00:05:45:20
Chris
Philly is a fantastic researcher. She's amazing at taking really complex thoughts, and she's really, really good at at, putting it all together. She can she can read something and remember it. Me, on the other hand, I'm creative in that I, I see breadth, I see around things. I can see very wide, a wide, girth of, of information and knowledge.
00:05:45:22 - 00:06:17:23
Chris
I'm always around things. I'm always on top of things. Sometimes I can be a little bit superficial in my, my knowledge of stuff like science and and things like that, because I just and more fascinated by application and different contexts and blah, blah, blah, blah blah. And I can get around things I, I see it, it I see things, laterally I diverge in my thinking fully converges.
00:06:17:23 - 00:06:54:07
Chris
She sees depths, in our relationship, we, strong in different areas at night time when it comes to going to bed. And I have a rule. No business, no client talk, no emails, no text messages, no conversations about you guys know, no podcast stuff, no books up night, no anything other than, either. Love and family. There's no problems before bed.
00:06:54:08 - 00:07:20:05
Chris
We we don't bring these things up right before bed. We'd rather sleep on it and talk about it in the morning, or have a conversation throughout the day so that by the end of the day, we're at our place. Clean, and we feel good. We can just knock off, and it's we're good to go for sleep. So that's a really important rule for us in our in our marriage.
00:07:20:07 - 00:08:06:23
Chris
And we've talked about that before in this podcast, but I was talking to some clients recently around rules and boundaries, and one client in particular I was talking to, and they they had this beautiful ability to to be sensitive. They've got this wonderful skill set of sensitivity and the, the benefit of that, the beauty of that, the gift in that is that they can feel so much they, they have such connection to intuition and, and emotion and, other sensations that, that it's just what a, what a profound gift.
00:08:06:23 - 00:08:48:04
Chris
It's such a wonderful, wonderful skill set that they have. And they don't have to really try and feel compare to other clients that I've got who, less sensitive. I compared, the sensitive clients to, like, a car, like a real touchy car. Something that is kind of like, you know, that that car game at the cinemas that, I can't remember what it's called Indianapolis 500 or something like that was at the cinemas.
00:08:48:06 - 00:09:08:08
Chris
Almost every cinema you'd go to, there was this car and you'd sit in it and you drive it. I'd put $2 in and my car would just be up against the wall and crashing. I just couldn't quite figure out the trick to keeping my car on the road. Other people were like, right? They knew a trick. They could play the play the game.
00:09:08:10 - 00:09:45:22
Chris
I couldn't quite keep my car off the barriers. And I think that's like this, this client that I'm talking about and, they had this innate sensitivity that they, they could really, really, really feel. However, the double edged sword, the consequence of that sensitivity is that they had, challenge staying on track. They just were getting beat up that were they were, against the guardrails that were getting that were crashing and burning because they'd, been too sensitive.
00:09:46:00 - 00:10:19:18
Chris
They were getting into relationships where the boundaries were being crossed over and over again. The lines were being crossed. There was foul's being called, but they let them go. They got into situations in their personal lives, not just in their, their intimate relationship, but also in professional relationships where their boundaries were being crossed. That was sensitive. And this cold, this caused crashes and burns.
00:10:19:20 - 00:10:49:06
Chris
And if you, feeling burned out because you have had your boundaries crossed over or fouls that just have gone left and cold and all that sort of stuff, if you sticking with my analogy, maybe you feel like you've crashed and burned out as well compared to other clients I've had, and their sensitivity is more like a, like a big old rust bucket, like a 1950s.
00:10:49:10 - 00:11:18:20
Chris
I'm not really good with cars, something that is really rusty and no power steering. And then their issue is it's not sensitive at all. They are crashing and burning because they aren't able to control themselves, because when they try and steer, when they try and stay on track, they try and correct their movement, all that sort of stuff, bang their against the guardrails because it's really hard to steer their life.
00:11:18:22 - 00:11:28:06
Chris
So two different types of people, really sensitive, not sensitive, much at all.
00:11:28:08 - 00:11:54:06
Chris
I mean, there is some sensitivity, but there are rust bucket in this analogy. So the boundaries, the rules are important. But what you've got to work on is a little bit different depending on who you are. Are you more of a rust bucket yourself listener, or are you more of a, highly tuned, sensitive vehicle, so to speak?
00:11:54:08 - 00:12:20:23
Chris
Do you feel like you, being taken advantage of? Do you feel like your sensitivity is causing you to crash, or do you feel like you just aren't ensuring you aren't feeling what you're feeling? You don't know what you're feeling. You find it hard to to follow your intuition because you just kind of don't really know what that means.
00:12:20:23 - 00:12:57:18
Chris
Logically, depending on which car you are depends on what you need to do next. So if you're a, a car that is over steering, that's oversensitive, you probably need to work on balance in your life. You probably need to to work on rules and recognising how to play the game. You know, some I'd go to cinemas and I watch those guys and girls play that Indy 500 or whatever it was called game, and they just get through level off the level.
00:12:57:18 - 00:13:21:04
Chris
They do lots and lots and laps and I'd be like, man, how do you even do that? How are you not crashing? I'm like, I just I just know the trick. I guess far out. And, you know, I just chose not to invest many gold coins into that game, so I didn't get really good at it. But those other people, they they knew the trick they'd invested.
00:13:21:05 - 00:13:55:13
Chris
They'd put time and money into it. And so they were good at it. They were good at the game. You know, if you are a sensitive person and you feel like you've crashed and burned because you keep going off track and you feel like you do have an intuition, you feel like you do have gut feelings, you do have instant, you do have rules, you do have boundaries, but you feel like you haven't quite found out how to stay on track, or your job is to, listen to your intuition.
00:13:55:15 - 00:14:44:03
Chris
Your job is to, follow your senses. Your your job is to create rules that, high level rules. Not rules based out of insecurity and fear and shame, but rules that are the best of you, making up rules for, the best for you, if that makes sense. So sometimes we can we can see that people will make rules that, it's the it's the, not the worst version of them making the rules, but it's a lower the low, low road kind of version of them making the rules.
00:14:44:03 - 00:15:13:04
Chris
It's the wounded victim version of them making the rules. It's based out of fear. It's based out of scarcity, based out of victimhood. So grow up, level up, find your boundaries, know what they are being. Tune with yourself. Stand up for yourself. Have some balance. Learn the trick. Get some coaching. Stay on track. Don't crash and burn.
00:15:13:06 - 00:15:35:23
Chris
If you're a sensitive person, that's fantastic. It's not a problem until it is. So if you feel like it has reached a problem, then, I think one of the best things to do is to come up with a a map for yourself and, and a rule book. It's like, this is who I want to be.
00:15:36:01 - 00:15:59:14
Chris
This is what I want for my life. This is who I want in my life. This is how they show up. This is how I show up. This is not okay. This is okay. This is straight out of the cards. If this happens, it's a red flag. Gone. See you later. This is a green flag. And, I love this.
00:15:59:14 - 00:16:29:09
Chris
I want more of this in my life. So if you're really sensitive, I think creating a document that outlines what you love, and what and who you love is a really profound and important thing to do. It's kind of like a love letter for yourself. Okay? And if you feel like you are, the other more of, like, a rust bucket, so to speak, and you feel like you're not super sensitive.
00:16:29:11 - 00:16:55:04
Chris
I think somatic practices where you can get in touch with yourself, literally like touch you, you feel yourself that can, I guess that might be my mind, but that can kind of sound a little bit like something, but really feel yourself like really, feel what it feels like to touch your shoulders, to touch your hand, to touch your heart, to touch your chest, to touch, your legs.
00:16:55:06 - 00:17:18:07
Chris
You know, other parts. You know, what does that feel like for you? Go outside into the sun and let the sun touch you. What is the sun feel like on your shirt? Take your shirt off. What does the sun feel like on your on your bare skin? What, if you walk out in your shoes on the grass, what does that feel like in your shoes?
00:17:18:07 - 00:17:44:05
Chris
On the grass? If you took your shoes and socks off and you stood in the grass, what does that feel like? That's interesting. What happens if you wiggle your toes? What does that feel like? Can you feel your toes? Can you move each individual toe? Start learning sensitivity. Start learning sensation. And there's a few senses out there. There is the sensation of touch.
00:17:44:07 - 00:18:28:07
Chris
There's the sensation of hearing. So practising what you're hearing, there's the sensation of smell and sight taste and just really. And this is very basic, but practice feeling, practice feeling what your body is feeling. Practice hearing what you hear, noticing what you notice. And then start to train that start to be more aware of that. And you'll start to notice that some things, subjectively more pleasurable to you, you might enjoy certain things, you might enjoy standing in the grass with bare feet, but maybe not on an artist.
00:18:28:09 - 00:18:55:18
Chris
Or maybe you enjoy standing on the, sand, but not super hot sand. Maybe you enjoy standing in the cold water, but not, certain degree of cold water. Maybe you enjoy walking with shoes on on the road, but not barefoot. You know what? What is enjoyable for you? What feels good for you? Now you can start writing your own rule book.
00:18:55:20 - 00:19:38:07
Chris
What feels good? This feels good. That doesn't feel good. This. This is nice. This isn't so nice. I flat out am disgusted by this. You know what? It what might it be? It might be toast. You might get the nicest organic, alternative, beautiful bread, I love it. Plug to you guys. However, if you put it in the toaster for, like, five minutes and it comes out black, maybe that's not super pleasurable to your palate to your taste buds, or to your health because it's carcinogenic in you having charcoal.
00:19:38:09 - 00:20:15:03
Chris
You know what? What feels nice for you? If you're a rust bucket, so to speak, start training your. This is nice muscle. Does that make sense? And there's many, many ways to do that. After a wall rust bucket, you might also start to notice that you. I believe that you do have an intuition. I believe that you do have a gut feeling and an instinct, but it just might be, practised.
00:20:15:05 - 00:20:40:04
Chris
You might have turned that awareness off a long time ago. When you're a little boy, a little girl. So start noticing when you start noticing physically. Oh, this is nice. Oh, this isn't so nice. I like this or flat out. This is disgusting. I've got an aversion to this, or I have an attraction to this. When you start training that you might also start to pre-empt things.
00:20:40:06 - 00:21:13:20
Chris
What I mean by that is, might start to think, gee, if I keep that toast in there for another second, it's going to go from being delicious and crunchy primal alternative bread to being black charcoal pretty much smoke alarms going to go off kind of bread. And that is your intuition. And when you start focusing on your sensations and you really start to train that you can get better at following your intuition as well.
00:21:13:22 - 00:21:43:15
Chris
This is just this is one strategy as super simple, so different, different strategies for different different people. You've got rust buckets and you've got, what's that? What's the opposite of a rust bucket? What are we going to call that, like a McLaren? I don't know much about cars. Like, you're this beautiful, finely tuned formula X, y, z car that's very sensitive, very responsive.
00:21:43:17 - 00:22:09:13
Chris
So depending on who you are or how you are, you might approach this differently. I didn't finish rust buckets. You also can start to create a document for what feels good in your life. As you start to learn more about yourself you can also create a document for. This is nice, I like this. I want more of this in my life.
00:22:09:15 - 00:22:35:14
Chris
And so you both rust buckets and McLarens, you can create a document of love, enjoyment of the best of you, wanting the best for you. I hope this all makes sense. Leave us a comment in the, down below. And, if you have any questions, I'd love to hear it. This bit of bit of a ramble for me today.
00:22:35:14 - 00:23:00:02
Chris
That's, not surprising. I was planning on one thing. And, just after some conversations with clients, I felt like, you know what? I can riff on this. I got a few thoughts. What's that? 22 minutes of of thoughts has the best week ever. I'll chat to you another time. So. Yeah.
00:23:00:04 - 00:23:10:06
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:23:10:08 - 00:23:42:21
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
00:23:42:23 - 00:23:43:08
Chris
For.
