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Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending Body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
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Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal.
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Filly
And it's a major contributor.
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Filly
To health issues.
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Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
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Filly
So get ready to heal your body, get your spark back deeply, connect.
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Filly
With yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
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Chris
Let's dive in.
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Chris
Great guys, and welcome to this episode of the Ending Body Burnout Show. Merry Christmas, and, we're excited to be able to bring this episode to you at this wonderful time of year. It's.
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Filly
All about shopping addiction.
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Chris
Yeah, that's.
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Filly
It. And scarcity.
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Chris
It shows that it's not that this is not the reason for addictions. But it shows up a lot. You know, this time of year.
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Filly
Yeah. We.
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Filly
So, I mean.
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Filly
This is actually what we're going to talk about today came from one of our listeners sent through a topic that she wanted us to talk about. When I first read it, I'm like, oh, how does oh, is that kind of like in scope with ending body burnout?
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Filly
So actually, it absolutely is.
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Filly
So when we think about shopping addiction, scarcity around money or overspending, it's all symptoms. They're all symptoms, they're all signs. And it is something that we have seen a lot with our clients who are in body burnout. So I think it might be useful for you as well. And the reason why we're doing it right now, or why we're releasing this before Christmas, is there's been the Black Friday sales.
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Filly
There's been, what is it, Cyber Monday? Then there's the Christmas season.
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Filly
So people are in the shopping.
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Filly
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Filly
Habits.
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Filly
So you might notice that things are ramping up for you around shopping. Or maybe it's just like, I just struggle with this all year round.
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Chris
I mean, at the end of the day, I love a good conspiracy theory, and I love looking at, manipulation and marketing and all this sort of stuff. At the end of the day. Jolly old Saint Nicholas is marketing the one of the best marketing. Campaigns in the history of the world. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, it's all the same.
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Chris
It's it just plays into humanity's desire to accumulate and purchase and need and have and miss out on things when they latch onto something that is meaningful, like the real meaning of Christmas. The birth of the Saviour. It's, you know, it actually is is muddying, muddying a beautiful water. Anyway, do.
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Filly
We want to talk about that instead?
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Chris
No, no, I just want to segway, a little bit, but but I I'm I'm a big fan of, freedom as, as you guys all know. And, manipulation and marketing and, and, influence, it all comes out at this time of the year. That's not the, the problem.
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Filly
The problem is it's feeding on insecurity.
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Chris
It's feeding on insecurity.
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Filly
It's feeding on the root causes of what we'll talk about today. Yeah.
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Chris
And and it's kind of comes out at this time of year in droves.
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Filly
Yeah. And if you're noticing signs, symptoms of this, it is often connected with what you've been out. But again it's just it's not it's not like I have health issues. And I also have shopping or like money issues. It's one in the same. At the end of the day, it all comes back to the same root.
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Filly
Yeah. So I might.
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Filly
Read, the listeners question or kind of like her thoughts around this. And then we'll dive into the episode. So she said, I'd love to hear you guys talking to the connection between burnout and shopping addiction, hoarding, struggling to declutter, FOMO of purchasing items sales is struggling to let go of items I've noticed in myself and others that shopping interests reduce when feeling healthier and joyful in life.
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Chris
Super insightful, super insightful.
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Filly
Especially that last sentence now just fit scope of today's episode I decided to we decided to just focus on the shopping side of things. I feel like hoarding and decluttering could be a whole different episode. Similar stuff happening underneath the surface, but we'll just focus on the shopping side of things for today.
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Filly
So if you have.
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Filly
Been online shopping at 2 a.m. for Christmas gifts.
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Filly
Or at midnight if you.
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Filly
Can't resist the Black Friday, the Cyber Monday, the Boxing Day sales, if your credit card is maxed, that you're still scrolling.
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Filly
If you feel.
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Filly
Shame about unopened packages.
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Filly
Or the clutter.
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Filly
If you buy things and then you feel frustrated with yourself. The shame there's guilt. This episode is for.
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Filly
You.
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Filly
And we're going to dig into it. We're looking at it through. The scope of this can be a symptom of body burnout. Maybe not for everyone, but definitely for some people. It can show up. We also want to look.
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Filly
At.
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Filly
What's underneath the surface, what's actually happening underneath the surface. So let's dig into like some specifics around how this shows up. So if we're talking about shopping addictions, scarcity, seeing is it's kind of like the Christmas season as well. People are buying stuff for other people. We thought we'd throw that into the mix as well. So it can commonly show off.
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Filly
Is buying stuff for the self to either distract the self or to self-soothe or to comfort self. Kind of in a similar way that someone might emotionally et or maybe scroll on their phone. You might be buying stuff on sale out of scarcity.
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Filly
It's kind of like it's 50% off now, or like this special rate is going to disappear in 48 hours. Quick buy, buy, buy.
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Filly
And then later on it's like, actually didn't need that. But now I've got the thing.
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Filly
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Filly
It might also show up if you are in burnout and you're exhausted that often. Damp is down. Decision fatigue or it causes decision fatigue.
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Chris
Still.
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Filly
Damn stiff.
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Chris
And but it bread's down.
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Filly
It breaths. So it can lead to something called decision fatigue. And that actually might show up in your buying habits where it's kind of like, I can't logically, practically think about buying the things I'll just buy all the things. Like, especially maybe if you got children and you buying them stuff at Christmas is just like.
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Filly
I.
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Filly
Just like anything that I see. I will buy it. Or it might be the opposite, where the decision fatigue has set in. And there's just like, powerlessness around purchasing things. And in terms of buying stuff for others.
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Filly
Say.
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Filly
It's lovely, lovely thing to do, especially if your love language is gifts.
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Filly
Or the.
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Filly
Person you're giving a gift to is they love gifts. But if you're buying stuff for others out of people pleasing obligation, external validation kind of like where I've got to get the perfect gift or I've got to spend X amount of money. So when I give this present to this person, they will love me. They will know that I it's kind of like trying to prove your.
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Filly
Worth.
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Filly
And also trying to make someone happy, but it can be driven from a place of fear. Scarcity. I have to, like, go over and beyond to make sure people love me. So I might do that through buying them stuff.
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Chris
It's the archetype of, the martyr. You know, I give my life for for others, a rescue, a rescue, a tendency, heck, even the the the archetype of the prostitute I give of my body. I give you my soul for the pleasure of others. It's all kind of different, but bit of the same sort of ilk, isn't it?
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Filly
Yeah. For me personally, like, I actually don't resonate with this pattern. I.
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Filly
Because.
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Filly
My pattern is there or was the complete opposite. So when I was very dysregulated, when I was running a lot of dysfunctional beliefs and patterns and I was burnt out and sick, the more burnt out and the more dysregulated I became, the more I didn't spend money. So for me, and this might resonate for someone else, the pattern was everything's scary.
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Filly
I'm going to, I don't I'm going to if I spend my money, I'm going to go bankrupt. I'm going to end up homeless. I'm going to have nothing. So therefore but not the bridges. I don't know what that saying is.
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Chris
Tighten up the breaches that make it free. You make your make your belt tighter. Make sure, You you've been stingy. So just think about what why why someone's pants would be baggy.
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Filly
Because they're not eating anything.
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Chris
So you tighten up the breaches. The breeches.
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Filly
Yeah. Okay.
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Filly
It's like the Scrooge. The Scrooge effect. And that came from a place of fear. It still came from all the same reasons as to why someone would actually spend more money and buy more stuff and accumulate more things and potentially, like over give to others as well.
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Chris
However, the other the other side of of you know, you might not have had that experience, but I definitely I can definitely resonate with the overspending.
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Filly
Yeah. Well when we when.
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Filly
We got together, I paid all your debts.
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Filly
Dude.
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Chris
She's she you seem to have a little. If this sounds like a silly issue.
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Filly
That's. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.
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Chris
What? Dude, do.
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Filly
You need to.
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Filly
Work on that a little bit?
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Chris
I think this is. This is amazing.
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Filly
Well, it's just.
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Filly
Like you would if you.
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Filly
Want to get into it. Right?
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Filly
Maddie?
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Chris
Yeah, I just I'm. You seem. Charles.
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Filly
No, I'm okay about it now, but it was like. It was. It made your conflict, you know?
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Filly
Are you?
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Filly
It was a major conflict in our marriage.
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Filly
And, look, it will come up still now.
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Filly
And it's just like. Chris.
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Filly
Yeah.
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Filly
Like, do.
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Chris
You reckon, listeners, does it sound like you're in charge? It feels like.
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Filly
Really? Do we really need.
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Filly
Another special sleeping bag?
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Chris
We actually do need three.
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Filly
No we.
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Filly
Don't. It's going to be way too hot where we're going. Oh I will use a sheet.
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Chris
Three sheets.
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Filly
Yeah. Anyway, so.
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Chris
What I was what I was getting at before you got distracted by your, insecurities is that, I definitely can resonate with, what the listeners said. Let me have words. When she's in a healthier flow state, she feels like she's she's less prone to to this dysfunctional pattern. And, so when she's the.
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Chris
So what's what's the way. So flow full state equals, more empowered living, less dysfunctional patterns, not flow full state, able to to be susceptible to a dysfunctional pattern of spending FOMO.
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Filly
Escaping escape, avoiding fitting in a potentially unhealthy way.
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Chris
About it like a Panadol. This is this is like a Panadol, right? You're in in a in an uncomfortable state. You got a headache. And your flip flip the little packet open, pop a couple of pills, little glass works. An hour later, the the discomfort is gone, right? This is the Panadol. And a lot of times will will search for as humans will search for some sort of quick fix to take away the pain or the discomfort.
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Chris
So the discomfort could be something existential. Might be about us, might be about life or all the things. And so we reach for the Panadol might not be literally a Panadol, it might be a pair of golf clubs or something like that.
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Filly
So, I mean, when I was.
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Filly
Reflecting on this listeners question to.
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Filly
Should get, I was like, oh yeah, that.
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Filly
I if I think about my spending habits.
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Filly
When I'm.
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Filly
Regulated, healthy, well feeling flow.
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Filly
Full. I actually don't.
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Filly
Know if I spend more money. But definitely the spent the the emotion underneath the spending is spacious, abundant. Excited, fun, playful.
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Chris
You're you go into your higher, state of of play, joy, expression, love connection like you get you.
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Filly
Can't get excited about spending money. I'm like, I want to go on that retreat. And it's a few thousand dollars. I'm so excited.
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Chris
I don't I don't like the worth spending. For you, it's still kind of like a little bit insecurity kind of kind of thing, but. But what you will do if we just take the semantics out is you will enjoy life like that's what you'll do when you're in your, your highest state. When you are empowered in your in your, at your best, you will you're just you're just fun.
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Chris
Do you want.
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Filly
To have a coaching session.
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Filly
With me right now? It's like I'm.
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Filly
Sensing that there's still a little bit of insecurity.
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Filly
Yeah, I guess like, maybe if I'm using the word spending. Spending? I don't know if I have.
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Chris
To pay for it.
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Filly
You know, if I have any charge underneath that invests, like I invest in.
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Filly
Just paying for retreat. It's just.
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Chris
The toll you pay the toll to get to the other side.
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Filly
Pay the toll.
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Chris
You want to go have fun. So you pay the pay the money.
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Filly
Pay and spend.
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Filly
Is. It's different to me. They feel the same. And this is I mean okay, little learning here.
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Filly
People.
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Filly
Is that everyone will have their own meaning making around certain words as well. So my question always is to myself or to a client is does this feel resourceful and resourceful? If I'm being very honest, the spending is okay. But I got a bit charged when I said I paid your debt. Chris. So I think that Chris is holding on to flavours of that, and now he's looking for more of that in my language.
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Chris
And, and it's I don't know okay. So I might if I might be in that kind of movie if I'm just like.
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Filly
Parking, if I'm being really honest, we're about to.
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Filly
I.
00;15;17;17 - 00;15;19;22
Filly
Spontaneously.
00;15;19;25 - 00;15;21;17
Filly
So we're about to go on a four week.
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Filly
Road trip.
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Filly
We're going to drive from Tasmania to Rockhampton or like Melbourne to Rock Canyon, because we can't drive over the ocean. But we'll take a boat, we'll.
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Chris
Drive into the ferry.
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Filly
And that came from a place of my daughter had a dream. We'll probably do a podcast on the road. But, Elsie had a dream that she went to Queensland. She's like, I really would love to go to Queensland and me in my.
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Filly
Flow for the.
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Filly
Highest state. In that moment, I'm like, let's make it happen. Jumped online, bought some tickets. And then Chris has been spending a lot more money than I thought.
00;16;01;12 - 00;16;04;12
Filly
This holiday would cost.
00;16;04;15 - 00;16;06;26
Filly
Because now is like, now we need a rooftop tent.
00;16;06;26 - 00;16;12;13
Filly
To. Now we need this, and now we need that. So, sorry would say perhaps.
00;16;12;13 - 00;16;18;03
Filly
Yeah, there's probably like a little bit of kind of just.
00;16;18;06 - 00;16;22;03
Filly
Work through some things with this holiday which you like. What a gift.
00;16;22;07 - 00;16;24;25
Filly
I have to go to the next level.
00;16;24;28 - 00;16;26;22
Filly
And feel release or.
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Filly
Control. And Chris is organising the whole holiday. All I did was booked the tickets to Spirit of Tasmania, thank goodness.
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Filly
And this is the first.
00;16;34;29 - 00;16;36;07
Filly
Time I've ever.
00;16;36;07 - 00;16;39;28
Filly
Relinquished full control of a holiday.
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Filly
And Chris has actually wanted to organise the holiday, which is also really nice.
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Filly
If so, it's a new level of growth people.
00;16;46;23 - 00;16;57;23
Chris
If if it was up to me to book the tickets, we wouldn't be going on this tour, wouldn't be booked, we wouldn't because I'd be still googling like the right type of rooftop tent.
00;16;57;25 - 00;17;00;03
Filly
Okay. Yeah. All right.
00;17;00;03 - 00;17;04;26
Filly
So what's happening at the root of all this? Let's get back to the topic because I'm talking about me. This is.
00;17;04;26 - 00;17;16;10
Chris
Fun. Okay. So. Okay. Yeah. This is why we do what we do, because we're really interested. This is like, not only what we're we're good at and trained at, we actually really enjoy.
00;17;16;13 - 00;17;21;29
Filly
We also need your body. It digs chinks.
00;17;22;02 - 00;17;32;24
Filly
It's just like, yeah, okay. If I'm being really honest and I'm not masking or pretending that I don't know, this turf is bringing some stuff.
00;17;32;24 - 00;17;36;17
Filly
Up and I'm working through it. Okay, I.
00;17;36;17 - 00;17;38;13
Filly
Pay your debts anyway.
00;17;38;18 - 00;17;57;19
Chris
Amazing. I can, can I go back to what I was, what I was saying, about, like, when when when I'm in my, Sorry. When listeners in her flow full state, she she feels like she can live more functionally. She doesn't have the dysfunctional pattern of FOMO and fear based dysfunction.
00;17;57;21 - 00;18;00;04
Filly
Yeah. And needing to buy stuff to feel good.
00;18;00;04 - 00;18;38;17
Chris
Have to need to got to must do should do all that sort of stuff. Yeah. So I can resonate with that. When I'm in a victim mentality, when I'm, when I'm a victim to my circumstance, when I have allowed myself to, to be pushed over and and I take it and I'm, you know, these I don't know if this resonates with anybody, but but when, when life is happening to me, and I want to escape from that when, when I feel like I'm a little bit pressured or I just need some, some time by myself, or I just need everybody go away.
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Chris
Chris. Just need some Chris time. Dad need some dad time, blah blah blah. I feel good when I'm solving problems and some of the problems that I like to solve, thing when I'm in this mentality is, you know, what would be really good is if I have the thing to do the stuff, and that would be really cool, like, have the tool and it might be literally a tool, tool, like a what's the word like a drill or drill bit or a shovel or, or something to get the thing done.
00;19;11;25 - 00;19;31;08
Chris
But it's something that I don't have that I want to have so that I can do the thing. That's victim mentality. That's have to be, it could also be, you know, what would be really good is if instead of having, Airbnb, we have a rooftop tent to sleep in, that would be really cool. And then we could do the holiday.
00;19;31;08 - 00;19;56;02
Chris
That would be really cool. And then we could be happy. Or if we could have, this particular tool, like a software tools, and we could be able to do something and then we could be able to have or be blah, blah, blah victim mentality when, when I'm in victim mentality, clear like, hello is, spending.
00;19;56;04 - 00;20;14;24
Chris
And I feel like this is something that that I definitely don't feel like I run it as much, but sometimes I it's like, oh, wow, that's interesting. I've just popped into that pattern again. Why why why have I gone there. So that's interesting.
00;20;14;26 - 00;20;16;18
Filly
I feel like if.
00;20;16;18 - 00;20;29;28
Filly
We use the holiday as an example, maybe there's something a better example. But I think sometimes too it might be a like a safety thing like with you certainty.
00;20;29;29 - 00;20;31;05
Filly
Yeah. If you.
00;20;31;07 - 00;20;49;00
Filly
If you get into a unresolvable pattern of like we need this and we need this and we need this and we need this, it's kind of like your brain suddenly looked. It's kind of like, I feel like I don't know if it was conditioned straight on me, but it's like, I need to make sure all bases are covered so that we don't get stuck.
00;20;49;02 - 00;21;02;22
Chris
I think. So my dad was military. His dad was military. So I come from a long line of either criminals or military. What's the difference? Just kidding.
00;21;02;24 - 00;21;04;16
Filly
Maybe not, but I think, like.
00;21;04;18 - 00;21;22;27
Filly
And I wouldn't say that that would be in all areas, but it's definitely I've noticed that it's I think it's showing up and you can correct me if I'm wrong with this, this four week road trip where we go in like out back and we're going to places where we don't know because I'm like, we don't, we don't need to jerry cans.
00;21;22;27 - 00;21;25;00
Filly
Like surely there's going to be petrol stations. It will be.
00;21;25;00 - 00;21;28;21
Filly
Right. Yeah. Like, no. But what if we're not.
00;21;28;24 - 00;21;30;03
Filly
It's kind of like zombie.
00;21;30;03 - 00;21;35;12
Filly
A pocket of a pack. Up up up up up apocalypse. Chris comes out.
00;21;35;12 - 00;21;36;11
Chris
What just happened.
00;21;36;11 - 00;21;39;28
Filly
There? I have to make sure I've got the Taj Mahal of all things.
00;21;40;05 - 00;21;40;18
Filly
For this.
00;21;40;18 - 00;21;43;15
Filly
Adventure. Same of we go hiking.
00;21;43;15 - 00;21;50;25
Filly
It's just like you're taking a long time to pack for a five hour, to hike up a mountain.
00;21;50;27 - 00;22;03;09
Chris
So welcome everybody to our deep and meaningful conversation between Phil and myself. We hope you've enjoyed this conversation. Phil and I, will be back with some, after we've had some words with herself.
00;22;03;14 - 00;22;08;06
Filly
Okay. Anyway, so let's get back to shopping. I mean, because all of this is, I mean.
00;22;08;06 - 00;22;14;02
Filly
Everything that Chris and I have kind of been unpacking in real time around each other for ourselves.
00;22;14;03 - 00;22;18;18
Chris
Welcome, everybody, to being the fly on the wall while we unpack this stuff with us.
00;22;18;20 - 00;22;19;06
Filly
There's going to be.
00;22;19;06 - 00;22;22;00
Filly
Stuff that comes back to childhood programming.
00;22;22;03 - 00;22;22;25
Filly
Yeah. You know.
00;22;22;25 - 00;22;24;15
Filly
Chris just mentioned Army.
00;22;24;22 - 00;22;26;11
Filly
Criminal.
00;22;26;14 - 00;22;28;18
Filly
I mean, I, I feel like.
00;22;28;20 - 00;22;30;22
Chris
That was hundreds of years ago. The criminal part, by the.
00;22;30;22 - 00;22;32;07
Filly
Way, I feel like some of this.
00;22;32;07 - 00;22;37;20
Filly
Scarcity patterns with because in my childhood there was bankruptcy at one point,
00;22;37;23 - 00;22;38;07
Filly
We also.
00;22;38;07 - 00;23;01;23
Filly
Worked really hard, like I was at, I'm to say every day of it is probably like only in the holidays. So maybe once on the weekend in my dad's flower farm pot. Planting bulbs in frozen soil and getting like $3 an hour and saving my pennies. So there was stuff there. And and it's going to be different for everyone.
00;23;01;23 - 00;23;27;19
Filly
So if you're someone who is stuck in a pattern of like just over buying for yourself, there might be things like, well, maybe in your childhood you felt loved when you got gifts because you were not receiving love or having your emotional needs met in a different way. And so, you know, then that becomes patterned and programmed.
00;23;27;21 - 00;23;49;24
Filly
Maybe, you had a parent who said, well, you can only get that thing when it's on sale or we can't afford that. You can only have that. And as a little child, a child is always thinking, what just happened? What does it mean about me? So potentially you might have internalised things like, I can only have nice things when they're on sale.
00;23;49;24 - 00;24;18;23
Filly
And then that could, project as an adult in terms of like buying with scarcity when there's sales and then like regretting your decision afterwards when it's just like a half hour out. I did it again. I don't need the thing, but it's always coming from a place. If I have to prove that I'm good enough. So underneath all of the patterns, even if they're coming from childhood programming, there's always going to be a deep, unconscious core belief of not enoughness, broken, unlovable, not worthy.
00;24;18;25 - 00;24;20;13
Filly
Whatever it is.
00;24;20;15 - 00;24;21;04
Chris
And it's somewhere.
00;24;21;08 - 00;24;29;17
Filly
Yeah. And if we're thinking about like, Christmas time, if you're shopping for others and you're like, far out, I'm like, why are you even doing.
00;24;29;17 - 00;24;31;04
Filly
This.
00;24;31;06 - 00;25;01;27
Filly
Again? There might be things where, Like, it's a way that you received love and affection. And so therefore it's like, well, I will feel loved by others when I can buy them more things. Maybe that was approval through gifts. Maybe you're a parent and you have stories around your ability to be a mom or a dad. So it's like, well, if I don't buy enough, the kids aren't going to be happy and I'm going to be a bad mom and they're not going to love me.
00;25;02;00 - 00;25;06;11
Filly
It's all going to come back to deeper stories. David. Beliefs about self.
00;25;06;18 - 00;25;12;09
Chris
There's going to be some sort of chemical thing going on when we're in that state too, right?
00;25;12;11 - 00;25;36;19
Filly
Yeah. So physically as well. It can be really common that there's low dopamine, which is fading, an addiction where it's like shopping when I scroll online or I'm in the shops and there's pretty things and I'm buying and I put it on, it's like, yay, happy days, you're getting these dopamine hits. But if it becomes an addiction, it actually burns out dopamine, which increases it even more.
00;25;36;21 - 00;25;44;29
Filly
And especially if you have feelings of guilt or shame or regret around your spending habits, then that's going to suck you near a transmitters dry. It's going to.
00;25;44;29 - 00;25;46;14
Filly
Cause more.
00;25;46;17 - 00;26;26;01
Filly
Stress hormones in your body so you can lead into adrenal fatigue. And other body systems can become imbalanced, which then impacts the brain even more so. So it can become a vicious cycle when your body systems stop burning out as well. And it makes it hard to stop. Okay, so when you can resolve all of that, because if we come back to the listener said, oh, I've noticed that when I feel healthier and I'm eating a more flavourful state, my shopping, desires, needs, wants to start kind of like easing down.
00;26;26;03 - 00;26;51;09
Filly
These are the reasons why. So when your body systems are balanced, when your nervous system is regulated, you feel safe. So you're not either like spending or not spending out of fear or trying to comfort yourself in an unhealthy way. And also like if the brain is healthy, you're not looking for those dopamine hits.
00;26;51;12 - 00;26;52;13
Filly
If you.
00;26;52;15 - 00;27;14;19
Filly
Are able to reprogramme rewire deep beliefs about self that are more empowering, that, going to help you to be the person that you want to be immediately, that creates self-trust and internal safety. So it's kind of like I've got my own back. I don't need all that pretty stuff to feel good about myself because I am my own internal validator.
00;27;14;22 - 00;27;33;11
Filly
I don't need stuff to make me feel good because I make me feel good. Or if you're in the other camp where you have struggled to spend money, it's like I'm resourceful. I trust myself, I make good decisions. If I choose to pay for the thing.
00;27;33;14 - 00;27;38;02
Filly
It's that the language that you encourage one to use instead of spend.
00;27;38;05 - 00;27;42;01
Chris
You want me to say this word? Will that make you happy?
00;27;42;03 - 00;27;53;15
Filly
If I then spend the money on this thing, I know it's safe because I make good choices. I'm not going to do something that's going to cause me to be out in the streets.
00;27;53;18 - 00;27;53;25
Filly
So.
00;27;53;25 - 00;28;18;08
Filly
The body feels safe. You don't have to prove yourself. You don't have to self, self-soothe through shopping or not shopping. And, yeah, there's more urgency. And this is the interesting thing, that urgency of like, I need to buy this thing. It actually starts fading. And so I that's so much easier than trying to willpower it your way to change.
00;28;18;08 - 00;28;41;02
Filly
Like, imagine if you're just willpower and saying I'm not going to spend anything for a whole year. But, I mean like boring. But also it's traumatising to the self when you heal the root issues. Yeah, the urgency just disappears because the signal, the symptom, the sign doesn't need to be there anymore. Like it just disappears, dissipates.
00;28;41;05 - 00;29;03;27
Chris
Okay. So before we do this bit, I have a frame. So I'm looking at our show notes. Okay. Imagine your your. Okay. We've got we got two daughters. I'm imagining one of my daughters coming up to me and just being like, you know, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. And then I turn.
00;29;03;29 - 00;29;04;21
Filly
On the sleeve.
00;29;04;22 - 00;29;26;00
Chris
Yeah. And I look down, and I just say, this makes me feel sick. Every time I says shut up, you little idiot. Rakoff, you're so annoying. What? I don't have time for you right now. I'm doing, I'm. This is way more important than anything you've got to say. I mean, like what? What what do you even want?
00;29;26;04 - 00;29;47;22
Chris
And then they look up to you like the house is on fire, dad, and we're all going to die, you know, like. And it's like, oh, well, it is. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just, like, shut you down. Let me just scroll back up for a second. These things, character flaws, like your shopping addiction is not a character flaw.
00;29;47;27 - 00;30;14;02
Chris
It's your body's survival strategy. It's a signal coming from your unconscious mind that you feel in danger when you get those little sleeve tugs from whatever it could be from. Oh, I noticed that I'm shopping quite a lot. I noticed that, I'm using spending aversion. I noticed that I have x, y, z dysfunctional patterns or x, y, z other dysfunctional pattern.
00;30;14;05 - 00;30;25;29
Chris
Like, they're not. It's not, you're not broken, but it's it's a beautiful, loving signal that something's something's up and you feel in danger.
00;30;26;02 - 00;30;34;13
Filly
I like it. All right. Let's give some you know obviously like to really get to the root. Come join us inside the ending Body. Fan out. Get that.
00;30;34;15 - 00;30;35;06
Filly
You're talking.
00;30;35;06 - 00;30;36;10
Filly
About your spending habits.
00;30;36;10 - 00;30;39;12
Filly
If that's dysfunctional that pops up. But we'll also heal your body.
00;30;39;18 - 00;30;50;15
Filly
And all parts of you so that you have the most beautiful life. Yeah. The doors do open beginning of Feb, which is actually not too long away now, so that's exciting.
00;30;50;20 - 00;30;56;13
Chris
February. At this stage it looks like February the 11th, but that may change.
00;30;56;17 - 00;30;58;16
Filly
Yeah. Okay.
00;30;58;16 - 00;31;20;16
Filly
But we'll end with I guess just some little tips, some strategies, some coaching questions that you could use if you do feel like you're running the pattern around over buying overspending, maybe some scarcity patterns as well. So if you are noticing the pattern where it's like.
00;31;20;18 - 00;31;24;04
Filly
I really want to buy that thing when the edge.
00;31;24;04 - 00;31;54;28
Filly
Hits, just take notice. Like there might be a context that that happens. It might be a time of day that that happens. It might happen after stress or after conflict. So when you can become aware of what might be causing the pattern to become activated within you, that can be really useful data, because then you can do different things around that to help dial it down.
00;31;55;01 - 00;32;13;16
Chris
Also, don't shoot yourself down too quickly. Just be aware you can't have we say this a lot. You can't have awareness and judgement at the same time before you rubber stamp. This is I have a problem. Just just kind of notice that and just say, oh, that's interesting. Rather than a stupid, dumb idiot face, like, what am I going to do?
00;32;13;16 - 00;32;22;13
Chris
This stupid dumb idiot thing again? You know, before you go into that road, just curiosity. Compassionate, awareness.
00;32;22;13 - 00;32;22;23
Filly
Yeah.
00;32;22;24 - 00;32;29;14
Filly
And becoming curious around, like, what you're actually feeling. So this urge of I need to buy the thing.
00;32;29;16 - 00;32;30;03
Filly
It's like.
00;32;30;03 - 00;32;34;11
Filly
Cool. That's a surface level pattern. But what are you feeling? Are you feeling.
00;32;34;17 - 00;32;36;27
Chris
At all that the purchases, the Panadol?
00;32;37;00 - 00;33;04;04
Filly
Yeah. It's like, are you seeking relief, seeking comfort? Are you avoiding. Are you feeling inadequate or not enough? Or is it coming from a place of obligation? The obligation one if you're buying for other people. Are you buying this out of fear or out of love is a really nice way of kind of just leaning into, is this like a resourceful pattern that I have or on resourceful.
00;33;04;06 - 00;33;42;12
Chris
Sorry. Okay. Some people don't resonate with fear either. So another fear word that doesn't sound like fear is compulsion. Another word that sounds like that is compulsion. That doesn't sound like compulsion is have two or should do both of those things. Out of fear when you say I better or I have to like if I think about, putting my girls to bed or, some people might think about, things like that was the first thing that came to my mind, like, I better put my girls to bed.
00;33;42;15 - 00;33;47;15
Chris
I have to put my girls to bed. What happens if I do that? I'm afraid of something happening.
00;33;47;17 - 00;33;49;14
Filly
I have to pay my fiance's debts.
00;33;49;14 - 00;34;06;26
Chris
I have to pay. My fiance raised it. I have to buy a Christmas present for this person y. Well, I'm compelled to y well, I should, yeah, but why? Because I won't. They won't think that I'd love them. What would be the problem with that? And what would that mean about you?
00;34;06;28 - 00;34;08;21
Filly
Yeah. And if you're feeling.
00;34;08;21 - 00;34;11;08
Filly
Compulsive, is that a word? If you're.
00;34;11;08 - 00;34;25;16
Filly
Feeling that, if you're feeling compelled to buy something for you, a lovely question you can ask to just internally to yourself is, do I need this or do I actually need to feel something?
00;34;25;18 - 00;34;26;08
Filly
It could also.
00;34;26;08 - 00;34;36;19
Filly
Be do I want this? Like it's also fine to just want something, but if you're doing it from a place of avoidance of feeling something, then feeling into that.
00;34;36;22 - 00;34;57;17
Chris
If you're going into debt and you're spending a lot of money, you can't save, well, that's a that's a problem. And that could be, great answer to the question. How is this a problem? You know, so just taking a moment to just notice the pain, notice the discomfort, and you are reaching for the Panadol of the purchase.
00;34;57;19 - 00;35;06;11
Chris
And but just before you judge yourself, just notice who I've been. I've been having a few things to cut. Why do I want this?
00;35;06;13 - 00;35;16;12
Filly
Then you can also do things like pattern interrupt. This actually came from, my business coach, Tina Tower. So she had this problem where it's just, like.
00;35;16;14 - 00;35;20;24
Filly
Dope having fluffy things buy all the things online especially.
00;35;20;24 - 00;35;24;18
Filly
I think she said during Covid, she just went nuts. It's like, I am.
00;35;24;18 - 00;35;27;03
Filly
Trapped in this house in Sydney.
00;35;27;07 - 00;35;44;17
Filly
And I just want to buy all the things. So she decided, like if she saw something online that she wanted, she saved it. Like she put it in like a little wish list, but then waited 24 hours to then check in with herself and say, do I really? Do I really need this? So what do I really, really, really want this?
00;35;44;19 - 00;36;18;16
Filly
And when she gave herself 24 hours, most of the time it was like, no, actually you don't need that. And then sometimes it was a yes, but it was a real yes. So that can be really helpful if you just, like, slow it down. Because remember, remember that compulsion will be coming from a place of, not enoughness, trying to prove, trying to comfort, trying to avoid trying to get rid of the thing that you don't want to feel so sometimes even that 24 hours just allows that to dissipate anyway.
00;36;18;16 - 00;36;45;26
Filly
And then you don't need the thing. And, and if we're working with the brain as well. So like again, I'd always say, well, let's actually test the brain. Let's see where you levels are at. Let's what you do for me in levels in a really therapeutic way. But also in the, in terms of healing that or if you have a brain that is wired for dopamine hits, like I'm thinking about something like ADHD, it's like, well, cool.
00;36;45;26 - 00;37;02;09
Filly
Like you can still find and use domain heads, but can they be more healthy, resourceful ones that don't actually burn out? More day for me when they actually lift the domain up? And it's therapeutic. So that might be something like going outside in the sun. I don't know.
00;37;02;12 - 00;37;04;01
Filly
What are some dopamine hits.
00;37;04;03 - 00;37;16;19
Chris
Little sparks that they, I mean, you were because we use that for something else now. Like, they all start with s sun steps, sipping water, sparkling, sipping sparkling water.
00;37;16;22 - 00;37;17;23
Filly
Socialising.
00;37;17;23 - 00;37;19;10
Chris
Analysing sex.
00;37;19;11 - 00;37;21;03
Filly
Oh, yes.
00;37;21;06 - 00;37;22;01
Chris
Cuddles. That does.
00;37;22;01 - 00;37;23;15
Filly
Not standing.
00;37;23;18 - 00;37;29;01
Chris
Spending spending time.
00;37;29;03 - 00;37;30;13
Filly
Daytime.
00;37;30;15 - 00;37;31;29
Chris
Socialising, all this sort of stuff.
00;37;32;01 - 00;37;36;13
Filly
Salsa dancing, kissing, saying it. Yes.
00;37;36;13 - 00;37;37;01
Chris
Swimming.
00;37;37;02 - 00;37;43;03
Filly
You know, like if you, if you strip back then if you strip back.
00;37;43;03 - 00;38;04;15
Filly
The store, the, the noise, you can then tap into yourself. Is this a resource for domain heat or is this actually dragging my dopamine levels down? You know, boundaries for others might be really helpful, especially if you're in the pattern where you like overspending on other people. So I just, I mean, really practically, who are you buying for?
00;38;04;18 - 00;38;14;22
Filly
How much is your budget and stick to it? And if the little thoughts and feelings pop up that it's like, oh, but maybe this isn't enough or oh, maybe they would also like that.
00;38;14;22 - 00;38;15;29
Filly
Or I will,
00;38;16;01 - 00;38;31;09
Filly
I don't know, like now I'm saying underneath the Christmas tree that, Sasha bought Sonja X, y, Z, and I've only got, like, one little present, and now she's going to think less of me again, like, this is awareness work and talking to different pots. It's pretty self.
00;38;31;15 - 00;38;44;27
Chris
Ish as well. Like, you know, it's very immature, half cooked, half baked. So yeah. And that's where you know, you are on a a little bit of a low below the line, insecure, kind of thing.
00;38;45;00 - 00;38;54;15
Filly
And also if there is a person that is really needy for gifts and they're disappointed in the gifts, like a nice reframe might be.
00;38;54;18 - 00;38;55;27
Chris
Shut up, this would get.
00;38;55;28 - 00;38;56;12
Filly
Well, no.
00;38;56;12 - 00;39;05;11
Filly
It's like it that that's a them issue. Not an issue. I know I'm enough. I don't have to prove myself through how much money or how many things I give you.
00;39;05;13 - 00;39;06;08
Filly
Should be grateful.
00;39;06;09 - 00;39;08;22
Filly
So go and join Chris in Filly.
00;39;08;24 - 00;39;13;02
Chris
What's what's a I'm just kidding. Those ones.
00;39;13;04 - 00;39;14;02
Filly
Dear.
00;39;14;05 - 00;39;30;09
Filly
And then also for yourself as well. Sorry, is Sam. Some questions might be will I use this in the next month, or is this just only going to be a one time thing and is it worth it, or am I going to get use out of this? Is it going to help me become the.
00;39;30;09 - 00;39;32;00
Filly
Person that I want to be? Like, I'm.
00;39;32;00 - 00;39;47;19
Filly
Kind of thinking about, you know, spending money on a program like the ending body burn out method. It's like, cool. Like, if you're not going to use it, don't buy it. But if you're going to use it and it's kind of better yourself and you're actually going to become the person you want to become.
00;39;47;21 - 00;39;49;23
Filly
Beautiful way of spending your money.
00;39;49;26 - 00;40;03;09
Chris
Yeah. Plus if you're if you're not really into using it, which is going to annoy you anyway, get questions that we ask which it's not worth it. Don't don't work with us if you're not really wanting it. Yeah.
00;40;03;11 - 00;40;29;01
Filly
And again, like another question, am I just wanting to buy this because I'm trying to feel an emotional need? That's a clear indicator that there's actually a better way to solve the discomfort that you're having versus just the spending. And then they can be some real strategic things, like if you're on heaps of marketing emails and you're constantly getting sucked into the clothing stores and the jewellery and the makeup and.
00;40;29;03 - 00;40;30;03
Chris
That that's.
00;40;30;09 - 00;40;39;16
Filly
The camping gear, okay? And it's just like, yeah, I'm like, just way over doing this. Unsubscribe. Out of sight, out of mind.
00;40;39;16 - 00;40;41;16
Filly
Hopefully.
00;40;41;18 - 00;40;59;15
Filly
If you follow any accounts that you just like, you know, just like, censor yourself a bit, that can be managed, if that's the only thing that you do, like, still do the deep work, but in the interim, it can just help dial down the spending habits.
00;40;59;17 - 00;41;06;13
Chris
I walk into Kathmandu or into old goods, you know, like, hey, Chris, I hey.
00;41;06;16 - 00;41;14;26
Filly
All right. Well, this is a fun one. Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you have some lovely Merry Christmas gifts underneath the Christmas tree.
00;41;14;28 - 00;41;16;02
Chris
Merry Christmas.
00;41;16;04 - 00;41;23;10
Filly
But the the best gift is your presents. Mic drop.
00;41;23;12 - 00;41;34;11
Chris
Have the best time ever. See you and you and you.
00;41;34;14 - 00;41;40;08
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles.
00;41;40;12 - 00;41;40;29
Filly
Drop us a.
00;41;40;29 - 00;41;44;16
Filly
Review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00;41;44;19 - 00;42;08;27
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group one on one ending Body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
00;42;09;00 - 00;42;09;09
Chris
For.
