00:00:01:03 - 00:00:37:13
Filly
Hello. Welcome to today's podcast episode. We've got a bit of a different one today. It's all about overcoming burnout through experience learning with horses with the amazing Melissa Duniam. Now Melissa and I go way back, we first met Melissa back in 2017 when she reached out for Functional medicine Healing and support. So, Melissa, in the first part of this episode, shares her most extraordinary story of overcoming body burnout and the patterns of doing everything for everyone else to the detriment of her health.
00:00:37:13 - 00:01:06:17
Filly
She touches on what it was like to work with me, from a functional medicine perspective as well. And the other half of today's episode is really looking at now that she is feeling well and happy and aligned in herself and her life. How she is then turned that into helping other women in leadership discover their authentic selves and get out of survival, coping patterns using the assistance of horses.
00:01:06:19 - 00:01:32:10
Filly
So I was lucky enough to go to Melissa's, one of Melissa's experiential workshops. Back in March. I think it was. So in the podcast episode, I also share my own experience of what it was like working with the horses, the patterns that arose during times of uncertainty in that workshop, and what I learnt about myself. It was a really incredible and really special and sacred experience that I had with Melissa.
00:01:32:10 - 00:02:00:22
Filly
So it was so lovely to be supported by her. After many years of, me and us supporting her in her journey. So a little bit more about Melissa Duniam. She is a mum, a wife, a farmer, a friend and founder facilitator of Leading Reign, a holistic approach to personal and professional development workshops, a signature three day deep dive for women who want to step base to.
00:02:01:00 - 00:02:34:16
Filly
For women who want to stop being so busy and stop prioritising themselves guilt free. Melissa's award winning winning framework combines human behaviour insights, personal profiling and experiential activities working alongside horses. So even if you're a horse person, or not, you are going to love this episode. And I think you just loved Melissa too. She is such a beautiful woman with so much wisdom.
00:02:34:18 - 00:02:48:11
Chris
Hello and welcome to the Ending Body Burnout Show. We are your host Chris and Fili, co-founders of a multi-award winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
00:02:48:11 - 00:02:56:07
Filly
Well, busyness, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal and it's a major contributor to health issues.
00:02:56:11 - 00:03:09:15
Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic, root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
00:03:09:15 - 00:03:17:18
Filly
Sorry. Get ready to heal your body. Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
00:03:17:21 - 00:03:26:09
Chris
Let's dive in.
00:03:26:11 - 00:03:39:11
Chris
Come everybody to this episode of the Ending Body Burn Out show. We have a special guest on this episode. We've got Melissa. Daniel. Welcome to the Anybody burnout show.
00:03:39:13 - 00:03:41:18
Melissa
Thank you. Chris, thank you for having me.
00:03:41:22 - 00:03:50:00
Filly
Yay! I'm so excited. We have known each other for I don't even know how long now?
00:03:50:00 - 00:03:53:01
Melissa
Maybe seven years, probably longer.
00:03:53:04 - 00:04:19:14
Filly
Yeah. So we're super excited to have you on the podcast for many different reasons. One that we're going to talk about. How you help other burnt out women in leadership in my own experiential, experiential experience with doing some work with you and your horses, which I'm super excited to dig into because there's so many different golden nuggets and learnings around that.
00:04:19:16 - 00:04:30:05
Filly
But also, you and I connected. Yeah, way back when, when you had your own health journey. Yes. Going on which.
00:04:30:07 - 00:04:33:01
Melissa
I think it would have been around 2007, I reckon.
00:04:33:01 - 00:04:33:16
Filly
Yeah.
00:04:33:18 - 00:04:37:02
Melissa
Yeah, know.
00:04:37:04 - 00:04:47:08
Filly
Are you happy to dive in there? Let's just, let's just go straight to the personal stuff, because this will then move nicely into why you do what you now do.
00:04:47:10 - 00:05:29:01
Melissa
Yeah. So I guess, if you were to ask the question for me with my own body burn out, when was things filing and when were things going on. It's probably rewind right back to when this young hairdressing mum married a farmer. So in 2004, my husband Richard and I, we married. We've been together a couple of years before that, but it honestly just felt like I was a kid, but then jumped into a marriage and jumped into having kids and then kind of landed into to buying a business like a third generation family farm.
00:05:29:03 - 00:05:46:12
Melissa
When his mum got sick, it was full on. It just felt like it happened overnight. So there was just a succession of ongoing things, from being a child to having to grow up and be an adult. That was really a kid raising kids at the same time. Yeah, well, having another kid, hopefully that's relatable to many people.
00:05:46:12 - 00:06:08:00
Melissa
It just feels like there's so much that's happening in that stage, in that phase of life as well. So that was 2004. It was only a couple of years in for us, 2006 for people that are in business and, more commodity based businesses as well. 2006 was a GFC. So the financial crisis that happened, the crash.
00:06:08:02 - 00:06:31:08
Melissa
So for us it was the next ten years were literally felt like we were just surviving to get ahead and keep this, this business afloat as well. So we were constantly chasing our tails and catching up. 2016 would I'd say, is that is the point that it all fell apart for me. You the industry had some things going on.
00:06:31:08 - 00:06:49:10
Melissa
That was the Gary hello, saga, for those that know the milk industry as well. So we were running skeleton crews across four farms. At that point. We didn't have managers on those farms. It was staff, it was rosters. It was just navigating people everywhere. And I was still on the home farm that Richard and I started on.
00:06:49:12 - 00:07:12:20
Melissa
And, I was rushing ahead this particular day, to feed calves, thinking about the kids back at home, how I'll just do that first. I'll go and put the kids on the bus after that. But no one knew where I was either, because it wasn't usual routine, and I was thinking about a wedding that I was matron of honouring that coming weekend and just thinking, how am I going to navigate all of that with all of this stuff?
00:07:12:22 - 00:07:31:02
Melissa
Got to the paddock and I had a text message from one of our staff members on the home farm, and she she basically sent me a message and said, I quit effectively immediately. And that point, I remember just saying it out loud. I know, I just I need a break and that is at least what I got that day.
00:07:31:03 - 00:07:52:04
Melissa
So in that calf paddock, I had a pretty significant accident. I rode the farm buggy. I'd crashed or I was trapped underneath it. My leg was caught or both legs were caught, and it was just like the me the phone that was in the cupholder landed in front of me. So I was on the ground with it across me so I could ring Richard and let him know.
00:07:52:04 - 00:08:17:20
Melissa
But, from that point, it was in a dirty calf paddock with 80 calves hanging around me bellowing, wondering what had happened. And, there was a kids and Richard and stuff, but this became a point where it just became a succession of clusters of chaos in my life. That was a good couple of years of recovery.
00:08:17:22 - 00:08:49:01
Melissa
It was a compound fracture to to one of those legs. It just. I ended up with infections that just wouldn't heal. But I guess in, in that process as well, there was, like, 18 months, two years of intermittent I.V. antibiotics that were happening as well. I had a long time, really, to sit on my butt in nothing but my own company in that time, without all of the usual daily distractions that I could get on busy myself in on the farm.
00:08:49:03 - 00:09:09:06
Melissa
So it was a real reality wake up call for me to realise that, I was so wrapped up in all of my responsibilities and all of my roles, that I didn't actually know who I was underneath it all. And and I started to go into scarcity mindset and survival strategies of how can I fix this thing?
00:09:09:06 - 00:09:30:23
Melissa
Like, how can I fix this problem that I've created with this break. And doing it and getting in a survival state with no resources and no it all. So I started to ruminate in that as well. And there was one particular point, sitting in that chair and by the way, I threw that recliner to be seen again.
00:09:31:01 - 00:09:53:20
Melissa
But, I had a portion of these kids. Exactly. Chris and I was watching a TV show. I didn't watch TV normally, didn't seem to have time for that, so. And it triggered something within me. I'd watched a death play out, and I just. I just wrote down, like, I just started crying and I could not stop.
00:09:53:20 - 00:10:15:21
Melissa
It ended up being, like, a 24 hour period that I was just in this state. And I had a friend come and visit me when I was in this place, in my most vulnerable place. And she looked at me and she went, oh, look. So what's going on? What's wrong? Well, I could come back with these. What is effing real about this whole thing?
00:10:15:22 - 00:10:38:05
Melissa
The whole thing is built like a mess internally and externally. For me. I'd lost my identity, I'd lost control. It adjusted at that point where the body symptoms as well just started to manifest and flare up. I had indigestion. That was forever. I'd wake up in the middle of the night having these panic sweats and waking up in worry.
00:10:38:07 - 00:11:05:12
Melissa
My brain was looking for things to worry about as well. So it was like it was doing a checklist of, oh my gosh, there's something really significant going on here. Had the body aches and and chronic fatigue systems. I had menopausal symptoms as well. But then I had the leg bone not healing. I think the most significant thing for me was I had monthly night terrors that were popping up, and they were so cyclic.
00:11:05:17 - 00:11:24:06
Melissa
They were just happening at the end of the month. And it was it was pretty horrific things that stayed with me for a few days. So I'd talk about it and I'd say to my, my family how bad it was and how terrible these things were. And I just physically watched family members pass away in front of me.
00:11:24:08 - 00:11:47:03
Melissa
So I went and saw a GP, and, she actually is a functional medicine practitioner as well. And when I was explaining to her, she was like, oh, darling, that's PTSD. And again, I in this state, I, I felt the instant thing that come up for me was shame. It's like oh gosh no no no that's something that Vietnam Veterans did.
00:11:47:03 - 00:12:20:13
Melissa
That's not something that somebody that runs a farm body. It's like the denial and the understanding really. And the empathy for myself. It just it wasn't there. So for me that was my rock bottom. It was also my breakdown and my body was starting to break down. So, but I did realise in if we look at the hope at the end of these things, is that I just knew that this wasn't the version of a break that I wanted for myself, and it definitely wasn't something that I deserved.
00:12:20:15 - 00:12:28:03
Melissa
So that kind of just took me, into the the exploration stages. But it was still in a scarcity mindset of what's wrong with me?
00:12:28:08 - 00:12:31:02
Filly
Yeah.
00:12:31:04 - 00:12:36:00
Chris
What wanted it? Wanted a break, but you got to break down instead.
00:12:36:02 - 00:12:38:01
Filly
And the break of the leg.
00:12:38:03 - 00:13:07:18
Chris
He had a break in the leg. And where, you know, there's the crash out there, the financial crash, the the dairy farm crash. I don't know specifically what you're referring to with regards to the, the saga that you're talking about before, but I'll Google it after. But the industry, the world, and then the little red buggy crash, Mel's identity started to break.
00:13:07:20 - 00:13:26:06
Chris
Hit rock bottom, broke down. You wanted a break, but you started breaking down. And sometimes, if you'll like everybody else, we can kind of think what what the is happening. Why is this happening to me? Yeah. Thank you.
00:13:26:08 - 00:13:27:06
Melissa
00:13:27:07 - 00:13:35:23
Filly
The universe was working in your favour. It just had to, like, slam you a few times because it's like she is not listening. Okay? I have to give her something else, but.
00:13:35:23 - 00:13:36:08
Chris
It doesn't.
00:13:36:08 - 00:13:37:17
Filly
Feel something else.
00:13:37:19 - 00:13:48:03
Chris
It's like, this is this is care. This. This feels like abuse. This feels like an assault.
00:13:48:05 - 00:13:49:15
Melissa
And.
00:13:49:17 - 00:14:14:06
Filly
So when you started turning the corner, for want of a better word. So it's like you started working on getting to the root cause from a scarcity mindset first, which I think, by the way, is normal. Like a lot of people experience body burnout, chronic health issues, life breakdown, and it doesn't feel good. And you were just wired to move away from pain.
00:14:14:06 - 00:14:32:13
Filly
So it's like quick, go to fix the thing. Don't want this anymore. So that is often where people start. And then along the journey, most people when they get to the other side, well, they'll find wisdom in that as well. Or it's actually like, oh, I'm not running away from pain anymore. This is actually a really lovely thing to do for myself.
00:14:32:15 - 00:14:49:02
Filly
So what did it look like for you, in terms of your healing journey and also, you know, you know, practice and you would know IRL about the root cause, like, what's the root root cause? What's happening like deep beneath the surface.
00:14:49:04 - 00:15:19:18
Melissa
So I think, no, one thing, but a major root cause driver was the relationship that I didn't have with myself. I think that was the core internal driver. And that is sometimes most commonly something that we don't care to look at. We don't think to look at. And I had I lost myself because I was so far removed from who I truly was.
00:15:19:20 - 00:15:43:01
Melissa
So my identity was I was just so wrapped up in all of my roles and responsibilities, the the being for others, the farmer's wife, the gap filler mom that I just completely overrode what had mattered to me. Yeah. So I, I normalised living in this survival mode and I've learned patterns of self neglect along the way as well.
00:15:43:03 - 00:16:07:00
Melissa
I think the other part where wisdom comes in is I didn't have emotional maturity. I didn't have anyone to to teach. None of us to until we hit critical point. It's soon. Yeah. To to really teach us about emotional flexibility and how it's so important to put ourselves first, put ourselves off the top of that priority list.
00:16:07:02 - 00:16:33:08
Melissa
But the key element that I was learning was you can do it, but it's really, really hard to do it guilt free. So I'd really, placed my personal power in the hands of everything else outside of me. One of them was the, the health system that I was in. I trusted that they would put me as best interest.
00:16:33:10 - 00:16:54:14
Melissa
But I soon noticed later on with that wisdom that I was probably a bit of a too hard basket. So I become a bit of a crash test dummy, literally. And the language that I was kind of hearing through there is, oh that's interesting. Let's wait and see. And that became, I say I'm a slow learner sometimes.
00:16:54:15 - 00:17:17:06
Melissa
But that that was also the system that I was sitting in was just wait and see. So it kind of was dismissive, through that process as well. So I think it was the strategies, but I think it was mostly that self relationship that I just, I didn't have a quality relationship with myself as well. So I after that conversation to feeling when we talk about healing, healing is always a work in progress.
00:17:17:08 - 00:17:44:05
Melissa
Things always pop up no matter the different levels and stages that we get through life as well. They'll always bring up some of those flavours. But after that conversation with the GP, she did and so, I mean, to I think I had ten weeks with, talk therapy. Talk therapy was okay, but I, I could mask really well because I can talk so well.
00:17:44:07 - 00:18:09:17
Melissa
And I think for me, it just felt like I'm talking again. I'm not kind of really. I do remember I went in on the first. I said, you can label me. You can tell me I've got PTSD, bipolar. I don't care what it is. I just need tools and I just fix me. After all of that, and I did say to her how hilarious and how coming, no doubt that you've probably had that before as well.
00:18:09:20 - 00:18:32:04
Melissa
Yeah. But for me, talk therapy alone. It just I'm a kinaesthetic style learner as well. I'm a heavy feeler. I'm highly emotional being, I just I didn't have the knowledge at that time, so I did keep going, but I never really, truly felt like I healed from the talk therapy alone. And that is when I saw it.
00:18:32:04 - 00:18:56:02
Melissa
Must have been on social media that Phyllis practice had opened up, which was happy biome back then. It was around late 2017 for memory, and what really appealed to me, me was the marketing message around tackling health with this holistic approach, because that's what I felt was happening. I was being compartmentalised in systems was only for that part.
00:18:56:03 - 00:19:12:00
Melissa
And I do remember my surgeon said to me at one point there he said, first, we heal your body like we heal that leg. And then you might need to heal your mind. But that was it, the same thing, a passing comment, and it made it no relevance to me. Like, it didn't make any sense at that time.
00:19:12:02 - 00:19:41:06
Melissa
And I was just like, oh, right. Okay. But I remember that first console feeling, and I don't think, I'm not sure if I ever told you this, and it is really only come up in my reflection of coming and jumping on with you today. My hubby was in the car with me the day that I had the first console, and I remember speaking to you and just feeling like I was being heard and I was being validated, and I knew I had to make a commitment of some sort to myself for that personal relationship.
00:19:41:08 - 00:19:55:08
Melissa
And I realised the scarcity mindset that was happening. So and financially that's a thing as well. And no doubt that's common for a lot of women. So I did something that I wouldn't normally do and I said, let's just go whole hog.
00:19:55:09 - 00:19:56:03
Filly
You did do.
00:19:56:05 - 00:20:09:04
Melissa
That. We do. Yeah, we do the full lot because I'm not messing around because this is messing with me. I'm going to be getting in the car. And Richard looked at me and he just went, Melissa, you always give up.
00:20:09:06 - 00:20:10:19
Filly
00:20:10:21 - 00:20:35:15
Melissa
Well, you And it's hard because when things would get hard I'd find another thing to do. So and part of it was him speaking, his experience of how he saw me through his own lens and his truth. But it was also partially true of mine as well. And somewhere in there I dug in and I found my stubborn street.
00:20:35:17 - 00:20:58:06
Melissa
And I just thought, this is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, this is for you. And by making that financial investment, I think that is what I showed up, fully committed to that thing as well. So I think that that played a really key part. For me, just just kind of digging in with that. But again, him saying that to me is I interpreted that as if I was failing.
00:20:58:06 - 00:21:22:11
Melissa
And I felt that pattern, with that. Melissa, what's wrong? What's going on when I'm sitting at my most vulnerable to in that chair. So I was starting to see these repetitions of things that were coming up for me. So, yeah, I'd finally made this, this significant investment. It was not something that, was for anyone else, but I knew that my future self would thank me for this.
00:21:22:17 - 00:21:26:14
Melissa
Yeah. So we did run an absolute gamut of tests.
00:21:26:16 - 00:21:30:17
Filly
But did all the body systems? Well, most of them.
00:21:30:19 - 00:21:57:05
Melissa
And I think the biggest significant thing for me really was the guts. And later in the gut, I had the same, well, same named bacterial bugs that was happening and presenting in my leg. Saying levels in my gut as well. They were it was in adrenal fatigue. I was just this hot mess. It's burnouts. And my body system was absolutely shocked.
00:21:57:07 - 00:22:15:17
Melissa
I do remember how overwhelming it was because it was all new information for me, and it was just all new levels of awareness. So I did take it slow and steady. I had a lot of stuff to unpack through that, and, and, and still living in this environment that didn't rest.
00:22:15:19 - 00:22:16:04
Filly
Yeah.
00:22:16:08 - 00:22:39:12
Melissa
And, then bring in new tools or new resources that are available to us out there as well. So I was really mindful that I was entering that space to another part to that was, when I worked with Joe, who was the kinesiology, just that was working from your practice at that point. As well. Yeah.
00:22:39:14 - 00:22:42:02
Filly
Joe. Yeah, yeah.
00:22:42:04 - 00:23:01:18
Melissa
I've run into Joe a couple of times, which is so lovely. But the combination of both Filly, I think, for me was when somebody's going to talk therapy, that's really great at talking, but he's also a fella. Joe asked me a couple of questions that my body was signalling, to her that she could kind of help me guide.
00:23:01:18 - 00:23:27:06
Melissa
It was an unlocking of Pandora's box in the second session. I've never experienced anything like that before because so much came to the surface for me that I just built all of these coping strategies around it. I dug them in deep somewhere and just completely dismissed. And I stopped showing them to myself. And that was my way of coping with that.
00:23:27:08 - 00:23:54:09
Melissa
So really, it just kind of I know I realised that I was just seeking these external validations or solutions outside of myself when I was just outsourcing my value, my power, and I wasn't honouring my intuition. And I think that those sessions with Joe really helped me to, to recognise that, that we do suppress our own intuitive hits as well.
00:23:54:11 - 00:24:12:22
Melissa
As I said, the thing that needed the most attention was my relationship with myself. So I got really clear of what was going on there. Chris, I think I had a session with you at some point in there as well, and that was when I was still in the fix me stage. I just want somebody to say the right thing and then I'll be okay.
00:24:13:00 - 00:24:41:12
Melissa
But what was happening for me was that those patterns and strategies that that serve their purpose somewhere along the line that kept me safe, that they'd done their thing, but they were now outdated, or they needed some sort of upgrade to. So that investment in me, it was really to to expand myself and stop making life all about the farm and the family and being in business and other people's feedback and opinion of me as well.
00:24:41:14 - 00:25:03:00
Melissa
So I just continued to just take baby steps as well. I went to a couple of development workshops and events on the mainland. We didn't have personal and professional development events commonly. I guess back then we did have social media, but it just wasn't marketed online at that point. So finding them on the mainland was a lot easier for me.
00:25:03:02 - 00:25:36:07
Melissa
I learned more about my own leadership styles and my own capabilities and my own superpowers, and that was great because it started to show trust, points to myself as well, and that I needed validating for myself, not outside of myself as well. But I think the biggest part that kind of brought it all together for me at that point was the amount of time that I spent outside in nature, not not in that chair when I could, in nature and working with my horses.
00:25:36:07 - 00:26:01:17
Melissa
So I'd done endurance for six, seven years, I guess, before then. Like from a writing perspective and a training perspective. But I couldn't ride the horses anymore. So I had to find a new way of kind of navigating that relationship. But I'd always felt like it was, it needed to be a mutual relationship. It wasn't just me using horses as a tool kind of thing.
00:26:01:19 - 00:26:26:23
Melissa
They were the most powerful teachers for me. They were the most powerful source of feedback for me that I've ever experienced, more honest than any human could be in that, and just by spending time with them in that new way, it just really helped me to see where I was living my life out of alignment, who I truly was without all of those roles and all those responsibilities.
00:26:27:01 - 00:26:45:09
Melissa
But it more so it it consistently encouraged me to start that new chapter that included me. And I think that was so raw. It was so real. But it was also a more regulated version of me when I was working with those horses as well. So yeah. Yeah.
00:26:45:13 - 00:27:10:23
Filly
So cool. We'll, we'll move into the horses and, and what you do with your business leading rain in a city. But I just, thank you for sharing like your experience of the first consult because as you were sharing that, I'm like, I remember, I remember you were in pain and I could see all the patterns that you were playing.
00:27:11:01 - 00:27:35:17
Filly
But also what I saw was a very intuitive and wise woman like, I don't know if you felt it then, but it was like it was there always. And now, you know, I came to your workshop that last month or a couple of months ago, and you held space for me, and I was just like. Like I saw I saw you back then in 2017.
00:27:35:19 - 00:27:54:15
Filly
It's just that there are all these other parts of you that were so much louder, you know, and, and it's interesting when someone's quiet and intuitive person and then you've cut that relationship with self, it's going to show off in a very loud way.
00:27:54:17 - 00:28:21:23
Filly
It's like, yeah, I mean, it's essentially like just squashing down the authentic part of you. Yeah, yeah. So for those can you give like I've obviously read you obviously for the listeners have read your bio at the start in terms of what you do now to help other women, can you give your own spiel in terms of what leading writing is about?
00:28:22:01 - 00:28:40:17
Filly
And, and why you use horses? I think we touched you touched on it there before in terms of what you learned about yourself and that connection with your horses. Yeah. This is a very different framework, professional development that I don't think many of our listeners have probably heard about.
00:28:40:19 - 00:29:09:07
Melissa
Yeah, yeah. And, I guess the backstory of what I just went through is really those experiences became the why behind the work that I do. So that idea of, I just kind of sat on it, the idea of being able to share my horses in a way with other people that isn't a traditional writing style or traditional working with them way and for people who haven't necessarily interacted with horses before either.
00:29:09:07 - 00:29:38:07
Melissa
I mean, it's great to if you are somebody that has horse experience because you most likely have never worked with your own horse in the way that you'll come and work with my horses as well. But finding a way to wrap it up in that personal and that professional development, because with the 20 odd years in business and the 20 odd years of working or watching teams and seeing things kind of play off it, but also, as you just mentioned, being able to hold a space for people.
00:29:38:09 - 00:30:09:07
Melissa
I knew that that was my superpower. And I just wasn't I just didn't know how I could bring that out fully. So but I knew that there was something in there with the horses as well. Because I knew it wasn't exclusive to me. So I just kept chipping away and learning these new skills. And like I said, working through and uncovering my own potential and the opportunities that kind of presented that I wanted my next chapter to complement the natural strengths that I had.
00:30:09:09 - 00:30:34:22
Melissa
So that my personality, my qualities and also building more resourceful energy management strategies. And I mean that from a personal level, like my own self person, not somebody else's management strategies who who I was at nightly and not stay stuck in that scarcity mindset. Because if I had stayed in a scarcity mindset, then no one would get to experience my superpowers.
00:30:34:22 - 00:30:54:00
Melissa
I'd be in the dairy milking the cows. I'd be rearing calves like I. That's not where I'm going to shine my best, because people and space and building that connection, through a community is where what lights me up. And with the hood, I knew that, there's something that I can do with that because I loved it.
00:30:54:04 - 00:31:21:09
Melissa
And, I mean, I love my family and I love being able to do things for them as well, but I wanted to be able to present myself knowing in my mind's eye and noticing those qualities that, there had to be a way that I could capitalise on this, beyond that traditional sense as well. So you can call it, I don't know, the entrepreneurial spirit or being stubborn again, that I wasn't going to go out and work for somebody else's 9 to 5 in that process and build their dreams.
00:31:21:11 - 00:31:44:15
Melissa
I just knew my best work and my best service, wasn't milking cows and kind of filling in the gaps and reconciling those accounts in the office as well. Again, I'm happy to do those things, but it needs to be a balance. And I didn't have the balance. It was just all heavily tilted in. Said that this is this is what you've got to do.
00:31:44:17 - 00:32:05:19
Melissa
When you're there, when you don't have the tools and the resources, it just feels like such a slog as well. And I can make sense of this now, again, with that wisdom, in that time, I really understand what why I was feeling unfulfilled and why there was just such a dichotomy in my values because I wasn't feeling my cup at all in that.
00:32:05:20 - 00:32:33:15
Melissa
So in 2021, my hubby put a purchase offer in on the property that we're at now. So we call this home. We moved from the family farm, which was, as I mentioned, the third generation farm. We'd been there for 20 plus years. We've moved down the road about ten KS, about ten minutes away, and there's this really old equestrian centre that was built, with this facility on it.
00:32:33:17 - 00:32:56:00
Melissa
And so, yeah, Rich had put an offering, and the owner was pretty keen to move it on because it did set, not derelict, but it sets. They also have for ten odd years, I think. Miller Bina has a population of 80 people feeling that it's got an annual rainfall of, a metre. So we live in this rain band area.
00:32:56:02 - 00:33:17:01
Melissa
It's not an ideal location, in terms of raising kids. It feels isolated. But I'd had previous experience with this property when it was in its premium, when it was just built as an equestrian centre. It didn't go too well then. It is in the middle of nowhere, and you really can't attract horse people to it because they head down south normally.
00:33:17:01 - 00:33:41:02
Melissa
And we don't have, so many horse people unless they're in Pony Club in this area as well. So the original owner, he leased the shed and the property out, unfortunately, to goat farmers, and they turned it into a goat milking facility. So this shed turned into a permanent place to house the goats. A my length corporate company coming with it.
00:33:41:04 - 00:34:03:07
Melissa
I was just devastated when I heard this. So when Richard put the offer in and the owner accepted, I was just like, I don't want to be any part of that. But again, I said, I'll come and help with the clean up. And the more I don't know the property itself at the time when we took it over or the facility, it felt it reminded me of me and it felt cold.
00:34:03:09 - 00:34:30:03
Melissa
It felt stagnant, it felt clinical. It wasn't. There was no it there was something with it. As I was doing the clean up, it wasn't really about the aesthetic appearance of it. It was the energetic appearance. And so it felt cold and clinical. But as I've spent more time out there, here and, and kind of nurtured it with a bit of love, that's where it started to remind me of me.
00:34:30:05 - 00:34:59:12
Melissa
Because the more that I put into it, the more I felt it gave that to, something in that energetic movement. But the more nurturing that we made it, the more that I nurtured myself. I don't know why things just started to change. So one day, back on the home farm, where we lived in the house, it was about 20m away from the actual dairy on that property, and it was about ten metres away from the main workshop.
00:34:59:14 - 00:35:20:19
Melissa
So we had four farms, as I mentioned, by that stage. And, I that main workshop become the hub of all of those farms. So the equipment would go in their supplies and going there, there was just people coming and going all the time. We had managers on that farm at that point, and we still just lived in a but I come home from, feeding cattle.
00:35:20:19 - 00:35:48:09
Melissa
It was some winters day somewhere and come home and I thought, oh, the sun shining, I'm going to make a coffee, I'm going to take the laptop and I'm going to sit outside in that sun. And this was our home that we'd watched changed so much across the course of 20 years. While we're trying to build this business and trying to survive and trying to raise a family and and watching all of these changes, and I went and sat on a death and there were six people in the yard.
00:35:48:12 - 00:36:18:14
Melissa
There were eight dogs. Two of them were mine. And when I went out to that deck, I had all of those six heads swing around and all of the dogs turned up. And I just thought, I just realised that even I had an I, I just kind of raised this thing in my consciousness that even though I was doing the work, I realised that there was absolutely no room for us to rest in the environment that we created.
00:36:18:16 - 00:36:43:13
Melissa
And I think that there was a really, really powerful moment in that because we can do all the work on ourselves and we can kind of keep showing up and doing that thing. But if we're living in an environment that doesn't serve a greater good either that we're constantly on and we're available and we're there for everything, like at night, we'd listen, we'd hear a noise, and we think, oh, did somebody shut or did they turn the refrigeration on on the vet?
00:36:43:15 - 00:37:10:19
Melissa
Because if you don't do that, there's $6,000 worth of milk that goes down the drain. It's somebody turn the irrigator on. I can't hear that pump running. So it was just a constant thing where we couldn't actually knock off from it. So that was another fork in the road moment. And that, I think was quite powerful for me because I've been out cleaning this facility up and this property, and I'd kind of seen it was really peaceful and it was really nice.
00:37:10:19 - 00:37:37:01
Melissa
Yes, there's probably only 80 people that live here. It rains a lot, but there's peace in there. And that was something that I didn't have quite in my environment. I was accessing it within, but yeah, so I made the a pretty confident decision to back myself. And, I made the big call that I'd been procrastinating on. But I did it without permission, and I did it without guilt.
00:37:37:06 - 00:37:56:10
Melissa
And that next step for me that day was when I was on the laptop. I just went and invested in that equine, assisted leadership framework. That for me was it's a global certification. But for us as farmers, it was a lot of money didn't teach me. It didn't build me a business. It just gave me this framework.
00:37:56:12 - 00:38:08:00
Melissa
And so I kind of had to start that business from scratch. But I it's called to tell my family that we're moving out to 120 year old derelict weatherboard house, and we're going to be happy.
00:38:08:02 - 00:38:11:19
Filly
I say you be happy, kids.
00:38:11:21 - 00:38:33:23
Melissa
Yeah. So. But but I will say from that succession of making those decisions, it was like a floodgate opened and that built like I'd been just quietly humming in the background and manifesting these things and just really looking at what I wanted. When I took action. It was it wasn't about all the things that I could think will come up with the solutions that I had here.
00:38:34:01 - 00:38:56:08
Melissa
It was in that action. And for me, that's it was a succession or a series of incremental things. But those two bigger actions, it's like everything that I dreamed up, it just kind of started to to come to play for the last eight, ten years. And it was fast. But the key differences, it was effortless. It just felt like it should be so.
00:38:56:08 - 00:39:02:01
Melissa
And that's how Ryan really was birthed. It's brought to life. So yeah.
00:39:02:03 - 00:39:17:18
Filly
So part of that business is running retreats, doing workshops for women in leadership and using the horses for experiential learning. Really? Can we chat about the workshop that I went to?
00:39:17:20 - 00:39:17:23
Melissa
Yeah.
00:39:18:02 - 00:39:24:18
Filly
So so that was back in March and it was called the Women in Leadership Workshop.
00:39:24:20 - 00:39:26:16
Chris
Yeah, this is it up on the screen here.
00:39:26:16 - 00:39:29:15
Filly
You can see the little real that I created.
00:39:29:17 - 00:39:31:16
Melissa
Yeah.
00:39:31:18 - 00:39:40:15
Filly
So can you just in your own words, just explain what that was about. And then as you're talking, I'll interject my experience.
00:39:40:17 - 00:40:04:16
Melissa
Oh, yeah. So what you attended was a pilot session, really, of, a component of the signature women's three day deep dive event? It's like an immersion. It's not a retreat because we're not escaping life. We're actually doing really deep work. On on for women. So the part that you attended was a pilot session of what I was building in the horse workshop framework.
00:40:04:18 - 00:40:29:10
Melissa
So I went and invested in being able to do those equine activities. But what I was noticing from a a leadership perspective, women in business perspective, being able to work with teams, there was, a little bit of a gap between what I was teaching in the theory and what we were actually actioning out in the arena, and I wanted to bring all of my skills and knowledge together.
00:40:29:12 - 00:40:51:14
Melissa
And so that actual particular pilot program was designed specifically for, for women, and learning about that self leadership. And, it is part of the deep dive, the three day event that I run for women. So we have two parts of what I do. And, it was integrating it in with a desk, which we'll talk about a little bit later, I guess.
00:40:51:16 - 00:41:00:19
Melissa
But the horses and the part that they bring in, they're just so honest. So we've gone in and done the theory session. We come out to the arena, we kind of.
00:41:00:21 - 00:41:22:17
Filly
Can I just can I just, add it even before we get to the horses? Just the way that you were describing this space. The that you cultivated. And it used to be this goat farm. Well, this goat milking place. And then it's like, actually, I want it to be very different. And then you cultivated it, when I walked in, because I'm a country girl.
00:41:22:17 - 00:41:51:11
Filly
So I grew up on a farm. And so I walked in and just environmentally, it's like, oh, yeah, this is a big shed. But I energetically I felt something shift when I walked in. Maybe I also need, you know, vaguely what the workshop was about. I really had no idea what my experience was going to be. But I remember when we sat down and we all sat around in a circle, and at the start, I can't remember the questions you asked.
00:41:51:11 - 00:42:06:10
Filly
What keeps you up at night? It's like, who are you? Where are you from? Why did you say yes to coming to the workshop? And there was a question around what kept you off at night. And I didn't know any. I knew a couple of the women, but most of them complete strangers.
00:42:06:12 - 00:42:08:06
Melissa
And.
00:42:08:07 - 00:42:32:12
Filly
I just felt completely comfortable just to, yeah, let the mass down and share something really vulnerable. And afterwards I'm like, whoa. I mean, I'm a pretty open book these days now because I think there's so much value in in that. And it's it's part of the healing journey that I went on in terms of like being vulnerable with myself and honest with myself.
00:42:32:14 - 00:42:50:22
Filly
But I was the first one off, and usually if I'm the first one speaking, I'll probably be like, hi, I'm Filly, I'm from Tasmania, I run a health practice, Christian family function, medicine, blah blah blah blah blah. What keeps me up and at all like I sleep good these days and I probably would have waited until other people sure shared something vulnerable for me to be able to share something vulnerable.
00:42:50:22 - 00:43:03:18
Filly
But yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that because there was something special in the air that allowed me to be able to do that right in the first minute. And I was also like.
00:43:03:20 - 00:43:34:09
Melissa
I love that I, I love that you went there because women, however you want to define leadership, we're leading in so many areas in our life. But women who are in responsibility, decision making roles, running a business, running households is needing to be a lot of things to other people. There's potentially a lot of that adapting and that performing happening and masks on and off through that as well.
00:43:34:11 - 00:43:58:01
Melissa
And sometimes women just want a break from being at all. We talk about these break, and I wanted to build something and create something where women who were relied on or women who are heavily, in those roles of performance or looking after other people. I wanted a place where they could actually come in and feel like that.
00:43:58:01 - 00:44:26:05
Melissa
They could just take the masks off, they could take a bunch of those hats off and just hang them up, slip into something a little bit more comfortable as well, sit down and have somebody or a space that felt like it was often like the conversations were just so meaningful. You're sitting around all the women who, driven and purposely going out and building their lives as well and passionate about what they do.
00:44:26:07 - 00:44:39:00
Melissa
But I want women to feel like they come into that space and the energy feels like somebody is just awesome. How are you? Like, how actually are you? And there's so much power in that.
00:44:39:02 - 00:44:40:12
Filly
Yeah. Okay.
00:44:40:12 - 00:44:42:17
Melissa
So then you mentioned that.
00:44:42:19 - 00:45:02:01
Filly
Thank you. Thank you for creating the space. Okay. So then, then we went out to the horses and we were just thrown in the deep end. You're like here's a bunch of, here's some. You had some instructions basically like there are different instructions in this equestrian room. Is that what it's called.
00:45:02:03 - 00:45:05:03
Melissa
Yeah. In the lesson. Yeah.
00:45:05:05 - 00:45:30:23
Filly
And then it's like go in, go in, interact with the horses. Now my name, Philippa, actually means lover of horses. But I have always been really scared of horses. So I was very uncomfortable, which I think was the point of like throwing you in into the arena. Discomfort, chaos, don't know what you're doing and have a look at what patterns arise.
00:45:31:01 - 00:45:55:07
Melissa
Absolutely. You've nailed what I create, so I do I create this environment where there's, it's a simulated, but it's a safe place to put a little bit of pressure on, because the reason that I put a bit of pressure on and the purpose of it is because those patterns start to pop up when people are experiencing levels of uncertainty.
00:45:55:09 - 00:46:19:07
Melissa
Yeah. And part of the framework is making sure that we touch on all learning styles as well. So we have the conversations will have the reading tasks will have the physical action of doing, and the horses just also not just it's something that's unspoken, I guess, is that they are when women are nervous, I'm watching them all self-regulate and they're just the horses are helping them.
00:46:19:07 - 00:46:42:06
Melissa
Like whether it is just patting them and they're thinking, Holy crap, I don't know what I'm doing. Some people are pushing the horses in space as well, but the horses help to take that one step further for us as well. So they don't care about the job titles. They don't. They don't care about people's to do lists or how competent you look with them.
00:46:42:08 - 00:47:02:09
Melissa
Because they do meet you where you are at, and they have the ability to show you what is running underneath you. Like, we get under the hood to have a look at those patterns that we're running as well. It's without judgement, which can be really hard to do in the human world as well, in our environment and without agenda.
00:47:02:10 - 00:47:21:00
Melissa
Their feedback is absolutely non bias. It comes from in the moment. And I think the key part is with what we do, we can learn, about new resources and new tools. But when you get to implement them without it being role playing or without it being a practice or without it being really uncomfortable, you don't realise at the time.
00:47:21:00 - 00:47:46:19
Melissa
But those tendencies, whether it is people pleasing or you're trying to control the situation or you're avoiding things or you've got that tension over functioning, it will show up. How how we lead and how we relate to other people. And you cannot force a 500 kilo animal to follow your lead. Yeah, unless they feel trust, certainty and safety.
00:47:46:21 - 00:48:10:04
Melissa
Yeah. So they're not keeping score, but they will definitely reflect what's going on for you. And I think if we look at that from a leadership capacity as well as humans, we do go through life asking three unspoken questions that, as I just mentioned, they parallel to how herds navigate the herd dynamics. And they do assess that leadership capabilities within that mob as well.
00:48:10:06 - 00:48:32:21
Melissa
And those three questions, can I trust you? Are you committed to excellence? Which means are you actually any good at what you say you do? And do you care about me as well? And the thing is that the trust, commitment and care, it can look very different for for everyone. As well. And we all have our own flavours and our own versions of what that means.
00:48:32:21 - 00:48:55:02
Melissa
But when you take time to look at what trust means for you first, because it is like the the a hostess protocol, you do put that oxygen mask on first. Same principles apply in life in loving leadership as well. And then you ask the question, what does care feel like for them? And what does excellence mean in their world?
00:48:55:02 - 00:49:16:01
Melissa
And what does real connection mean. Because that that's when you build that trust and that's when you you build the rapport as well with yourself first, and the confidence starts to shine through after that. You know, that you've kind of hit that point because that's when in those conversations and horses will say it in their own language as well.
00:49:16:02 - 00:49:33:13
Melissa
I feel you get me and or I feel like you're a lot like me. Those sorts of things will start to pop out, and that's when you know that you've kind of truly into that world, and that is where the shifts will start to happen. So you had a taster into that three day deep dive fully? Yeah. It can be so fun.
00:49:33:13 - 00:49:50:02
Melissa
It can also be confronting. But it is really liberating too, because women just start to reconnect back with parts of themselves that they've probably either hidden or they've had and forgotten as well. I call it the instant Performance review.
00:49:50:04 - 00:50:11:03
Filly
What I noticed the first time when I think within a task was, get a comb or a brush, groom your horse. And they were like ten different ones that you could choose from. And so already, like, this is. And then after, after we were with the horses, we did some reflection on this and then like, oh, these were the patterns that showed out.
00:50:11:03 - 00:50:30:03
Filly
So I'm like, which one is going to be best for the horse? Does the horse like them? Is there one that it will like better? So I just grabbed one and I'm always brushing one at the horses and I'm looking at it its eyes, I think, he said if there's more white in the eye then they're bit stressed, dysregulated and I'm like, the horse has what in the eye?
00:50:30:03 - 00:50:53:21
Filly
Maybe this is the wrong brush. Have I done it right? And there was something else that showed up. Oh, the horse kept looking back at me and not happy, like it wasn't happy with me, so I do. And so anyway, some patterns that were showing up, and maybe this we can talk about the desk now is the last part of today's convo.
00:50:53:23 - 00:51:17:12
Filly
Was yeah, this, this pattern of I need to get it right. I need to get it right, I need to get it right. And was and it was interesting talking to the other ladies. Like, I remember there was another lady in our group, Sarah, who was running more of the kind of like the people pleasing patterns where it's like, oh, I just had to make sure that everyone else was was right and happy.
00:51:17:14 - 00:51:27:01
Filly
And and. Yeah. And then it just it was so interesting how everyone had a different experience with the horse.
00:51:27:02 - 00:51:56:08
Melissa
Absolutely. Yeah. And if we roll that into it is, I think what comes up is that we think we know who we are. Until we don't and I think I've heard you say this before Chris. On on some of your things. Nothing's a problem until it's a problem. That, that is a really key part to, to kind of consider because in every family, in every team and every workplace or community, there seems to be these unspoken rules.
00:51:56:10 - 00:52:20:20
Melissa
And I, I call them hidden agreements. Some people call them truths, and they seem to be those unwritten ground rules. No one really questions them, but everyone seems to follow them. And they're things like, don't talk about that. Don't be too much. We've always done things this way. Don't rock the boat. Or in farming world it's it is what it is.
00:52:20:22 - 00:52:42:21
Melissa
Hopefully the listeners are nodding along to this. So I'm not blaming or finger pointing here, but these are the patterns that shape how we speak up, or how we don't even speak up, and how we relate to others and how we see ourselves, because it's not just happening around us that those patterns are happening within us. And we have those unconscious strategies that we've picked up.
00:52:42:23 - 00:53:08:20
Melissa
We've probably been handed along the way as well. And yeah, they've served the purpose, but that's why we kind of need to explore how we, showing up and how we naturally, underneath. Because this is where burnout can play as well. Because the thing is, if you don't recognise it, you'll always keep doing the same thing without knowing what's next.
00:53:08:22 - 00:53:26:12
Melissa
But once you start to to kind of notice it, you can understand it and you can be more compassionate with it as well. And I think with me rolling back into, 80s as well. And why I kind of have brought that tool into the work that I do. So I'm an 80s practitioner for, for people.
00:53:26:14 - 00:53:29:18
Melissa
Have you heard of it before? Fully before you?
00:53:29:20 - 00:53:33:09
Filly
I had heard of disc, but a disc is a bit different.
00:53:33:09 - 00:53:54:12
Melissa
Yeah, yeah, I say now that's good. So disc is really built, in the corporate sense that some way that they play, quite heavily as well for recruitment and things like that. But a disc, is a tool that is, it's just so powerful because it plays out two parts. It's not just the personality, it doesn't measure just a personality.
00:53:54:12 - 00:54:14:09
Melissa
And some people can get caught in the labels of that. That's who I am. It measures your natural style, which is a personality, but it also measures your learned responses and how you perceive that you need to be. And when I'm hearing you speak, you're talking about the horse, or he doesn't like that or he's not. You know, he doesn't like that.
00:54:14:09 - 00:54:41:18
Melissa
He's not happy. Those sorts of things, that's hypervigilance coming back up and dismissing your needs in that process as well. So with that it is tool it I provide for the women at the three day deep dive. It's a 20 page report and it is all about them and their individual way of thinking. But the best part is the second part to the measure is it's showing how they believe and perceive that they need to be in their environment.
00:54:41:18 - 00:55:00:03
Melissa
And I think there's such a key component in that because you can have a natural way of being. I have explained this in my own life journey as well. I can milk the cows, I can do the admin, I can do all of those things, but it's sucking the life out of me. But I didn't have anything to measure it on this to help show us how far we're adapting.
00:55:00:03 - 00:55:20:17
Melissa
And are we adapting into the point of burnout, or are we adapting to the point that we're just hitting those thresholds and those comfort zones of our selves, showing where that point is? And using that as a reference point as well to teach us how to resourcefully expand and grow and stretch our comfort zones, rather than jumping plane off the cliff.
00:55:20:19 - 00:55:45:14
Melissa
And just saying that didn't work for me, because I feel like that's a key part of people say I've tried everything, but if they haven't actually looked and measured or found a way, a tool or a resource. But I think the key part is the language. If they don't have a language to articulate how they feel or what they need or what their strengths are, you can go into the whole of externally seeking your value.
00:55:45:17 - 00:55:48:08
Melissa
And that's where we lose ourselves as well.
00:55:48:10 - 00:56:12:01
Filly
Yeah. And, and or self-judgment or it's just like, oh, this thing that I do, I hate it. Why do I do it? Blah blah blah, blah, blah. But when there's understanding around why and where it came from and also like it is you, but it isn't you, and you can also say something that you said, I can't. I'm not sure if you actually talked about the for this.
00:56:12:01 - 00:56:18:23
Filly
Can you read them? You've just pulled them up. Dominance is this dominance influence steadiness conscientiousness? Is that it.
00:56:19:01 - 00:56:42:04
Melissa
Yeah. Yeah there's different languages for it. There's different there's a lot of different flavours of the desk, but it is based on the work of Carl Jung. And even before then and it is literally just giving us some, some ideas of what people's, areas that are so their natural strengths, the natural energetic way of being so they're the things that light them up, the things that they find effortless.
00:56:42:06 - 00:56:59:14
Melissa
And having that quadrant shows us, on the polar opposite, if we were, say, for instance, where somebody I think I use the example in the workshop, if if you were assessed all energy, you're very, accurate. You are like a precision type person. You'd like to know the ins and outs of things before you do things.
00:56:59:16 - 00:57:21:21
Melissa
You also like historical data on those sorts of things. You don't just jump in and do that stuff. But if you were to be like a free range AI style, which is such a, an energetic, highly driven loves all of the people. I think about people in cafes that love to have that human connection with absolutely everyone, not just specific people, but they just love that human interaction.
00:57:21:21 - 00:57:43:18
Melissa
And that's what lights them up, doesn't necessarily light up somebody that is compliant or somebody that, loves the data. So you could see instantly you go and put a C style energy into a cafe that need a nap by lunchtime, because we've just completely gone so far between the energetic spread, and keeping them in there is not sustainable.
00:57:43:20 - 00:58:04:08
Filly
Yeah. Yes. I think well, the pattern that was showing up with the horses was the compliant, like, the right thing. Is this. Right? And we're doing it right. Did it it but also very data driven. And then the opposite of that is more, did you call it the Peacock? It's kind of like the nap. So it's like, look at them.
00:58:04:09 - 00:58:05:09
Filly
Look at me.
00:58:05:09 - 00:58:06:23
Melissa
Dead.
00:58:07:01 - 00:58:08:09
Chris
Yeah. I don't know anyone like that.
00:58:08:11 - 00:58:14:23
Filly
Nah, I don't know that. So he's kind of draining to me. If I have that too much.
00:58:15:01 - 00:58:21:14
Melissa
But that's the thing, is that the we it's actually the. They can be so complementary.
00:58:21:16 - 00:58:27:09
Filly
Yeah. We're we're opposites on in every single personality type quiz. Yeah.
00:58:27:10 - 00:58:30:02
Chris
Wholeness tallness.
00:58:30:04 - 00:58:46:17
Filly
Oh yeah. And physicality. It's what I loved something that that you said when you were talking about the desk in the workshop was, I don't know if you use the word goal, but the goal is to be a chameleon. So it's actually like you can actually you can move through.
00:58:46:18 - 00:58:48:03
Melissa
Yes. All. Yeah.
00:58:48:05 - 00:59:17:03
Filly
All of the parts. You can hold space for all of them when an as you want to and or need to. So rather than getting stuck in just like if I was only stuck in the the data, it's like whoa. And I have been in the past, I ran that pattern and that caused burnout because I was too dominant in that as opposed to now I can say as I look at those four quadrants, it's like, oh yeah, like I can tap into these are the other parts, too many social things.
00:59:17:03 - 00:59:32:15
Filly
I will get drained. But like, I can be there and I can have fun and I can, you know, tell a joke and maybe even, you know, storyteller, that type of thing. But but being able to. Yeah, move through those.
00:59:32:17 - 00:59:51:12
Melissa
Yeah. And I think the key with a chameleon is to be a resourceful chameleon because we can be chameleons and put those masks on. Wait, how long are we keeping them on? And are they, are they to the to the greater good of ourselves, or are they are we just giving access to everything else? Not really thinking about that.
00:59:51:12 - 01:00:12:09
Melissa
So a resourceful chameleon. I call it resourceful resilience, Filly because we can be on and we can be strong. And this is something it is a key topic that I talk about. In the rural space as well, is that, we can be so strong and we can be so stoic in our industry, but it's resilience isn't meant to be something that's permanent.
01:00:12:11 - 01:00:35:23
Melissa
It's not something that we're meant to stay in. We're actually meant to come back and regulate ourselves as well. So when you know where you innately see it, where your natural energy sets, where it's the least effortless for you, go out and stretch and do those things exactly what you said. You can go on, be social, but you also need that introvert time to rest and recalibrate and recuperate.
01:00:36:01 - 01:00:57:19
Melissa
And when I bring it back to language, when we don't have a language for that, that's when somebody else can put their own map on us and tell us what we are. You always give up, Melissa. Maybe I do in a world that doesn't serve me. But in a world that serves me, I can get up every single day and I can speak about this every single day, and I can work with my horses every single day.
01:00:57:22 - 01:01:10:12
Melissa
I wanted to, because I know the work that I'm doing likes me up. Sometimes we can get a little bit caught up in expectations. Yeah, this is asking the question what really lights you up?
01:01:10:14 - 01:01:16:08
Filly
Yeah, I love that. I think that's a beautiful place to finish off the conversation.
01:01:16:10 - 01:01:18:15
Melissa
01:01:18:15 - 01:01:38:15
Filly
Thank you so much. This has been awesome. If people want to learn more about, the you don't call it retreats or do you know, the three day deep dive immersion? I like that, the workshops, the work that you're doing with lead is where can people find you?
01:01:38:17 - 01:02:02:06
Melissa
Yeah. So I have a website that's leading rain.com dot a you also, website and take a look there. There's, there's a page for the deep dive immersions, and I don't call it a retreat because women aren't. It's not, you're not running away from your life. You're not escaping the love that you've built. You're actually recreating it, and you're recalibrating yourself.
01:02:02:06 - 01:02:24:19
Melissa
You're getting out of that environment that you are used to running those strategies. And you're bringing your whole self, the vulnerable whole self. So there's the page for the deep dive. There's a page for the team and culture development where I'm working with businesses and teams and leaders coming through. And also on there fully on my website, I think it's in a free resources.
01:02:24:21 - 01:02:34:00
Melissa
You can access, Beyond Balance, which is five tips to align your life. Awesome. What truly matters to you? Awesome women to avoid burnout.
01:02:34:01 - 01:03:03:20
Filly
I love that. Thank you. We'll make sure we put that link in the show notes. All right. Well thank you so much. This has been awesome. My experiences of you have always been awesome. And yeah, I'm just so excited for more people to learn about themselves and their patterns. But yeah, there was something really special about working with the horses too that is very different to anything else that I've ever experienced.
01:03:03:22 - 01:03:14:12
Melissa
Yeah, I love that. And I love that you came along and, kind of brought your whole self to that event as well. And Chris, who knows, hopefully we'll run some deep dive. Amazing. For men.
01:03:14:14 - 01:03:21:07
Chris
I recall, just grabbed the big bull horses, so don't hurt the poor things.
01:03:21:09 - 01:03:22:07
Filly
I we didn't ever sit on.
01:03:22:07 - 01:03:30:23
Chris
The what what are the, draft? What? We need a draft. Couple of draft horses for me.
01:03:31:01 - 01:03:50:09
Filly
Here we find, actually, one little thing I forgot to mention when we were talking about the workshop. Because we had to lead the horses, and the horse didn't want to budge for me, the first time, but then after kind of, like, regulating and, like, finding my confidence, it did. But I actually found it easier to lead the horse when I was blindfolded.
01:03:50:11 - 01:04:00:15
Filly
And one of the other ladies was telling me where to go. And I don't know, I was just that was super interesting. So you don't actually sit on the horses, but you would be interacting with them?
01:04:00:15 - 01:04:04:08
Chris
Oh yeah. Lucky horses.
01:04:04:10 - 01:04:10:22
Filly
It was almost like, oh, good, I don't have to think about anything. I'll just follow this woman's voice that I trust.
01:04:11:00 - 01:04:12:17
Melissa
Yeah. Isn't that fascinating?
01:04:12:19 - 01:04:13:10
Chris
Interesting.
01:04:13:15 - 01:04:30:06
Filly
And I think that that was a reflection to have actually I, I do remember having a conversation with another lady there and I was like yeah well that's interesting. I'm kind of feeling like that at the moment. It's like, wouldn't it be nice if I could just say, Chris, you make all the decisions?
01:04:30:08 - 01:04:39:21
Chris
I'll be like, let's hire somebody.
01:04:39:23 - 01:04:40:23
Filly
All right. Awesome.
01:04:41:00 - 01:04:50:09
Chris
All right. Well, thanks, everybody, for joining us for this podcast. Thanks, Mel, again for jumping on. Did you say this was your first podcast?
01:04:50:11 - 01:04:50:19
Filly
Yeah.
01:04:50:20 - 01:05:04:17
Chris
Oh, special. Nice. Well, thank you so much. And thank you everyone for listening. Hope you have the best week ever. And we'll talk to you later. So yeah.
01:05:04:19 - 01:05:14:21
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
01:05:14:23 - 01:05:40:22
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about that group 100 on one Ending body Burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
01:05:40:23 - 01:05:41:11
Chris
For.
