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Chris
Hello and welcome to the ending body Burnout show. We are your host, Chris and Filly, co-founders of a multi winning functional medicine practice serving busy people with energy, mood and gut issues.
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Filly
Well, business, addictive doing, people pleasing and perfectionism might be the norm. It's not normal.
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Filly
And it's a major contributor to health.
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Filly
Issues.
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Chris
Our goal with this show is to give you a holistic root root cause approach to healing your body so that you don't have to continue doctor or diet hopping or popping a gazillion supplements hoping something might stick.
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Filly
So get ready to heal your body.
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Filly
Get your spark back deeply, connect with yourself, and step into the life of your dreams.
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Chris
Let's dive in.
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Chris
Hey body, welcome to the ending body burnout show. We're excited to bring to you this episode. What have we got on the cards today?
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Filly
We are diving into a listeners request.
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Filly
Excellent.
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Filly
She loves our sayings. You know who you are. Listener. She's like, what are your top classic sayings that you use with your clients to take back their power so that they can heal and live life resourcefully and healthy and happy. So that's what we're going to dive in today. We're going to look at the five coaching frameworks that can help you take back your power.
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Chris
Five coaching frameworks to bring back.
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Filly
Your.
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Chris
Power. Uh.com.
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Filly
Yeah, yeah yeah.
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Filly
Okay. So, well.
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Filly
As we dive into these coaching frameworks, we're going to help you, understand what they actually mean, give you real life examples of how they do show up in every day and how you can leave them or use them as a framework in order to be able to heal, get healthy, be happy, and have great relationships in your life.
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Chris
That sounds awesome.
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Filly
Yeah. Okay. Sorry.
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Chris
What are they?
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Filly
Let. Well, let's talk about, because someone might be like, what are you talking about? Coaching frameworks.
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Chris
So here's a framework.
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Filly
Let's dive into the basics of what it is first. And then we'll go over the top five. So a coaching framework is basically a structured approach or a model that can guide you to facilitate your healing, your change, and your growth. Essentially, they're frameworks that help you get more of what you want and what there's some big problems that we see when people get stuck in body burnout, so they're often disconnected with then with themselves, they can show up as victim mindset.
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Filly
They might not use that word, but it's kind of like I feel stuck. Why is this happening to me? I'm so confused, I don't understand. And there's that disconnection with self. They're often stuck in perfectionism, people pleasing all or nothing type patterns, and they might be they might know what to do, but they're struggling to actually implement.
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Filly
So these coaching frameworks can help you gain a different perspective of yourself and of life and how life works, which then opens up a when when you have a new way of seeing it opens up new possibilities. So essentially, that's what a coaching framework is. It might feel a bit uncomfortable.
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Filly
It might feel.
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Filly
Challenging. It might feel confronting, looking at yourself through the coaching framework lenses.
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Filly
And that's because neurologically.
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Filly
We have a map of how we see ourselves in the world. So we start pulling on the pieces of the map. You nervous system, your brain. He's like, oh, we don't like this. We want everything to stay the same. So I'm just sharing that at the front that as we take you through the five top coaching frameworks to take back your power, if you do feel any discomfort, that's okay.
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Filly
That's actually a good sign that you're coming up against a neurological ceiling, which will keep you stuck unless you can break through it. So lean into it. Feel uncomfortable.
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Chris
I actually have one more problem that we see, and it's it's popping up, often at the moment with my current set of clients. And it's around perception about self as they go through the healing journey. My favourite frame not not so much a framework, but frame is compassionate curiosity. You know, this is loving, playful, ease, full, enjoyable, investigation, you know, and and so now the reason why this is such an important thing to, to to perception, to to view the, the coaching framework is, shameful.
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Chris
I am not enough over responsibility when it comes to investigating, you know, like finding this accumulation of patterns that are dysfunctional and that just being heaped upon them as more evidence of their not enoughness, but it's like a it's really challenging, not impossible, challenging to, to coach through that unless you have this compassion to yourself. It's just like, hey, be curious, but compassionately curious, you know, not shamefully curious.
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Filly
Maybe even adding a bit of play as well as.
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Filly
Like, oh, what are we going to find today?
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Chris
I find that really hard because I'm a very serious person. I never make jokes at all. I'm very serious.
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Filly
Yes, that is very true. Okay, so I'm just going to rattle through some other benefits of using these coaching frameworks. So that as we're going through them, it's like, okay, I could see that how these could help me. So number one, I can create a new awareness. So a new way of looking at yourself and, you know, issues and it can help you identify exactly how you have created unwanted patterns.
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Filly
Again, not to be ashamed about it or embarrassed or frustrated by it, but to give you the power to be able to change them. So what? You don't know. You can't change. They can also help you take radical responsibility. So take full responsibility in the part that you have in this problem. Often when we get stuck in our own kind of like map, it feels like it's everyone else's fault or, you know, even COVID's fault or that parasite's fault or that food's fault.
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Filly
This is why I'm stuck in body burnout. But when you can actually look at yourself through the coaching frameworks, then you're able to respond. So I love the word responsibility. When you break it up, it's like when you can take full responsibility that you created this, even if it was unconsciously, you now are able to respond.
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Chris
Yeah, like that last pace, able to respond response ability. And so when you're, when you're state of judgement and I'm not enough and it's shameful thinking about your patterns, your ability to respond is, is kind of it's there, but it's, it's, it's almost like you got your back turned on that ability because of that shameful thinking around yourself.
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Filly
Yeah. And this is the next benefit to it helps you to move beyond your current story. So whether it's a shameful story, a guilt full story, an angry story, a prove a defence story, a blamey story, a stock story, these coaching tools can help you stop getting trapped in justifying your situation or putting blame outside of you, and instead actually focus on solutions and and what's possible, and create different stories that are more resourceful, that help you get more of what you want rather than staying stuck.
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Filly
Coaching frameworks also help you to reframe challenges so powerful reframing questions can instantly shift your perspective and open up new possibilities to help you get out of disempowerment or victimhood. Even just hearing us talk can create an instant shift in your psyche. In your unconscious mind. It will create an even bigger shift when you allow that to sink into every cell of your body and take action with it.
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Filly
Implement, embody it.
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Filly
Okay. So Tony Robbins, everybody probably has heard of Tony Robbins, but I love this quote of he. So the quality of the questions you ask yourself is directly related to the quality of your life. And this same applies to the frameworks in which you are seeing yourself in your life. So the quality of the frames or the perceptions of yourself that you are looking at yourself through is directly related to the quality of your life and also your health.
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Filly
Okay, so let's get into number.
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Filly
One.
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Filly
Coaching framework above and below the line, thinking we'll probably spend the most time on this one because it will help. It will help you to understand the other coaching frameworks. And they really become a ripple effect when you can embody above and below the line thinking. So do you want to give a little recap on, what this actually means?
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Chris
Okay. So I've got the Chris version of this. And then I had this, told to me from Jameson, Jamie and Fraser, for those of you don't know. And so shout out Jameson for, expanding my awareness to this exact, model. But the Chris version of this is, if you can imagine, a line drawn and below the line is kind of, Victor, me thinking negative perception stuff and above the line is it's more empowered, more positive ways of of relating.
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Chris
Now we have four. This is again, this is the Chris version. We can we have things that are totally within our control thoughts, feelings, words, actions. And you can have thoughts, feelings, words, actions below the line. Thoughts, feelings, words, actions that are, above the line. So, you know, you've got things like, I have to, I need to I've got to.
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Chris
I should do, words that are below the line and above the line, is something really simple, like, I get to, I can do.
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Filly
I choose not.
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Chris
To. I choose not to. Yeah, or I choose not to, or I choose to, identifying. See, victim mindset is around. I have no agency. I have no ability. The the empowered mindset is around. I can choose, I can choose my words. I can choose my thoughts, my feelings, my words, my actions. Yeah. That's that's how I talk about it.
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Filly
Yeah.
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Chris
Yeah. There's other, other ways, of course, as well.
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Filly
Oh, yeah. Like the the other words of cause and effect to say below, above, so below the line is, life is happening to me. I'm the effect of what's happening around me. All the results I have is, is because of what's happening around me. Whereas above the line is like, I'm actually causing what's happening for me.
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Filly
Not to me. I'm creating this, even if it's the result that I don't want, I'm still creating this and that is getting you.
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Filly
Above the line. Yeah.
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Chris
And and, just to build on that one, honey, so what I was saying about shame. So you can have above the line sounding words like I'm doing, I'm choosing this, I'm choosing this, I'm choosing, you know, that above the line kind of language, but below the line feelings and emotion around that. It's like, yeah, I'm choosing this because I'm broken and I'm not enough.
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Chris
I'm rubbish. I'm awful, you know, things like that. So you can be above the line in something that you say, but deeper than that, underneath the line.
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Filly
Yeah. So let's, let's get into the nitty gritty then, because there's different ways that things show up below on above the line. So we'll start off with below. So if you're living or thinking below the line, it can feel like you're stuck, like, you're disempowered and like there's the illusion of no choice. Everything is happening to me.
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Filly
I have no control in this. This is a common coaching conversation that I'll have with new clients, especially who are mums. Not all mums, but I have seen it as a thing that it's like,
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Filly
I've just got so much on. I'm taxing.
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Filly
Them here and I'm working over here and I'm not getting enough sleep because I have insomnia and I'm.
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Filly
Exhausted and.
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Filly
And so I'll do a little reframe in the moment. I'm like, oh yeah, but you're choosing that just as a little poke at the wound and they'll get really defensive. And it's like.
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Filly
What I know.
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Filly
If you don't understand, like there's nothing I can't change much of this. Like I can't sell my children. And so it can feel like there's this illusion of no and no choice because of this story, the map that they have created for themselves. And so then therefore, it's like, how the heck do you get out of that when you when there's no choice?
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Filly
When everything is happening to you and you feel like you can't change anything. This can also show up in when people are really stuck in their health issues and they're feeling really hopeless. I've tried so many things. Nothing has worked so that can that can sniff evolution of No Choice where it's just like, well, I've tried everything, there's nothing else left.
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Filly
So I guess I don't know. I'm that case that doesn't heal. All right. Well, I won't invest in myself or I will. I'm just going to quit. And I'm going to learn to manage or like, live with these symptoms that I have. It's like cool. Even if someone has tried everything, which I actually don't think.
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Filly
Is possible in this lifetime.
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Filly
Maybe there's nuances that you haven't yet embodied in terms of the things that you've tried, but that is how it can show off is below the line. If it's like, oh, there's nothing left, I, or like, I'll just get my hopes up if I'll try something different. Blaming. It's not my fault. Externalise the issue can show up as below the line as well.
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Filly
And this might be again, like if I use a family dynamic or maybe a work space, it's like, oh, well, it's their fault. It's my boss's fault because he doesn't understand, that he's putting so much work on on me. And I'm like, so burnt out that my brain has stopped working properly or or my husband's so annoying because he snores or not, and I'm not getting any sleep.
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Filly
And so therefore, like, my body feels worse the next day. So this is like, blame me externalising the issue. I hear this too, with health issues. It's like, oh, well, it all started when I got the vaccine. Or it all started when I got glandular fever. So I guess that's the thing that that's what's causing me to be sick, or even like, oh, okay, I got a lab test and I've got adrenal fatigue, or like, he got.
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Filly
Oh, that's why I'm sick. That's still below the line. I mean, it it might again, it's nuanced and subtle.
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Chris
Yeah. We've we've done this quite a few times, you know, with, with people so we can spot these little, little sneaky, sneaky, sneaky ones that you kind of don't guess.
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Filly
Yeah, yeah. But essentially like the below, the line is you're externalising the issue, even if it's even if it's something that's happening inside of your body, you're still not, you can feel stuck in that symptom or that.
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Filly
Label.
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Filly
When it's below the line energy. It's like, well, something else is going to have to fix me then. It's not my fault that I'm sick like this and that. So we start peeling back the metaphysical layers. It's like, well, does everyone who gets glandular fever or Covid turning to long, whole Covid or have years of chronic fatigue post 20 years?
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Filly
No. So let's look at what you are doing or how you are being that is causing your immune system to not function very well at the moment.
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Chris
What's your role. What's your part.
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Filly
Yeah. Excuses can come up in below the line thinking too. Often like those like oh I can't, I can't heal at the moment. I can't do that program I can't. Yeah. But with that practitioner because I have no money. I don't have enough time. I've even had this. I've, I've had too much trauma.
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Filly
Or like, I'm just not smart enough. Like my brain, my capacity is so low at the moment that it'd be really hard for me to be able to do your ending body burnout method program, for example. Or a client might be working three. Spock. Oh, it's just a which is the metaphysical side of healing. It's like, oh, it's just too hard at the moment.
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Filly
Just like, yeah, my brain's not working.
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Chris
Oh, I love it. My favourite little quip is, Oh, what do you expect? Me? What are you wanting for me, anyway? What are you hoping for when you say that? And, it often it's. I just want you to agree with me.
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Filly
Yeah. Like. Oh, what.
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Chris
Are you going to get out of that?
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Filly
Sometimes people just want some compassion. I actually say it as like as the role of coaches. If we give compassion from a place of lack. Yeah, it is really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Don't worry about doing that.
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Filly
That yet?
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Filly
We actually become a co-dependent. It becomes a co-dependent relationship, really, where it's just like, well, I will allow you to stay stuck rather than shine a light and say, hey, how could you actually move above the line?
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Chris
To be to be clear, can you can you say that again? So, so so what you're saying here, I get you, but someone else might not get you. It's like when we let someone off the hook, you know, when when they say, oh, I'm too much of a hard case. That's what you're saying?
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Filly
Yeah. Yeah.
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Chris
Like, we you you we've noticed that we feed into their co-dependent dynamics when we if we do let somebody off the hook.
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Filly
Yeah, yeah. So it's actually so although, like, I use the word compassion and then I stop there, it is the most loving thing that we can do as coaches is to hold you in this space, to shine a light on what you can't say, to help you get above the line so that you can heal. Even though it might feel like we're heartless when we say, I don't know, I think you might have money, or I think you do have time or okay, you have brain fog, but other people have had it too and have still been able to heal.
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Filly
Sometimes. Do the excuses not show off is like, oh, it's so much harder for me because I've had so much, I don't know, childhood trauma or it's so much harder than me because I have neurodivergent children.
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Chris
Yeah.
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Filly
Now, by the way. Like, totally get it. And, it does add different challenges. I'm not going to say it's harder, though. It's just different. And but if you're using the excuse of, oh, it's so much harder for me. Sorry. You know, I'm not going to be able to get the results. Then you're staying above the line. The sorry, you're staying below the line, stuck, disempowered.
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Filly
Couple of other ways below the line shows up can be entitlement.
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Filly
Where you kind of get a little bit like sugary. It's like, I should be better by now. I deserve this, I deserve this. I've I've worked really hard.
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Filly
I have spent tens of thousands of dollars. Like, I should be better by now.
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Chris
I did this protocol to the t I, I deserve it. I put in so much effort. I spent this much time, this much money, this much energy, this much, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
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Filly
Yeah, I had a beautiful client. I mean, if our clients are local to us, then sometimes they might have in-person sessions that she brought her bag of supplements and she pointed at it with her arms flailing.
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Filly
It's like I've taken these perfectly.
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Filly
Why am I still not sleeping? So that's again, like, it's subtle and it's nuanced, but that is showing up below the line because it's entitlement. It's like, well.
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Filly
I did the thing.
00:20:53:04 - 00:21:08:20
Filly
Why have I not got the result? And again, it keeps you stuck. It keeps you disempowered because then you feel like you're not taking responsibility for deeper stuff that could be affecting, your health issues.
00:21:08:20 - 00:21:13:03
Chris
We're going to talk about this later. But the way you do any things, the way you do everything. And so let's.
00:21:13:03 - 00:21:14:01
Filly
Talk about it later, then.
00:21:14:02 - 00:21:32:20
Chris
Let's talk about it. But now I just want about the supplements and that sort of stuff. So, you know, the way you're showing up with, with those supplements and with the flailing arms and like, see this, you know, if, you could say to that person is like, well, you sound you angry. What are you what are you what is that?
00:21:32:21 - 00:21:35:12
Chris
What's that raised voice? What's these arms all about?
00:21:35:13 - 00:21:37:16
Filly
Well, that was the theme of the coaching session.
00:21:37:21 - 00:21:39:20
Chris
Yeah. There you go.
00:21:39:22 - 00:21:47:07
Filly
Okay. One, one. I mean, this isn't the one last way of below the line, but it is a common one, and it's a sneaky one because it's often hidden.
00:21:47:12 - 00:21:48:03
Filly
Sneaky.
00:21:48:03 - 00:21:58:22
Filly
So it's where you're holding on to stuckness because there's some secondary gains around it. There's some benefits around being unwell.
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Filly
I need it, which doesn't.
00:22:01:06 - 00:22:02:13
Filly
Make sense consciously.
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Filly
It's like what? But I hate anxiety and I hate fatigue and.
00:22:06:01 - 00:22:09:08
Filly
I don't want this bloating. And I'm sick of the migraines.
00:22:09:10 - 00:22:11:00
Filly
To get the body pain.
00:22:11:02 - 00:22:18:12
Filly
But often it's happening more unconsciously. It's like, well, there are some benefits of being unwell and so.
00:22:18:14 - 00:22:20:06
Chris
Get out of jail. Free card.
00:22:20:06 - 00:22:38:09
Filly
Yeah, yeah, basically it's a get out of jail free card or it can show up as that. So some examples would be I have anxiety. So therefore I can say no. Because before I couldn't say no because I was a people pleaser. But now I have like crippling anxiety or chronic fatigue and like I just can't anymore.
00:22:38:10 - 00:22:52:00
Filly
So then therefore it's like secondary gain. Now you can say, no, you haven't consciously been able to do it in the past because there's all these patterns happening underneath you, but your body and your mental health is now giving you that get out of jail free card.
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Filly
00:22:53:09 - 00:22:59:00
Filly
It could be a significant thing. It might be like, I don't know when I'm sick. I get attention, care.
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Chris
For me, love me. You don't do you don't care for me. You don't love me unless I'm sick. And, if I'm not absolutely wiped out, you don't. You don't care for me.
00:23:09:16 - 00:23:33:15
Filly
Yeah, and it can. It's very rare that they say these are the thoughts or specific thoughts in your conscious mind, but there will be little versions of you that is still not feeling like you are being seen or heard, loved or accepted. And so then therefore, the body's like, well, we'll get it through this way. It can show up with people on workers comp or disability pensions.
00:23:33:15 - 00:23:51:23
Filly
And by the way, when I say disability pensions, I'm talking about conditions that can be resolved, where where there might be some healing, but then it's like, I don't know, like, am I capable enough of being able to make money? Am I capable enough? Like, is my body going to be able to hand to working full time again?
00:23:51:23 - 00:24:04:09
Filly
I don't know, okay, let's put the handbrake on, stay stick and so I can have some security, some financial security. I've seen like we have seen this with clients.
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Chris
Oh, so many.
00:24:05:15 - 00:24:09:08
Filly
Has blocked like resolution of healing.
00:24:09:09 - 00:24:35:02
Chris
Like, I think of veterans and, and, and working through the, the whole industry of industry of receiving payments and benefits and things like that for, for serving your country and, and working and blah, blah, blah. And so that entitlement that you're talking about before that, you know, 99 people out of 100 probably agree with you.
00:24:35:02 - 00:24:51:14
Chris
You you did a great job and you did the things and nice work. Now to get the the benefits you've got, tick the boxes, do the things. And that includes going to doctors. That includes the industry of taking the taking the medications you want. You want the payments or.
00:24:51:16 - 00:24:53:13
Filly
The red tape keeps you stop.
00:24:53:13 - 00:25:18:06
Chris
Yeah. And and so because of that, you you decide in your mind unconsciously, almost always unconsciously. Right. Okay. I need the surgery. I have to have the surgery. I need to perceive this as I've got no choice in the matter. I've got to go and do it. Anyway and that or Centrelink payments. We are in Australia, we have Centrelink.
00:25:18:08 - 00:25:28:11
Chris
You're safe. Centrelink payments only if you do the stuff, tick the boxes and, you know, it stops people from taking responsibility and.
00:25:28:13 - 00:25:29:21
Filly
Freeing them, freeing.
00:25:29:21 - 00:25:55:15
Chris
Themselves, cutting the umbilical cord to the, to the government or payment scheme or the other thing like that. It's it's just a very in your power thing. But you know what? It's so risky and scary and like of course, I'll meet you there with that one, I see it, I see you, I see the pain, I see the the freaking out in us.
00:25:55:17 - 00:26:10:18
Chris
It what a risky, risky decision you're going to have to make. That's going to take great courage. And you know what? That fear of making that decision and the fear that it might confirm your not enoughness, often holds people paralysed.
00:26:10:20 - 00:26:11:06
Filly
Don't let.
00:26:11:06 - 00:26:12:17
Chris
That be.
00:26:12:19 - 00:26:33:22
Filly
Okay. Sorry. What are some examples of getting above the line? Being above the line? So 100% choice. So the opposite of that is I have no choice than above the line is okay. Well, I have 100% choice in anything that I am doing and how I am living my life and how I am be, being.
00:26:34:04 - 00:26:56:11
Filly
So I'm choosing everything, even when it feels like you're not, you're still holding space for yourself above the line for saying, I am still choosing to be a dragon mum, or I am still choosing to not take my supplements. But I'm saying I'm choosing this like I'm not pretending that I'm not. I'm not saying I can't or it's too hard.
00:26:56:16 - 00:27:13:15
Filly
I'm choosing it. So that's kind of where you start when you start taking 100% choice of the things that you are doing or not doing that you don't want to be doing or not doing. It's like I'm still choosing these, and then that frees you up because it's like, okay, cool. Well, now there's more possibility. Now there is more choice.
00:27:13:15 - 00:27:24:06
Filly
Okay, well, how can I start making incremental changes around, choices that are going to help me to heal and be healthy and have the life that I want?
00:27:24:08 - 00:27:39:12
Chris
Yeah. And and when you flick that perceptual switch over, you realise it's not that you can now choose or you choose to now choose. You've always been choosing. Yeah, you've already been doing it.
00:27:39:14 - 00:28:15:02
Filly
Yep. 100% responsibility, which we've talked about earlier. So I won't go too much into that. But that's, when you're above moving above the line, it's like I am taking 100% responsibility for my own, health and my healing. And also I'm taking 100% responsibility that I have created these patterns, these symptoms, this environment, this relationship. It hasn't been all me because there's, you know, I'm a dynamic human being living with other people and even in an environment.
00:28:15:02 - 00:28:36:08
Filly
But I'm taking responsibility for the things that I have created, including my health issues. Which is great because then you're able to change them. It's like, well, if I created this, then I can create something new. I can rewire, I can reprogramme, I can heal, I can rebalance.
00:28:36:09 - 00:29:16:21
Chris
No failure, only feedback to stop that guilt and shame. You know, you've designed the system, you've designed this to, to to get that output somehow some way, somewhere you you flick the switch, you installed the program, the pattern. You made the choice. And now you've got what you got. So it's not it's not that when and when you try to take responsibility in your mind and you implement some changes and all this sort of stuff, and it doesn't get you the outcome that you expect and that you want that you feel like you deserve.
00:29:16:23 - 00:29:21:16
Chris
It's not a failure. It's feedback. Back to the drawing board and.
00:29:21:18 - 00:29:44:23
Filly
Step by step, step by step. Above the line is I use this very frame all the time because sometimes I'm like, I don't know, I don't know what's going on. I don't know why my body's decided to talk to me. I don't know why these patterns are showing up again. Below the line. Above the line is so you can ask yourself a question to get yourself above the line.
00:29:44:23 - 00:30:01:23
Filly
What am I pretending not to know? What am I afraid of? The unexamined remains the monster. So when you can get clear on what are you afraid of? What are you pretending not to know? Then you then receive the answer and you can take action from there.
00:30:02:01 - 00:30:03:03
Chris
Lots of options.
00:30:03:04 - 00:30:26:12
Filly
Lots of options. Okay. Last one. So below the line can often show up as it's too hard. It's just too hard. I can't do this. I'm stuck in this. You can switch that out for. It's not too hard. It's just unfamiliar. I haven't done this before, so naturally it's going to feel hard, but it's just unfamiliar.
00:30:26:14 - 00:30:42:16
Filly
And when you can break it down into the neuroscience. So I'll brain especially the amygdala a nervous system, it hates change. It doesn't like the unfamiliar. And so when it feels too hard, you can actually just relax into your own physiology and the science that we know.
00:30:42:16 - 00:30:43:16
Filly
Of that.
00:30:43:16 - 00:30:45:03
Filly
It's like, oh, I'm just having.
00:30:45:03 - 00:30:45:18
Filly
A,
00:30:45:20 - 00:31:03:12
Filly
Primal response from the monkey part of my brain that is freaking out that it's too hot at the moment. It's not too hard. It's just unfamiliar. Okay, how can I start creating familiarity around this thing that is going to help me to heal and become healthy and get more of what I want?
00:31:03:14 - 00:31:03:22
Chris
Love it.
00:31:04:04 - 00:31:16:13
Filly
Okay, next four and we'll whizz through these a bit faster because they really are on, on follow on effects from above and below the line thinking so is this the one that you started.
00:31:16:13 - 00:31:17:09
Filly
Off with that.
00:31:17:11 - 00:31:18:12
Filly
That you wanted to go into?
00:31:18:12 - 00:31:25:19
Chris
You this is my favourite. It's just the way you do anything is the way you do everything.
00:31:25:22 - 00:31:26:14
Filly
What does it mean?
00:31:26:14 - 00:31:53:09
Chris
Yeah. So, I my way of thinking about this is you want an outcome and that's to be healthy, happy lifestyle that you want relationships, connection, calm, all this sort of stuff. Symptoms, resolution. So you try something. And what we're looking for is patterns, patterns, patterns, patterns everywhere. Now the cool part about patterns is the way you do anything is the way you do everything.
00:31:53:09 - 00:32:21:23
Chris
Not as hard and fast rule, but it's it's almost always going to be the case. So let's just roll with it. And so we think, look, anytime you're feeling frustrated, annoyed, triggered where there seems to be a bit of a block in one area of your life, the way you show up to that, the way you relate to that, the way you be when you're experiencing that is probably almost always going to be the case in another context of your life.
00:32:22:01 - 00:32:45:10
Chris
You reverse engineer as well. And it's if you, if you want to, to, to get to your deep root cause be kind of getting stonewalled or it's a little bit of friction or something like that. You can look at something same or similar in another area of your life. And sometimes just by going that back door, you can get to the resolution.
00:32:45:10 - 00:32:49:21
Chris
I don't know if I've, talked to I'm too vague.
00:32:49:23 - 00:32:50:19
Filly
Well, we'll give.
00:32:50:19 - 00:33:12:04
Filly
Some concrete examples. So, perfectionism patterns, all or nothing thinking is really common. And most people think about that in terms of lack of work space. It's like, oh yeah, I have to do everything 100%. Yep yep yep. And so then it's like, where else do you do that? And how is that serving you? And or is that blocking you.
00:33:12:04 - 00:33:23:09
Filly
He's that heavy you below the line. So it's very interesting. When people start looking at their patterns they'll often see that, oh my gosh, no wonder I'm not. Well I've been trying to heal.
00:33:23:11 - 00:33:23:17
Filly
With.
00:33:23:17 - 00:33:26:08
Filly
Perfectionism patterns. I've been trying to be one.
00:33:26:08 - 00:33:30:02
Filly
Hundred and 10% with my diet and my sleep hygiene and.
00:33:30:02 - 00:33:33:02
Filly
Taking my supplements and even doing the metaphysical work.
00:33:33:02 - 00:33:35:16
Filly
I've been taking all the boxes.
00:33:35:18 - 00:33:52:12
Filly
But it's still coming from a very fearful and resourceful energy. And so therefore it's really hard to heal. You can say it in proven defend patterns too. So probably the predominant place we might show it would be in relation sheets or it's like,
00:33:52:14 - 00:33:56:16
Filly
My husband's so annoying. Oh. That person at work.
00:33:56:16 - 00:33:58:14
Filly
Oh, I could just, like, wring her.
00:33:58:14 - 00:34:10:21
Chris
Neck the way you do anything is the way you do everything. So my husband's so annoying. So therefore, are you a wife? Great. All right. Sweet. So the the way your, you know, you get frustrated at your husband is the way you get frustrated at yourself.
00:34:10:23 - 00:34:29:05
Filly
Yeah, exactly. So then it's like, okay, cool. Well, how how else are you proving and defending yourself to yourself, which will block your healing, because that means that you can't ever be fully honest or vulnerable with yourself. It will probably show up in like the way that you're working and even your finances and your self-care. It's like.
00:34:29:06 - 00:34:34:03
Filly
I'm so annoyed the kids are taking all my time and now I can't go for my walk.
00:34:34:06 - 00:34:42:00
Filly
I hate this, and like even that thought and that feeling is kicking in you in a dysregulated state in which the self-care.
00:34:42:00 - 00:34:45:03
Filly
Probably won't do anything anyway.
00:34:45:05 - 00:35:00:21
Filly
And so then you enter it with this anger energy. It might also show up. Another example would be hiding, running away, ignoring. This can often show up predominantly in repressing emotions. In the past, it's kind of like, oh no.
00:35:00:22 - 00:35:01:23
Filly
Oh don't.
00:35:01:23 - 00:35:04:18
Filly
Look, don't look, don't look into the past.
00:35:04:20 - 00:35:05:16
Filly
Yuck.
00:35:05:18 - 00:35:07:18
Filly
Or oh, I'm having an uncomfortable emotion.
00:35:07:18 - 00:35:10:13
Filly
Just sweep that under the mat.
00:35:10:15 - 00:35:35:11
Filly
So then if you're thinking about it as a pattern, where else is it showing up? Are you trying to heal? But you're running away from yourself? Are you trying to have a healthy marriage or friendship, but you're constantly ignoring it? Or pretending it's not there or hiding from it? It could show up in your workplace as well.
00:35:35:13 - 00:35:54:19
Filly
Okay. I think you talked about, like, how you can take back your power with this one. Like, I think predominantly is just being honest with getting clear on this isn't just a pattern here. It's a pattern everywhere. And then getting clear on what's driving that pattern. What's the deep belief about self that's causing this pattern in the first place?
00:35:54:21 - 00:35:56:18
Filly
And then addressing, reprogramming that.
00:35:56:21 - 00:36:17:14
Chris
Yeah, I think about it like a floppy disk. You remember floppy disks. Who who's my age or older. You grab a floppy disk, install it and maybe you run I don't know. Yeah, I have a mac. I don't really do this, but back when I had a windows computer, I'd install windows, I'd install programs, I'd put the floppy Diaz-Canel or senior or whatever.
00:36:17:14 - 00:36:39:09
Chris
I had installed a program. At some point in time in your life, you installed the program that got you the output and the patent that you've got right now. So, don't blame the patterns below the line. Have a look at the the why you why you actually install that program. That what need that's meaning for you in the first place?
00:36:39:11 - 00:36:45:21
Chris
Yeah, that's how I go about it is what needs are you trying to meet?
00:36:45:23 - 00:36:53:16
Filly
Okay. Third one. What you allow, you encourage. I learned this one.
00:36:53:18 - 00:36:54:00
Filly
When.
00:36:54:00 - 00:36:56:23
Filly
Chris said it to me one time, I wanted to slap him in the face.
00:36:57:00 - 00:37:00:10
Chris
Oh, nice. Domestic violence. The way you doing things, the way you do everything.
00:37:00:10 - 00:37:03:04
Filly
And I didn't. I restrained myself, but.
00:37:03:09 - 00:37:03:18
Filly
I didn't.
00:37:03:18 - 00:37:04:17
Chris
Do anything, so I, I do.
00:37:04:19 - 00:37:06:03
Filly
Well, I was very angry.
00:37:06:03 - 00:37:07:00
Filly
Yeah. It was kind of like.
00:37:07:03 - 00:37:12:18
Filly
I am this dragon. Sounds like I'm going to repress it and bottle it up so I won't hit him.
00:37:12:20 - 00:37:19:05
Chris
Did I say this? Did I say this one? That sounds like a flipper issue. Did I say that? That's a that's my other favourite quip.
00:37:19:05 - 00:37:20:17
Filly
No, that came later.
00:37:20:19 - 00:37:21:10
Filly
Awesome.
00:37:21:12 - 00:37:41:20
Filly
So what you allow, you encourage. So I have shared this in my book, and I'm pretty sure I've shared it in at least one podcast episode, but it was very still very clear in my mind the day that Chris said this to me. Awesome. And I didn't ask for his coaching. But he said it. So I was really angry because I'm like, I'm sick of doing all the housework and all the cleaning and all the caregiving.
00:37:41:20 - 00:37:52:22
Filly
Just fair enough. And I stormed down and I said the thing, I'm sick of these things need to change. And Chris just looked at me calmly and said, what you allow, you encourage.
00:37:53:00 - 00:37:55:02
Filly
And I'm like, what?
00:37:55:04 - 00:37:56:15
Filly
Help? And then I let it.
00:37:56:15 - 00:37:59:14
Chris
Given all the useful marriage tips, guys.
00:37:59:16 - 00:38:01:04
Filly
Let it sink.
00:38:01:06 - 00:38:22:16
Filly
And then I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can say that. Well, one like I ran a lot of kind of like, control fate freak, those perfectionism patterns where I just do everything or if I try to delegate or outsource it, they didn't do it fast enough. So then I jump in. And so essentially, I was encouraging no one helping me.
00:38:22:18 - 00:38:25:14
Filly
And this is very interesting. It was just a couple of nights ago.
00:38:25:14 - 00:38:27:02
Filly
I was talking to my mom.
00:38:27:04 - 00:38:31:03
Filly
So I can see where I got these initial patterns from.
00:38:31:05 - 00:38:31:16
Chris
Oh.
00:38:31:22 - 00:38:32:04
Filly
And.
00:38:32:04 - 00:38:40:17
Filly
She was talking about doing all this life admin stuff, and they're about to go travelling. And so there's a lot of like, documents they need to fill in. And she said.
00:38:40:18 - 00:38:41:15
Filly
I have come.
00:38:41:15 - 00:38:44:17
Filly
To the realisation that I do everything for.
00:38:44:21 - 00:38:45:23
Filly
For Tom.
00:38:46:01 - 00:38:51:19
Filly
My dad, I do everything for him in terms of life admin. And I said.
00:38:51:19 - 00:38:53:14
Filly
To her, well, mom, like.
00:38:53:19 - 00:38:55:20
Filly
What you allow, you encourage.
00:38:55:22 - 00:38:57:18
Filly
Awesome. And she was a little bit miffed.
00:38:57:18 - 00:39:19:02
Filly
At first saying she's like, oh no, no, no, no, I can yeah, I can see. So essentially like how, how do you take your power back from there? So how do you use this frame to take your power back? It's like get clear on what you are allowing, especially those things that you dislike and and take responsibility for it.
00:39:19:04 - 00:39:42:06
Filly
Because if you us, you have been training people to treat you in the way, that they are, whether you're conscious most of the time it's unconscious, you're unconscious that you are training everyone in your life to treat you in a certain way. So getting clear on that, I'll give you another example, is a client who, she's like, oh, yeah, I know my people.
00:39:42:06 - 00:39:49:02
Filly
Please. Yeah, fine. I know it's an issue at work, but, I'm just like, sort of sick of everyone asking me things.
00:39:49:04 - 00:39:51:05
Filly
All the time. Awesome.
00:39:51:08 - 00:39:54:21
Filly
And I use the frame and she got a bit miffed as well. Excellent. It's like what you.
00:39:54:21 - 00:39:56:07
Filly
Allow, you encourage.
00:39:56:09 - 00:40:05:06
Chris
It's a little bit of a barb, but it's kind of it's a it's it's essential. It's essential data. Yeah. For the coach. Yeah. To to get across. Yeah.
00:40:05:06 - 00:40:26:07
Filly
Yeah. So be aware of what you are allowing. Let go of any blame or excuses. You have around this. You're allowing it to happen. You've trained yourself for others to treat you in a certain way. You're encouraging it so that we can come back to the responsible piece. What you take responsibility for. You are now able to respond towards.
00:40:26:09 - 00:40:48:04
Filly
And then I get clear on what do you want to allow instead. And so that's going to include having hard conversations. And it's going to with yourself first and foremost. It's like what do you really want. Like if you could live your life on your own terms, what is your day look like? And then you're starting to set your boundaries around that and you're following through on them.
00:40:48:06 - 00:40:49:16
Filly
Okay.
00:40:49:18 - 00:40:51:11
Filly
Fourth one.
00:40:51:13 - 00:40:53:21
Chris
Awesome. This is another one I've used.
00:40:53:21 - 00:40:54:13
Filly
Do you want to read it?
00:40:54:13 - 00:41:15:18
Chris
Your frustration with all this is a frustration with yourself. So if you know the way you do any things, the way you do everything. So therefore if you're frustrated with something or someone, then that's the way you're frustrated about yourself, you know? So, what's, what's an example?
00:41:15:19 - 00:41:16:23
Filly
Oh, I use this.
00:41:17:01 - 00:41:18:18
Filly
I use this, it's my.
00:41:19:00 - 00:41:19:18
Filly
Issue.
00:41:19:20 - 00:41:35:23
Chris
Oh no no, no, that's that's that's what I say in set instead of frustration with others. Frustration with yourself. My Bobby kind of not Bobby as in Bobby and Kent, but Bob. Why I kind of like little Proggy way of saying is, well, this sounds like a flipper issue.
00:41:36:02 - 00:41:39:11
Filly
Yeah. Okay, so if we have a source of tension and I'm like, Chris.
00:41:39:11 - 00:41:40:12
Filly
Blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
00:41:40:12 - 00:41:43:18
Chris
And I'm just like, oh yeah, well, let's play tennis. This sounds like a you issue.
00:41:43:19 - 00:41:46:06
Filly
Tom day to day, day to day.
00:41:46:08 - 00:42:00:02
Filly
And by the way, I'm very discerning now as to whether I'm taking full responsibility for it being my issue, which sometimes it is, or if it's like half off and then it's like, no, come back here. We're going to keep playing tennis because you got some things to work on.
00:42:00:02 - 00:42:02:15
Filly
Do that. Ask me.
00:42:02:17 - 00:42:27:05
Filly
But it will show up like it will show up when you're annoyed by someone else. Yeah. So whether you're feeling triggered, disappointed, angry, needy, frustrated. If you experience that, then you can use this frame, in order to be able to take your power back. Because if you stay below the line with this, like if it's like, oh, a bit, it's all of them, it ends up being quite blimey.
00:42:27:07 - 00:42:48:12
Filly
It's like, oh, they need to change. And like I just need time out from them. And this is so annoying and I have no control over this. So this frame helps you to get above the line and actually look at yourself and take responsibility. Yeah. What's going on here? I've got a couple of, examples actually. This is a recent one that has.
00:42:48:17 - 00:42:49:12
Filly
Popped up.
00:42:49:12 - 00:42:56:00
Filly
Like it's not a new thing, but, one of our daughters just like she's very.
00:42:56:02 - 00:42:57:11
Filly
Loving.
00:42:57:13 - 00:42:58:01
Chris
It's very.
00:42:58:01 - 00:42:58:09
Filly
Loving.
00:42:58:09 - 00:43:00:12
Filly
I'll use the word clingy sometimes.
00:43:00:12 - 00:43:01:21
Chris
She's very passionate.
00:43:02:00 - 00:43:02:18
Filly
And.
00:43:02:23 - 00:43:08:08
Filly
And sometimes, you know, I'm in deep work or I'm cooking.
00:43:08:10 - 00:43:08:21
Filly
And.
00:43:08:23 - 00:43:17:04
Filly
I'll get triggered by it. I will feel frustrated. Yeah. Can I have a hug? And I'm just like, So.
00:43:17:09 - 00:43:20:12
Chris
Which is sweet. It's so beautiful. But but. Yeah. Keegan.
00:43:20:14 - 00:43:43:07
Filly
Yeah. So this is how I'm using the frame. So it's like, well, if it's not an LC issue and it's a mummy issue, it's a may issue. Why am I feeling frustrated? What am I frustrated in and of myself? And I know like a big thing that I have been working on for a long time and has progressively been getting better and better, but there's always some way to go is just like being being able to be fully present.
00:43:43:09 - 00:43:52:07
Filly
So she ends up being this little pressure test for me. She's like, well, I you really and you're really fully present. Are you really like, is it really safe to slow down?
00:43:52:10 - 00:43:55:13
Filly
Does she say that? No no no no no this is.
00:43:55:14 - 00:44:01:10
Chris
I be like child of a coach victory right there. If my daughters can say that.
00:44:01:12 - 00:44:26:15
Filly
No, this is a conversation I'm having with myself. And so then, therefore, my frustration with her diminishes because it's not her that's annoying me. Yeah, it's me that's annoying me because this is what I want. And then I have to have a conversation around, okay, well, what part of me is currently resisting this at the moment? It also happened, I use this for, I don't know, maybe it was last year or the year before, but we were getting some trolls on social.
00:44:26:16 - 00:44:40:00
Filly
It's just on an ad I was running, which had like so many lovely comments and stuff on it, but there were some that were just like, oh, who even are you to be recommending this type of dietary advice that was around being able to eat dairy again?
00:44:40:04 - 00:44:43:02
Chris
Well, my name's Phillip and I'm a university medallist.
00:44:43:04 - 00:44:47:00
Filly
They like. Haven't you heard of someone, Mosley.
00:44:47:01 - 00:44:49:19
Filly
Who says dairy is so bad and no one should.
00:44:49:19 - 00:44:50:23
Filly
Ever hate it?
00:44:51:00 - 00:45:08:06
Filly
And I noticed initially I was actually getting triggered. So I'm like, oh, I'm being frustrated by you. Oh, okay. Okay. And then actually let me lead me on it. Some deeper healing work around my teenage years and fear of rejection. So that is how you use that frame.
00:45:08:08 - 00:45:09:20
Chris
Oh, that I love it.
00:45:09:22 - 00:45:14:17
Filly
Okay. And then the last one is annoying. People are.
00:45:14:17 - 00:45:16:06
Filly
Gifs.
00:45:16:08 - 00:45:24:00
Filly
What does that mean? Chris? Kind of like a follow on from a frustration with others is a frustration with self. Okay, it's slightly different.
00:45:24:02 - 00:46:00:19
Chris
All right, well, life doesn't happen to you. Life happens for you. Is a frame another frame? We could easily have talked about that. And so there is there is something that you can, you can't receive when somebody is giving you a, annoyance or frustration or pressure on you. There is something that you can there's a blind spot that they, allowing you to see without them being their inherent self or being this in this experience, you wouldn't see what you can see.
00:46:00:19 - 00:46:20:17
Chris
It just makes it so much easier. It's like the mirror that that that person is the mirror. This isn't to say I just want to be really clear on some of this stuff. It can sound like we might be making light of, other people doing evil wrong things like abuse or neglect or trauma and things like that.
00:46:20:19 - 00:46:54:08
Chris
We aren't saying that, and we never say that. But there is still still in in these situations and examples of hardship and frustration and annoyance, there is a growth that can be received by you, by this, experience. And this person, like Daniel son in Karate Kid, he was bullied by old mate. And he, he could easily have run away.
00:46:54:10 - 00:47:17:09
Chris
He could easily have fled the, fled the town or country or whatever. But he didn't. He rose up. He became somebody bigger. That he always could have been. But it took the the Cobra Kai dude I can't remember his name to to transcend, to become this version. He became the Karate Kid, you know, wax on, wax off.
00:47:17:09 - 00:47:19:12
Chris
He became transcendent.
00:47:19:14 - 00:47:20:14
Filly
00:47:20:16 - 00:47:44:02
Filly
And so the gift. Yeah. So the gift in that is gross. But until you see the gift and experience, the great gift is there is the risk of staying below the line where it's like, well, I'm, I'm the victim in this, annoying relationship or in this trauma, traumatic relationship.
00:47:44:04 - 00:48:07:00
Chris
He could have run away. His mommy and daddy could have saved him and protected him, moved him to Colorado, or he could have, you know, the the bully could have said, you know what, Daniel San? I'm actually a big fat jerk, and I need to repent. I'm so sorry. And, would have made for a rubbish movie, but, you know, that didn't happen.
00:48:07:00 - 00:48:15:00
Chris
Daniel Sun rose up and he became a better version, and it's. And you can't hurt.
00:48:15:02 - 00:48:16:19
Filly
And you can, too.
00:48:16:21 - 00:48:32:14
Filly
And and can you see the like the energy shift in that as well. So it's like, okay, so I'm currently experiencing a challenging time with this person. What's the gift in it okay. Where's the growth. And then you can actually start seeing them in a different light. Or it's like, wow, thank you.
00:48:32:20 - 00:48:33:11
Filly
00:48:34:13 - 00:48:55:14
Filly
Not you're, you know, not accepting of poor behaviour, but it is like, yeah, it is actually a thank you. You have opened up a space inside of me that is wounded, that needs healing. And I'm going to work with that and grow through that. This is a more nuanced one, but it can show up with parent and children as well.
00:48:55:14 - 00:49:21:16
Filly
So the and I'm talking about adult children, by the way. So you being an adult that if you, essentially like the work that we're doing with our clients and our ending body burn burnout method program is to reprogramme let go of these deep fears that you have about yourself, and they are often created in the space of early childhood before the age of seven.
00:49:21:16 - 00:49:50:19
Filly
And, you know, the usually the parents are involved in that in some way or another. Not specifically. You still chose to believe something about yourself, but, the gift of being able to cut ties with the parent, which is the chief card, validator. It's the person. Even if your parent is now dead, it still can end up energetically being the person that you're constantly trying to get significant love appreciation from.
00:49:50:21 - 00:50:14:15
Filly
And so the gift in that is when you can cut the ties. You become your own parent. You're parent yourself, which means you can become the queen or the king you know best. The parent child archetype is always the parent knows best. You must do what the parent says. When you cut ties with that and you go through that, then it's like, I know best.
00:50:14:17 - 00:50:25:05
Filly
Like I'm an adult now and I get to wake, awaken up, wake up and grow up and know exactly what I want and what feels good. I know best.
00:50:25:09 - 00:50:27:03
Chris
I have responsibility.
00:50:27:05 - 00:50:35:18
Filly
Yeah. And then you're taking that. She validated badge off the chest of the person. Other person, and you're putting it on yourself.
00:50:35:18 - 00:50:37:23
Filly
Yeah.
00:50:38:01 - 00:50:39:01
Filly
All right, I.
00:50:39:01 - 00:50:39:15
Chris
Love it.
00:50:39:17 - 00:50:42:01
Filly
Above the line. Yeah.
00:50:42:03 - 00:50:58:15
Filly
Okay, well, there are some punchy ones. I mean, we probably could have done a whole podcast on each of those, which maybe we were doing probably could, but hopefully they have that has been at least one little nugget in there that you could start implementing or using experimenting with, and we'd love to hear how you go with it.
00:50:58:15 - 00:51:03:00
Filly
Send us a DM on Insta or Facebook or email.
00:51:03:02 - 00:51:33:18
Chris
We didn't quite talk about this one in this in this episode, but we've alluded to it. So healing is an a journey and a destination. It's a relationship. Most important is a relationship with yourself. So therefore you can close your eyes. Pick any one of those frameworks that we talked about, journal on it, reflect on it. If something comes up where you're not okay and that you're noticing something that was before too hidden, and now it's not, and you've uncovered it and you shone a light on it, fantastic.
00:51:33:20 - 00:51:43:15
Chris
Don't just gloss over and ignore it, become who you are, who you could be, you know, rise up, transcend above that.
00:51:43:17 - 00:51:44:15
Filly
Amen.
00:51:44:17 - 00:51:53:09
Chris
But by have the best thing you see. Yeah.
00:51:53:11 - 00:52:03:13
Filly
Thank you so much for listening. We so appreciate you. If you'd like to give us extra smiles, drop us a review and spread the love by sharing this episode.
00:52:03:15 - 00:52:29:14
Chris
You can also write your own state of burnout and the root cause contributors by taking our Ending Body Burnout assessment on our website. And if you're interested in learning about our group or one on one ending body burnout programs, shoot us a DM via Instagram or Facebook. Have the best day ever.
00:52:29:16 - 00:52:30:02
Chris
For.
