Do you suffer from constant feelings of OVERWHELM?May 19, 2021
Overwhelm is a common feeling, for many Mums & Dad.
Overwhelm happens when you lack the POWER to meet the DEMANDS of the challenges in your life. Maybe you lack the resources - whether it's mental, emotional, or physical - to be able to meet the demands of the challenges in your life. Challenges aren’t necessarily bad, but when you’re constantly trying to climb out of the pit of overwhelm, it can really bring you down.
What I want to do is help you to drop down out of OVERWHELM and get into FLOW.
The only way we're going to do that is to equip you with more capacity - or more POWER - so that you can be able to meet the demands of the challenges in your life.
How To Increase Your Power
To increase your power, it’s going to take a few things. It's going to take things that either you don't have, or you don't know how to use, or that you've never heard of. It’s going to take:
- New skills
- New tools
- New resources
- Increased support
- It's going to take difficult words and difficult conversations.
- It's going to take understanding
- And it's going to take acceptance
How To Start Understanding & Accepting
Without understanding and acceptance, there is no way that you will be able to recover from the overwhelm that you're experiencing. There’s no way that you will be able to get into the flow. Without really accepting that you are where you are, you will never be able to change anything.
So here are some things that you can do, to start understanding WHY you are feeling so overwhelmed, and HOW you can start accepting the state that you are in. I’d encourage you to grab your journal (even a scrap of paper will do!) and start writing down some answers to these questions. If you’re not much of a writing guy or gal, grab your phone and record your voice, as you speak the answers. Don’t overthink your answers. It’s best just to write down whatever comes to your mind, or whatever you feel. This is what I call brain dumping!
- What is causing you to feel overwhelmed?
- Why are these things overwhelming?
- What specifically is overwhelming about these things?
- What are some things that are holding you back from making an action plan to change these things that are overwhelming you?
- What are some things that are holding you back from changing the way YOU feel about these things that are overwhelming?
- What can you do to reduce your overwhelm?
- How can you think differently about your overwhelm?
- Who can you recruit to support you?
If you’re struggling to answer these questions, I’d encourage you to read on…
Choose Your Battles To Fight
Sometimes we just need to lose the small battles, in order to win the war. When you are in the depths of despair and frustration and stress, we get into a fight-flight response. Most of you joined our community because you are overwhelmed and you are struggling, and you are stuck, and you are in need of some increased power.
Unless you can find a way to really determine which battles are worth fighting and which ones aren't, then you're probably going to lose the war of your overwhelm.
So what is the war that you're fighting?
What's the most overwhelming thing that you're going through right now?
Be honest, brutally honest.
What are the things that are overwhelming you the most?
Is it your children? Is it work? Is it your partner? Is it your health issues?
And then just really ask yourself, and dig deep…What about these things is so overwhelming? Why are you choosing to be overwhelmed by that?
Did you catch that?... Why are YOU CHOOSING to be overwhelmed by that?
Why are you allowing that to be an issue for you?
My Secret Weapon For You...
I've got a secret weapon that I promised I'd give you.
It's the weapon of DEDICATION.
When you dedicate yourself to something, it's kind of like a ritual where you set it apart from something else, dedicating time and space and a place for you to be able to do what you need to do, in order to have what you want to have.
What amount or duration of time would you like to dedicate, so that you can win the war that you're fighting?
What space do you need?
What support do you need?
Now let's get really practical...Sometimes you might be overwhelmed with, say, the kids. If your kids are overwhelming you, you have to then think deeply about WHY they are overwhelming you.
I’ll use myself as an example. I work the majority of the time from home, and I used to have an office space that the kids could easily get into (as in, there was NO door at all, and it backed off from our busy kitchen/dining room area). I love my little girls, but it was literally driving me nuts trying to get work done, when every 10-minutes they’d come in to ask a question, or ask for something, or randomly want a hug or a kiss. Mums and Dads - you know what I’m talking about! I could have easily continued with this setup, and continued to let myself feel overwhelmed, but instead, I chose action. I created an office for myself in our old sunroom, where I can lock myself away and set myself apart from the family, and do what I need to do, in order to have what I want to have.
Now, that might not be possible for everybody, to create a space just for yourself to get some ‘time-out’ from the kids. But I guarantee that sometimes it's as simple as going into the toilet and just locking yourself in there, and allowing the kids to scream for a moment for you. If you need five minutes ‘time-out’ away from the kids, you're not being a bad mum. You’re not being a bad dad. Sometimes that's what you need in order to recover.
Now the kids are just one example of how you might be feeling overwhelmed. There are of course many other ways you could be feeling overwhelmed - like maybe the pile of housework that needs doing, especially if you work full-time. Or the overgrown garden. Or the stressful workload in your business. Or finances. Or your failing health - or the health issues of your partner or your kids.
Whatever it is...What do you need to do in order to have what you want to have?
What sort of lifestyle changes, or behavior changes, or environmental changes, or physical changes, or relationship changes, do you need to make and adopt in order for you to heal, or for you to eliminate so that you can allow yourself to heal?
I would love to know. We're all here for you. This is a safe place and an encouraging place. We're all here to grow, myself included.
Take care. Talk to you soon.
Join our private Facebook Group “Power Parent Society” for lots of tips and support to reduce your overwhelm - https://www.facebook.com/groups/chrisandfilly
Chris Bellette is Co-Founder of Chris & Filly Functional Medicine. He is an accredited Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and Holistic Coach. He has existed in high-performance realms of the sporting (think national athlete) & business industries and knows what it takes to get from struggle-city to thriving. Together with his wife Filipa Bellette, Chris has worked with over 2,000+ busy, burnout clients in the last 10+ years, and specialises in producing healthy, balanced, and happy Mums & Dads...or as she calls it, a Power Parent! Chris’s own passion for producing high-performance Power Parents came from his own personal experience of Daddy Burnout, after juggling the demands of business, elite level sport, family, and his own failing health
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